Walking in to the recovery program my fears were 10 out of 10.
Walking in to the recovery program I had given up all faith and hope in myself.
I felt that gambling controlled my life.
I use to be very hard on myself, I use to think that I must be dumb or stupid, that I must be evil or bad, that I was a complete waste of time and energy.
At one time I was asked to engage my brain before using my mouth.
I could not articulate my feelings and emotions, I use to react in such unhealthy ways, I use to think that it was normal to be angry, I use to think that feeling so inadequate and insecure was normal.
The recovery program is about healing and becoming healthy once more.
In my addictions and obsessions I got in to the unhealthy habit of burying and suppressing my pains.
The recovery program asked me to be honest with myself.
The twenty questions always remained the same, it was my honesty that grew.
The recovery program is very much mountain climbers working as a team to learn new skills, to take healthier paths, to exchange unhealthy habits in to healthy habits.
The recovery program was going to help me to learn how to communicate in healthy ways, to be able to articulate myself in healthy ways.
The recovery program was going to help me see myself in other people, both the healthy and unhealthy aspects and habits.
The more time and energy I put in to my recovery I would be the person that benefited the most from it.
Being equal to all we are all humbled to our own honesty.
How much do I value myself today, how much more am I will to do for my recovery.
By doing my recovery resentfully I was cheating myself, by doing my recovery for some one else I was cheating myself.
To over come fear of failure, to over come fear of rejection and abandonment, to over come fear of being honest, to over come deceptions, to no longer get frustrated, to no longer procrastinate, to write daily my needs, my wants and my goals.
To learn to be accountable to myself first of all.
To heal my inner child so that my emotional age and my physical age get closer together.
To peel back the onion and let the pains of my past be exposed and healed.
I was a victim for sure that is not healthy.
I was a perpetrator for sure that is not healthy.
I tried being a rescuer for sure that is not healthy.
The recovery program is all about slow healthy progress not perfection.
Love and peace to every one
AKA Dave of Beckenham