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Posted on:
Mon, 10/09/2018 - 23:40

S.A

Joined:
Before 2009

Hi... and thanks F x

Well ive been gambling free for a while, but ive had next to no money, so its kind of quite easy really.

Another pay day approaches, I have planned and budgeted and intend to give money to my sister to look after.

Work is getting stressy cos staff are going off sick left right and centre and ive found myself saying yes to extra shifts and thus am tired and fatigued all the time. Ive been down this road so many times before, when will I ever learn.

Thanks for listening.

P.s .... am still pleased with myself for the online exclusion... it just takes away the temptation

Posted on:
Tue, 11/09/2018 - 10:15

S.A

Joined:
Before 2009

Ive woken up all angry this morning. Ive taken on far too much work. They keep asking me and I keep agreeing. Am only supposed to be relief staff and yet I work full time and more. I hate people that take advantage of my good nature

Posted on:
Tue, 11/09/2018 - 10:17

S.A

Joined:
Before 2009

Blood pressure through the roof...pacing around like a caged lion waiting to go to work. Its ********

Posted on:
Wed, 12/09/2018 - 00:06

freda

Joined:
2009-06-24

Weirdly, I think it's great that you are finally feeling angry. Your feelings are coming and this is good! No longer numb.

Deep breaths.

Posted on:
Wed, 12/09/2018 - 08:40

S.A

Joined:
Before 2009

You make a good point Freda. Ive spent a life time stuffing my feelings inside (in true man style)... and its done me no good.

Yesterdays shift was exhausting but passed off okish.

My current anger is allowing myself to be talked in to a great succession of late shifts, alot of which are with agency staff. People don't like late shifts do they? You hang around all morning waiting for your shift and thinking about your shift ahead and then you feel tired before you even start. Ive been well and truelly stitched up. What I realise is that alot of the key staff really don't care about my welfare (and why should they I suppose?) Its just about covering shifts with atleast one meds trained staff (ie me)... and nobody sorts out the job cards, cos they just assume that i will come in a bit early and do it because ive done it before... Ive only got myself to blame though... cos I do it don't I ? conscientious person that i am.... 

The only person that can look after my welfare is ME.... I won't allow this situation to develop again

Thanks for listening

Posted on:
Thu, 13/09/2018 - 01:04

S.A

Joined:
Before 2009

A real rollercoaster of emotions today... rang my manager and told her straight that I was struggling and on the edge of breaking down. I went to work and we had a face to face chat and to be fair to her she was very supportive... she gets where i am at and why. I may well have caught this just in time before i have a nervous break down. The bottom line is that I am burnt out.. very tired and very fatigued... tomorrows shift cancelled

Posted on:
Fri, 19/10/2018 - 10:11

S.A

Joined:
Before 2009

 

Well am back. To be honest i'd completely given up on giving up. Iv'e been gambling compulsively and addictively and the only gamble free times have been when I haven't got any money. Thats the truth of the matter. I convinced myself that if I put any winnings I might get on to my card then that would protect myself from blowing everything cos i'd not being able to get my paws on it for a couple of days. But no all it did was delay the inevitable for "a bit".

Why I am here you may ask?.... well its because I want to stop gambling. Ive got my mojo back, ive got my motivation back to try and stay stopped. Ive still got some money but am sick and tired and completely numb from routinely walking into the bookies and sitting at those damn machines, quietly feeding in my hard earned wages. Its utterly pointless and ive known this for many years and yet i continue to do it. I am sick, I am insane and I have self destructive streak that is very powerful BUT even after all these years I still want to get better. So tired of living on the edge all the time.

By the way... a combination of GAMSTOP (5 year exclusion) and blocking software on my computer has proved very effective. I haven't gambled online for sometime because I can't... I really can't do it. I woosh i could say the same for the bookies, but self exclusion from bookies is a joke. I self-exclude in person and then I walk back in a couple of weeks later and nobody bats an eyelid. I don't blame the staff, its down to me at the end of the day but for the industry to say that they promote responsible gambling is a joke. You can still sit and play a machine for hours on end and all that happens is that periodically a thing comes up on the screen to tell you to play responsibly and shows you the gamcare info and you have to wait 5 seconds or so before you click it away and carry on gambling. Personally I think that after say 40 mins play the machine should be automatically shut down which would force you to approach the staff and "have a conversation". As it stands addicts like me can literally sit at a terminal and bet for the whole day undisturbed.

Thanks for listening. Just for today....

Posted on:
Sat, 20/10/2018 - 13:49

judy

Joined:
2012-07-23

Hi S.A.,

I'm a fan. Unconditionally! Keep searching. Keep going. Stay well. Sending strength and love.  -joanxx

 

Posted on:
Sat, 20/10/2018 - 23:07

NT

Joined:
2017-12-16

Hi SA,

What is working well for me right now is my new bank card, Monza. It's easy to sign up and make a deposit. What sets it out from the others is that it has an option to block gambling transactions including bookies. 

For a very long time, many years in fact, I have been trying to find a way to stay safe around what I call my '30-mile safe zone' from where I live. Anything beyond that gives me far too much temptation - no-one knows me, easy to find, etc. This is where I have had a issue of whether to take my debit card with me or leave it at home.

Leaving it at home means that I cannot gamble excessively. But this also means that I could potentially find myself in a situation where I would really need access to funds, for example the car breaking down. Yes, Apple Pay has been a good option but there is a £30 limit on transactions and not every petrol station accepts it.

Taking the debit card with me has cost thousands and thousands of pounds in the past.

But only taking the Monza card with me with some funds in the account could solve everything for me in the long-term. Like I said, it worked in the bookies today whilst away for the weekend and I happily walked out happily without spending a single penny. 

Perhaps it could work for you too?

NT

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