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Trying again

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#1 Posted on:
Fri, 16/02/2018 - 15:29

burko26

Joined:
2017-06-16

I have tried previously, I even made a diary entry before (here: http://www.gamcare.org.uk/forum/staring-today-july-12-2017) it is now 7 months on and I am starting again. 

I tried before, and I made it without relapsing for over a month, but in the end, the temptation to enter a shop got the better of me and I fell back into old habits. Now with the help of counselling and a new purpose, I am starting again. Poorer, lower self esteem and more frustrated and disappointed in my self than before, but I am here. It is Friday and am looking forward to the weekend, next week and beyond.

Posted on:
Fri, 16/02/2018 - 16:11

Took a wrong turn

Joined:
2012-02-22

Well done Burko26 takes great strength to keep trying and you will surpass a month again, believe in yourself and keep posting

Wilsy

Posted on:
Fri, 16/02/2018 - 16:43

burko26

Joined:
2017-06-16

Thanks Wilsy. I appreciate that. Good luck to you too

Posted on:
Sat, 17/02/2018 - 18:10

burko26

Joined:
2017-06-16

Difficult today with so much sport on, but so far so good. 

Posted on:
Sun, 18/02/2018 - 08:55

burko26

Joined:
2017-06-16

I made it to day two. Today is day three

Posted on:
Sun, 18/02/2018 - 09:21

Took a wrong turn

Joined:
2012-02-22

Nice one buddy

Posted on:
Mon, 19/02/2018 - 06:44

burko26

Joined:
2017-06-16

I got through day three. 

Onto today, Monday, for day four. 

Posted on:
Mon, 19/02/2018 - 09:34

burko26

Joined:
2017-06-16

I have been listening to Russell Brand's audio book on addiction this weekend. Just got to the end of chapter one and am about to start on the exercises.  There are 15 questions he asks, I am working on the first four at the moment:

  1. What do I want to change? (He asks this as his book is a general addiction therapy book)
  2. What pain or fear do I associate with gambling?
  3. What pleasure am i getting out of gambling?
  4. What will it cost me if this does not change?
Posted on:
Mon, 19/02/2018 - 09:38

Took a wrong turn

Joined:
2012-02-22

Hi Burko,

well done on getting through the weekend and onto day 4 buddy nice and easy does it. You sound in a decent head space and determined, well done on starting Russell Brand's Audio Book, I wish I could apply myself in the same way. 

Have a good day, keep posting, I look forward to posting each morning, it sets me up for the day.

Wilsy

Posted on:
Tue, 20/02/2018 - 08:33

burko26

Joined:
2017-06-16

I was at counselling last night. I am lucky, my work pays for BUPA care and as a result I am able to attend one to one counselling sessions. They are obviously tailored to me, but I can try to share what I am learning and what I am doing. 

 

The first thing she advised me to do is to give yourself every possible chance of removing temptation. Will power alone for me is not enough. I cannot stop on my own and even when I am gambling, I do not know when to stop. When I am ahead, I keep going, when I am behind, I keep trying to get back level.  I can look back at blackjack hands and picture the hands I was dealt and feel the exasperation as I doubled stakes to try to get back to a point  where I was near to level, only to get another 16 against a king. 

 

I am powerless to stop myself when I start. So I try not to start. 

 

My bank cards stay home. I have my pocket money. 

 

I have excluded myself from online accounts and I set my computer wallpaper to a photo of my family. This is a reminder of everything I will lose if I carry on as I am doing. 

 

I get the urge to gamble. It is like a woodpecker tapping its beak against my skull. “Gamble, gamble, just one hand, just £50, you might win”. I get the urge a lot. I have to do everything I can to shift my thoughts away from the urge to gamble and onto something else. Something healthy. 

 

My counsellor asked me to picture my funeral. Not a pleasant thought. She asked me what I WOULD LIKE my parents to say, my wife to say, my best friend and my children. I broke down in tears. It was then that it hit me. I left that counselling session and bounced off traffic lights and railings on my way home. I was in a daze. 

 

The idea of the funeral exercise was to identify WHAT I wanted people to think of me and compare that to what I think of myself. If what I think and what I want are different then I need to do everything I can to move myself along that path. 

 

Gambling to me is an escape. It is an escape from a cyclical pattern of pain, leading to temporary happiness, leading to consequences which ultimately lead to more pain. And then we start again. 

 

Identifying the pain is important. I have not got there yet. I have a history of depression but we are working through what caused that. 

 

Without getting too spiritual and going off topic, one belief I have is that my angst and hence my pain comes from never really having a plan about life. I fell into a career, I did A levels because they naturally followed GCSEs. I went to uni because that followed A Levels. My degree was in a subject that I could get a job in, not in a subject I had a passion for. All my life I have bumbled from one thing to the next without ever stopping to ask “where am I going and what am I doing”. 

 

I like writing and drawing. My counsellor suggests I use this forum as an outlet for these interests. I’ve written this on the train from Teddington to  Clapham Junction. I have only thought about gambling 8 or 9 times in this 20 minutes. 

 

Stopping gambling is a long, long road. But at least I have started on that journey.

Posted on:
Tue, 20/02/2018 - 09:25

burko26

Joined:
2017-06-16

 

 

As I left the house this morning and walked to the station, I thought of two things.

  1. Today is my parent's wedding anniversary. My dad died 13 years ago, but my mum is still going strong. She did not see the point in keeping her money until she died, then passing it on to my brother and me, so she gave us a chunk of our ineritance early. I gambled my portion of it away.  My parents did not work tirelessly to earn that money for me to squander. I am not going to gamble today.
  2. I actually looked up as i walked to the station, not down at the ground, or at my phone. I saw blossom on trees. It reminded me of the Nina Simone song, "Feeling Good".

Birds flying high, 
You know how I feel
Sun in the sky
You know how I feel 
Reeds driftin' on by You know how I feel  
It's a new dawn It's a new day It's a new life For me And I'm feeling good  

I am not going to gamble today.

Posted on:
Tue, 20/02/2018 - 10:57

Took a wrong turn

Joined:
2012-02-22

Thanks for your support Burko and you've written a great post this morning, a great song and do keep those thoughts close, it'll help remind you of what gambling has taken away, now you have decided to take your life back by not gambling.

Well done mate!

Wilsy

Posted on:
Tue, 20/02/2018 - 12:48

burko26

Joined:
2017-06-16

When my eldest son was 3, my youngest was 6 months old and was suffering a lot from sleep issues. On my eldest son’s 3rd birthday, during his birthday party, the littlest fella was tired, but would not sleep. I put him in his pushchair and took him for a walk. He nodded off after a few minutes and I thought that I’d just check he was getting into deeper sleep before I took him back home and joined in the chaos of a child’s third birthday. I sat on a bench and rocked the pushchair back and forth. i checked my phone and that is when I saw the App icon.

 I opened the gambling App and blew £350 on online blackjack. It took me 45 minutes. My youngest snoozed and my eldest had his birthday party. I was gambling. A child only has one third birthday party and I missed a fair chunk of it and went back for the remainder in an angry state of mind, not daring to explain why, but not enjoying his birthday party. I actually thought in the build up to his birthday that we could get him a bike at Christmas as an £80 kids bike was a bit pricey.  I blew more than four times that amount in 45 mins in an online casino. Thinking back to that day, as i do when i get the urge to gamble again, when i want to punish myself again and also as I do on his birthday each subsequent year, makes me feel incredibly sad and makes me question just how I could possibly have my priorities so far out of whack. I guess when you are an addict, rationality and thought clarity go out of your head. One thing we are looking at doing in my counselling sessions is looking at NOT acting on impulse, taking a minute, taking a moment and thinking…”let’s just give it 30 minutes” and then doing something for 30 mins before then thinking again, “I’ll just wait 30 more minutes”. I can’t get the money back, not the missed birthday party. I wish I had the thought process then to “just wait 30 mins”.  Maybe then I would have seen him blow his candles out. I wonder if he knew about my addiction, even though he was three, what his wish would have been when he blew the flames out. Another reason not to gamble again today.

Posted on:
Wed, 21/02/2018 - 10:48

burko26

Joined:
2017-06-16

Despite everything I have written above, I have just gambled well over £1000 in the first 90 minutes of my working day. I have lost it all. I am pig sick. Right now, I have bypassed the "consequences" part of the cycle and gone straight to the pain. I hate myself. I dare not look at my bank balance. I do not have a £1,000 to lose. What the **** am I doing? 

Posted on:
Wed, 21/02/2018 - 10:51

burko26

Joined:
2017-06-16

I am back to square one, well, i'm further back than square one as I have lost a grand. 2 days clean, two days. That is pathetic. Is that all i can manage? I am hurting right now. I cannot concentrate on work, all I am thinking about is the money I have lost and the deceit of my gambling. My head is ******. I cannot think about anything but gambling. 

Posted on:
Wed, 21/02/2018 - 11:06

Cookie12

Joined:
2018-02-19

burko26 .can you call the counselling line ? find someone to talk to .realisation has kicked you hard in the stomach today.i hope that you can move on from this .take care .

Posted on:
Wed, 21/02/2018 - 11:17

DeterminedDan

Joined:
2016-09-08

Burko, mate, what’s done is done.

There’s no going back now I’m afraid. I’m at a similar stage to you in the sense that I am very early on in my recovery. You see X, Y and Z at 50+ days and you want that yourself. But it seems like a million miles away. 

The key is to get through those first few days. Once you get to around 4 or 5 days, it starts to mean something. You start to feel a sense of achievement. 

Get back in the saddle and go again. It’s the only way. 

I’ve got an app called ‘Quit App’ and every time I have an urge to gamble, I read the notes that I’ve written on there and I can see the timer going on when my last bet was. It also tells me how much money I’m saving, second by second, based on what I used to spend daily on gambling. 

I’m currently taking my recovery hour by hour. That’s all I can manage at the moment. 

Keep fighting Burko!!!

Posted on:
Wed, 21/02/2018 - 11:23

PositiveAction

Joined:
Before 2009

Deleted

Posted on:
Wed, 21/02/2018 - 13:33

Took a wrong turn

Joined:
2012-02-22

Hi Burko, sorry to read about your recent relapse. You aren't pathetic this is serious stuff and like with going a couple of days quitting smoking or drink, all you have done is reached for gambling again after a couple of days and had a dabble. You've logged in and posted, you clearly want to keep trying so give yourself some peace and quiet while the fog clears in your head, maybe put your money somewhere safe over the next fews days to resist temptation and just try again fella, it is all we can do really.

All the best 

Wilsy

Posted on:
Wed, 21/02/2018 - 14:24

burko26

Joined:
2017-06-16

 

Thank you for the messages, I really appreciate them. I have had time to think and look at the situation and I am determined to try to take the right path again. I have re-read the Russell Brand chapter and looked again at the questions I need to answer.  I think this time, I have to be more ruthless with my self. As well as gambling Apps, I have now deleted Banking Apps off my phone. While the iPhone has changed my life in a lot of positive ways, the thumbprint quick sign in facility has hurt it in others.

I admit I am powerless and I alone cannot beat this. I need support, I need counseling and I need to believe that it can be beaten.

Just for the rest of the day, February 21, 2018. I am not going to gamble. And we'll take it from there.

Posted on:
Wed, 21/02/2018 - 22:58

burko26

Joined:
2017-06-16

I made it to the end of the day gamble free. Tomorrow is day one. 

Posted on:
Wed, 21/02/2018 - 23:45

Jayjam

Joined:
2017-08-09

​Burko, thanks for your words on my diary. As you know, I am new. I have read your diary and enjoyed your style of writing. Also, the tips that you have picked up and shared, genuinely helped me today. So please, for the sake of all good books, pick yourself up, dust yourself down and crack on to that happy ending. You know you will get there one day, so make tomorrow that day and start a fresh. Lets ride this train all the way yo the end. All the best, Jam

Posted on:
Thu, 22/02/2018 - 08:43

burko26

Joined:
2017-06-16

Thanks Jam. 

 

Posted on:
Thu, 22/02/2018 - 08:50

burko26

Joined:
2017-06-16

So, I start again. I have spent my commute this morning doing the crossword and have only now paused to write this. I think if this diary is to work for me then it has to become a thing I get into a routine with. The old routine involved going to

Bookies and using gambling apps when I got a spare 5 mins. Now I think I need to visit this page instead. I am not going to gamble today. Just for today. We’ll worry about tomorrow, tomorrow. This is the present and the present is where we are. I have a few meetings at work today, then counselling tonight. Thank you for reading and offering support and help. It is appreciated. 

Posted on:
Thu, 22/02/2018 - 09:02

DeterminedDan

Joined:
2016-09-08

Good lad! You’re only goal today is to not gamble. Get through until lunch time... small steps mate!

Posted on:
Thu, 22/02/2018 - 10:47

Took a wrong turn

Joined:
2012-02-22

Good post Burko, I often spend time on my diary in the mornings, it is a routine for me. I post my thoughts, lend some support to others, I feel it sets me up for the day and I feel satisfied and more motivated. I look forward to each morning when I can add another day to the tally and whilst I am still aware of relapses (I have had so many), I feel it is different this time.

Yes find a routine that works for you mate, avoid online gambling sites and gambling apps, that's where you need to just tell yourself 'No!'

Have a good day

Wilsy

Posted on:
Thu, 22/02/2018 - 10:58

strauss

Joined:
Before 2009

Last 25 years I missed my kids lives because of gambling.  Lost a couple of houses in the meantime.  My issue was sports betting which is subjective in nature.  If it would have been online casinos/fobt I wouldn't have had an issue.  They are fixed/bent - how anyone can think they can beat a computer programme is deranged. Tell yourself that - Stop Now - it ain't worth the time, let alone the money,

Make your own luck.

Posted on:
Thu, 22/02/2018 - 12:57

burko26

Joined:
2017-06-16

Got through the morning and am now about to go for lunch, a nice walk along the river. London is bright and breezy today and I fancy a break from my desk to breathe in some air.

The 12 step programme suggests that when you accept that you are powerless to face your addiction alone, you should seek out a "higher power" - something to put your faith in to help you. Traditionally, this would have been God, as this was created by the USA AA organisations.  I have typically struggled with this in the past as I have no faith in God. I am not religious, I cannot believe in a supreme being creating the heavens and earth and all things in it. So I need to find my "Power". Something that is bigger than me, something that wants me to succeed, something that wants me to be happy and gamble free.

I want to say that this forum, the encouragement that you give along with the help from my counsellor and the love from my family are the power I need to belive in. There is of course a desire from me to stop, but the people around me and the framework they give me gives me strength. This gives me power. This gives me THE power to overcome the Casinos, the bookies, the online accounts, the FOBTs and their addictive entrapment.

Now for my walk. 

Posted on:
Thu, 22/02/2018 - 13:01

Took a wrong turn

Joined:
2012-02-22

Great post, enjoy your walk mate

Wilsy

Posted on:
Thu, 22/02/2018 - 16:18

Sars27

Joined:
2017-06-02

Hey Burko ! Welcome back and well done for coming back ! I remember we started the same time I wish you all the best :) 

Sars 

Posted on:
Thu, 22/02/2018 - 16:32

Jayjam

Joined:
2017-08-09

Nice one, Burko, for getting back on that horse! Hope the counselling goes well later.

 

Jam

Posted on:
Thu, 22/02/2018 - 19:37

burko26

Joined:
2017-06-16

I had a really good session with my counsellor tonight. Very positive and I explained how I was on here, using the forum and drawing strength from you all. She was pleased. 

 I am breaking my day into tiny steps. Get to the train station, get on the train to do a crossword and write my diary. Reach my destination and walk a scenic way to the office - along the river, not the high street so I avoid the bookies.  Then once at work I get through to mid morning and have a coffee. Then lunch and have a walk. Then mid afternoon and have a coffee and an orange. Then a quick walk to the train station (avoiding the high street), onto the train for crossword and diary (or to counselling) then home. Phone away upstairs and chill with my wife.  I made a promise to my counsellor tonight I will start to do some exercise. Tomorrow I am going to run for (hopefully) 20 mins. I’m gonna my to cycle on Sunday as well. Just things to get me focused on getting a bit of health back.  I used to enjoy exercise, before I became hooked on gambling. There was something very pleasant about being out in nature without distractions just running. The pounding of my feet on the road, the smell of the grass, the sounds of the birdsong. I want to get that back.  Have a good evening everyone, stay off those horrible FOBTs, keep the apps closed and stay out of the bookies. We can do this x 

Posted on:
Thu, 22/02/2018 - 20:34

Cookie12

Joined:
2018-02-19

well done Burko.onwards and upwards x

Posted on:
Fri, 23/02/2018 - 10:11

burko26

Joined:
2017-06-16

Thanks Cookie12

Happy Friday everyone, nearly the weekend. I am working from home today. It is these days that I fear the most in some senses as I have both time to gamble and the opportunity to gamble. Fortunately I am skint, so the money side of things is not really possible unless I jump through a large number of hoops and get new online banking passwords issued, download the Apps, sign in, transfer money, then set up a new gmail account, create a new online persona, create a new account with a gambling firm, deposit the money, send them proof of my address and ID so that I can withdraw my winnings (If I was to get any) THEN start gambling.

It sounds like such a lot of effort, but it is the sort of thing that I could do.

Right now, I am going to take things one step at a time. I am going to work though to lunch and go from there. I am not going to gamble for the next hour. I'm going to put some chilled music on, make a list of things I need to achieve today and then work through that list. 

Posted on:
Fri, 23/02/2018 - 10:44

burko26

Joined:
2017-06-16

We also talked about what the abstenance was doing for my self esteem. I realised that when i gamble, there is a brief explosion of euphoria when I win. This is obviously natural, but  when I am losing, there is stress, frustration, anger. I blame the machines for being bent (which they obviously are), I blame the dealer for being unlucky, I blame jockeys for not riding to win, I blame the racing post for "being in collusion with the bookies to talk a horse up", I blame others......

I then bet to get my money back, I chase losses and strive to get back to zero. The emotion if I do is Relief. I breathe a huge sigh of relief. I may have gambled for hours and been up and down hundreds of pounds, but ultimately I feel negative emotions, or simple relief.

When I dont gamble. I have no bank cards but I have a small amount of cash in my pocket. i can use Apple pay to get a nice lunch and I feel happy. I feel content. Life is much simpler, but far more fulfilling. 

I then think, "what do I want?" Stress, anger, frustration, relief or contentment, satisfaction and fulfillment?

Is it worth risking Stress, anger, frustration, relief to get a brief period of elation?

The elation does not last. I am an addict. I put the winnings back in the pocket of the casino / bookmakers soon after and I am back to square one.

I want to choose the path of contentment

Posted on:
Fri, 23/02/2018 - 10:48

DeterminedDan

Joined:
2016-09-08

Correct answer Burko!

It just isn’t worth it. You’re making money everyday, simply by not gambling. Your euphoria moments should be at the start of the day when you wake up and you’re a day further away from your last gamble AND at the end of the day when you’ve made it all the way through the day gamble free.

Have a good Friday!

Dan

Posted on:
Fri, 23/02/2018 - 13:39

Took a wrong turn

Joined:
2012-02-22

Great post my friend, keep on smashing it and choose a life that you enjoy and feel at peace with and that life has no place or time for Mr Gambling addiction.

Have a great weekend, check in with you on Monday

Wilsy!

Posted on:
Sun, 25/02/2018 - 11:08

burko26

Joined:
2017-06-16

Hope that everyone's weekend is going well. I was GF yesterday and am feeling good. Had a great day with the kids, cycling and tree climbing. Looking forward to more of the same today.

Have a good day everyone, stay off those machines, casinos, betting sites. We can do this

Posted on:
Mon, 26/02/2018 - 11:51

burko26

Joined:
2017-06-16

Hi all, I had a good weekend. GF all weekend and had a very chilled time with the family. I hardly thought about gambling at all which was a huge step forward for me as previously it has really dominated my daily thoughts a lot of the time.

Had a few meetings at work this morning and so I have not really had the opportunity to seek out gambling either. So far, so good x

Posted on:
Thu, 19/04/2018 - 10:26

burko26

Joined:
2017-06-16

I made a huge decision last night - I confessed everything to my wife. I told her about my gambling addiction, I told her about the losses, I told her about the dishonesty, I told her about the loan I have taken out to cover my losses. I cried, I broke down in tears at various points. Throughout all of it, she was calm, focussed and listening to me.  I kept thinking throughout the confession how I did not deserve her.

Actually saying the words to her....those times I said I was going to starbucks, I was actually going to Coral, the working late on my computer was me playing blackjack. Watching an internet stream of a Polish football match was not as a result of a love of the sport - but because i had a hundred on Poznan to score more than 2.5 goals......made me realise how much this had affected me, what this sickness had changed me into and how it had warped my mind.

So today, I have a new vigour, a new feeling of freedom. There are now no lies, no hidden truths and no diversionary tactics. To be clear, she has not patted me on the head and said, "there, there". There are rules. I have no control of my money, I have no bank cards. She has everything. I am given "spending money". I have my "Find friends" on my iPhone set and I have to carry my phone, so that she can see where I am. All gambling accounts are closed and anti gambling software is installed on our computers.

I am also to attend Gamblers Anonymous meetings. I am going to my first one on Tuesday.

I am sorry to all of you whose diaries i started commenting on. I am going to have a read through the forum now and see who is still around.

Keep Fighting

x

Posted on:
Tue, 24/04/2018 - 13:54

burko26

Joined:
2017-06-16

 

Things are going well, just checking in. First session at a GA meeting tonight. I have stayed GF since my confession to my wife last week. Hope everyone is ok

 

Posted on:
Tue, 24/04/2018 - 15:08

Took a wrong turn

Joined:
2012-02-22

Hi Burko,

firstly good luck with your first GA Meeting tonight, I have been to some before and they are very useful to many addicts. You made a huge step confessing to your wife, she sounds as if she is prepared to help you with handling your money.

Secondly coming from someone who has also relapsed recently after 153 days, relapses happen, we are only human and we have a dreadful addiction, just keep on trying and don't be too hard on yourself, I am currently on myself but over the coming days we need to let go of what has passed and work towards a new beginning.

Wilsy

Posted on:
Wed, 25/04/2018 - 09:09

burko26

Joined:
2017-06-16

Hi Willsy mate,

Thanks for the message. Keep on bring strong. 

Posted on:
Wed, 25/04/2018 - 09:19

burko26

Joined:
2017-06-16

I attended my first GA meeting last night and was blown away by the welcome I received and the support offered. 

There were 12 of us there, both genders and multiple races. Each with different tales to tell and at different stages of recovery. We took turns to say our piece and to help and encourage others. I felt a little under qualified to offer advice with it been my first session, but what was telling was that i recognised signs of my own addiction from what the others were saying.  Neglected relationships AngerDespair Brief elationBoredom Seclusion  Everyone there had given their bank cards to a loved one.  The breaking down of the seclusion/boredom and the opportunity to gamble was a recurring factor. The support from a loved one is necessary to keep us on the right path. I’m so glad I told my wife. 

Posted on:
Wed, 25/04/2018 - 11:47

jamdownunder

Joined:
2013-08-21

Hi Burko. Well done on sharing with your wife. Must have been very difficult and I bet your stomach was tied in knotts. Now to forge forward without that horrible feeling ever again. The weight off your shoulders must be amazing so imagine how it will feel when you get some proper days, weeks and months under your belt. Gambling will be a distant memory. 

Sending you my best wishes.

 

Jam

Posted on:
Wed, 25/04/2018 - 21:58

burko26

Joined:
2017-06-16

Thanks Jam.

I am now 7 days gamble free and I feel that, if I am honest with myself, then for the first time since trying to kick the gambling habit that I am properly taking things seriously. I feel it has taken this to move me forwards. 

Telling a loved one what I have done

Surrendering access to money

Accepting that I am a compulsive gambler

Taking steps to change my life.

I learnt that the money is not the issue - I used to think it was, but what really is the issue is the relationships I have strained, the low opinion of myself that I have taken, the anger I have demonstrated. It is only by accepting this, that I feel ready to move forwards.

So here we go, it is a week since I last gambled, a week since I broke down and told my wife and a week since she held me and told me that she will help me get rid of this sickness.

Moving forward, tiny steps, but moving forwards...

Posted on:
Thu, 26/04/2018 - 09:30

burko26

Joined:
2017-06-16

Woke up this morning feeling very positive - spent the first ten mins in bed while awake thinking about the day, thinking how I am not going to gamble and how I am going to fill my time with other more pleasurable activities. I dropped my son off at school and then had a short walk. Being outside in the sunshine is a lot more pleasurable than being inside a dark bookies,

Posted on:
Mon, 30/04/2018 - 13:37

burko26

Joined:
2017-06-16

I had a good weekend, lots of good time with friends and family, not putting myself in positions where I might gamble and not being tempted to do so. Today is day 12. 

I have read through the literature I got from GA and am thinking of the one day at a time mantra, I am finding it helpful. I have though through quite a bit about the after affects of my gambling. My relationship with my wife is strained, I need to keep on working at it and trying to prove that I have changed. 

It is a long old road, of which I am only a few steps in, but I am determind to get there

Posted on:
Tue, 15/05/2018 - 15:11

jamdownunder

Joined:
2013-08-21

Hi Burko, just thought I'd drop you a note as not heard from you in a while, hope all is good mate.

 

Jam

Posted on:
Fri, 20/07/2018 - 23:56

burko26

Joined:
2017-06-16

Hey Jam, 

Gamblewise matey, everything is going well. I am now 93 days gamble free and am delighted with that.

I hope that you are doing well x