So I was out last week with some suppliers on a boozy night in my city. The question I was dreading arose "shall we go to the casino?"
The old me would have told myself that everything was ok, and that I could control myself, and gone along and probably have a massive relapse and lose everything.
I found myself just saying " I have a gambling problem, and its not a good idea I go". I said it, and felt no shame, only a kind of euphoria. Like this is me now.
So, for all those starting out on your journey, it WILL get better, you'll get better, and your life will slowly start to recover.
288 days now I think, and I still think about it - hence me visiting the forum and not a gambling website. I'm not getting complacent with it - it will always be there. I am, however, not giving in!
Keep it up everyone, I wish you nothing but happiness and a successful recovery.
Kudos to you and it is like a kind of euphoria which turns more into a serenity that your life is under control and your life is your own.
The reason it feels so good is that we are finally being truthful with ourselves and it doesnt matter what other people think especially active gamblers.
the other important thing you have realised is that it feels GOOD to say we must never be complacent. Thats not a battle when we understand the sheer power of a gambling drug addiction.
I know who I am now and I am not ashamed to say I was prone to it and it controlled me. It was my drug of choice to cope with things I didnt fully understand like depression and isolation.
I have never felt better in my life. Im earning and Im relatively happy with my lot in life. I understand what is important and its not all the nonsense they are telling me to buy or the dreams they are selling me.
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
For me arriving in the recovery I felt lower than dog c**P.
It was suggested I humbled myself to be honest in the recovery humbled myself to be honest with myself.
The reward of my recovery is no more guilt shame or regret but by my healthy actions and my healthy words I am becoming more and more proud of myself and my new found healthy skills.
If we lie we cause our self fears.
My relationship with myself and other peoples is based up on healthy interactions rather than unhealthy reactions.
I use to be so angry impatient intolerant vengeful resentful, I use to see fault in every thing and every one.
The recovery helped me understand how unhealthy I was.
The recovery helped me to express gratitude and appreciations towards all healthy things and healthy actions and healthy words.
Some people even think that my expression of my gratitude and of my appreciations is person pleasing people, not at all my expression of my gratitude and of my appreciations is demonstrating how much I value people today.
I use to be such a Jackyl & Hyde person with such volatile mood swings and emotional swings, today I am a much more stable person.
People no longer live in fear of me.
Our honesty today demonstrates healthy relationships towards myself ad other people today.
Love and peace to every one
AKA Dave of Beckenham