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Abstain and maintain.Stepping forward never back.

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#1 Posted on:
Tue, 31/01/2012 - 10:38

duncanmac

Joined:
2012-01-26

Today is seven days no gambling I have been a mixed up mess of emotions I go from emense regret to feeling the urge to gamble it all back to right! but I have to be honest my wife has been a rock as always. I owe her so much more than the money I have denied her to fuel this terrible compulsion I have had for all our nineteen years we have been together. I can say honestly that I for the first time in my life that I want the help I want to arrest this compulsion and although I know I feel selfish as it feels like it is all about me but trully I want to never walk into a bookies again.I hope then everyone who is there for me will reap what I sow. And to finish I cant wait for my next GA meeting thursday I feel I belong! duncs one day at a time!

Posted on:
Tue, 31/01/2012 - 10:49

Smiler

Joined:
2011-01-17

Hi Duncan
There is a wealth ofhelp on this site that you can access. Your enthusiasm for recovery sounds at a real high level. Whilst you are in this mood get a photocopy of your photo and go and self exclude from every single bookies you go to. Sounds an immense job but if you wanted to gamble you would go there so wanting to not gamble has to be a higher priority.

Keep reading and posting and as each day goes by more will be revealed to you in recovery. It is a slow process but we have the rest ofour lives to get better.
Take care

Posted on:
Tue, 31/01/2012 - 11:10

duncanmac

Joined:
2012-01-26

Just to say thanks for your caring this is one thing I think the addiction has done all the time I gambled I taught myself no one cared a week on there are so many that do! and more over I care! thanks again!

Posted on:
Tue, 31/01/2012 - 11:11

Smiler

Joined:
2011-01-17

Just keep at it and it will happen!
Take care and be kind to yourself!

Posted on:
Wed, 01/02/2012 - 12:12

duncanmac

Joined:
2012-01-26

Todays update keeping myself busy done stuff around the house that was always pushed to one side in favour of a visit to the bookies and boy it feels good! amazing what i can achieve without spending a penny. Today I am going to tackle the debt list I want to talk to one debtor at a day and so far brutal honesty has worked so one more step forward and through a week now looking for a month! here is to looking forward not back! one day one step at a time duncs.

Posted on:
Fri, 03/02/2012 - 10:09

duncanmac

Joined:
2012-01-26

day ten no bets I attended my second GA meeting last night and I find it emmensly helpful and very sobering.So i am going to get my head down this week and continue to live this gamble free life i have set out on. It amazes me looking back to my very immediate past and seeing remembering how many sentences I started with the words : I BET : now they seem like the last words i would choose so here is to today and living for tommorow>duncan compulsive gambler>

Posted on:
Fri, 03/02/2012 - 11:26

big bessie

Joined:
2011-12-21

10 days , well done Duncan. Like u say, take every day as it comes and stay strong. Never look back, you can't change history. Bessie.

Posted on:
Sat, 04/02/2012 - 12:13

duncanmac

Joined:
2012-01-26

saturday today day eleven what I saw as a gambling day before all those sports to throw your money at! but today i can spend the day with the wife had a rare lay in seems sleep has become alot easier since i stopped gambling and I no longer am fearing the postman delivering the killer blow what a sad world i have lived in! Plus today is the first time the wife can go to the bank without seeing i have done all the salaries within two days for a long time.And for me that is the biggest step i have made no more lies! So now i am going to enjoy the weekend for what it should be stress free and happy. duncs one day at a time. and for sure today no gambling!

Posted on:
Sat, 04/02/2012 - 12:34

Anonymous-user

Joined:
2014-10-23

Sounds good to me, you looking forward to a weekend without any gambling.

Look forward to hearing that you have managed it come Sunday evening.

All the very best,
GT

Posted on:
Sun, 05/02/2012 - 16:41

duncanmac

Joined:
2012-01-26

day 12 another day negoiated without gambling i had a good talk with the wife yesterday about the whole issue of my compulsion and felt really comfortable with it and i have not been able to feel that easy about talking it through ever before so i felt really good afterwards. Did not even think about gambling yesterday which is the first real day since i stopped when i did not have the urge somewhere in my mind. I will not let my guard down and today have continued in my recovery on my guard i went to the shops with money my wife gave me and did just that shopped and came home with change and a reciept. I even walked past an old betting shop haunt to get to the shop and did not even look in. So well pleased! Duncs one day at a time. And no more looking back just forward to a gamble free life.

Posted on:
Sun, 05/02/2012 - 22:20

volcano

Joined:
2010-07-05

Yo Dunc...

Good to see the enthusiasm in your posts. A very rewarding journey not just for you but the Mrs too.

'Easy does It' a line I like and think very relevant in the early days of kicking this gambling shxte in to touch... Keep reading/ posting and sharing your thoughts with the mrs...

Keep on your toes........ All the best..exmug

Posted on:
Mon, 06/02/2012 - 09:49

duncanmac

Joined:
2012-01-26

thanks for the advice ex mug! I value your comment and fully agree with the take things easy. I am working to change my whole mindset simple things like i used to have cash on me always and now will only leave the house with it if i am gonna spend it and that way the cycle stays broken and my self worth stays intact and that seems to be the difference in my mindset i have for twenty years simply not had a value on money just seen them as gambling vouchers and now i can say i have what i want and i can buy what i neede with the money i have. And then save for what i desire. And as a compulsive gambler by not having a punt i will get all of these far quicker. I have to say above all i value the time i have got back in my life that is going to be worth more than any cash gain big time. So today day 13 a number i foolishly used to think was unlucky seems to be another day when i dont need luck i just need my true want to live a gamble free life happy within myself which is a whole new feeling and i grab it with both hands! Duncs one step one day at a time.

Posted on:
Mon, 06/02/2012 - 13:58

Markman

Joined:
2011-12-14

Hi Duncan

I am very moved by your diary and (probably like everyone else here) it is like reading my own story.

It is crazy when coming home from the shops with chang is a novelty. It is crazy being scared to death of the postman! I think it puts things into perspective..

I am only on day one but hopefully I can harness some of your determination and keep up the pace. Good luck.

Mark

Posted on:
Mon, 06/02/2012 - 14:14

duncanmac

Joined:
2012-01-26

Mark i wish you every sucess in your recovery and as i am at such an early stage in mine i am not going to set out to preach to you. but i can say hand on heart confront this terrible addiction with 100% honesty and most of all with youself and that is a big mountain to climb the other things with this brutal honesty i think will follow. I have tried through this forum and my first 2 GA meetings that i have tried to take something positive from all i have heard and read and use it to you own turn to keep counting from step to step. And with humour I write this a quote which has raised a smile through some dark moments in these last 13 days a gentleman at my first meeting of the Ga said "all we are asking you to do is not bet just one sacrifice" for me how sobering, how true and if you never bet again it will be your biggest win how IRONIC! duncs one more step at a time.

Posted on:
Tue, 07/02/2012 - 10:49

duncanmac

Joined:
2012-01-26

TWO weeks 14 days now i have had my life back. I have been through an emotional washing machine and that ride has not reached its destination but with honesty and gamble free I can face the issues i have ran from head on and with each hour each day the strenght i have grows to be honest with myself and today i will not gamble therefore making me a better person tommorow. I find myself judging people less and far more willing to accept that we are all different and we can all achieve our goals if we really want them and as a compulsive gambler my goals used to be so short term and selfish now i can see gamble free my goals are not all financial and certainly not for myself gambling seems to have clouded my picture and now the mist is clearing I know before long the sun will shine again. Today i am thankfull for what i have a wonderfull wife,3 wonderfull kids a roof over my head and food upon my table and 14 days ago gambling nearly stole all that away. So one step at a time one day at a time a gamble free life i will lead.
duncs compulsive gambler.to all those who read my posts be inspired i am with all i read through this forum stepping forward one day at a time.

Posted on:
Tue, 07/02/2012 - 14:29

Markman

Joined:
2011-12-14

Hi Duncan

Well done for making two weeks. I am a day and a half in and am already seeing things more clearly so can see where you are coming from. Keep up. Our wives and kids deserve it.

I have just got back to work from lunch. Walked right past C -ral and l -brokes. Would normally have put a few quid in the blackjack machine but not today - soup and spicy lattice at Greggs as a treat. One or two quid in the machines does not seem a lot, but it is when you have no more money for lunch because the cards are maxed out! I cannot believe this has been the norm for me these past couple of years! If I keep reminding myself of that I should be fine. Hopefully you will too.

Regards

M

Posted on:
Wed, 08/02/2012 - 11:52

duncanmac

Joined:
2012-01-26

Day 15 had the best nights sleep i can remember no more fear to make it restless I feel less anxious about life today than i can honestly remember.8 days after money went into the bank it is still there, which in being there means funnily I feel less inclined to want to gamble I guess through my determination to abstain from gambling and the reallity in which I seem to be looking at life with by breaking this mind cycle of a way out is to gamble which all compulsive gamblers know just heads you straight back to that dark road of self destruction. And how looking forward and not back has such a positive affect on my outlook so here is to another gamble free day and a brighter tommorow. duncs one step more foward one day at a time.

Posted on:
Wed, 08/02/2012 - 15:22

ghost123

Joined:
2010-11-19

Hi Duncan

I'm sat at work reading some diaries & yours caught my eye!
You have done so well & a lot of the emotions & feelings you express really does it home for me.
Will definately be following your journey.

Posted on:
Thu, 09/02/2012 - 06:53

volcano

Joined:
2010-07-05

Good Morning Dunc..

Just a quick tip of the cap or high fiving in tadays money!!

Will echo Ghost here, sat here as always enjoying your take on things and the realisation that right in front and around you, you've got every thing of real value..

Another fantastic asset to these diary's and loving this journey of yours.....

Exmug......

Posted on:
Thu, 09/02/2012 - 12:01

duncanmac

Joined:
2012-01-26

Day 16. Paul as a lover of the flat cap I doff it straight back to you, day 16 today and I have to say these new gamble free glasses I am wearing are fantastic! We have three kids and our eldest will be 18 in six weeks he attends college studying 3 A levels and last night we attended a seminar on his university funding which he will need to attend uni this autumn and sitting there some thing else clicked inside my head. I used to be 16 days ago a person living in someone elses skin a selfish self centered aggresive jumped up fool who spent his life in the foolish pretence that he would be someone else. And I sat there taking stock our kids going to go to uni a first for our families and our other 2 will be sure to follow and well I fell back into my skin and boy it fits well! I can beat the one thing that has blinded me from truely seeing this is my shot my life by never gambling again and now day 16 I have hold of the stick that used to beat me down and believe me all I am beating right back and I will not lose the fight not today tomorrow or the next! one leap one stride at a time With honesty I feel with these tools I have been given which I will continue to embrace the forum,the diary and GA and my stick in hand I will continue my lifes work to remain arrested in my addiction.
Duncs compulsive gambler no bets today!

Posted on:
Thu, 09/02/2012 - 13:05

Markman

Joined:
2011-12-14

Duncan, you are a true wordsmith! Keep up the good work and keep up those entries! You may have been a bad gambler but obviously you are a great dad. My kids are only little but I am sure there are many dads who only dream of their kids going to uni.

Best

Mark

Posted on:
Thu, 09/02/2012 - 15:07

duncanmac

Joined:
2012-01-26

mark thanks for your continued encouragement i write my diary first and foremost for myself and when the clouds of the gambler loom in i read back through my thoughts and see when i set out on my journey the pure hell i created that i was living in and that gives me further strength to combat this terrible addiction and with honest reflection i can say this that is but the start of a long road and with my own frank admission to all that i am a compulsive gambler i know i am ready to fight an honest fight to beat it and one thing i am sure of 16 days in is by this admission the people that matter in your life will ride the bus with you and like you will see the value of your admission day by day and to boot they will understand and help you to remain in a position of arrest. If i keep that knowledge close by it will only aid in my recovery. Duncs. 16days no bet!

Posted on:
Thu, 09/02/2012 - 23:45

duncanmac

Joined:
2012-01-26

day 16 i feel the need to follow up my day with an insight into the emotional rollercoaster of emotions i have been through during my ga meeting tonight more so for myself to see if my emotions are different after sleeping on it. As probally many have experienced before i got an insight of how trully destructive this addiction can be through a new member who attended the meeting tonight. A man who from the outside looking in had life on a plate at a young age had forefilled more than most meagre men could wish to achieve in a life time of honest graft. Then only to here how solely through gambling addiction has lost it all and still sat amounst a group of recovering addicts of the same affliction in total denial, three quarters of the meeting used up with listening to excuse after excuse as to why he wont address his addiction. I did not feel i wanted to contribute to the meeting just sat with my chin on the table with the realisation it could have been me. I felt anger, upset and humbled by all i heard. To end how sobering and i shall learn what i can from this further harsh lesson i have witnessed. Further more i wish as a fellow human being that his suffering will abate i simply wish him well but helpless in the same breath as he seemed as if he did not want to help himself. Duncs one step at a time.

Posted on:
Fri, 10/02/2012 - 16:08

duncanmac

Joined:
2012-01-26

day 17 no gambling, after my GA meeting today has been a day were the want to gamble could not be further from my mind and upon reflecting on the meeting i conclude that if that is the medicine i will recieve in attending said meetings then it will although horrible at the time serve me well in my journey to abstain from gambling. I would also like to further reflect that it was said at the meeting that by the fella that he had attended a different GA in the past and stopped attending due to the fact he felt it was a soft approach to which one of the group replied that at our meeting you are told it how it is which I can say is certainly true and further more i take great heart in the determination from the group as a whole to encourage and help the fella in whichever ways they could, offering there persononal help outside the meeting in many forms from helping him to control his finances to accompanying him to help talk it through with his family and all in the face of what seemed a lost cause. I take great hope from all of this in my own battle to conquer this addiction and I hope i will in the future find the equal strength that all showed to help others understand that there is a light at the end of every tunnel no matter how dark the journey to get there will be. So for the first time in an age I look forward to a weekend! of course upon my guard but relishing the thought of it all the same
duncan compulsive gambler one step nearer that light I know is waiting for me were which I intend to spend the rest of my life.

Posted on:
Fri, 10/02/2012 - 17:31

Anonymous-user

Joined:
2014-10-23

Sounds like you are in a great place at the moment. Being able to look forward to a weekend knowing that you are desperate to keep away from the hell-hole which we call gambling can only be a good thing.

Long may this continue!

Enjoy the rest of your evening.

GT

Posted on:
Sat, 11/02/2012 - 11:16

duncanmac

Joined:
2012-01-26

good morning all! thanks GT i am always spirited on by your words. Today day 18 a saturday a day before when it meant a day filled with nothing but the gamble, today I have baked cookies, cakes and made the bread dough for the burgers i am going to knock up for the family supper, a week ago i was apprehensive and found myself compelled to do things to try and fill the void gambling left and besides money the time I gave to my addiction was I can see overbearing, today I do these things because I have a fire of desire burning to do these things.I find myself listening to my kids, my beautiful wife and 18 days ago I felt worthless,a worse burden to my wife than the kids like the unrully child I can honestly say we never had, worst of all someone who led by his addiction could not be trusted to go to the shop in the knowledge he would end up in a bookies. Today I feel like a man again someone who belongs someone who can make a constant worthy contribution and all because the one thing that has been so destructive in my life has been arrested and stick in hand I will continue the this journey,I have stepped out of the shadows there is light in my life, that is my wife sarah,my ever so forgiving children, Joe,Lily-May and the youngest Callum oh and of course never forget our mad budgie harry who even has enjoyed the benifits of my new begining through the medium of more millet! All this because today no bet! tomorrow no bet and one step at a time one day at a time onwards and without doubt upwards!!! To one and all enjoy your weekend I know I will!

Posted on:
Sun, 12/02/2012 - 10:38

duncanmac

Joined:
2012-01-26

day 19. My day has started how a sunday should a lay in youngest son brought home a sunday paper to read in bed after his paperound, nice cup of coffee and a cookie from yesterdays baking. Radio on talk sport, this is the life. Then i open the paper straight to the middle pages for the football section and i counted no fewer than 17 adverts to suck in the gambler! Now this is i guess the public choice of sunday paper since the demise of the news of the world and not the ***** ****! And every page tempting offers of free bets. Now i am strong in my recovery i can easily turn my attention to the bits i want to read but find myself disgusted at this over advertising, in your face on every page. I feel this is as i am learning is an obsticle i will face every day for the rest of my life but someone out there must see it from the compulsive gamblers viewpoint.i guess we are not like other addicts because you cant see our illness like that of a smoker were i noticed yesterday ontop of no adverts, warnings on the packets now they hide the ones on sale in the shop behind a screen. I know some might see this as just hiding it but i do think it is still being addressed were it seems we are in large left as mear casualties, the weak in some eyes and all i ask is a fare chance to beat my addiction along with countless others! Thats it rant over thanks to gamcare for giving us a voice. Now i will get on with enjoying another gamble free day! Duncs one more step one day at a time stepping forward.

Posted on:
Sun, 12/02/2012 - 16:13

Anonymous-user

Joined:
2014-10-23

Gambling will never go away.

But we can all stay away from gambling.

Now can I have some of those cookies?!

GT

Posted on:
Mon, 13/02/2012 - 10:49

duncanmac

Joined:
2012-01-26

day 20
Getting there i am afraid the cookies did not see it through to this morning the kids reckon we have mice! day twenty today and a bank statement came through and showed what a difference 20 days makes as there is still money in our account and being sensible i hope to have no debt by feb2014. This means we can attain a life of modest means and i think this will releave any pressures to kid myself that that gambling is a fast track to solving the debts that gambling compulsivly has put me in i know and 20 days in still stick in hand that i will continue to beat this addiction i now have my sense of being back,the life i always wanted just could never see it through them gambling glasses the new ones i have i want to keep so one more step one more day that is another gamble free one for me!

Posted on:
Mon, 13/02/2012 - 15:32

duncanmac

Joined:
2012-01-26

I am looking to get something inked in my skin in the future to stand as a reminder of my addiction and what it will do if i ever let it return i have been looking at composing a verse or two, whilst i have been writing my thoughts i have composed these poems i would like to share with all.

"The Compulsive gambler"

Whether its horses or slots we will gamble the lot,
to fill the compulsion inside
we lie and cheat, live a life of deciept
we live only only to feed that desire.
We become full of hate,never reget our mistakes
but live only to gamble again.
False promise to stop
too busy losing the lot
oh what a life the compulsive gambler leads!

" The recovering compulsive gambler"

With a confession,an inner strength from within
we find ourselves re born,a life we begin.
A life were a gamble would destruct so much,a life we rebuild in again people trust.
We redeem ourselves with a new found desire
never to gamble again our simple aim.

With the help from others we see a new path
we can move from the shadows no darkness at last,
now stick in hand
friend and loved one beside
we beat back the demon
that ruined our lives,
all of a sudden our future so bright
life with no gamble
no bookie in sight!!

duncs one more step.

Posted on:
Tue, 14/02/2012 - 10:43

duncanmac

Joined:
2012-01-26

Morning diary! day 21 no bets
I woke up today and the demon was sat on my shoulder whispering today you can have a bet this is the first day I have felt any urge and it made me shudder.
Today I tell myself is st valentines day a day for love and today I will work on more love I have to dish out not a gamble so stick in hand I will stride on!
today I will not gamble!!!!
duncs one step at a time.

Posted on:
Tue, 14/02/2012 - 11:00

Anonymous-user

Joined:
2014-10-23

Yes, those urges will creep up on you when you least expect them.

But as long as you keep making the right choices, you'll be OK.

GT

Posted on:
Wed, 15/02/2012 - 11:32

duncanmac

Joined:
2012-01-26

day22 I have a free morning today and previously would have wasted it chasing that false dream i have been running after in those gambling glasses! Now i still have my new ones on have spent time reading more diaries on this forum and have taken great heart that so many are doing so well, fantastic.
p.s note to self well done yesterday for taking your stick in hand and pummeling that demon deep from inside and be warned mr demon i am stick in hand!!!
duncs one more day! stepping onward!

Posted on:
Thu, 16/02/2012 - 11:42

duncanmac

Joined:
2012-01-26

day 23 I feel re-invigarated by tuesdays calling to me from behind my shoulder I keep my brain busy with positive thoughts through yesterday and feel i am re focused and up for the continued fight.
GA tonight
No gamble today!
stepping forward one day at a time
duncs stick in hand,gamble free glasses on!!!

Posted on:
Thu, 16/02/2012 - 11:53

Markman

Joined:
2011-12-14

HI Duncan

I hope you are well. You are doing great - one week and it is a whole month! For me this would have been unthinkable a few weeks ago but I am sure we will both get there.

Have a great meeting and keep this glasses on!

Best

Mark

Posted on:
Thu, 16/02/2012 - 23:12

duncanmac

Joined:
2012-01-26

just a quick note to say another very profitable meeting glad to say the fella from last week returned and is getting shovels of further greatly inspiring advice. So medicine taken a further step in the quest of a gamble free life! The only way to be a true winner duncs one more big step!

Posted on:
Fri, 17/02/2012 - 15:13

duncanmac

Joined:
2012-01-26

day 24
simply today no bet! that medecine I have on a thursday night really works wonders for me. one step further. roll on the weekend I can get on with enjoying it gamble free!duncs.

Posted on:
Sat, 18/02/2012 - 11:37

duncanmac

Joined:
2012-01-26

well day 25 and the weekend is here!!! local football to watch this afternoon and fa cup tonight and I will watch them both with the same level of enjoyment!! And that is down to one thing no stress about the results either one just going to watch the games for pleasure and i have been a long time since i watched anything sporting for that and solely that! NO BET today and truthfully i can say it is far from my mind, to end i have stopped looking at life as a scheme to see how i can bet today, life is for living not loathing and boy stick in hand i am livin!!!
duncs one more step one more day moving forward.

Posted on:
Sat, 18/02/2012 - 20:57

JS123

Joined:
2012-01-31

Good to read your thoughts in that last post duncan. You're right. Life is about living. Instead o working out how much we've won or lost on a game of footie, we can be normal and wonder whether Wenger will be really under pressure having just lost to Sunderland. What do you think?

Posted on:
Sun, 19/02/2012 - 18:53

Markman

Joined:
2011-12-14

Hi Duncan

Thanks you for your advice. Glad to see you are still going strong.

I can totally relate to the mentality you describe. The one where each waking minute is spent seeking ways to quench the thirst for gambling.

I am only two weeks gamble free but I have already left this mentality behind. The urges to gamble are now minimal.

I think the problem for many is that we all know that the opportunity to gamble is there and can easily fall into the trap of thinking a small flutter will not hurt. That is where the importance of remembering the previous pain comes in.

I am going to treat gambling as I would a Class A drug. It is readily available and would be great fun, but it is too dangerous to touch.

With you each step.

Mark

Posted on:
Mon, 20/02/2012 - 11:22

duncanmac

Joined:
2012-01-26

day 27
no diary entry for day 26. not a minute to spare, watched parks football early, family lunch then walked nearly 5 miles with eldest son formulating harrys starting line up for euro 2012 opener most entertaining at one point we had sol at the back and james in goal! no bets,not even a thought of one and a roast and my syrup sponge to end it!! delicious! oh and day 2 no smoking!!
day27
I have layed my soul bare on this forum and will continue to do so in my recovery from this addiction which for too long ruled my life.Mark I have lived a life were most things including drugs ( of which i am none to proud,and sorry mum.) I have experienced but I view this addiction as the one which is most devestating because it is the silent killer. with all other addictions there are many more visible signs were this one takes hold from within and only we the compulsive gambler can beat it, it becomes our choice we change our mindset.
Also i think that with this addiction it affects far more people through many walks of life and devestates many innocent lives of friends and family along the way as a compulsive gambler whilst gambling has only one friend his next bet!
Today I continue my fight stick in hand and today day 3 no smoking gum in mouth! and with the same conviction to arresting my addiction to gamble I hope to be a non smoker after 25yrs too!
too one and all enjoy your day,ever more so my beautiful wife sarah who brought me to this point i am at today. thankyou xx

Posted on:
Mon, 20/02/2012 - 12:36

Keith IOW

Joined:
2011-02-19

Hello Dunc,

Great to see such a positive outlook on life and i'm sure was much more different when you first walked into the rooms a few weeks ago, but i know you have told me the point you were at.

Good luck with quitting the cigs, now i believe this is harder than anything else to quit so i would just advise you to not take on too much too soon in your recovery. I don't know how other members of the fellowship will advise you but I'm sure it will be along the same lines but if you feel so confident right now then go for it, it can only make you healthier.

I am looking forward to seeing you all again, unfortunately i have to be home this week and the following 2 weeks i will be on holiday. I have booked a day off on 15th March for the purpose of coming to the meeting. So if you can let the fellowship know my intentions and all being well i will see you next month.

Stay strong Dunc, just remember 'Just for Today' and take a day at a time. Keep posting regularly on here and the days and weeks will soon add up.

All the best

Keith

Posted on:
Tue, 21/02/2012 - 11:34

duncanmac

Joined:
2012-01-26

day28 no bet!
day 4 no smoking (gum working)
morning diary keith thanks for your ongoing support i will pass on your progress to the fellowship you will be our overseas member there in thought if not physically.
No intentions or thoughts to gamble today i do feel a huge inner stength right now which is why i will quit smoking(with the help of nicotine replacement!), with my new outlook on life I simply care to much to smoke, I really do feel sort of re-born and well my new mindset tells me i want to be around for a good while and smoking is a risk i can do without plus the ton a month I currently burn would be better spent on many others things!
Note to self- Today NO BET - NO SMOKES!
one more step one more day at a time moving toward that light! duncan.

Posted on:
Tue, 21/02/2012 - 12:06

JS123

Joined:
2012-01-31

Wow Duncan! Talk about time for change - that's amazing. Wish you luck with tackling both at the same time and look forward to reading your successes.

Posted on:
Wed, 22/02/2012 - 13:09

duncanmac

Joined:
2012-01-26

day29
Todays another step forward had to run some errands this morning and that meant taking cash out with me and going to pass no fewer than a dozen bookies to get were i needed to be and travelling alone! well I am back with change receipts and an extra bargin picked up for the wife to boot. and not a single thought crossed my mind to deviate from what i set out to do. I have found myself wanting to fill the void my compulsion left and I conclude through living I will! happy!!
footnote day five no smoking! gum and stick in hand one more step! only looking forward.

Posted on:
Thu, 23/02/2012 - 10:37

duncanmac

Joined:
2012-01-26

day 30.
GA tonight my 5th meeting i dont feel so aprehensive about these meetings any more i look forward to using them in helping in my recovery. My life in the last 30 days has changed immeasurably I used to think from behind those gambling goggles that i could not live without the chase of the gamble, a life which revoled solely around how i was going to fund my next punt and toward the end without any regard toward all those i love just a road to total destruction. Today i feel more in touch with my kids, my wife work collegues and pretty much all i meet i have found a new hunger to learn, to listen to have a balanced veiw. Rather than the bitterness i used to carry in a large chip upon my shoulder i now beleive in i can achieve what i set out to do and all because today NO BET! i can say with honesty i sincerly hope this is the same affect many others feel through the arresting of this one thing that damaged us so much gambling, and once again i thank gamcare and the facility it gives us and the ability to see through our determination we can remain gamble free
duncs one more step stick in hand.
DAY 6 no smokes!!

Posted on:
Thu, 23/02/2012 - 10:38

duncanmac

Joined:
2012-01-26

day 30.
GA tonight my 5th meeting i dont feel so aprehensive about these meetings any more i look forward to using them in helping in my recovery. My life in the last 30 days has changed immeasurably I used to think from behind those gambling goggles that i could not live without the chase of the gamble, a life which revoled solely around how i was going to fund my next punt and toward the end without any regard toward all those i love just a road to total destruction. Today i feel more in touch with my kids, my wife work collegues and pretty much all i meet i have found a new hunger to learn, to listen to have a balanced veiw. Rather than the bitterness i used to carry in a large chip upon my shoulder i now beleive in i can achieve what i set out to do and all because today NO BET! i can say with honesty i sincerly hope this is the same affect many others feel through the arresting of this one thing that damaged us so much gambling, and once again i thank gamcare and the facility it gives us and the ability to see through our determination we can remain gamble free
duncs one more step stick in hand.
DAY 6 no smokes!!

Posted on:
Thu, 23/02/2012 - 10:44

JS123

Joined:
2012-01-31

A joy to read this. Thanks for sharing

Posted on:
Fri, 24/02/2012 - 11:12

duncanmac

Joined:
2012-01-26

day 31
I attended my 5th GA meeting last night and recieved a very different medicene than from the previous meetings, there was 3 new members and 2 of which only 21 yrs old and i just pinned my ears back and had a night of inner reflection. That was me twenty years ago i sat there thinking and realized this addiction knows no bounds it does not discriminate through creed,gender and certainly not age! I thought that could be my eldest son he will be 18 in three weeks! I hope they return in the future and address there addiction as they have a chance to not waste 20 years like me in denial, But i know hindsight is a wonderful thing and i accept i cannot change the past but i will do my level best to make my future for myself and more so my family. I got some more literature from the meeting and will share this with my kids and i hope that in reading it they will be forarmed! forewarned!
Life is now mine for the taking and medication fully dosed, stick in hand I am ready to face today gamble free one more step forward duncs. 31 days no bet!
(day 7 no smokes gum in mouth!!)

Posted on:
Fri, 24/02/2012 - 12:31

Keith IOW

Joined:
2011-02-19

Hi Duncan

I just want to say well done on staying away from gambling for 31 days now. If you were to tell a non CG this feat, they would probably laugh and say 'so what', but us fellow CG's recognise what a difficult thing this is to do.

I'm so pleased you are enjoying your meetings, they really are so powerful and i would recommend them to anyone who has a desire to stop gambling. Lets hope these 2 young boys give it a serious go at GA, I'm sure most of us on here wish we had kicked gambling into touch when we were only 21. I know i could be a home owner (with no mortgage), have a decent car and no criminal record. But we can't change the past, we can only look forward. Let me know if the guy that was on his 2nd week came back this week, i really hope he did.

Keep up the good work mate

All the best

Keith

Posted on:
Fri, 24/02/2012 - 15:45

duncanmac

Joined:
2012-01-26

thanks keith I do totally agree with your veiwpoint and I beleive by getting onboard the GA bus I can be self assured that I can follow this journey and not be alone at times when the ride gets bumpy and not be totally relliant on my family to support me solely, I feel after 5 meetings that i have an ever growing unit of support that I also dont want to let down in the fight to remain gamble free and I find myself as part of my recovery really for the first time genuinly caring for others rather than being my self centered/selfish previous self! and that is a life skill i will embrace throughout all i do
cheers duncs. one massive stride! stick in hand. Mark was back for week three looking like a new man! amazing what 14 days gamble free does to a mans soul!!!!

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