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Posted on:
Thu, 13/09/2018 - 07:38

Skyblueblue

Joined:
2016-10-06

Some of the clouds are lifting....that is not to say I am going to forget or brush my behaviour under the carpet.

I am in the fortunate position of being in a well paid job, so will bounce back financially quite quickly.

Putting the debt to the side, I recognise that i have a fight on my hands....my brain (despite being generally sharp/logical), is allowing thoughts to filter through.

'If I just bet on the golf each week and leave it at that, I can control this'.

What complete and utter nonsense....I cant control it, I never have been able to control it, its not enjoyable - its utter torture and pain !!!

Waken up Sbb, get that guard up.....no more acceptance of thoughts like that.

I am a compulsive gambler and will not return to that dark place.

Sbb     

Posted on:
Fri, 14/09/2018 - 08:31

Skyblueblue

Joined:
2016-10-06

If you stole from me - I would hunt you down and make you pay.

If you hurt my family - I wouldnt rest until you felt my wrath.

If you jeopardised my job - I would fight you on the beaches.

If you came between my friends and I - I would nail you to the wall.

If you affected my health - I would cast you off, never to return.

Yet it is I who inflicts all of these upon myself.

What gives me the right ?

I owe this to myself, forget everything and everybody else.

I dont deserve to be attacked on all fronts like this.

I am strong, I am focussed, I am that person I aspire to be.

The first person I am going to look after from now on is me.

Without me, I cannot support anyone or anything else.

My kryptonite is gambling, my antidote is me.

The solution is right here in front of me......STOP TRYING TO BE SOMETHING, LET THAT SOMETHING BE ME !

Sbb

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