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A New Beginning...

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#1 Posted on:
Sun, 07/03/2010 - 18:36

Beany

Joined:
2009-12-08

Day 1 - I quit gambling last night for what seems like the tenth time. I have lost so much money. Since I hit 19 I gambled online and have lost probably over £20K in 5 years. I have kept this a secret from all of my family and only a couple of friends know my secret. I have done several posts of GamCare and I keep gambling. But enough is enough.

I emailed every online account I have and said do not allow me to reopen my accounts anymore and they have all been supportive. My main addiction is poker and I have had an account with every poker company so I can’t play online anymore.

I am currently in a £2k overdraft and crawling my way back again. To keep my mind going I am going to try and post on here every day on my diary, so here we go...

Posted on:
Sun, 07/03/2010 - 19:07

S.A

Joined:
Before 2009

Hi beany welcome back.

A word of caution. Closing and self-excluding yourself from the gambling websites you currently use will only stop you gambling with those sites. What will stop you opening a new account with a different site when the urge to gamble next strikes.. which its sure to do at some point. Am sure you know whats coming next.. blocking software.. I use betfilter.com and it does exactly what it says on the tin. If will power alone was enough this site would probably not exist. keep posting.. S.A

Posted on:
Sun, 07/03/2010 - 19:56

Muppety

Joined:
2010-02-28

Best of luck and take all the help that is offered.

Posted on:
Mon, 08/03/2010 - 15:40

Beany

Joined:
2009-12-08

Day 2 - Been using the chat room and forum and met some great people. Been playing my Xbox and just relaxing today. Emailed a few more companies to say not to reopen and still trying to figure out what other accounts I have.

Thanks for your comments so far guys!!

Posted on:
Mon, 08/03/2010 - 15:49

Grippa

Joined:
2010-02-24

Hi Beany,

Good luck. Stay strong and stay close to these forums and you can do it.

Posted on:
Mon, 08/03/2010 - 16:34

Beany

Joined:
2009-12-08

Day 2 continued... - I am doing my work online that do part time, and the funny thing is that this part time work is relating to gambling. I have been writing online bingo articles for about a year and the pay is good and helps me buy the odd thing online. I am sitting here regularly checking GamCare too. I am quite lucky because I have never been interested in online bingo or bingo itself, but do you guys think it is a good idea for me to continue this work. It doesn't take me long to complete an article and the pay helps me, and I am registered as self employed so I pay my taxes too.

Cheers guys

Posted on:
Mon, 08/03/2010 - 18:19

Defeated

Joined:
2010-01-25

Beany have been following your dilemmas i.e. shall I deposit or not for a while, your very honest about this and that can’t be a bad thing. I see your more determined now so use this and put the necessary blocks in place, I didn’t and having been clean for over a month slipped up and gambled, this cost me financially (I had enough money to last me until pay day, I gambled, now I don’t) and ive let people down and broken promises. IT’S NOT WORTH IT. Good luck man, we can all change if we really want to.

Posted on:
Mon, 08/03/2010 - 19:10

robzster

Joined:
2008-11-09

hi beany, i too have been on the no more/one more/hooked again roller coaster, now more determined than ever to beat it, i too have comtacted all online accounts and they have been helpful enough to close down my accounts, also got the betfilter free trial to see how that works and it does. stay strong mate, one day at a time, we can do this

l8rs
robz

Posted on:
Thu, 11/03/2010 - 12:37

Beany

Joined:
2009-12-08

Day 5 - It is day 5 since I quit gambling and it is going good so far. All my accounts have been closed, e-mailed them and they have said never be opened again. I have been reading the bible to find guidance and it is helping.

Let's hope I stay strong still.

Cheers guys.

Posted on:
Fri, 12/03/2010 - 20:49

Beany

Joined:
2009-12-08

Day 6 - Still going strong, got my first counselling session next week with GamCare. After completing one session the first time and quitting I thought I was cured, but as we all know it doesn't happen that quick.

Not really felt like gambling but not been a week yet so let's see what happens.

Cheers guys.

Posted on:
Sat, 13/03/2010 - 19:48

Beany

Joined:
2009-12-08

Day 7 - Well, busy at work today. Come home and didn't feel like gambling. With me it was when I was home turn the PC on and play poker and now each time im on the PC I check my emails, go on here and that's about it, oh yeah and my online work.

I am an addictive gambler and it's Day 7 and still going strong.

Posted on:
Sun, 14/03/2010 - 11:35

**Jimmy**

Joined:
2009-09-15

Hi Beany,

My story is so similar to yours, i started earlier but i'm 21. It has ruined my life, i am in the same debt, £2000 and can't see how i'm going to get rid of it. The longest i've gone in 3 months. All i can say is always try and remember how it makes ya feel when you lose a big hand in poker when you get a big urge to gamble. Just remember how many times you lose with pocket aces! Normally with a 7 2 off or something stupid like that. Its not going to be easy but the results are weel worth while!!

Jimmy

Posted on:
Sun, 14/03/2010 - 19:29

Beany

Joined:
2009-12-08

Day 8 - Still going strong. I did do a browse to find poker sites but opted out of joining any. Looking forward to my counselling session next week and I am still keeping this secret from my family.

Posted on:
Mon, 15/03/2010 - 12:49

Beany

Joined:
2009-12-08

Day 9 - Been wierd not gambling, I am so used to being on my PC everyday and using online poker as a way to pass time. Every time I am on the internet I think how boring it is sometimes because there is not much to do now, even though the internet is full of stuff to do.

I seem only to go on the internet now to check my e-mails, go on here and few other things.

Posted on:
Tue, 16/03/2010 - 19:02

Beany

Joined:
2009-12-08

Day 10 - Had first counselling session today and it went great. Continue with it next week. Still going strong. It is helping to post on here every day just to put down what I am doing each day and how I am getting along.

It is so hard not to think how my life would have been without gambling. The things I could have changed.

Posted on:
Tue, 16/03/2010 - 22:17

James123

Joined:
2010-03-13

Hi Beany,

Well done on getting this far, keep it up! Likewise I find the internet boring, it's not just you, probably why so many people get sucked into online gambling!

Stay strong!

Posted on:
Wed, 17/03/2010 - 10:38

Grippa

Joined:
2010-02-24

Hi Beany,

You're doing great. It's good to see you posting your thoughts here daily, it certainly helps me doing that.

Good luck with the counselling - that is my next step, so I'm interested to know how you're finding it.

Stay strong.

Posted on:
Wed, 17/03/2010 - 21:46

Muppety

Joined:
2010-02-28

I can feel you are trying so hard best of luck ! x

Posted on:
Fri, 19/03/2010 - 12:27

Beany

Joined:
2009-12-08

Day 13 - Was tempted to go and play online bingo over past few days but have managed not too. I spose it was because I was thinking a few quid a week to play in the big games wouldn't be bad, I could win a big fortune.

As we all know that doesn't happen and a few quid soon terms into a big loss.

Got paid today and my bank balance is almost back in the green for 2 years. Got another £600 to go and I am there. I get paid twice in April so end of April I will be :-)

Thanks for your replies guys, will keep posting as much as I can.

:-)

Posted on:
Tue, 23/03/2010 - 21:54

Beany

Joined:
2009-12-08

Day 17 - Had a counselling session today which was helpful. Not managed to gamble with my money yet and it is very hard. Keep thinking a few quid I can turn it into some big money over time.

Told a mate about my problem yesterday and it was helpful to talk about it face to face. They listened and gave me support which was great.

Let's hope that on my next post I am still gamble free!

Posted on:
Wed, 24/03/2010 - 19:50

Beany

Joined:
2009-12-08

Day 18 - I started the gambling again. Lost £25 after opening a new account. I have now closed it. But I feel like I can't start over again. I think it is a lapse that I can learn from but I am not sure.

Do I start tomorrow as day 1 or day 19 and know day 18 was the day a lapsed, and have learnt from my mistake?

Thank you