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Help with communication with my gambler re child maintenance (preferably soft options)  

 
BenElb
(@benelb)

Hi, I need some soft options to enable me to communicate with my gambler (we’re estranged) re child maintenance. She firmly believes she’s in recovery other than abstaining from gambling, we have an informal agreement in place that she has renaged on and has subsequently blocked me from all modes of communication. I don’t want to formalise things without making her aware of it as it will impact the facade she’s hiding behind and bring it to the attention of her employers who are not aware of her gambling...

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Posted : 6th December 2019 5:59 pm
klamm
(@klamm)

do u share any friends - is an obvious one . use a mediator perhaps . some1 u both know. speak with her parents ... . 

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Posted : 7th December 2019 5:32 am
BenElb
(@benelb)

Thanks for the reply, most of the joint friends we had are no more due to her behaviour prior to acknowledging her addiction. Parents are gone and the friends we have left are loyal/ bias to each of us as we’ve been friends prior to the relationship. She hasn’t told most people including her employer of her addiction and puts her leaving the family home down to being unhappy due me being controlling and manipulative...ironic

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Posted : 7th December 2019 10:28 am
klamm
(@klamm)

hate to say it but the only choice left is to meet up. crossing her path one day and saying "Sadly this issue just won't go away. have a week or 2 to think it over and come up with your ideal solution and i will do the same. we talk again soon. "  gauge if the dialogue can be launched between you two 

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Posted : 8th December 2019 4:34 am
Merry go round
(@merry-go-round)

Hi Ben keeping secrets and skirting around the problem allows addiction to continue. Compulsive gambling is an emotional illness. She needs to choose herself whether she seeks help. 

You should do what's right for you and your child. Her employer should be sympathetic and help. There are official routes you can take which will deduct maintenance at source. It won't specify if she's a gambler. 

Keeping secrets keeps a gambler sick. Involving friends is nothing to do with them. The downward spiral will continue. If you act it might be the wake up call she needs.

find a gamanon meeting there maybe someone there who has personal experience of this issue. There is also online meeting Sunday night 8-9. Go to the website.

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Posted : 8th December 2019 8:34 am
BenElb
(@benelb)

thanks for your words

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Posted : 8th December 2019 9:04 am
BenElb
(@benelb)

Thanks, I’ll definitely consider this, I was hoping to avoid it but, I know deep down that a formal intervention is my only option.

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Posted : 8th December 2019 9:06 am
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