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Advice for a CG’s partner please  

 
Demented
(@demented)

Hiya 

Following my partner having a relapse and me finding out we are trying to work through this mess again.

A friend and he has suggested I give him £* a month to play poker with his friends at their house where that’s the limit and it’s just a friendly game....I have had counselling via BreakEven and wondering if this is an option as it’s been mentioned previously to me where you give them a budget and they do as they please with it to try and get them to gain some self control. 

This feels me with dread but feel we tried everything else? 

Thoughts please 

This topic was modified 1 year ago by Forum admin
Quote
Posted : 27th August 2019 2:12 pm
Merry go round
(@merry-go-round)

Hi demented you are right to feel like that. The friend has no idea. Money is not for gambling to s set limit when you are a compulsive gambler. It's like drugs and they have no off switch. Friends and others have no real concept of what a compulsive gambler is. He has to learn to not gamble at all. 

Your concern is for you. Safeguard finances, find a gamanon meeting and get some support. Compulsive gamblers cannot gamble responsibly. 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 28th August 2019 8:36 am
bluescreen
(@bluescreen)

Hi Demented,

I'm pretty sure that this wouldn't work for me. I wouldn't gain any self-control, more like the opposite. Maybe I'd be able to do it for some time, but on the long run, it would just make me want more.
No matter how hard I'd try to limit my gambling, sooner or later it would get out of control. 'I've proven that I can do it, didn't I?'

Distance was important... from anything related to gambling. This is necessary to give me a chance to get some peace of mind without the turmoil and tension the act of any form of gambling would cause inside me. So the last thing I need are small chunks, only to be told to stop when I've just started to enjoy it.
...and having the other people at the table talk about the next time... when I wouldn't be allowed to join.

The thing is... if I want to gamble, I will find a way, so it's best to 'cool down' and start working on living a life without gambling in it. Constant reminders of what I would be missing out on wouldn't be helpful.

Sure... doing it on a budget would definately be better than 'full scale' if... well... IF I'd be able to stick to it. But as my past has shown, I'm not.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 28th August 2019 9:24 am
KS2
 KS2
(@ks2)

Merry go rounds advice is really all you need.

The idea of a "gambling budget" is utter madness, the only time gamblers have 'self control' is when they have no funds or credit left.

And he won't stay stopped if he surrounds himself with gamblers. He needs to be prepared to change his friends if necessary. Would he do that ?

Has he tried Gamblers Anonymous ?

Cognitive Behaviour Therapy ?

I would also be frank and say that the record of people stopping for good is poor.

Its hard work, its for life, there is no guarantee of success, and the impact on partners is high.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 28th August 2019 11:58 am
Lethe
(@lethe)

A CG can't gamble in a controlled manner for any length of time. Mr L took the £10 a week 'coffee' cash I didn't ask for receipts for and used it to keep the addiction fires burning which ultimately resulted in a doubling of the debt. There's no such thing as a cosy poker night or a harmless gambling budget for a CG. You are right to doubt that this is a good or even feasible idea.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 28th August 2019 9:15 pm
holycrosser
(@holycrosser)

Bad idea.never do it. Simple

ReplyQuote
Posted : 30th August 2019 6:31 am
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