I am new here. My boyfriend is a compulsive gambler. Beting in football it's his favourite, and slot machines online. We live together, we share the rent and other expenses, but the rest of his salary is going on beting,small amounts, but still. He has also some dept from past years but he is paying this out also every month. I tried to talk to him about beting,and he said it's not harmful, it's nothing. At the moment he is held in prison and being accused for theft. Before 5 years he stole money from his workplace. He admitted everything and returned the money, but now he is waiting for trial. I was shocked when I found out about this,from his sister, because he couldn't contact me from prison. He is supposed to go back to work next week. My biggest concern at the moment, (of course I will deal with the rest once he get out), is that I need to speak with his boss about his absence. What the hello should I say?? The truth? He is doing so go in this job, and his boss likes him,never been sick,never caused a problem. He is a good person overall, with a great heart,he loves me and takes care of me. But he has this weakness, and now this huge thing that he hide from me... Any opinions please??
This isn't really about gambling unless he took the money from work to gamble on but more the fact that something doesn't sound right and you are being left to contact his work as he's unable to.
The thing that doesn't sound right is being held in prison for theft from five years ago and not getting bail while waiting for trial. In my experience and others I have known, they and I never had bail refused by the police or the courts before the trial or sentencing.
Could you clarify that he is on remand as there's also no reason for you not to be on his phone number list.
I'm sorry, I didn't give all the details before. Yes,he took the money for gambling(and that's also the reason his ex wife kicked him out) . He is in prison in Italy, his home country. We both live in Germany now,and the court sent summons the last years but in the wrong address. So,when he went for holidays there 3 weeks ago,the police arrested him in the border. I found out about everything that was going on from his sister, because his phone was confiscated and can't contact anyone, including his boss. Does that help??
I work in the justice system and I can say I agree with Chris I find it odd he is being remanded for a theft over 5yrs old. He will be able to put your number on the pin as soon as he got there and is entitled to make calls to his employer. You should not be left with that burden at all. I have to be blunt but something does not add up here at all. If he is a remand prisoner he will be entitled to regular visits (if social visits have restarted due to covid) if he is sentenced he can only have 1/2 a month depending on the prison he is at. I am sorry to be so blunt but I really think this man is not being honest with you at all.
@helen_35 I understand now, I'm sure the rules in different countries must be different from here in the UK.
I think you just need to be honest with your partners company if asked or even just say that he's stuck in Italy. I'm sure lots of people are stuck at various places during this time, but I don't think he'll be back to you soon based on what you've said. They might think of him as a flight risk because of his history hence his being held. Look after yourself is really my advice.
Good luck to you.
Thank you both for your comments.
It's also strange to me that he is on remand for a crime after five years..But that's all the information I have from his sister, (she isn't willing to help him,neither does his mother, both disappointed from him). Basically, I am the only one who's left,but he didn't contact with me either. I am confused, and angry with his behaviour. How do you address this problem to someone who constantly denies it?? Why it's so hard for them to admit that they are addicted? I really want to help him, but only if he want it for himself...