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One Day at A Time!!

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#1 Posted on:
Sat, 24/04/2010 - 00:17

Beany

Joined:
2009-12-08

Hey guys its Beany again. I am starting a new diary called One Day at a Time. Below are some of the posts that I have done in the past, including dates. I am starting this as a reminder to myself, and anyone interested in my diary. It is my birthday today and it is day 13 of my new life and my birthday wish, so to speak. I did think about gambling yesterday, day before my before, but haven’t done anything. I am looking to post on here quite a lot but below is the diary of Beany, with old posts that I have done, hope you find it helpful too.

8th December 09
Hi, I have been gambling for over 5 years online and have lost a lot of money and the will to live. It started of a bit of fun, £10 there £20 here and then I lost control. I was trying to get my money back and couldn’t. I used to be good with my money save and never spend, but now it is out of control. My bank balance is in an overdraft of nearly £2,000 and I have had enough and want help. The longest I have gone without gambling is 21 days but then I gambled again. I just keep gambling still and recently closed all my accounts and want a fresh Christmas and new year, but we will see how it goes.

20th December 09
Hi guys, it has been 7 days since I have stopped gambling online and although the urge is still there I can control it. I keep thinking about playing roulette at the moment and the ways to win, but as we know there isn’t. So to prove this to myself I use free money and lose it showing myself that could have been real money. I wanted to quit before Christmas and New Year so I can make a fresh start in 2010. Hope everyone else also does this.

30th December 09
It has been 17 days since I have quit online gambling. It has been difficult and yesterday I had £10 in my paypal account which I wasn't going to use. I spent it on the roulette wheel to see if I miss gambling and it made me feel happy because I didn't win nothing and knew gambling for me is no more. Although I did gamble I don't consider this to be a way of starting a fresh. It was a test for me to see if I still hated gambling and the answer was yes. I am glad I did this and I will not be gambling online anymore because it is so easy to do so. Make sure you all quit before the new year and count the days from when you have quit, like I have. Good luck guys and let's hope my quitting streak continues, like yours will do.

31st December 09
After 17 days of being gambling free, I lost £250 on new years eve. Why! Why can't I seem to stop gambling. I closed the account and told them never to allow me to reopen it. But I feel so ashamed, I had the urge to gamble and look how it makes me feel. I have closed the account once again and tomorow is a fresh start at the new year, I hope. Why do I seem to last a certain amount of days and then the urge is there to gamble? I feel like crying.

5th January 10
Hi, on new years eve it was 17 days since I quit, but for some reason I decided one more fix on gambling was needed in 2009. I lost £250 from 7pm - 9pm and thought that was it. I closed my account and spoke to an advisor on new years eve at GamCare.

New year and new start. It has been almost five days and I am still going strong. Sometimes I feel like gambling again, but I can manage it, on my own as no family know about my addiction. I have lost about 15K in total and am in the red on bank. My family have no idea that I have lost that much and would be ashamed if they knew.

Do you think I should let them know now or in the future? Any how do I tell them?

Thank you

23rd February 10
Hi, I have been gambling for 5 years and really have a problem. I have lost so much money and from March last year I have lost near £6K. My family have no idea how bad it is and they all think I have a lot of money, but I don’t. I did a search on my bank statements and found out I have been in my £2K overdraft for one year and have spent near £6K. I am still in my overdraft and have £1K left to go. It has been 9 days since I have quit and I am finding it so hard to stop myself from reopening an account to play poker in my spare time. I just don’t know what to do anymore?

25th February 10
It has been 11 days now since I have quit gambling for the like tenth time. I am determined to make this the time I quit completely and with the help and support from GamCare and the members I am sure I will. I have been gambling online for 5 years since I turned 19 and now I am 24 almost 25. I used to be very good with money, always have a lot and worked part time and went to college. I got hooked online with poker, betting and roulette and have lost so much money, probably over £25K.

My family have no idea about my problem and I am afraid to let them know. They think I am good with money and am not. I was evening gambling my student loan from university to gamble. I managed to get a good degree but still can’t find a job in the area i am. I am working full time in a job I hate, but hey at least I got money coming in.

I am hoping to continue with writing this diary and add any more things I can think of.

Thanks to GamCare for your help and counselling when it starts and to all those who post.

Thank you

26th February 10
Hi,

Thanks for all your comments so far. It is now day 12 on the road to recovery and it is like a habit now to login to GamCare and read replies, post new information and look at other peoples share stories. I have told two friends of mine about my problem and they have said good luck with it and I should disconnect from the internet. The problem with that is I can’t use this forum or do my work from home online.

With regards to Michael42 comment about accepting the money is gone. That is great because there is no need to worry about it as I can’t change the past.

Thanks again friends and will keep posting regular on here.

:-)

2nd March 10
Well, I already had a diary on here but now that I started gambling again, and now quit for what seems like the tenth time, I better start another diary.

I have lost so much money, about £20K, my family have no idea I have a problem. They think I have a lot of money but don't. I am 24 and been gambling since I was 19. I have spent all my student loan on gambling. Currently in a £2K overdraft and keep gambling online, gambling online and gambling online. I have had accounts with probably 75% of online poker sites around and keep reopening them, lose, then close again.

I just can't seem to stop. The longest that I have ever gone is 24 days, and this was 16 days on this go around but how guess what I gambled. Now I am writing another diary for this time around and hopefully I won't end up gambling again, but that's what we all say.

In a way I am one person, a no body, who cares if I gamble and lose all my money. No one knows me, what's the point.

Well round ten, let's see if I can keep this diary up to date or not.

Good luck guys,

Beany

11th April 10
Well, its the addict Beany again.

Turned £50 into £3k this weekend and have blew it all agian on poker. I reopened an account saying I im ok now with gambling and they agreed. Deposited £100 then lost, then another £50 and turned into £3k.

My one chance of going in the green in bank and I blew it, it shows I cannot stop even though I have won.

Wish I was... well I don't know now. I feel like crying my eyes out and doing something like smashing my PC.

I need help!!!

20th April 10
t has been a good day, day 9. I have been on the chat room talking and think I have a feeling about helping people with gambling, I feel like I have the experience with the problem and want to share help, something like that.

I am hoping I can go another week at least without gambling... fingures cross!!

End of posts...

Thanks

Posted on:
Sat, 24/04/2010 - 20:48

Beany

Joined:
2009-12-08

Was my birthday today and I felt so depressed. Family wanted to go out but I wanted like sandwiches and cake at home. It was fine, but all day I was thinking I am 25, now career, no prospects and am an addict. What do I have to look forward too...

Yesterday at work I did a 9 hour shift with a 15 minute break. when meant to be 1hr 30. The management didn't ask if I had my breaks, and didn't care either. It is a job on the checkouts. I didn't bother asking was just fed up with work now, I am so depressed, anxious and had headache and bad shoulders and back for week and on anti-biotics for ear infection. They don't have any idea what condition I am in, mentally and physically, I got counselling too and one day I think I am going to snap.

Posted on:
Sun, 25/04/2010 - 00:21

leedso

Joined:
2010-02-27

Hey Beany,

Sorry your birthday sucked mate, I don't live at home, and haven't been with my family since I finished University, as my b'day falls at the start of September, and i tended to be at home before term started.

The question you're asking is one that I know I've asked myself a few times, "What do I have to look forward to?" You know there's only one person who can answer that, and it's up to you to provide the answer.

I had that mindset for a long time, and led to me frittering away thousands...I've got nothing to look forward to, what do I need this for anyway. To motivate myself to plod on with the tedium of work, I've promised myself a trekking holiday in the Himalayas once my debts are paid off and I've saved up for a few months.

I know that is maybe two years away if I work hard. Ask yourself Beany what are you passionate about....what ambitions do you hold?

Once you've got your dream holiday/experience/car or whatever it is that makes you tick, promise it to yourself.

As for work, my work sucks too. I'm stuck in a call centre for 11 hours plus for three days a week, plus throw in another 10-15 hours overtime each week if I can, and it's grim most of the time. I've dealt with the supervisors for 2 years plus, and they mainly want to have a quiet life, so if you start buzzing at them about getting all your breaks etc, it'll annoy them for a while, but eventually they'll see it's less harrassment for them just to give you the breaks and continue with their day.

Hope you see the light at the end of the tunnel mate, all the best.
Ryan

Posted on:
Sun, 25/04/2010 - 03:47

jamjar25

Joined:
2010-04-23

Happy Birthday Fella!

Unfortunate but pleased to know after reading a few posts there are other 'twenty-somethings' on here.

This is my first message to another user and I think Ryan is right with the 'mindset' having nothing to do with your spare money so gambling it which has led to also gambling money we don't have.

Stumper wrote in my diary
'I cannot win as I cannot stop'
And I keep recalling that when my mind drifts to betting and odds!

All the best jamjar25

Posted on:
Mon, 26/04/2010 - 14:46

Beany

Joined:
2009-12-08

Day 15 today and not had a gamble yet. The feeling is still there to gamble. I have many closed poker accounts and most on the same poker network therefore cannot open new accounts only reopen them, if I can.

It is really wierd not gambling and I think in two months I am going to have near enough £1K in my bank, will I have that if I gambled? Seen as how for over a year I have been in my overdraft with no more than £500 left to spend on important things. Let's hope I can continue to not gamble, next time I make a new entry...

Posted on:
Sat, 01/05/2010 - 22:47

Beany

Joined:
2009-12-08

Almost 3 weeks now since I quit gambling, it is day 20 as I wrote this. The urges are still there to gamble, but not as strong as before. No one in my family knows about the problem still and I am still having counselling. Work has been stressful as it is a dead end job. I am working full time still and it helps with the fact I can't gamble.