Hi,
my husband hasn’t gambled in over 2 months and is doing amazing.
now he is struggling with heightened emotions, Things he has suppressed with gambling over the years. career change at a young age due to injury, major trauma and grief.
he isn’t ready to talk about some of these issues with someone yet as they do hurt him, but this has caused distrust in people around him and a feeling he can never be happy as he will get hurt. Emotions are so high, the small things will make him believe I don’t Love him or need him.
has anyone else experienced this while someone is recovering??
Hi @alex1234 ,
very intresting point. I never really thought of it but looking back I do see myself emotionally drowned while in a gambling spiral, you are sort of numb because of all the emotional investments towards gambling. Leaving your partner sadly on a lower pedestal which might seem like they don't care... but you are just so done with urself while gambling that you don't have the energy to invest into other people (not trying to excuse the behavior).
On the other hand during our recovery all the emotions that were suppressed by gambling, either childhood trauma, injuries, recent grief, seeing no way out.. While withdrawing we are extremely vulnerable and might get emotionally attached to our partner maybe beyond reason which can lead to a certain almost paranoia that our partner is almost cheating or something. Same goes for other people but since our partner is the human we are the most emotionally attached to it's even worse. I am sure he doesn't mean anything bad with his remarks that you don't love him or need him, he quite likely might actually feel that way, please remind him that it's not true, if it's not..
After some time he will feel comfortable enough and he might open up to you with his trauma.
Also I don't want to be that guy but I don't want your heart to be broken, so be careful. Some people in these situations can be extremely manipulative, depends on how deep into their addiction they are, same goes for me.(it is voluntary but extreemely hard to control)
I really hope your husband will stay strong in his recovery and also that you both can find peace, much love.
Hi
It is a good and healthy thing your husband has not gambled in over 2 months.
I use to escape to gambling when I could not cope emotionally.
In the rooms of recovery I was able to get more honest with myself and then over get more honest about how emotionally vulnerable I was.
I felt guilty for so many things even felt guilty for the things I had not done.
Sadly I would get more honest in the rooms of recovery in my therapies than I could get honest with my wife because I had felt great fears about abandonment and rejection.
It had nothing to do about my wife it was the pains fears of my child hood.
It took time to have intimacy with my wife and well worth while from what I know now.
People often think their husband is some thing they are not.
One day at an air port my wife asked me how I was feeling.
I told her that I was panicking, she laughed and said you never panic, it was hard for her to accept that I was filled with fears and panicking.
In time my wife would see the hurt inner child come out.
The healing process takes time.
There will be highs and lows emotionally it is al part of coming out and healing.
Let him know that you are sticking with him, and welcome him to talk about his fears and insecurities.
Because of pain and emotional traumas it may take time for you to see and feel that little child in him, surface.
Being in emotional trauma we can be in a state where we do not know or understand what we are feeling.
Love and peace to every one
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham UK
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
