My partner has been gambling for years now, to start with he was very secretive with it, until he couldn’t hide it anymore. He was losing so much money we couldn’t pay the bills and as a result ended up in a lot of debt. For the last few years he has been working hard on clearing those debts. We then found out I was pregnant and was so excited for a new chapter in our lives. Through my pregnancy and the first few moths of our little boys life, the gambling started again and this time he was losing £800 a time.
After he took my bank card and used my money for a night of gambling on his phone I gave him an ultimatum. He admitted he thinks he has an addiction which I know is a really big thing for him to admit. He said he wanted to stop and let me try to help him, we sorted out his finance, blocked gambling sites with his bank (which I now know you can turn on or off at any time through your banking app).
Anyway, this morning he smashed his phone up and told me what he’d done, £890 all gone, all the money for bills, we’re supposed to be moving house on Monday and he won’t be able to pay the bills!
I am at breaking point, i feel like I’m not allowed to hate him, like I’m not allowed to be angry. I feel like it’s up to me to hold our family together, I love him so much and he’s the best dad to our little boy but I can’t live my life like this anymore.
He’s very embarrassed and is saying he wants to stop but he ‘can’t see a way out’. I feel like I’ve tried everything.
What am I supposed to do?
Hi.. I am a compulsive gambler. What a tough situation, thoughts are with you.
On a practical level, signing up to Gamstop is a must. Am surprised that this wasn't done when the gambling first became a problem? Within a few days all his online accounts will be blocked. I think that bank blocks, blocking software and excluding from individual sites is not very useful because you can always get a new device or a new bank account and there is always another gambling site. Am told that very soon it will be a legal requirement that all online casino's, which includes all the well known gambling sites, would be required to sign up to the gamstop scheme.
Am not trying to be an advert for gamstop, but in my experience its the one practical barrier that actually works. You may also decide to register so that your partner would be unable to use your details to open up new gambling accounts.
I hope your able to find your own talking support to get you through these difficult times.
All the best
Hi Kate,
Welcome to the forum.
I'm sorry to hear about how difficult things have been for you and how you have been affected by your partners gambling but really glad you have been able to reach out here.
Dealing with the impact of a loved one's gambling can be deeply frustrating and the consequences on the affected other can be equally as difficult as it is for the gambler. Of course you are going to feel angry that is quite normal and it is important that you also get help and support for yourself.
Please think about giving us a call either on our HelpLine (0808 8020 133) or NetLine (webchat available through this website, click on "Talk to someone" in the bottom right hand corner) and speak to one of the advisers. We can discuss with you the impact that your partners gambling has had on your life and offer advice and support on how to deal with this.
We are available 24 hours a day 7 days a week.
Kind regards
Forum Admin
Hi Kate
“He can’t see a way out’
I went years thinking like that-the only way out is to stop for good.
It will take me 6 years at least to repay my debts. But you know what - they’re not getting any worse, and I don’t have days when I wished I was dead.
i’m another believer in Gamstop and do it for 5 years. Absolutely essential in my view.
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