I found out my husband was gambling. I had control of his accounts and everything seemed to be ok. He started an argument over nothing and took his account back. He gambled all his wage but did pay me towards bills. We spoke and he said he didn’t want to loose me and our baby. He has got a counsellor in place and we have installed gam ban on all devices. I also speak weekly to a counsellor. I thought everything was out on the table. But today I have found out he’s maxed 3 credit cards and has got a payday loan. I’m so upset I feel heart broken. I thought we were making progress. He said he hasn’t gambled for 3 weeks. He said this was all done when he was gambling but I’m more upset that he has kept these hidden. I thought he’d told me the truth about everything. I feel like what’s the point now he’s capable of lying about things everyday. Worst thing is he doesn’t earn enough to cover what he owes out. I feel so alone.
Hi @Hannahgrace1988,
So sorry to read about what you have been going through. I can understand you feeling betrayed when you find that your husband hasn't been totally honest with you. This can happen. When I first found out about my husband's gambling, I kept discovering more and more for a couple of months. He was frightened to tell me everything in one go, but I wish he had as every time I uncovered more, I was hurt all 9ver again.
It's good that he has installed blocking software and that you are both receiving counselling. Protect your own finances and make sure HE pays the debt. There is a charity called Stepchange that can help with managing debt and working out an affordable repayment plan.
It is possible to recover/abstain from a gambling addiction and rebuild trust but your husband has to want to stop and be fully committed.
Keep posting. You are not alone.
J x
@jess27 yes I told him I wish he’d have told me all together and he said I wouldn’t have stayed with him if he told me it all in one go but that was my decision to make not for him to carry on lying. My finances are separate and always will be. It’s just worrying all his outgoings it makes me feel sick the amount that’s been gambled. He asked me for a bit of money to buy something for my first Mother’s Day but that even worries me x
I'm so sorry. It must be such a witty for you, especially with a new baby. I really hope things work out for you. It's good that your finances are separate.
Meant worry sorry. Predictive text. ?
Hi Hannah Grace
I am so sorry you have found yourself in this situation it’s absolutely horrible for you.
my daughter has just been through a similar experience it was the third time this gambling addiction came along. The first time was in 2019 and she forgave him. He didn’t stop but moderated his gambling and then we had lockdown so couldn’t. In the summer of 2020 she found out he was actually selling clothes to have a bet!
fast forward to 2021 he was spending all his salary on gambling then going through the bill money and then the savings! He put over £2000 on her credit card by photographing her card!
she has walked away she has a bill to pay and that’s it! She is hurt and sad and is angry she is seeing a counsellor but the good news is she is relaxed. She has a new job and doesn’t have to worry about money disappearing when she is at work she doesn’t have to listen to his lies. She doesn’t have to doubt herself and she doesn’t have to worry about a future with this happening again.
Walk away and hold your head up high. It’s not going to change because if it was it would have happened already. You sound lovely and you need to put your feelings first and ask is this the life you want. Not one person would judge you not one. I wish you lots of love and strength and hope you are strong enough to see this situation through x
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