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Cls17
(@cls17)

Sorry if I am rambling, I am new to this and seeking advice. I have been with my fiancée for just over 3 years, we have a 1 year old son together and I have 2 stepchildren from him. We have a great family life.

around 2 years ago I found out about his addiction. My stepdad cleared all of his debt but since then he’s done it again and again. He went to GA for a few months until our son was born and then stopped going. For around 18 months I’ve had total control over his money (he gets paid into his account and I transfer it all straight to my account) and give him spending money and manage the debt.

we both earn a good wage (I earn more than him by quite a lot) but his wage is also good. We have everything you would think someone would want, a big house, nice car, luxurious holidays, 3 children, a house full of nice things and are in the process of planning an expensive wedding.

he keeps getting loans or credit cards behind my back and I only find out the debt he’s racked up on then when his credit report comes through to my email a month later.

he said he will go back to GA this time but he always throws nasty comments at me saying he feels suffocated because he never has his own money. 

i even downloaded a betting app and let him have £5 per week on that because he said it would help him but clearly it hasn’t.

hes amazing in every other way and I can honestly say the rest of our relationship is perfect in my eyes, we never argue about anything but this.

i don’t want a broken home but will he ever change? And how can I support further if we stay together as I feel I’ve done so much and I am getting nothing back. 

Thank you if you have read this far. 

Quote
Posted : 4th March 2020 5:10 pm
Pep1952
(@pep1952)

@cls17

Sorry to hear he keeps on relapsing. I don’t know much about compulsive gambling as only learned about my partner’s CG 2 weeks ago but based on what I learned so far, any form of gambling (even flipping a coin) is never recommended for someone recovering from CG. 
It sounds like you’re a very supportive and understanding partner. It is only natural to feel frustrated at times, we’re only humans! There’s support for family and loved ones as well here on gamcare and GamAnon.

 I do hope that the relapses will help you both tweak his recovery plan. From the sound of things, it looks like you should be FULLY controlling all finances and only give him budget for basic stuff like lunch etc. Also whatever debt he takes on he should pay every penny back himself it doesn’t matter if it takes years. 

Good luck and pls keep us posted.

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Posted : 4th March 2020 10:58 pm
Need2stop2
(@need2stop2)

I'm currently struggling with this, worst thing you can do is clear the debt of a gambler, I notice when I'm back on a clean slate it's the feeling to make it big again, I did this around 7 months ago paid everything off, now I'm back in the red by 11k, I've purposely had the debt spread over 2 years and ironically cant get accepted for much more as I've applied for way to many loans recently. I want it to be a lasting reminder to me that I need to stop. It must be hard with kids, all you can do is support him and get him off all apps together 5 quid a week keeps the incentive there to stake, he needs to make the active decision for you as a family, can't he try channel his addiction into something else? I've started the gym again and gaming on my xbox/pc. I've had to stop because 11k although bad isnt like the 25k-30k rack up before hitting rock bottom and like you I havent told my girlfriend about all the loans I've taken out so need to sort before I end up on my own and single 

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Posted : 5th March 2020 7:26 am
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