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Posted on:
Sat, 22/02/2014 - 11:24

hardtimes

Joined:
2013-12-11

Hi Boro
Just read through your diary and can honestly say I totally understand. I too had no idea why I kept doing it to myself over the years but now I do realise that it was a form of self harming. I wanted to self destruct to the point where I knew I would carry on till everything was gone- win or lose. If you think about it - it really is not about money. If it was you wouldnt gamble in the first place. Try and find out the reasons behind the gambling and maybe you can conquer this. You already know the outcome if you carry on so there is no point in risking anymore.
Well done on day 4 and best wishes in your journey.
Linda

Posted on:
Sun, 23/02/2014 - 12:53

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

I definitely won,t be carrying on with gambling linda. Can,t do it any more

Day 5

Posted on:
Tue, 25/02/2014 - 18:02

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

day 7

This time last week I was in a right mess with what I had done 2500 down the drain. Feeling a little better 7 days later
Got a 50 bonus from my bet victor account withdraw it straight away that will pay my overdraft interest for the month.

Posted on:
Wed, 26/02/2014 - 18:51

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

DAY 8 GAMBLE FREE

Posted on:
Wed, 26/02/2014 - 18:59

hardtimes

Joined:
2013-12-11

Well done on day 8 boro and keep fighting the good fight!
Linda

Posted on:
Thu, 27/02/2014 - 20:46

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

Cheers linda

9 DAYS GAMBLE FREE

LAST DATE GAMBLED 18 FEB LOST 2500

NEVER TO BE REPEATED

DEBT LOAN 1 £580
DEBT LOAN 2 £7100
OVERDRAFT £2420
MAM £870
TOTAL
£10.900

Can,t feel the same way I felt last tues after losing all that money

Posted on:
Fri, 28/02/2014 - 09:14

tryer

Joined:
2014-02-27

hi boro i never spoke to you before , but reading your blog mostly 80 pages, it has really inspired me to stop gambling , i have wasted alot more than you 43000 to be exact , and am gutted, and it was 99% all lost on online roullete, dont do it , its pure evil, and should be made illegal, from an outsider its just a game but once the addiction kicks in its down hill from there , but reading your blogg you have given me the strength to beat this addiction , which although is probably an illnes it mainly feels like a drug to me , if this is what drugs feels like then i understand why it is hard to stop taking drugs i always thought they could stop if they wanted , but now i understand why they find it hard to stop with my gambling habbit. Part of the problem with online roulette is its just numbers on a screen and your card involved no physical cash handed over , so it doesnt really feel like you are loosing any money until after you have and its too late , also problem with roulette is you can loose so much of your hard earned money so quickly its obseen, any way good luck , im on day 4 , keep going son you can do it

Posted on:
Fri, 28/02/2014 - 18:12

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

Yeah mate I have lost pretty much everything due to gambling, lost the girl I loved more than anything in the world but I still gambled after she kicked me out. You would have thought that would have made me realise I hav got to change but it didn,t. I stopped for about 10 months felt great but then I thought I could have a few bets on the horses but if I lost I would chase my money on roulette. So basically I cant gamble because I cant stay in control, it is a drug. I have put just about every block in place but I always get round them. I don,t gamble everyday its just when I get an urge but that urge costs me thousands and puts me and my family through hell. But this time has to be last time can,t get anymore credit off bank and I have spent just about all me mams spare money. This is me last chance.

Cheers tryer really appreciate your comments and lets hope we can both this beat this illness,addiction

Posted on:
Fri, 28/02/2014 - 19:05

tryer

Joined:
2014-02-27

weird you acknowledging my reply , really helped I feel like I told somebody and have half told somebody before but not the amount or anything as its embarrassing and stupid, so now ive told somebody its time to stop , cant believe how many people are suffering from this its unreal, anyway , your right you might be able to control it on the horses , but once you have gambled on the horses I think as it does with me when I buy a scratch card or something , it sparks a flame of wanting to gamble if you know what I mean , and then the seed is planted and its downhill from there you and I then move onto with that flame lit and with a new urge move onto gambling on roulette ect.. which is really dangerous and uncontrollable and which you just cant control , so really what im trying to say is your right don't place a bet on anything not even a scratch card or a horse as all this will do is later spark up another urge and make you gamble loads away on something else , even if you think the bet on the horse is not giving you an urge to gamble on anything else it is but you just might not feel that urge until later so in the nicest possible way mate don't even put a bet on a horse not on anything then you hopefully will kill this urge off . psi do tend to over analyse certain points sorry for that lol, not good luck but well done you can do it

Posted on:
Sat, 01/03/2014 - 13:50

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

You will get a lot of support if you start a diary mate. But yes it always helps to tell somebody who understands and is going through the same thing. I have told many people who don,t have a gambling addiction about my addiction but they don,t understand they think it should be easy just to stop. But as we no it isn,t in most respects its worse than drink and drugs because they only a certain amount you can drink and only certain amount of drugs you can take but with gambling you don,t stop until all your money has gone. But I can,t gamble on anything or I risk my addiction taken over

Anyway good luck tryer hope you can beat it

Posted on:
Sun, 02/03/2014 - 23:44

tryer

Joined:
2014-02-27

keep strong mate

Posted on:
Mon, 03/03/2014 - 20:38

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

Day 13 gamble free

Still down about money I lost. But me daughter said yesterday I love you daddy because you buy me anything I want. It upset me because from now on I won,t be able to buy her much

Posted on:
Mon, 03/03/2014 - 21:30

tryer

Joined:
2014-02-27

seriously dood dont worry too much about that , i tell my son no sometimes just because he cant have everything he wants and he still loves me and still wants to see me , so dont think your daughter wont love you anymore if you dont buy her what she wants, i gaurantee she will love you ust as much as its about the attention we show them not what we buy them that counts , obviously we can still buy them stuff now and then but its the attention that matters the most, i dont live with my son he just sees me a couple of time a week and he stays about one night a week and i used to worry about his mom or her boyfriend buying him more than i do , to be honest they probably do and if anything its not a competition not that i think you think that , but sometimes i think my sons mom buys him everything he wants and more but i dont as i dont want him to be spoiled, but he still has fun with me and he loves coming to see me. It will get better you will be able to buy her more the more time goes on so keep your chin up i know it must get you down, but dont think you can buy her what you want by gambling it wont work it will put you further behind . keep going you can do it

Posted on:
Fri, 07/03/2014 - 18:20

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

17 days gamble free

Posted on:
Fri, 07/03/2014 - 18:58

hardtimes

Joined:
2013-12-11

Well done on 17 days boro- try not to worry about not having things for kids its all material and means nothing. Being a parent to be proud of means much more.
Linda

Posted on:
Sat, 08/03/2014 - 17:39

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

Well got paid fri so that's taken the pressure off a bit. But my wage is just over a thousand every 4 weeks so its going to take a long time to get back on track. But im determined to kick roulette out of my life I don,t need it. I should be going out tonight but got no spare money plus I want to try and save as much as possible

Cheers for commenting on me diary `hardtimes

Posted on:
Sat, 08/03/2014 - 22:15

tryer

Joined:
2014-02-27

well done boro you can do it keep going roulete is evil don't do it , was my downfall not anymore never ,

Posted on:
Mon, 10/03/2014 - 08:50

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

Well 3 weeks tomorrow since I blow everything still struggling to come to terms with it. Cheltenham tomorrow as well off work but can,t have a bet because it striggers the urge to go on the roulette if I lose.

debt 6930 loan
580 loan
overdraft 1600
mam 840

total debt at minute £9950

Posted on:
Mon, 10/03/2014 - 11:05

duncanmac

Joined:
2012-01-26

Boro
Fella good to see you adding gamble free time again, it will only continue to grow your resolve to make the right choice, for it well done it would be easy to throw in the towel and revert to the '****' it mode that would for you like me drive you back to that spinning wheel of doom.
Regarding your debt, have you made a sensible plan you can stick to that does not pressure you into again thinking the answer is in a punt, two things will be guaranteed through abstaining, firstly the debt will not grow and secondly you will through not throwing your hard earnt away be able to pay it back.
In the past two years my debt has continually reduced and add to that the fact that abstinence has without doubt made me more prudent with how I spend the money I have.
Recovery is as much of a lifestyle change as i could have ever made, the things that fill my hours today by and large are productive, certainly put against the countless hours wasted feeding my hard earnt into a machine.
Don't be too hard on yourself my friend, I will myself be close to this wonderful forum this week due to the upcoming racing event.
We did win because we did stop
Enjoy it
Duncs stepping forward never back.

Posted on:
Sun, 16/03/2014 - 09:16

tryer

Joined:
2014-02-27

hi mate hope you doing ok , not seen you on here for a few days, hope you still reading ect... though, to help you keep strong and not gamble , i saw your last post was about debt well dont let it pressure you into gambling again and just accept that debt is there and will come down eventually, anyway thinking of you pal remember we cannot gamble because we cannot stop thanks simon

Posted on:
Mon, 17/03/2014 - 09:37

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

I did gamble Friday night simon. Felt really sick afterwards it was only £70 but its money I can,t afford. Me brother keeping laptop up his house so I won,t be able to get on here as much. It will help me because I can,t get on online roulette on me phone. So with no laptop I won,t be able to gamble hopefully

Posted on:
Mon, 17/03/2014 - 20:23

tryer

Joined:
2014-02-27

I know mate its hard ecspecially with online roulette , I had bad day last night and today not gambled but heavily felt like it , seem to be over that urge for now but it is hard , anyway keep going at least you stopped at 70. will be thinking of you and if you cant post on here with no lap top but cant gamble either well its better to not post and not gamble than still post but still gamble , keep going you are prepared to do anything so I think you will get there and I hope I get there with you

Posted on:
Sun, 23/03/2014 - 13:23

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

Things going ok not gambled since that Friday and yes tryer thank god I stopped at 70 or I would be in big trouble money wise know

Posted on:
Thu, 27/03/2014 - 18:31

tryer

Joined:
2014-02-27

thanks for your post I know you right

Posted on:
Sun, 30/03/2014 - 19:54

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

Things still going ok not really thinking about gambling. Lifes just steady and that's good,working all hours I can get to get meself back on track.

Posted on:
Sun, 30/03/2014 - 23:37

tryer

Joined:
2014-02-27

well done I sense you are happy for a change and that makes me happy

Posted on:
Wed, 02/04/2014 - 18:48

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

19 days since I last bet and that was on deal or no deal and that was on my pp account. I only lost £70 which I was relieved about because I could have lost 6 or 7 hundred which would have ment I would have had to default on me loans and get a dmp in place. The thing that set me off was a free pound to play on the games. So for a free £1 in the end Iost £70.

Yes tryer im content with life at the moment but I still have a long way to go before I back on track

Posted on:
Thu, 03/04/2014 - 20:27

tryer

Joined:
2014-02-27

keep it up mate we will all get there

Posted on:
Sat, 05/04/2014 - 19:52

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

Just found out that the x girlfriend who I love to bits is in a relationship, I found out this throw facebook. Feel really down.

Posted on:
Mon, 21/04/2014 - 19:44

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

Things going ok

Debt loan 6800
loan 290 only 2 payments left
overdraft 2100
mam 600

Once I get one of the loans paid off it will be a great relief because it will save me 145 a month,overdraft is a concern but it will go down eventually

Posted on:
Wed, 23/04/2014 - 11:44

tryer

Joined:
2014-02-27

keep strong you can do this , well done with working through your debts , nice to see we are keeping gamble free

Posted on:
Thu, 24/04/2014 - 18:38

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

I have gambled tryer but not on roulette. I have had a few bets on the horses and played on deal or no deal. Only lost about 40 over last 3 weeks but that is to much and I should not be doing it.

But life at the moment is very hard me daughter mam is know in a relationship and that is killing me. Life just **** to perfectly honest

Posted on:
Tue, 13/05/2014 - 00:20

tryer

Joined:
2014-02-27

hey boro , how you doin pal hope things are ok , im always thinking of you and wiling you on , i understand with the whole daughtes mom in a relationship thing , my sons mom was in a relationship for ages way before i managed to meet anyone that matters , and i understand , missing your daughter , while other people seeing her more than you , ive had that to , trust me though just let your daughter know you are there , you are her dad and if you let her know you are there she will always know that , make her proud by giving her a dad that is gamble free, cut off evey way of betting selfexclude from the lot , keep stong pal you will get there stay positive , thanks simon

Posted on:
Tue, 13/05/2014 - 17:23

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

Cheers tryer I appreciate your comments. Things going ok debt going down. Still gambling but not on roulette, not lost a lot. Im always coming on here just I don't write on my diary I just read other peoples stories

But really good that you are sticking to being gamble free mate
cheers graeme

Posted on:
Thu, 29/05/2014 - 13:13

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

Working every hour god sends to get me self back on track money wise. It makes you wonder why do we do it. For 1 hour of gambling stupidly and probably not even hour im having to work 50 hours a week just to keep me head above water. Very silly

Posted on:
Mon, 07/07/2014 - 20:27

WOMBLE

Joined:
2012-06-17

Hey Graeme,

Thank you so much for the post on my diary fellah.
Sounds like things not too good? Come on mate, no matter how many times you give in there is always that one time you will find the strength..come on buddy you know the song...M People....Search for a hero.......Thats you....We can do this together...we did before and can again!

Womble xxxx

Posted on:
Mon, 07/07/2014 - 20:40

freda

Joined:
2009-06-24

Hi boro,

Haven't read your diary before. Just having a look at whoever is on the top, with a spare ten minutes.

I'm very sorry for your pain. It sounds like you have a lot of different sources of upset, coming from all sides at the moment. I understand the feeling of wanting to "escape", to get some small amount of pleasure the only way you know how at the moment, by gambling.

In my experience, it really does make it harder for you in the long run to try and do "controlled gambling". If you are several thousand pounds in debt, I sense that you may not have much control where gambling is concerned. Nor have I. Any gambling activity triggers the urges for me, and it really can get away from you before you know it.

You probably know this stuff already, but healthier ways to get through the pain can really help, like exercising, crying if you can to let it out, expressing yourself - whether that be in a support group like GA, singing, writing, art - whatever feels most natural. It can make all the difference to just keep letting the steam out of the pressure cooker, bit by bit. I can relate to feeling like letting it all out at once would feel too much. Overwhelming. But there really is value in letting out a little bit here, and a little bit there. Taking your frustrations out on a punchbag, going for a long walk in the woods. Whatever works best for you.

I wish you all the very best of luck.

Take care,

F x

Posted on:
Wed, 09/07/2014 - 10:56

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

Cheers sue and Freda appreciate your comments

Things are not good sue but things have been a lot worse

Well debt going down but had a blip this morning lost 145 nothing to what I have lost in past but it hurts just as much as if I had lost thousands. I must stop all gambling because in the end im like a volcano small rumbles then a massive eruption with me losing everything. Its pretty much a certainty while im gambling small amounts its going to lead to me losing every penny eventual

GOT TO STOP KNOW DONE IT BEFORE SO CAN DO IT AGAIN

DEBT LOAN 6200
OVERDRAFT 1500 AT THE MINUTE
MAM 300

Posted on:
Wed, 09/07/2014 - 11:31

tryer

Joined:
2014-02-27

Hi pal , its good to know things are not at there worst , yes you have lost 145 this morning and you might feel like you have let youself down , but look at it this way , i have not gambled for a bit but just before i completley stopped i had little blipps but i noticed the amounts i lost while trying to stop gambling got smaller and smaller, and the blipps got less and less , as i like you used to loose thousands at a time , i once lost 17 to 18 hundred in about ten mins , probably my lowest and most scariest point although that made me look at myself and realise i actually had a problem , but still went on to gamble more, but the more i tried to stop the less oftern the blipps and the less costly the blipps were , so my point to you is your amounts you loose and how oftern you have a blipp are getting less and less and that is progress so dont beat yourself up over this morning look to it as a positive that you only lost 145 when you could of lost more . keep your chin up i know its hard, but your not on your own

Posted on:
Wed, 09/07/2014 - 20:32

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

Well lost another 1200 this afternoon so im in the /////. Up the creek without a paddle.

Posted on:
Thu, 10/07/2014 - 00:24

tryer

Joined:
2014-02-27

dood you seriously should try to speak to gam care or GA i think they would help you put it in perspective , all the best simon

Posted on:
Fri, 11/07/2014 - 17:16

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

Tryer could not believe I had done it again. So I phoned every online account I had and excluded myself from them I,m already band from all the local betting shops but I no I can still go in which is a bad thing. Im more determined this time than I have ever been to stop gambling

Debt 6200
overdraft 2500
mam 300 + 300

Debt still manageable as long as I keep off gambling but still feel like cr**

Posted on:
Fri, 11/07/2014 - 19:44

WOMBLE

Joined:
2012-06-17

Hi Graeme,

Sorry you are going through hell mate, It's so hard to break the cycle but once you do then life will improve. Come on ...you don't want this for the rest of your life eh?

You have done the right thing by closing accounts but as the previous poster said maybe you need some more support....Hey what have you got to loose......I have faith in you!
Sue x

Posted on:
Sat, 12/07/2014 - 09:18

duncanmac

Joined:
2012-01-26

Boro
Fella sorry to read you went back at it,the results of an episode of gambling plain to see over the past two pages of your thread,not only the self loathing,the self appointed mind***** but the financial loss to boot.
The mantra for us the same
I CANNOT WIN BECAUSE I CANNOT STOP
the itch if it get's scratched through going back at it will result in nothing but sh#it coming in many forms.

Learn a harsh lesson fella,keep the memories of the loss fresh,use them to poke two fingers up to gambling.
Well done on the self excluding,this has been a very powerful tool for me in my quest to erradicate gambling from my life.
You cannot change what has happened,don't beat yourself up too much,move on.
Abstain and maintain
Duncs stepping forward never back

Posted on:
Sat, 12/07/2014 - 16:57

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

No sue I don't want this for the rest of my life I have to consider what im putting my family and myself through. At the moment im going through mental torture because I have relapsed to many times. The things I have lost through gambling are irreplaceable like being they full time with my daughter and the woman I loved, money is replaceable. But I still continued to gamble even after losing all this, you would think that would have learned me a lesson but it didn't.
But got more blocks in place this time so this time surely I can do it.
I have had quite a lot of counciling sessions sue in the past but at the end of day its down to you to stop.
Your right duncanmac they not a truer saying. I CANNOT WIN BECAUSE I CANNOT STOP that's totally me

Posted on:
Sun, 13/07/2014 - 09:00

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

Day 4 no gambling long may it continue

Posted on:
Sun, 13/07/2014 - 13:03

tryer

Joined:
2014-02-27

like the new determination in your posting, well done and lets keep it up together

Posted on:
Sun, 13/07/2014 - 20:02

WOMBLE

Joined:
2012-06-17

Hey, Thats the bloke I know....freekin' love it Grahame.....Them days will add up.

Totally made up mate!

Love Sue xxxxxxx

Posted on:
Sun, 13/07/2014 - 20:03

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

Yeah going to stay focused this time tryer. Not going to say to myself that I can still gamble on horses or a fiver wont hurt on roulette because I cant gamble because even if I won its just a loan in the end you give it back and a lot more

Posted on:
Sun, 13/07/2014 - 20:54

I wished

Joined:
2014-04-25

Hi boro
Well done in day 4 and such a determined positive post
Keep going and winning cos you have stopped
Suzanne x

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