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Posted on:
Thu, 15/03/2012 - 09:51

duncanmac

Joined:
2012-01-26

day51
I used to wish i could win a million pounds!
now I wish I never tried!!
GA tonight for the weekly medication.
today NO BET tommorow the reflection will look all the better for it.
duncs stepping forward one more day.
I hope that the forum settles back to normal from the end of the week it seems there is a bad atmosphere at present i am concluding it co-insides with that race meeting and tensions are running high, I would prefer to pat on the back rather than put a knife in one.TOGETHER WE STAND AND DIVIDED WE FALL.

Posted on:
Thu, 15/03/2012 - 10:16

JS123

Joined:
2012-01-31

It's a joy reading your diary duncs. So pleased you're turning the negatives into positives. A good state of mind is the key to control and you're clearly winning! Bravo

Posted on:
Fri, 16/03/2012 - 11:13

duncanmac

Joined:
2012-01-26

day 52.
medication taken from the GA bottle the lid is off that bottle and I will continue to take my dose, last night the atmosphere was a bit tense, i further conclude that "THAT MEETING" is the root source of the tension.
So today a new day I have further dosed myself up by reading many more diaries(I am stood in the docs my back is playing up again no doubt more tramadol/diazipam coming my way!!)and would just like to add thanks to many many folk on this forum, your constant positivity arms me yet further in the quest to remain gamble free.
duncs compulsive gambler today no bet,stepping forward never back.

Posted on:
Fri, 16/03/2012 - 11:56

redmanjim85

Joined:
2011-12-08

hey duncs hows it goin.
always so postive and determind to remain gamble free great stuff mate. u sound as strong as an ox mate andnothing will get in the way of ur quest to remain gamble free. keep up the positivity and good work mate. well done on 52 days mate. im noticing alot of tension everywhere at the min this cheltenham cr**. was even on my weekly boxing programme last night which peed me off.
all the best mate
Redmanjim

Posted on:
Fri, 16/03/2012 - 21:47

JS123

Joined:
2012-01-31

I tell you what mate - if we could bottle some of your positivity we'd make an absolute fortune. [Note I said 'we'. We're all in this together, right? :)]

Always great reading your posts duncan. Have a great weekend mate - you deserve it

Posted on:
Sat, 17/03/2012 - 11:39

Shiny

Joined:
2011-05-29

Morning Duncs

you are not a casualty and still a crusader!!!

What a great line. You are among a gifted few on this site who articulate in a fantastic way.

Your positively most defo has an uplifting effect on us all. So keep stepping forward , Because as you do so , so very many are following a step or two behind.

Respect

Dusty

Posted on:
Sat, 17/03/2012 - 12:10

duncanmac

Joined:
2012-01-26

day 53
Dusty good morning and thanks for your comments I do just speak from the depths of my heart the one which beats stronger by the day every single gamble free day, I have not had time to stop since I set out on this journey,today i reflect that simply the people who mean all to me,my beautiful wife and our three outstanding kids I love you and we will not waste another minute of our precious lives,it all has a purpose and gambling goggle free I really am tuned into it we have gone DIGITAL!! crystal clear.
So to all who are helping me live this amazing journey i say again thankyou and today NO BET tomorrow another day to start with no regret.
duncs today NO BET.

Posted on:
Sat, 17/03/2012 - 22:30

Keith IOW

Joined:
2011-02-19

Hi Dunc

Pass my apologies onto the fellowship for my absence. I went to Ryde to catch the boat and the crossing i was due to catch does not run during March for some unknown reason and the next one would have got me there late for the meeting so i decided to take a rain check.

All good from here mate, no gambling and good to see you doing so well. Sounds like the meeting on Thursday was not as smooth as some of the others, hope you continue to attend and get that weekly medicine.

All the best

Keith

Posted on:
Sun, 18/03/2012 - 02:13

duncanmac

Joined:
2012-01-26

morning all! Silly o clock. Just to say i will now sleep the rest of the night alot easier in the knowledge that my honourable friend keith is still tuned into the channel we all want to be with, the gamble free one, i am delighted to stand side by side with another fellow who is a further inspiration to me in the way we tackle the constant fight to remain gamble free and wish this to long continue.well done fella for continuing taking the right choice!! NO BET. duncs stepping forward(re dosed now for a much more comfortable night with the back now diazapam dosed up,)together we stand strong.

Posted on:
Sun, 18/03/2012 - 13:12

duncanmac

Joined:
2012-01-26

day54
NO BET today. today my thanks to my beautiful wife,the mother of our 3 kids and my best friend, a day were in my recovery from this horrific addiction i will get with good fortune get to share that love,dish it back up and have a day were what counts most is by my side shows me why i will beat the thing that so nearly stole it all away by saying TODAY NO BET.
duncs stepping forward one more day at a time.Have a good one and all!!

Posted on:
Mon, 19/03/2012 - 15:20

duncanmac

Joined:
2012-01-26

day55
day 31 no smokes so a month down roughly 125 quid saved and one less thing i do to waste money!! today NO BET .I am suffering with the back today i have disc problems i have had a slipped dics 4 times and have one currently half out! I am on a routine of pain relief and stretching and fingers crossed i will have worked it back in by mid week if not i can look forward to a week pro lapsed on the floor!! and that is not in the script tomorrow we have to give our eldest 18 bumps!!! So today i have used my rest time to read more diaries and further arm myself in what is going to be a lifetimes work to remain, ready stick in hand to fight this addicition which has already stolen too much from me and reading again many many others and live gamble free.HAPPY.
duncs crawling on lol!! much stronger in mind thanks all. never looking back.

Posted on:
Mon, 19/03/2012 - 16:40

Thistime

Joined:
2012-03-09

HI Dunc, massive congrats on 55 days. Well done.

I too have quit smoking from a 20 a day smoker in November just gone i have now given up for over 4 months.

Posted on:
Mon, 19/03/2012 - 19:40

Keith IOW

Joined:
2011-02-19

Hello Dunc,

Good to have your support buddy and have taken on board all that you have said. I don't want to stop drinking but definitely need a prolonged period of abstinence from the booze to get out of the habit of late night drinking after a shift.

Sounds amazing having your kiddies 18th tomorrow, must be so proud and it'll be great one day when i can do the same with mine.

You must be amazed at the difference in clarity of thought since you made the decision to stop gambling 55 days ago...i know i have. If you have read the steps program, the most important thing for me this time round is 'Step 1'. I have admitted i am powerless over my gambling and i believe this will keep me gamble free for the rest of my days. As for the rest of the steps I'm not sure but something I'm definitely open to over the course of time.

You take care of yourself and enjoy your family time, as my mother says you only get 1 go at this life, its not a trial run!!!

All the best

Keith

Posted on:
Mon, 19/03/2012 - 19:51

Took a wrong turn

Joined:
2012-02-22

Congrats on 55 days mate, I don't need to add anything, you've got it under control, keep it up well done.

Andy

Posted on:
Mon, 19/03/2012 - 21:03

Shiny

Joined:
2011-05-29

Hi

Thank you so much for your post. It did lift my spirits and did turn that frown upside down

Have a great day tomorrow, making those special memories that will live with you forever.

Take care

Dusty
Ps 55 days , achieved by stepping forward never back.
Respect

Posted on:
Tue, 20/03/2012 - 08:16

JS123

Joined:
2012-01-31

Just a quickie to say hope today is a terrific one. I can imagine the pride you'll have when you give your daughter the 'key to the door' and can share the moment with a clear conscience, all your attention and a really bright future. Have an amazing day mate. High five!

Posted on:
Tue, 20/03/2012 - 08:26

Thistime

Joined:
2012-03-09

Hi Dunc,

Enjoy your daughters birthday today.

Hope your back holds up for the 18 bumps !!!

Steve

Posted on:
Tue, 20/03/2012 - 10:08

duncanmac

Joined:
2012-01-26

day56 (eight weeks!!!)
firstly thanks guys for your support but just to clarify it is our SONS 18th today lol. Joe is turning into a man but to be honest he has been a man for many years now and now i am in recovery he seems to be re focused on achieving his own dreams rather than picking up the peices of devistation i have caused and chaasing money to cover my loses. Today he is off to norwich to visit east anglia uni were he has been conditionally been offered a place,as you know he also got the young poet laureate for porstmouth three weeks ago. So all in all I could not be more proud to have a son like him,he trully is a wonderfull person, I gave him the rudjard kipling poem "IF" and to be honest it could have been written for him. So his beers will be on ice for the weekend when hopefully we can share a couple of pints(i hope to be off the tramadol by then) I am staying at home with the youngest two mind they are 16 and 13 so look after me lol. I would just like to thank all again for helping me to get here,today i looked in the mirror and smiled at what looked back that has been a long long time since i did that.
TODAY NO BET stepping forward never back.

Posted on:
Tue, 20/03/2012 - 19:26

Keith IOW

Joined:
2011-02-19

Hi Dunc

Hope all goes well with your nippers Uni etc, sounds like life is treating you well and your starting to enjoy all those little things that you never even noticed before when you were in action. I had a nice day out in your City today, one of the luxuries i can have from not gambling!!

All the best

Keith

Posted on:
Wed, 21/03/2012 - 15:08

duncanmac

Joined:
2012-01-26

day57
I am inspired by so many posts on this forum today i feel trully that so many are enjoying the benifits of a gamble free life, as the time alone it gives us back in our lives is priceless!!! Today NO BET
TOGETHER WE WILL STAND!!! and we will continue to beat that demon one day at a time inspire each other and carry on making the only choice NO BET TODAY.
duncs striding forward.

Posted on:
Wed, 21/03/2012 - 18:14

Shiny

Joined:
2011-05-29

Yo,
Want to share half my chocolate?

Dusty

Ps ( I only share my choc with friends)

Posted on:
Thu, 22/03/2012 - 11:19

Shiny

Joined:
2011-05-29

Thank you, for sharing that with me.
On this sad sad day

Dusty

Posted on:
Thu, 22/03/2012 - 11:22

duncanmac

Joined:
2012-01-26

day58
NO BET TODAY.
My day today will be used to re gather my thoughts to spend time telling those I love that I do and why I do and give thanks that today again I have the opportunity to do so.
R.I.P Mark117 i will remain inspired by your courage to put up an honest fight to be able to think of others in your recovery other than yourself fella, A true gent,and I am honoured to have been able to have shared your journey.
Duncs compulsive gambler today NO BET.

Posted on:
Thu, 22/03/2012 - 22:03

JS123

Joined:
2012-01-31

Here here!

Posted on:
Fri, 23/03/2012 - 06:02

JunglePete

Joined:
2012-03-10

Yo Duncanmac,

Love your uplifing spirit we will all beat this if we keep highly spirited and upbeat about this, of course they will be times when its bad thats why we need to spend some quality time on here to reflect, as you say so many of us doing so well! Let's keep it up

Day 58, awesome job, Keep going !

PS... It's so not fare you getting half of Dusty's chocolate, sooooooooo jealous now...hehe

Keep strong DM, my best for today to you!

Pete

Posted on:
Fri, 23/03/2012 - 06:46

Shiny

Joined:
2011-05-29

Morning,

Best wishes to you and yours. Hope you were upto dishing up those extra cuddles yesterday. Times like this make you realise how important our families are to us.

Just wanted to say, hope your back is feeling a bit better , in time for the celebrations this weekend. That is of course if you are included, my girls would not need me out on there birthday celebration , think I cramp their style. Can't see why lol ( maybe its the wings)

Take care

Dusty

Posted on:
Fri, 23/03/2012 - 16:47

duncanmac

Joined:
2012-01-26

day59
I thank you for your kind words they really do lift my spirit,i know there will be days when things wont run to plan and I know those days will be when that demon trys to break my spirit, but be warned mr demon i am so well armed that I can tell you that you will not win ever.
today no bet.
dusty every day i feel i celebrate freedom!!
duncs stepping forward.never back.

Posted on:
Fri, 23/03/2012 - 17:23

Anonymous-user

Joined:
2014-10-23

We all have our good days and our bad days.

As long as we don't gamble, we can cope with the bad days.

And as for the good days, well, they really are worth waiting for!

GT

Posted on:
Sat, 24/03/2012 - 00:40

Keith IOW

Joined:
2011-02-19

Hi Dunc

Good to see you have still not gambled. You have finally found an enjoyment in recovery away from gambling. Enjoy your time and enjoy your family. Continue helping other recovering gamblers and with this you'll continue to help yourself.

You can do this mate. Thank you for your continued support, means the world to me.

Keith

Posted on:
Sat, 24/03/2012 - 12:37

duncanmac

Joined:
2012-01-26

day60
gt I should have that printed on a t-shirt
love it.
keith my valued friend you are so right I have found things to do outside gambling and that is I enjoy life,I mowed the lawn today and at the same time tidied the neighbours garden they have a baby and no time for it,today i did and all because i can.
today NO BET.
tonight i am going to a poetry reading with my son the young poet laureate of portsmouth(Sorry but i am so proud) and the reading is called "THE LOST HOUR" for me how apt I lost many of them!!! but no more.
duncs compulsive gambler 60 days stepping forward never back.

Posted on:
Sat, 24/03/2012 - 12:50

gazza515

Joined:
2012-03-02

Duncan,
Thanks for your post on my diary page.
Well done on reaching day 60.
Enjoy tonight's reading with your son-no need to say sorry about the pride you feel.
Maybe a glimpse into a very bright future for him

Posted on:
Sun, 25/03/2012 - 15:58

duncanmac

Joined:
2012-01-26

day61.
NO BET TODAY.
too nice outside to say much more,rode out with my two boys this morning,watched the local parks football then home for lunch,put a curry on to cook for the next 6 hours whilst i finish the garden and just enjoy life.
today i ask myself WHY DID I EVER GAMBLE! this is worth so much more!!
duncs stepping forward.

Posted on:
Mon, 26/03/2012 - 09:17

JS123

Joined:
2012-01-31

Grats on 60 days buddy. I'm 100% confident we'll see you write 600 days clean. You're going to be just fine as you're in a great place and you're keeping a safe distance away from the past. I am really pleased for you.

Posted on:
Mon, 26/03/2012 - 10:57

Shiny

Joined:
2011-05-29

Yo Duncs

Just sending you a high five on your 60

Hope the backs improving , and the poetry night went well

Take care

Dusty

Posted on:
Mon, 26/03/2012 - 11:57

Shiny

Joined:
2011-05-29

One big hug on its way, from not just me but you and yours

Green and blacks ?

Dusty. :-)

Posted on:
Mon, 26/03/2012 - 14:50

duncanmac

Joined:
2012-01-26

DAY 62.
Well I got through a weekend which started on friday afternoon in the library watching the documentary on the i player with tears running down my face.My father i have not spoken to for 14 yrs the last time i saw him about 3 months ago he walked into a bookies i used to frequent and i walked out,ran away fearing more hurt. I have stopped running from the mess i made of my life 62 days ago but knowing my father is a cg i have still made no contact,and truthfully there is so much i need to fix for myself i wont be anytime soon. Then onto home to spend the night panicing that have i inflicted this terrible addiction onto my children PLEASE NO, then went to bed feeling alone again.This weekend has shown me I am yes a compulsive gambler and what I need to do is make the right choices for me!!then those i love will also enjoy this ride. Yes i could ruin it all by having a punt returning to that self loathing,lying,cheating good for nothing but I choose to say today NO BET.I with honesty cant tell you if my 3 kids will be cg's like me and my father and all I can do is continue to be honest with them about this the one thing I ever regret that is having a punt letting it rule so much of my life,and be there Dad i will love them unconditionally along with my beautiful wife and I know this will remain true if today just for today i say NO BET!!
duncs striding foward.learning,living,loving.

Posted on:
Mon, 26/03/2012 - 22:28

Keith IOW

Joined:
2011-02-19

Hi Duncan

Yeah, i watched the documentary on beeb3 the other night. Good viewing and quite intriguing for non CGs to have an insight into our lives. Didn't learn anything i didn't already know, anyone of those people could have been me when i was in action. I share the same anxiety as you that my children will also become CGs. I will do everything in power to stop my kids ever playing a fruit machine which for me was where it all began.

Take care mate, hopefully see you soon

Posted on:
Tue, 27/03/2012 - 08:07

Smiler

Joined:
2011-01-17

Hi Duncan
Tahnks for popping by on my diary. This addiction is incredibly hard to get a grip of but once you have it I believe it is easy to keep hold of. I used to try to hard to stay stopped and always ended up going back. Inow accept it is there and self exclude so I don't have any choice.
Relationships in childhood play a big part of who we are as adults. My father was and still is a ******** of whom I have very little time for and yet he has a hold over me like no other. I accept is as much as I can and I speak with him on some level. Like you I never spoke to him for 10 years or so. It hurt me more than him as I believe he has no heart! However I have to live my life and let him do his thing. I try not to focus on gambling or on the other side of the coin of not gambling. I beleive if we concentrate on not gambling it is still gambling related thoughts. All we can do is keep trying and hopefully we will find peace of mind one day. I get glimpses of it at present so I'll keep doing what I'm doing.
Take care

Posted on:
Tue, 27/03/2012 - 10:26

duncanmac

Joined:
2012-01-26

thanks smiler I have a choice and that choice is today NO BET.
DAY63.
I planted an apple tree in my front garden at the start of my recovery that had been in a pot for two sad previous years, I did this to let it have roots,Today it is full of young leaves and maybe it will provide fruit this autumn.I feel like that tree I finally have roots growing,I will become stronger as my branches grow,I will if looked after provide fruit and In years to come I will still stand proud.All by today making my choice to say NO BET.
duncs stepping forward never back.

Posted on:
Tue, 27/03/2012 - 11:02

Sam Crow

Joined:
2012-02-23

Good lad Duncan your doing well. Making positive changes in your life and most imprtantly no gambling! Well done

Posted on:
Tue, 27/03/2012 - 15:03

JS123

Joined:
2012-01-31

"I wanna be a tree!"

I'm sure you remember the advert mate. Nice metaphor or is it as simile or an analogy? Whichever, you're doing great mate.

Posted on:
Tue, 27/03/2012 - 15:11

Ex Doormat

Joined:
2011-08-12

Hi Dunc..thank you for driving by diary and popping in...the word chocolate on here always makes the ladies look and Green and Blacks was a little known secret in my world til Mr Sams sold to the big enchiladas!

Glad that you had a chuckle or two...sometimes I have to blow things to outrageous proportions just to get some sense of the ridiculous to get some balance......modelling on the laughing bhudda right now...
You also seem to be doing well and have caught a few of your posts on others diarys...I shall endeavour to read yours next and think you are doing great....

Take care ...and keep eating the good stuff...one chunk at a time x Rachel ...(Dotty is my trusty doggy)

Posted on:
Tue, 27/03/2012 - 19:29

Scampimus

Joined:
2012-03-20

Hi Duncan

Thanks for your encouraging words on my diary. I see that when you mentioned how scary it is that I'm only 3 years older than your son that you are genuinely worried about the possibility of your children inheriting it. On the one hand I know that must be a really scary thought but on the other hand what a motive to stop! Your 2 months are a total inspiration and as somebody with the compulsion I'm sure if your children did have it you would have picked up on some tell tell signs. My dad could have been a gambler or he could have been the prime minister for all I know about him! Don't be an absent father that's the important thing.

With admiration and thanks

Becky

(Scampimus)

Posted on:
Wed, 28/03/2012 - 10:12

duncanmac

Joined:
2012-01-26

day64.
Thanks becky those words touch my heart in many ways and thankyou,I have in real life only a hand full of friends,I know I lost many through taking more intrest in having a punt and in recent years through gambling I have not made any because I have not had the time!!gambling again, 2 weeks ago I saw a fella i went to school with we had a chat,I told him about myself and the gambling,he was not suprised but has been in touch since with a text or 2.I know I will on this path make better decisions about all the things in my life,I am learning that being a compulsive gambler in recovery is not a deasease it is a life choice,one i love more each day I am willing to learn,listen and your right no longer absent. HELLO WORLD I AM HERE AND HERE TO STAY!!!
duncs compulsive gambler 64 days no bet.

Posted on:
Wed, 28/03/2012 - 13:03

Shiny

Joined:
2011-05-29

Hello you,

Thought about your tree alot yesterday , such an a great thing to do. Do not have a garden, but it's ok I can visualise yours. One day I may have a garden and I will plant a tree.

You are a real inspiration to me, everyday I can feel you going from strength to strength. Your positivity is infectious and defo encourages me to look at things in a far more constructive way. For that I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Dusty xx

Posted on:
Wed, 28/03/2012 - 14:00

castle2

Joined:
2012-01-30

Hi Duncan

Just wanted to say firstly well done on the 64 days gamble free and secondly I notice ur very supportive on this site it's so difficult to support everyone but great to see u put a lot of effort in

Keep up the good work

Castle2

Posted on:
Wed, 28/03/2012 - 14:09

Smiler

Joined:
2011-01-17

Hi Duncan
Hope you don't mind me saying but i used to count and I realised all I was doing was counting days until my next gamble. I used to say I haven't had a bet in X days. Today I say I'm a non gambler and it feels better and looks at it upside down in my opinion.
Hope you are keeping well
Take care

Posted on:
Wed, 28/03/2012 - 16:21

duncanmac

Joined:
2012-01-26

dusty. Ditto to being inspired and long may it continue.and just for the record my garden is 12ft square at front and 10ft square concrete at back but with the many planters and make shift ones(the new potatoes are in a bin lol) it is a place I grow to love more with each day of my recovery,no doubt you will think i am turning into Percy Thrower lol!! but the time I have found and what better place to spend it than making things grow.
Castle thanks for your encouragement I will add your diary to the many i want to read.
And Smiler I am counting till I hit 90 days dont know why just am and when i get there I will make further plans to further help me in my recovery. I do fully get what you say but right now I am fully intent on posting as often as i need to (sorry to my beautiful wife who thinks now i am a gamcare addict!!lol) and getting to as many GA meetings as I can it is all giving me great resolve to today say those magic words and want it with all my heart and sinew NO BET.
duncs compulsive gambler today NO BET.

Posted on:
Wed, 28/03/2012 - 18:04

Took a wrong turn

Joined:
2012-02-22

To my biggest inspiration, thank you for your comments. I don't need to say much to you at present apart from the fact you seem completely in control of your addiction, you are happy within your words, you help others, just brilliant, one top man.

I am always here for you in support and enjoy reading your diary posts. It makes me feel positive to read strong threads where people have control of their lives again.

Keep it up, cheers Wilsy (Andy)

Posted on:
Wed, 28/03/2012 - 18:12

gazza515

Joined:
2012-03-02

Duncan,

Can i just add a"Thank you" for the posts on my diary page.
You are 40 days in front of me, that's part of the incentive that helps keep me going, so don't stop counting!!!
What will i do when you get to 90???

gazza

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