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#1 Posted on:
Thu, 05/07/2012 - 13:13

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

I have been a gambler for the last 15 years but the last 5 have been really bad. I have got myself into 15 grand worth of debt threw it. The last 2 months have been really bad with me losing about 8 grand witch has left me penny less and feeling sick and depressed. I am addicted to playing the machines in betting shops especially roulette. When i go on i wont come out until i have won, or lost everything. I have come to the point were i have to change. Yesterday i went round all my local betting shops and self excluded myself and phoned neca to get councelling. Feeling slightly better but still cant get over what i have lost threw it. MONEY,GIRLFRIEND AND DAUGHTER. Gambling had taken over my life. But no more i must fight back

Posted on:
Thu, 05/07/2012 - 14:04

Flagg

Joined:
2012-04-10

Hi Boro,

Welcome to the forum! Big words, high expectations, and positive action that's what your post shows! Self excusing will be the single best thing you do in recovery! Machines are your problem then self exclusion keeps you away! Great start there! It shows you want to stop and are prepared to do whatever it takes!

Read diaries, take peoples advice, and keep your own dairy up to date where possible! The people who succeed are those who have barriers in place and who are committed to their recovery! Make sure you are a member of that group of people!

I wish you every success in recovery!

Martin

Posted on:
Thu, 05/07/2012 - 16:54

WOMBLE

Joined:
2012-06-17

Hi Boro,
Very powerful first post from you. Sounds like you are very commited to your recovery. Brilliant that you have self excluded.
From now on your life will begin to get better!
Looking forward to reading your diary.
Sue x

Posted on:
Thu, 05/07/2012 - 17:57

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

cheers for the words of support. At the moment i cant gamble got no money. The trouble might start in 3 weeks when i get paid. But i very much doubt it. Finally seen what i have been doing. Before i came on this site i thought i was alone in that my addiction causes me to do crazy things. But reading threw dairies im not alone. Which is comforting that other people no what your going threw

Posted on:
Thu, 05/07/2012 - 18:31

turk101

Joined:
Before 2009

Boro, I totally understand where you are coming from mate. I too have lost my HOME, WIFE, CHILDREN, MONEY and also TIME! Spent years and years of my life as a compulsive gambler.
Mate you have done the right thing admitted that gambling has you licked and your life has become unmanageable.
Now you just have to put BARRIERS in place and keep them in place.
Firstly DO NOT carry any more money than you need on a daily basis (food money, ciggs etc).
Secondly find someone that can take control of your finances that way the ammunition is removed.
I would also suggest if you gamble online get GAMBLOCK as this removes all the internet gambling sites.
TRY to get yourself to a GA(Gamblers Anonymous) meeting they have given me a life I have never had!!!
Good luck buddy and REMEMBER NO GAMBLING = A BETTER LIFE.
Turk101

Posted on:
Thu, 05/07/2012 - 18:49

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

Me brother taken control of me fiances which is embarrasing but it had to be done. Just to take the temptation away because i no me brother will only give me money what i need for everyday life. Never gambled online like. But your right turk no gambling is going to lead to a better life. With gambling lifes **** Cheers for that advice turk.

Posted on:
Thu, 05/07/2012 - 19:50

turk101

Joined:
Before 2009

No problem at all boro, as compulsive gamblers we have to go back to being treated like children again, some of the things we have to do are embarrasing but if it means it prevents us from gambling I can deal with that!
Since stopping gambling I have achieved all the things that I wanted when I was gambling, most importantly people trust me now, people actually like me now, I actually like me now! My bond with my children is immense now better then it ever was because gambling came first!!!!
As I said before, well done mate and good luck. If you ever need any advice or help just message me. I'll do my best to help.
Turk101

Posted on:
Thu, 05/07/2012 - 20:21

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

The worst part about it turk is i was gaining the trust back with the x girlfriend but then i went a blue it again. So as well as feeling sick about me gambling addiction i feel like i have lost me girlfriend and daughter all over again. But at the moment i must consentrate on my gambling and soughting that out first.

Posted on:
Fri, 06/07/2012 - 12:35

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

A week ago today was when i realised i had to change. I had lost 3 grand bye now and feeling very sick and down. Today im feeling a bit better with all the stuff i have put in place to stop me gambling. They only 1 way i can go now and thats up because last friday id hit rock bottom with a massive bang

Posted on:
Sat, 07/07/2012 - 10:05

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

Still feeling a bit sick, when i look back at what i have lost. But trying to take each day as it comes. At the moment the urge is not they because i aint got any money so cant. I dont think i would anyway

Posted on:
Sat, 07/07/2012 - 10:19

daviduk1

Joined:
2012-07-03

I wish you all the best m8, just reading ur stuff....and its that feeling we got to remember, just keep it close for a while.....thats how i am gettin by at the moment. That feelin is like a train hitting you so hard and it winds you! keep strong! you'll get through it :)

Posted on:
Sun, 08/07/2012 - 09:47

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

cheers for post daviduk1 i no its the feeling of what have i done. Its hard to forgive yourself never mind any1 else forgiving you. But going to stay strong this time and never gamble on anything ever again. Not even the bandits in pubs its all got to stop. This morning to be honest dont no how i feel. All i no is i wont gamble again!. Got to do it for myself nobody else. Yes i love my daughter to bits but she never go short her mam will make sure of that

Posted on:
Sun, 08/07/2012 - 13:18

WOMBLE

Joined:
2012-06-17

Hi Boro,
Well done getting this far......Yep do it for your self......but also for your little gal, I know you say her mam will not let her go without but how good will it feel when you can get her extra treats?
May I suggest reading through some diarys on here.....Couple I can suggest to start you off with .... Castle(read his today!) and Mark 117 a true hero!
Good luck Boro
Sue x

Posted on:
Sun, 08/07/2012 - 15:27

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

Just read mark117 it brought a tear to my eyes. He was just getting his life soughted out and then he dies. It makes you realise lifes to short to be wasting it gambling

Posted on:
Mon, 09/07/2012 - 08:59

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

well day 10 with no gambling. Feeling a lot more positive. In them 10 days i have realised what gambling has done to me. Its turned me into a person i no longer want to be. All blocks in place, got no money at the moment like so i have not really been tested. The only way is up

Posted on:
Mon, 09/07/2012 - 19:00

WOMBLE

Joined:
2012-06-17

Boro...I'm on day 24...Believe me the days start mounting up!
Keep on going...Think how different your life will be!
Sue x

Posted on:
Mon, 09/07/2012 - 21:42

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

I am thinking how lifes going to be from now sue. things seem a lot better without it. What does gambling give you. A lot of heartache if your a compulsive gambler. Its just not worth it.

Posted on:
Tue, 10/07/2012 - 17:49

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

Well its been a day of thinking what i could have bought me daughter with all the money i have lost. But still confident of beating this addiction!

Posted on:
Tue, 10/07/2012 - 18:05

WOMBLE

Joined:
2012-06-17

Hi Boro,
Well done to you. Listen mate don't don't worry about what you COULD of got your princess....Think of what you CAN buy her now!
Keep going...remember MARK.....do his memmory justice!
Sue xx

Posted on:
Wed, 11/07/2012 - 14:23

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

Day 12 work done for the day. Picking kids up from school shortly cant even aford to buy them sweets which is embarrasing which is a stark reminder what gambling has done. NOTHING WILL MAKE ME GO BACK TO GAMBLING AGAIN JUST WANT A NORMAL LIFE

Posted on:
Wed, 11/07/2012 - 16:30

WOMBLE

Joined:
2012-06-17

Great post Boro,
You are sounding so positive...danger is when you start getting a bit of spare cash to yourself. Just remember how bad you felt when you were gambling.
Keep focusing on the kids!
Well done.
Sue x

Posted on:
Wed, 11/07/2012 - 18:43

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

Its very hard sue at the minute i have no money and i dont get paid for another two weeks which mean borrowing off me brother for things like child suport. Which is not right. Yes thats the danger but i cant go threw this ever again. Its killing me. :( . Why do we do this to ourselves?

Posted on:
Wed, 11/07/2012 - 19:33

Flagg

Joined:
2012-04-10

Hey,

Sorry to hear you are a bit down right now! I guess the early days are the worst as we have no money and we just go over and over what we have lost. It is much easier said than done but it really is a big part of recovery letting go of the past. What is done is done and irretrievable but the future can be so much brighter gamble free! Every day is an achievement so be kind to yourself! The days will get better!

Flagg

Posted on:
Thu, 12/07/2012 - 16:40

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

Cheers for the support flagg. No matter how down i get i will not go back to gamble. At the moment its the first time i have had to live without any money. All the other times i have either been able to add onto me overdraft or get a loan or even borrow off me mam. None of these are an option this time. Got no money but at least im not getting stressed bye gambling.

Posted on:
Thu, 12/07/2012 - 21:21

castle2

Joined:
2012-01-30

Hi boro

Just read ur diary , really great 1st post and that took some great courage self excluding urself from all the bookies that shows me u av great determination and an inner strength to beat this disease

It's a rollercoaster of a journey with loads of ups and downs ur right in gettin the blocks in place this will help u so much , no doubt the urges will come but they will get less my best advice would be when they come read and post till they pass , this will give u the strength to fight the next day and that next day u will feel so much better bout urself , eventually the real u will return the self belief and confidence will come back

Ultimately only u can make that choice each day and choose not to gamble , one choice leads to pain and misery that u know all so well and the other will give u happiness and not just ur life but the people around u who u care about so much

Take care and stay strong ur doin so well don't forget that and be proud of urself for each day u don't gamble

Castle2

Posted on:
Fri, 13/07/2012 - 19:07

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

Cheers for the support castle. Two weeks ago today was when i finally woke up to what i have being doing these last few years. Basically chucking my life away bye gambling all me money away. I may be in thousand of pounds of debt but i feel more at ease because i no gambling is no good for me and that is the first time i have admitted that.I had always kiddied meself i could just put a fiver or tenner on a horse but once i went in betting shop and see them machines i would not be able to resist. I feel i have no problem backing horses the most i have put on a horse is £100. Where as in them damn machines i have put thousands. But gambling is just not for me anymore i no that now

Posted on:
Sat, 14/07/2012 - 17:40

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

Feeling quite positive today. Just need to get my debt down but thats going to take a while

Posted on:
Sat, 14/07/2012 - 19:18

WOMBLE

Joined:
2012-06-17

Hi Boro,
Just a thought...my grandad played for boro...years ago tho..lol
Just keep thinking of how you felt when picking kids up from school and you couldn't get them sweeties....You don't want to feel that again do ya?
I know you want to beat this....keep focused!
Sue X

Posted on:
Sun, 15/07/2012 - 16:28

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

Whats was he called like sue?. I want to beat it more than anything and i must keep focused and strong. But today has been ok.

Posted on:
Sun, 15/07/2012 - 16:47

WOMBLE

Joined:
2012-06-17

Hi Boro, would love to tell you but might just give a bit too much personal information out!

Think you are doing Brill....Keep focused!
Sue x

Posted on:
Mon, 16/07/2012 - 10:14

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

No problem sue. Start of another week and only got a week and a half to payday. So at least i have a bit of money to live on. But gambling for me is finished for good. Dont need it my life. No point in looking back and what i have lost. Got to look forward.

Posted on:
Mon, 16/07/2012 - 21:42

sarahfay

Joined:
2012-06-27

Hi boro, so pleased you managed to start a diary, you already have made a massive journey by staying gamble free for this long well done!!! Just think in a couple of months you will be able to buy the kids more sweets than you have in a long time now the money isnt going elsewhere, i will keep following your recovery and wish you all the best sarah x

Posted on:
Mon, 16/07/2012 - 21:52

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

Cheers for the support sarah. Well just when i thought thing were getting better i check my online banking and a company called finance facility has taken 70 quid out my bank. When i lost a lot a lot of money a couple of weeks ago i did try and get a loan with a few companys but did not agree to pay that to any company. This 70 quid has taken me over me overdraft. Been on phone to bank like they going to investigate it. This has put me on a real downer. When are things going to start and go for me. It just shows what gambling has done to me

Posted on:
Tue, 17/07/2012 - 15:05

WOMBLE

Joined:
2012-06-17

Hi Boro,
You doing all the right things.......Things will improve because you dont gamble anymore....right!!!!
Keep fighting!
Sue x

Posted on:
Tue, 17/07/2012 - 17:39

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

They have to sue surely. Had a real bad day not with gambling but the concequences of what i did 2 and a half weeks ago when i was gambling. But i keep fighting and i will eventual see light at the end of the tunnel. At the moment like its pretty bleak

Posted on:
Wed, 18/07/2012 - 11:44

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

Just had my first counselling session. So they another step in wright direction. Just hope they are no more nasty shock money wise. Cant take that anymore like

Posted on:
Wed, 18/07/2012 - 16:45

WOMBLE

Joined:
2012-06-17

Hi Boro,

Thats great that you had the counselling session.
What you said about shock money worries.......Yes they probably will come BUT at least with not gambling you can dig yourself out of that hole...........You CAN do this.....think of your little girl Boro!

Sue xx

Posted on:
Thu, 19/07/2012 - 16:28

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

All quiet today no real problems. But still thinking about all the money i have lost. It really does sicken me. The things you do when you have this awful illness is unbelievable. People dont understand unless you been threw it. At least it only a week to payday and 3 weeks since i last gambled.

Posted on:
Thu, 19/07/2012 - 16:41

WOMBLE

Joined:
2012-06-17

Hey Buddie,
You know from reading the forum...the losses are gone....they aint comming back!

You have gone 3 weeks...I know you have had no money but soon you will....Please just focus on your recovery...don't let anyone take your hard earned money again.

Sending you positive thoughts through the computer................

Just think how you can spoil your little girl!

Sue xx

Posted on:
Thu, 19/07/2012 - 18:30

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

Cheers sue i really do appreciate you given me encouragement

Posted on:
Thu, 19/07/2012 - 18:52

Westsider

Joined:
2012-05-23

Hi boro

I get days when I look back on all the cash I've lost, easily over 10 grand! Yet you can't change the past. You can only look forward. If you don't gamble again imagine where you could be in a couple of years. Your doing really well. 3 weeks is a great base to build from. You will hit a month before you know it & then a year & so on. Keep it up good work. All the best

Posted on:
Fri, 20/07/2012 - 15:01

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

Cheers westsider

Today has been pretty calm. Still got a feeling they are going to be hard times ahead. Im worrying about every little thing at the moment and its getting me down.

Posted on:
Fri, 20/07/2012 - 18:42

WOMBLE

Joined:
2012-06-17

Hi Boro,

Me again....like a rash...lol

You know at the moment you are finding things tough....But......Keep going the way you are and your thoughts will eventually turn around to being far more positive.

You will then look back on your diary and see just how far you have come.

We all recover at different rates....as long as you don't gamble you will eventually feel sooooo much better.

As I always say to you mate...think of your gorgeous wee girlie!

Hugs
Sue xx

Posted on:
Sat, 21/07/2012 - 13:44

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

i apreciate everything you say womble

Day 22. Still feel like everything is getting me down. But i supose im going to have this feeling for a while. You cant lose 8 grand in 2 months and not feel sick. But they one thing i can guarante i NEVER GAMBLE AGAIN. Its really got to me this time

Posted on:
Sat, 21/07/2012 - 13:45

Anonymous-user

Joined:
2014-10-23

The past is in the past and we simply cannot do anything about it.

What we can do plenty about is our future.

And by reaching day 22 gamble-free, you are doing everything you can about YOUR future.

Keep going!

Enjoy your weekend.

NT

Posted on:
Mon, 23/07/2012 - 17:18

WOMBLE

Joined:
2012-06-17

Hi Boro,

Your diary slipped off the radar a bit........just bit of friendly advice,maybe try posting bit more?

Anyways hope you are well and still gamble free?

Always looking out for you !

Sue xx

Posted on:
Mon, 23/07/2012 - 22:19

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

Hi sue

Me laptop broke yestoday so could not post. So i have borrowed me brothers.
I am in quite a good mood had a good saturday night on the drink with a few friends. Nothought of gambling that is the old me anyway my life has turned a corner. I can almost guarante i wont do it again. Still difficulties ahead but i think things are on the up

Posted on:
Mon, 23/07/2012 - 23:20

Chirst21

Joined:
2012-07-20

Hey Boro

Well done, great to hear such positive comments.

Regards
CBH

Posted on:
Tue, 24/07/2012 - 08:39

footprints

Joined:
2012-02-26

Hello boro just read thru some of your diary there and well done on being 25 days bet free glad to hear you have your brother minding your finances and be on your guard around pay day.
It does get easier in time you can do this boro a day at a time.
Take care

Posted on:
Tue, 24/07/2012 - 17:49

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

Thanks for your support christ and footprints. Today has been fine no thoughts of gambling at all saying that theys been none for a while. I have had many attempts at stop gambling but 4 some reason this time i have finally seen the light at what gambling was doing to me. Cant go back to were i was 3 and a half weeks ago that was a dark place. I want to live life not just to have an existence of worrying about how i am going to pay loans back and that awful feeling when you lost all your money. NEVER AGAIN PLEASE!

Posted on:
Tue, 24/07/2012 - 18:32

Ricky25

Joined:
2009-08-23

Hi Boro,

I read your diary and I think you are doing brilliant in your road to recovery. I didn't gamble as many years as you but 7 years i gambled and I was addicted to fruit machines and roulette and slots in the bookies. I lost 30k and did same as you and self excluded I had to stop my fiancee at the time helped and stuck by me and i got married at the weekend and now am 71 days gamble free.

I think about all the money i lost and cud have put a deposit on a house I am filled with guilt but paying back all the debt and getting my self on that track to being debt free.

You can do this mate and this site is amazing for support as you probably can tell. So I hope you can stay on the road to recovery stick it out mate and well done so far :)

Kind Regards

Ricky

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