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Boyfriend has Gambling Problem  


My boyfriend has gambled again today and i feel so betrayed and really dont know what to do.

I have been with him for over 4 years and he had a gambling problem prior to meeting me. He eventually came clean about his problems but in the past has come up with elaborate lies for when he has actually been to the bookies. So elaborate i actually caught him out a few months ago (i wonder how many lies i have previously believed?)

He spent £20 today and won £50 and he said he was going to tell me as soon as he got home but i just dont know how to help him because i dont understand what compells him to gamble.

I have just looked at another forum post where someone lost boyfriend has never been that bad but im worried that i have all of this coming to me in the future.

I dont think he truly understands why he gambles and i dont know how else to help him. My dad passed away just 3 weeks ago and i feel so selfish for saying this but i dont know how he could burden me like this by gambling considering the circumstances.

How does everyone else cope? I want to cry and shout at him but i know that wont help. I feel like im supressing my own feelings so as to not make him feel worse. Its hard.

Posted : 4th August 2019 3:38 pm
Forum admin

Hello AbiCat,

Well done for sharing your experience here.

Naturally you are grieving following your father's death and it is understandable if you let down by your partner's recent gambling.  You've mentioned that you feel you have to suppress your feelings with him, if you like you could express your feelings to us on our freephone 0808 8020 133.  We are here if you need emotional support or space to talk about how your partner's gambling problem is impacting you.  We could also offer you free therapy sessions if you'd like a weekly appointment for extra support.

Another source of support to help you express your grief could be the Cruse Bereavement Care freephone helpline 0808 808 1677

Take care,

Forum admin.

Posted : 6th August 2019 12:04 pm

Dear AbiCat,

My father also passed away this year and so I really identify with your feeling of how can he burden you at a time like this. That is not a selfish reaction. I have just found out my husband has been gambling at the end of the most difficult year of my life. I think its better to not go over and over the why's and wherefore's or beat ourselves up. We are on our own journey in life and have the freedom to make decisions to create a more authentic future for ourselves. A future where we can live free from debt and constant worry. They are also on their own journey, wherever that may take them. 

Learning to be independent individuals and maintain control of our lives, financial, physical and emotional, whilst being in a relationship is challenging, but crucial to the happiness of us all I believe. Learning that, whilst you care and love someone, their problems are theirs and not ours.

I wish you well in working your way through things and I hope you give yourself the time and peace you need to grieve for your Father. 

(I have found the reply and info from ForumAdmin very useful too, thank you.)

Best wishes


Posted : 9th August 2019 8:58 am
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