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Posted on:
Fri, 22/12/2017 - 05:44

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

We can abstainer, we have to for our own sanity!
I'm still here, still hanging in. Thanks to the blocks I'm heading towards a gf Christmas. I promised myself I wouldn't spend this Christmas like my previous ones, having to put a brave face on despair, I'm happy to report I have nearly got there, just a few days to go.
Love and strength to all who are struggling.. Never give up. This addiction messes with your head but you can fight back. Only way that i could was to get blocks in place, well then, so be it. It's working so I'm sticking to it. I know for a fact I wouldn't if I didn't have them.
I've been so busy, only been able to pop in for quick catch-ups.
Wishing you all happiness this Christmas, there is hope and peace out there. We just have to find it x

Posted on:
Sun, 24/12/2017 - 07:19

Glint

Joined:
2016-01-08

Massive improvement on this time last year.

You have made some big strides forward this year Little miss lost.

Well done.

Posted on:
Tue, 26/12/2017 - 08:17

gamparentanon

Joined:
2016-04-22

LML

You are working really hard and as you can see it is now starting to pay off. Keeping busy is always good and staying on here is not only helping you but you are also helping newbies and others posting on here. You always sound so kind and caring.

I wish you good luck for the rest of Xmas and hope 2018 will go well for you.

Take care

Gamparentanon

Posted on:
Fri, 29/12/2017 - 12:44

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

Belated thanks Glint and it's lovely to hear from you. Yes I have made changes in this last year and it has helped. They took a long time coming because deep down I didn't want to stop. I know I am far from safety but my health and well-being has improved for the changes so I can only say they have brought positives.
Gamparentanon, thank you for your very kind words. I guess, like yourself, only due to different circumstances, we can see what harm this addiction causes and how lonely and despairing it can make you feel.
I also return your kind words and wish you and all on here a wonderful 2018. x

Posted on:
Sat, 30/12/2017 - 22:01

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

Just a thought but what do you do when you just want to go online, watch the reels go round, feel the excitement of waiting for them to stop and gamble, gamble, gamble?
Yes I know it's not good for me, yes I know it's wrong and I NEVER come out winning in the long run, yes I know it always ends up with me feeling terrible but the fact is, whenever I get a spare hour the urges are always there.
I know that due to blocks I can't now get online but I wish I could.
Depresses me that I still want to and probably always will.
So much money lost. So much debt built up. So little spare cash at the end of each month to make any difference to those debts.
Got to keep going. Got to stay positive, got to learn by my mistakes and love the fact I've had a gamble free Christmas where I have not had to fake it, not felt despair and I have been able to look at myself in a mirror without feeling disgust.
Guess it's just one of those nights, roll on tomorrow xx

Posted on:
Sat, 30/12/2017 - 23:43

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

Hi S&B,
Sorry you feel like it also but I guess it helps knowing we're not on our own.
I guess it's just part and parcel of this addiction. I go back to before I started the slots. Life was just . . . normal.
No major excitement, yes there were upsets, yes I'd been heartbroken but that was just . . . life. The turmoil caused by this addiction is not life it's debilitating, mind numbing and torturous. It messes with your head, it tells you you're a complete idiot, fool, useless individual. It gives you a negative bank balance, numerous maxed out credit cards, 4 figure bank loan and a screwed up brain to confirm the fact that yes, weak as you are you've messed up big style.
Tomorrow things will look different, when I'm busy I don't even think about gambling. Tomorrow I'll get back on track. I'm grateful that tomorrow I'll think yes I'm nearly 3 months gamble free and no doubt i will feel better.
Sorry for negativity, I have so much good in my life I should feel happier. I will, I'll just have to tell the negatives to jog on!! Lol!
Love to all x

Posted on:
Sun, 31/12/2017 - 09:50

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

Hi Lml, I also get frustrated thst debts are clearing slowly but they are reducing not growing. I do literally anything to not think about gsmbling...eat(not so good!), have a bath or go to bed early. You are doing so well and as SJB sais ease up on yourself, ever dsy not gambling means you are winning. Take care S:)

Posted on:
Tue, 02/01/2018 - 22:08

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

Thanks sharon,
Apologies in advance . . .
It's no good I have to say it, I'm sounding bitter and twisted but I'm so envious of the people who can write I have XXXXX amount of debt and if I don't gamble for 6 months I can pay it off.
I'm not so kind and caring now am I! Jealousy is a bad thing - yes??
Note to self. . . Find a partner who can help pay bills or change job!! x

Posted on:
Wed, 03/01/2018 - 00:27

Scotto85g

Joined:
2018-01-01

Hi LML, I have just read through your whole diary. A rollercoaster ride for sure. I am so pleased for you having been GF for the past few months, I am sorry you are still getting so many gambling related thoughts. I am still struggling to get past my huge losses but I feel so much better after posting my diary/story yesterday. Your honesty and frankness in your diary has been incredible to see. Thanks for sharing your ongoing story LML. Scott.

Posted on:
Wed, 03/01/2018 - 01:01

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

Thanks S & B,
I'm happy to graft, just having a helping hand paying bills so I'd have a little more left over at the end of the month would be nice! Lol!
To be honest, I'm quite good. A little annoyed with myself because I went onto demo spins of my favourite game for a bit. I know it's a stupid thing to do but since when has knowing I'm being stupid stopped me?!! I bet people reading this could slap me , I don't blame them, I could slap myself lol!

Hi Scott, warm welcome to the forum. Amazed and honoured you managed to get through my diary and didn't give up half way through!
You're right, it's littered with many ups and downs. I've truly been in some dark places and don't know how I've hid it from people in the past
To be honest, I haven't put a lot down that's personal to me,( I've had surprise family wedddings and surprise family visits from abroad) because I'm just plain frightened someone is on here who might know me and put 2 and 2 together - madness!
Anyway, sounds like you've had your share of roller coaster rides yourself!
I'm so glad you've come on here and shared your story. It really helps to have like - minded people who understand. I hope this helps you to move on and recover from not only the money losses but the emotional beating this addiction gives us as well!
All good wishes for a gamble free 2018. We can do this!! X

Posted on:
Wed, 03/01/2018 - 07:32

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

Thanks S & B slaps still stinging!
My brain needs rewiring. Problem is, people on here say 'I don't even feel like gambling, I never want to do it again. . .' I'm afraid for me that's not the case. I just want to stop losing and turning myself into an emotional wreck! I stop for months, don't go on anything, yet I still want to play. I guess my head still won't let go. I'm just been honest, I'm sure I'm not on my own.
Well, looks like it's time for my next step. Gamban here I come. I'll get my daughter to help me out buying it seen as I can't use my card online, it would certainly be £10 well spent if it doesn't mess my phone up.
Thanks S & B - message received, Over and out! X

Posted on:
Wed, 03/01/2018 - 09:27

Stephen The Strong

Joined:
2017-05-10

Dear Little Miss lost in a tragic trance. Please be careful because you know the persuasive powers of the addiction.

Sadly we sometimes see gambling as a comforter but all it does is give us nightmares and trauma.

Take up hobbies, yoga, adult education classes, get a sewing machine, go to the gym, hang-gliging, mountaineer! Anything what takes your fancy. But don't play games with the addiction because it's smarter than we are.

Thinking of you and wishing you well. Keep looking forward and enjoy your recovery...stephen 

Posted on:
Wed, 03/01/2018 - 10:12

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

Lml I do totally sympathise, being the only wage earner and shouldering all the bills is really hard but I guess the only way to get through is odaat and every day we don't gamble is a tiny step towards being debt free. I'very always felt like an island and at times do wish someone wold be by my side but don't think it's gonna happen  (this is just me!) Which makes me more determined not to throw my money away and get stuck in cycle of feeling like s***. I promise you, you're not alone here and you can do this! Take care S:)

Posted on:
Sat, 06/01/2018 - 07:20

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

Abstainer, Sharon and S &B. Many thanks for your time and messages of support.
Well, so to my next level in this trying to stop this gambling malarkey.
I've been wanting to feel the thrill of seeing bonus rounds come up on the spinning reels.
My brains been trying to tempt me to replace my bank card so I can just have the odd £20 here and there. Let's face it, why should I deprive myself of a bit of fun?
Then my sensible head kicks in and reminds me it doesn't stop at £20 and wiping myself out is definitely not fun!
Soooo, I've taken S&B's advice I've now downloaded gamban.
At the moment, it seems to be doing the trick and it was easy to do. My mobile is now a gambling site free zone - yeah! Will this remove my final piece of temptation? Time will tell!! Hopefully the best £10 spent!!
Thanks S&B for taking the time out and informing me about gamban. I wouldn't have known about it or trusted it without your recommendation.
Here's to a better future xx

Posted on:
Sat, 06/01/2018 - 14:10

Stephen The Strong

Joined:
2017-05-10

Hello Little miss lost. Thankyou for posting on my diary, you brought a real smile to my face.

Congratulations on your continued good progress, I believe you are over 3 months away from your last bet which is wonderful. Putting a block on your mobile is another brave thing you have done. You are displaying courage and determination which shows how committed you are to your recovery.

This could be the year we finally say goodbye and good riddance to mr gamble. He has caused us nothing but shame and misery so deserves to be consigned to the past.

Let's keep going forward by focussing on the here and now. Tomorrow's not here yet and yesterday's gone.

Posted on:
Sat, 06/01/2018 - 21:11

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

Thanks abstainer, we're in this together, come rain or shine and let's face it, we've encountered some right storms but always managed to come out the other side. 2018 has got to see us feeling the sun on our faces and when the rainclouds gather be prepared with one hull'ova! big umbrella!!
I last gambled October 5th so I'm exactly 3 months gamble free.
Warning to anyone wanting to stop gambling but with no blocks in place. I must have lost £10,000 from the point I realised I had a problem to now. All because I thought that I could do it on willpower alone.
Take if from the experienced. It's nigh on impossible to succeed without blocks in place.
I apologise. . . i know it gets boring to read this over and over again when youre not quite ready to put blocks in place but it's said over again for a reason and if just one person takes heed and puts blocks in place then it's worth it.
Let someone you trust take over your finances. No credit cards, minimal cash. Download Gambon, starts at just over £10 per year for 1 device. Ring gamcare, enquire about free counselling.
If you want to enjoy a future without having the horrors caused by gambling then take control. It's your life, live it the way you want to. It's goddam hard when you're in its grip but there's proof on here, it can be done and it sounds oh so worth it!!!
I have good days, I have bad days but as long as they're gamble free then I have to be winning.
All good wishes xx

Posted on:
Sat, 06/01/2018 - 23:12

Scotto85g

Joined:
2018-01-01

Well done on being 3 months GF LML, proud of you. I am glad you are finding use of the Gamban software too. I had a similar thing but because I work in IT, I knew how to get around it and boy did I but most wouldn’t be able to easily so it’s great. .Handing over my finances was the only thing for me that really worked in the end. Like you say, most of us need the blocks. Will power alone is not enough, we can say all the right things, know exactly what we should do, be able to tell others exactly what they should and shouldn’t do and yet we still can gamble... there needs to be things outside ourselves to help. Again.. well done. I raise a glass to your 3 months. Roll on 6 months :). Scott

Posted on:
Sun, 07/01/2018 - 14:36

changemylife

Joined:
2016-11-02

Hi Little Miss. Just passing by, reading a section of your diary. You have been through the full gambling whirlpool, abstinence, temptation, enticement, boredom, frustration, resilience and survival.

My heart goes out to you, particularly as you seem to be fighting every day either against the urges, or the general struggle of life.

But I know that you have strength and belief to change your life. New horizons and limitless possibilities are there for you!

Eventually we must completely stop all thoughts of gambling. It CANNOT be part of our future!

Well done for installing the blocking software - it's a great move. Now concentrate on living within a workable budget and stay optimistic for amazing improvement. We don't know for sure what the future holds, or what's round the corner. But hope and positivity may draw the good things in life towards you.

Remember: You are better and more capable than you think you are..

Posted on:
Sun, 07/01/2018 - 23:37

Frozen

Joined:
2010-11-22

3 Months Excellent.  Every day gamble free is to be celebrated,  I genuinely have given up a couple of 100 times and am just happy out not to be gambling today.  Thank you for your support it's much appreciated.  Stay away from those Demo's

Posted on:
Mon, 08/01/2018 - 21:14

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

Belated congratulations on 3 months, fantastic progress for yourself and masses of supportive words for others,  including me! We all deserve to come through to the other side, however we get there.Take care and here's to a GF 2018 and beyond S x

Posted on:
Mon, 08/01/2018 - 22:59

wants2stop

Joined:
2015-02-03

Thanks for dropping by and well done on your 3 months :) is that Gamban any good then. The other blocks I have seen are like £100. I would do it but need other halfs 'consent' too

Posted on:
Tue, 09/01/2018 - 19:18

Dean888

Joined:
2018-01-09

Little miss lost wrote:
Thanks abstainer, we're in this together, come rain or shine and let's face it, we've encountered some right storms but always managed to come out the other side. 2018 has got to see us feeling the sun on our faces and when the rainclouds gather be prepared with one hull'ova! big umbrella!! I last gambled October 5th so I'm exactly 3 months gamble free. Warning to anyone wanting to stop gambling but with no blocks in place. I must have lost £10,000 from the point I realised I had a problem to now. All because I thought that I could do it on willpower alone. Take if from the experienced. It's nigh on impossible to succeed without blocks in place. I apologise. . . i know it gets boring to read this over and over again when youre not quite ready to put blocks in place but it's said over again for a reason and if just one person takes heed and puts blocks in place then it's worth it. Let someone you trust take over your finances. No credit cards, minimal cash. Download Gambon, starts at just over £10 per year for 1 device. Ring gamcare, enquire about free counselling. If you want to enjoy a future without having the horrors caused by gambling then take control. It's your life, live it the way you want to. It's goddam hard when you're in its grip but there's proof on here, it can be done and it sounds oh so worth it!!! I have good days, I have bad days but as long as they're gamble free then I have to be winning. All good wishes xx

Great post lml here’s to a positive 2018  

Deano x

Posted on:
Tue, 09/01/2018 - 22:50

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

Thanks dean888, guess I'm chatting to the one I was thinking of now!! Hope all's well with you. I see your gf count is on the up and up - well done!
I'm doing OK. No money thrown down the drain lately so that's the main.
Have to say though, today, I received a certificate for a first aid course which I went on through work. I looked at it and in big clear writing it said completed on 5th October 2017. My head went back in time to me sitting in the car park after the course and checking my bank account. I noticed £400 worth of winnings (I use that term loosely because I had probably put near enough that much in to start with! ) had been put into my bank account.
I remember the feeling, seeing it there and cheering, my heart was beating fast, mainly because it meant I could gamble again that night. Of course, in my head I was only going to put £50 in. The rest I would keep because I needed it.
I couldn't wait to get sorted and to bed, in anticipation of maybe another win - wouldn't that be great, surely my luck was in!!!
Needless to say, by the end of that evening the £400 had gone and I hated myself all over again.
That was the last time I spent money on the slots.
I felt awful, I think I had to ask my daughter for some money to help me out - so embarrassed and ashamed.
Now it's impossible for me to gamble on my phone and as much as I would love to, I equally, if not more love the feeling of looking at my last 3 bank statements and not seeing a casino withdrawal and just on the whole feeling better with myself rebuilding my self - respect, something gambling stripped away from me.
I'm hoping to make better memories from now on, stay away from the slots and I can't fail!
All good wishes xx

Posted on:
Wed, 10/01/2018 - 19:45

Scotto85g

Joined:
2018-01-01

You are doing brilliant LML, it is great to look at your bank statements and not see money leeching out to these places. It’s amazing how emotionally tied up in these big losses or poingnant losses/wins like what you mentioned we are at the time and thus how we remember a lot of it so vividly. I remember once I had bet on a late tennis match to win back losses and at the time it was a large ammount, I had several dreams that the bet won and how I felt or that the bet didn’t win and I had poor sleep that night. I woke up thinking I had won it and then checked and I had actually lost, I felt awful there sitting in bed and it’s memories like this that I try to bring to mind in case there ever was temptation. I can only imagine how it must have been very embarrassing asking your daughter to help bail you out.

I hope these times are relegated to the past and are only useful as a helpful reminder of what that dark path inevitably leads too when the path may be lit up with flashing lights excitement etc. Further down that road are events such as those memories like when you were in your car that time in tears and when you had to ask your daughter for money. Those are the true destinations...

So pleased with your progress, onwards and upwards LML. Scott 

Posted on:
Thu, 11/01/2018 - 23:04

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

Sorry, want to stop, I forgot to answer your question. I'll stop by your diary.
Thanks for your support Scott. It's funny how after a short abstinence our heads only start to remember what it feels like to win. Unfortunately, I feel like an old timer now. I seem to be getting used to the feeling of letting myself down when I relapse. Well I'm hoping this time it won't happen again. I won't give in. I want to be gamble free. I know I'll never win and I just want a stress free life. Gambling and that statement just don't go together!
All good wishes x

Posted on:
Sat, 13/01/2018 - 21:21

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

Not a good night. Just flipping hate the fact that I'm so goddam boring, weak and shallow that the only thing I would like to do on a Saturday night is stick a load of money onto a slot machine and watch the reels go round.
How sad am I? Good job I can't because otherwise I'd have wiped myself out. Arrgggh I so hate it. Note to self, must change mindset and get a life. So goddam difficult at times.
Sorry all, just having a rant. I know many on here will understand. Hopefully tomorrow will be better x

Posted on:
Sat, 13/01/2018 - 22:07

Scotto85g

Joined:
2018-01-01

Sorry to hear that LML. Do you still have thoughts about trying to play slots only to be stopped by the measures you have put in place or do you think about it but shrug off trying by realising what you are doin, catching yourself etc. You shouldn’t be sorry for speaking your mind and telling us you’re true thoughts and feelings. I hope tomorrow is better too, hang in there LML. You deserve a life where you don’t have these thoughts, I hope they lessen. Thinking of you. Scott 

Posted on:
Sun, 14/01/2018 - 08:49

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

Thanks S&B for your support.
Scott, I still have the urges to want to play the slots, visualising the bonus's coming up.
They come and go but when they come they hit me so strongly that it truly is a good job I have the blocks in place. Sad but true.
Anyway, today is a new day. I started it feeling flat, wanting to shut myself away, not even wanting to mix with my family downstairs but I'm giving myself a good talking to and after I've written this I'll try to pick myself up and go down.
Sorry for downhearted post. Just feeling a bit emotional at the moment, life seems difficult and such a trial - work, self inflicted debts, relationships, family they're all getting me down one way or another, listen to me, what a misery!! - I'll blame my age haha!
C'mon girl - sort yourself out!!!
Good wishes to all for a happy gf Sunday x

Posted on:
Sun, 14/01/2018 - 10:50

Stephen The Strong

Joined:
2017-05-10

Morning Little Miss who just cruised into the "Century Club" WOW that is so wonderful and I am really proud of you.

Just reading your last post and to be honest you didn't seem overjoyed, or eager, to embrace the beauty and wonder of a sunday morning. It reminded me of the Johnny Cash song "Sunday Morning Sidewalk." 

We all get our fair share of the blues but it does pass and in time to come you will see things in a better light. We might think we still have some  delusional fondness for gambling but that is crazy when we think back to the misery it has caused us. It's like someone who has endured domestic violence but still harbours affection for the perpetrator. It just doesn't make any sense. But there again nothing about compulsive gambling does make any sense.

You are a lovely lady, you have a wonderful family and you deserve happiness in your life. Be gentle with yourself. Give, little miss lost, plenty of love, and show her how to get home.

Take care...stephen x 

Posted on:
Sun, 14/01/2018 - 11:04

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

Lml, ease up on yourself Lady! Well done for riding those urges and having concrete blocks in place. Be kind to yourself and we are all here for you, take care Sx

Posted on:
Sun, 14/01/2018 - 13:40

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

100 days - looks like you've been working out the maths Stephen!!
Thanks for caring, you're so very kind.
Yep 100 days. So many levels to gambling and so many stages before we can get to recovery.
Without this site being my go to and release, I would be struggling so much more than I am.
Wonderful to have the support from people who understand.
We're all in this together, that means we can all succeed together!!
Happy days!! X

Posted on:
Mon, 15/01/2018 - 22:06

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

Thanks S & B,
I'm getting there. Through the good days and the bad. Looking at the bigger picture I'm happy as long as they're all gf.
Good day today because I have got a new bank card. I can now use it online and in shops. I don't need to have to limit myself to cash only now because I have Gamban downloaded on my mobile. My only vice is online so now that I have Gamban I can't get on casino sites on my phone.
That means I don't have to be restricted to cash. It drove me mad having to keep checking I had drawn enough money out for everything I did and needed.
I showed my daughter how upon looking for gambling sites my phone just blocks them. That was because when she saw my new bank card she was rightly worried.
Happy days! X

Posted on:
Tue, 16/01/2018 - 12:29

Stephen The Strong

Joined:
2017-05-10

Morning Little Miss Wonderful. Thankyou for posting on my diary, it is heartwarming to see you tiptoeing around the diaries, giving support and encouagement to your friends.

Salsa class tonight so will be dancing my socks off ~ a latin twist, a mambo turn, i'm gonna make the dancefloor burn. 

Posted on:
Fri, 19/01/2018 - 23:43

Scotto85g

Joined:
2018-01-01

Hey LML, How are you doing? How’s your last week been. Scott

Posted on:
Sat, 20/01/2018 - 15:07

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

Thanks S&B, Abstainer and Scott.
Lovely to receive your posts.
I suppose to some extent I'm feeling proud S&B - over 3 months without spending a penny on online slots, for me and my addiction that's an achievement.
Unfortunately that's where it ends. My credit score is absolutely shot and the worry is starting to niggle that I think my mortgage deal is up in march - what will happen then? Will it go up and me not be able to get a new one?
In the past I've always been able to change without much problem but that was before my terrible credit score.
I don't have a credit card for emergencies - I messed my last one up in a mad 2 week splurge.
All my debts are on my dmp now so I can't use the cards anymore or get another one.
That makes me panic a bit that I've no fall back if anything goes wrong with my car, boiler etc. Even without gambling I only ever have very little money left at the end of the month.
Anyway sorry to whinge but I find it helps to put it down on here.
Abstainer - I hope your latest trip to doctors helps to get you sorted, try to keep those toes a tapping!
Scott, thanks for asking - my week has not been the best. Work has been difficult, manic and hard work making me wonder, once again, if I'm in the right job!
I'm not afraid of hard work but sometimes you just get pushed too far for what you get out of it. I haven't got the guts to try something else, I can't even think what I'd do and where would I get the time off that I get now? (Teaching assistant ) granted the holidays show in your pay packet but you do get used to them.
On a positive I've had a couple of lovely social events with friends and yummy food - I really do enjoy to eat haha! My friends bring me joy, we have a good moan, we have a good laugh then go our separate ways for a while ànd catch up again at a later date.
Anyways, I must go and do some housework (unfortunately, it doesnt come naturally and I have to force myself!) but I'm always glad when I've done something!
Happy gf weekend all, be kind to yourselves xx

Posted on:
Sat, 20/01/2018 - 17:09

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

Just a thought, has the format changed for the layout on the forum recovery members menu or have I accidently pressed a button on my phone to change it? X

Posted on:
Sat, 20/01/2018 - 22:01

Scotto85g

Joined:
2018-01-01

 

 

I haven’t noticed a change to the layout myself LML. You don’t have to apologise for just being honesty and open on here. Your honesty in posts and how your thoughts flow from one thing to another in them I think is great as like you say, it’s an outlet and it’s good sometimes just to get it off your mind I think. I know it certainly helps me. I’m going to be writing one myself soon hehe.

Getting past 3 months is defo something to be proud of. Are you being expected to do more and more in your teaching assistant job or is it just pressures for the normal stuff you have to do? I know a few people who say the same thing about the holidays and how it’s reflected in the pay packet. One person in particular wants to move job but honestly would miss the holidays.

I am sorry to hear financial concerns are still causing you worry, it’s completely understandable though. Are you at least in a state where you are managing the debts and they are slowly going down? I know even if they go down it can be horrible to see so much money going out and can be a reminder of your past gambling activities. I can only hope as this gets less and less, you will feel better about this.

Great to hear about your socialising, having a good moan amongst the fun with friends can certainly help us feel connected to others and perhaps aware that we are not the only ones with problems and issues. Enjoy another gambling free weekend Lml. Scott

Posted on:
Sat, 20/01/2018 - 22:57

Stephen The Strong

Joined:
2017-05-10

Wishing you well " Little Miss Everything Looks Bigger". Ha ha your not on your own, mine looks different as well, think the writings more distinct, or bigger or somethings not quite the same. 

Your well setled in the Century Club now. Great progress, good attitude and great sense of humour. Keep going forward at a steady pace and you will be just fine. We have the knowledge, the courage and the will, so let's do this.

Gambling is not our friend and never has been. The addiction will tell us otherwise but we know better now. 

I wish I'd had a teaching assistant at school. All my teachers seemed to be lacking in interest and enthusiasm. My French teacher used to call me an imbecile, needless to say I didn't amount to much.

On waking last sunday you were not the jolliest bunny in the world. How about tomorrow morning you jump out bed, throw your arms in the air and shout What A Lovely Day..... I will be listening out.

Take care ...stephen x 

Posted on:
Sun, 21/01/2018 - 01:04

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

Hi Scott, thanks for your time. I'm paying towards my dmp each month but I can only afford just over £50 so It doesn't go down that much or very quick seen as I'd stupidly got myself into over £20,000 of debt (who me??? The girl who'd never had a bank loan and panicked if I slipped into my overdraft!!!). I also pay my brother money back each month. I suppose every month sees my debts going the right way - down, so I mustn't grumble. I know for a fact if I carried on gambling it would just be on the up and up
Stephen (ooh listen at me - first name terms! Haha!) Thanks for your post. You always make me smile! I hope the children at my school don't talk about me in later life like you talk about yours! At least I can honestly say that whilst I'm at work I can put all my troubles behind me because I don't have a minute to think about them!
The kids can drive me mad but at the same time they can make me laugh out loud. Unfortunately , Some of them have many struggles, how can I compare my problems to some of the ones they have to deal with at such a young age? I sometimes, in my darker moments have to remember this.
Anyway, I better get some sleep seen as I've got a job to do in the morning. I'm glad you said shout and not sing, I haven't the sweetest of voices haha! By the way Stephen . . . If I shout very loud you very nearly could hear me. It depends if you're red and white or black and white!! I'll say no more. . .
Nightee night x

Posted on:
Sun, 21/01/2018 - 10:56

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

Well, I'm happy to say I feel in a better place this morning than I did last Sunday. What's different?? (Other than following Stephens advice above! haha!) Nothing really, just my thoughts. Amazing how our own thoughts can be responsible for the way we feel. How we sometimes forget that we have to control our thoughts and not have our thoughts control us. Yes, outside factors have to be taken into account but it is how we deal with whatever is thrown at us which ultimately leads to how we are feeling emotionally.
At the moment I'm struggling a bit, especially at work. I'm just going to have to face up to the challenges and get on with it otherwise I could drag myself down and it's not how I want to feel. I want to be happy with my lot because I know I'm lucky, I have a lot to be happy about.
Here I go, waffling again . . . Thank you diary, you help me along and enable me to speak some of my thoughts. As some say, it's better to get them out than have them festering inside.
Happy Sunday everyone. May we all have the strength to cope with our worries, overcome our self -doubt and feel happier for doing so x

Posted on:
Sun, 21/01/2018 - 18:31

Stephen The Strong

Joined:
2017-05-10

Hello Little Miss Contemplative. I liked the following lines from your last post which says so much in just a few words : 

1/ " We have to control our thoughts and not have our thoughts control us ." 

2/ " Outside factors have to be taken into account but it is how we deal with whatever is thrown at us which ultimately leads to how we are feeling emotionally."

It has been bleak and blustery in the northeast of England today. I live in a little coastal community called Hull on the banks of the River Humber where sleet and cold northerly winds have been blowing. 

I have noticed that some of the diaries belong to friends from overseas. I'm guessing you are a teaching assistant in Rio and enjoy lazing around Copacabana beach or maybe you are basking in the sun in Surfers Paradise.

I don't think the gambling addiction is too fussy about who and where it's victims come from. People are drawn from all over the place, young, old, rich, poor, it doesn't discriminate. Gambling addiction promotes equal opportunity amongst tortured souls drawn in by this demonic tyrant.

Take care. Wishing you well over the coming week..stephen 

Posted on:
Sun, 21/01/2018 - 18:53

Scotto85g

Joined:
2018-01-01

Glad to hear you feeling a bit more positive LML, you deserve all the happiness you can get. We really do have a lot of thought pain that’s for sure, we can create worlds of misery inside our heads when in the outside there isn’t really anything that intrinsically is making us suffer, it’s all mental thought pain. That’s not to diminish the effect on us, but it is worth noting. Scott

Posted on:
Sun, 21/01/2018 - 22:48

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

Haha! Stephen, you do make me laugh. Maybe you missed my hint towards the bottom of my post #453.
I've never heard of the Humber being referred to as Copacabana beach or Surfers paradise!
Sounds like your English/writing class is paying off, judging by your use of descriptive language to the bottom of my post #455!
Scott - thanks for your comments. You're doing so well. Keep battling on, we all have different experiences through gambling but we're all hoping for the same outcome, (to quote Stephen) to be 'tortured souls' no more. We need to be kinder to ourselves. We can do this, 'cos we're worth it!! x

Posted on:
Sun, 21/01/2018 - 23:28

Stephen The Strong

Joined:
2017-05-10

A nod is as good as a wink to a blind horse !!!

Posted on:
Sun, 21/01/2018 - 23:42

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

Hi Lml glad you're ok, indeed it's amazing how you can do your own head in (I do this frequently ) I'd say in the 1st 100-150 days of not gambling I swear I didn't know who I was in anyway,  But now I try and keep things reasonably simple...ish lol.A friend who has had mental health issues said recently 'thoughts come and go through our heads but we don't have to act on them,  we can just let them go' a bit random but true! Here's to another GF week, month, year and beyond. Take care Sx

 

Posted on:
Mon, 22/01/2018 - 13:39

Stephen The Strong

Joined:
2017-05-10

Reading the last two posts brings home to me the power of our thoughts.

Little Miss Lost wrote : "Our thoughts can be responsible for the way we feel. How we sometimes forget that we have to control our thoughts and not have our thoughts control us."

A friend of Sharon  said : "Thoughts come and go through our heads but we don't have to act on them, we can just let them go."

A problem we have as compulsive gamblers is ridding our minds of unwanted thoughts of gambling. Now and then these thoughts will undoubtedly come into our heads. If they are ignored they might move on, but if they are allowed to get their feet under the table, than they don't want to go.

We can't function without thoughts, every action starts off as a thought. Maybe we need to employ 'Thought Police' to check the credentials of incoming thoughts. That might seem improbable but a well known meditation involves sitting quietly whilst observing our thoughts coming and going.

Like society has good and bad so our minds also have good and bad . We have to just juggle it about and get on with it. If a member of society behaves badly than he or she is banished and we must do likewise with our destructive thoughts.

Well my plan is to live each day with positive thoughts, a belly full of hope and a smile on my face....As Captain Sparrow said : "What could possibly go wrong?"

Posted on:
Fri, 26/01/2018 - 23:30

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

Hi all, thanks sharon and abstainer, once again, for your messages and thoughts.
I haven't been posting on here for a few days but I have still been looking in. I can only usually look in on an evening and to be honest it takes a fair while to catch up with people's posts, let alone post myself.
Unfortunately, there are many out there who I think I'll send them a message, either because they do not get an actual response from other members and I don't want them to think they're alone or its because their story resonates with me. Most times, I just don't have the time to respond and I regularly doze off halfway through writing a post, my eyes just won't stay open!
To all out there who feel alone in their struggles. There are others who are reading your diary and sharing this journey with you.
Please keep posting if it helps you to focus and stay on the right path. We are all in this together.
Never think no-one cares if you don't get a response because we do and what you write could help many others to understand what they are going through and not feel alone.
Happy weekend to all x

Posted on:
Sat, 27/01/2018 - 09:50

Scotto85g

Joined:
2018-01-01

That’s a lovely sentiment LML, great thoughts. I also do the same in that regard. How are you feeling this week? How’s it been? Scott

Posted on:
Sat, 27/01/2018 - 17:53

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

Hi Scott,
bit of a mixed bag this week but can't complain.
Just when I was letting work get on top of me I received great feedback for what I do. Call me fickle but it's amazing how it picks you up.
I suppose it applies to all areas of our oh so busy lives. An unexpected well done or thank you does wonders for most. Doesn't have to be any grand gesture. It's just that sometimes people/loved ones can be taken for granted and a simple thankyou or message of appreciation can lift the spirits - fellas - a little bunch of unexpected flowers wouldn't go amiss - haha!!
Ah well, seeing my friend tonight, going for an Indian meal. Used to be unheard of, would rather be sat in bed losing on the slots. I feel no guilt treating myself every now and then - I'm worth it lol!! Xx

Posted on:
Sat, 27/01/2018 - 22:40

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

Hi Lml, you are no way fickle! Praise where it's due. Gambling seems to such us dry of positives including selfworth and confidence.Hope you had a nice meal, you're worth it Sx 

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