Whether you gamble, whether you don't gamble.
It's all ***
Life is *** hard work.
Stop looking for excuses.
That's the only way I've stayed free from gambling for 5 years now.
You don't have an illness - you hate your life.
Fix your life and you'll never gamble again. I read so many threads in the family&friends forum about how they've finally got their husbands under control and got their bank cards etc.
Gambling's not the issue. If you were any good at gambling and winning you would'nt even be here and reading this.
The reason you can't stop is because you hate your life. Answer to yourself why and you'll sort your problem. Your woman taking control of your bank cards really isn't the answer.
Anything else is just talcum powder words to make you feel better.
Trust me on this.
Interesting read Mole,just have a feeling it will get edited in many parts... (language man 😉 )
Please allow me to put my 5 cent worth. I partly agree with you.
Firstly, us CG need all the support possible from every direction while we are "active". Handing ur finances over to someone you trust is essential in my eyes...still, i think this should be until the trust is earned back or both parts are ready to give their best shot in recovery. Everyone is different, we cannot measure recovery and the pace we are moving. Some ppl canot trust themselves at all and feel comfortable enough to be "on the lead" with finances...some however works hard and proves their loved ones that they're commited to the change. This only works if CG is honest about their feelings, that if feeling wobbly, (we do time to time) asks for that help again, being open and getting their head down without putting a brave mask on while struggling deep inside...plus, as you say, we all need to look at ourselves and the reasons we started gambling in the first place. Trust has to be earned, respect will come alongside it. It is work in progress also.
Still, some people are soooo hurt they think they will never trust the person again..or just are scared of another betrayal..affair with the worst enemy - destructive addiction.
As i said, it is individual battle, and everyone has to find the balance working for them.
Well done on ur 5yrs! It can be done вє
An interesting perspective on things.
You say "your woman taking control of your bank account really isn't the answer"
Sorry mole but for this soldier it was ONE of the solutions that stopped my addiction and allowed me to begin the journey into recovery.
Which at the end of the day is all that matters at the moment.
Each of us on here makes choices whether to gamble or not.
Each of us on here makes choices as to what direction our individual recovery takes.
You say you are gamble free for 5 years which is a magnificent achievment. Any tips would be very well received.
This summer you did post some very positive and constructive comments on the usefulness of limiting your access to money:
Many of our forum users have found that placing limits on their access to money has helped them to abstain from gambling.
Many of our forum users will also agree with your view that it is helpful to understand why you are gambling.
Thanks guys for responses. I was just trying to get a debate going. NONE of my comments were aimed at anyone specifically. Honestly.
I reached a point in 2009 where I'd nearly destroyed my life through gambling (and in a pretty short space of time too - only ever really getting sucked in around 2004).
I think there really is such a thing as a predisposition towards addictive behaviour. I'm still drinking far too much when I drink. I drink maybe once a week now, but when I do I'll drink till I metaphorically strip naked on my roof in a lightening storm and try to create new life like Frankenstein, etc.
The reason I can't gamble is because "once a week" drinking leaves me with a hangover but a release of necessary pressure, but "once a week gambling" would leave my bank account completely empty because I can't stop.
I realised this, so I stopped gambling. But I have to have SOMETHING to release the pressure once in a while - and those who advocate a gentle power walk or cross-stitching a picture of the virgin mary's face, healthy diet and warm thoughts, have obviously never felt that level of stress.
Why? Because I currently hate my life, and have done for ten years.
Is this the human condition?
Is this just me being a weak bloke?
I honestly don't know.
But gambling in itself is not an illness - what it IS is a symptom of a deeper unhappiness in your life. Understand that, and the need to gamble becomes easier to handle.
Why am I posting this in "Success Stories"? Well, because I guess I'm a "Success" in that I'm no longer destroying my life with throwing money away on websites in the hope of a cheap buzz/chasing a lie.
But I'm not a "Success" in my life, so I still feel a fraud - and will always replace gambling with something else to kill the pain/boredom/disappointment/fear, until I fix the root causes of my unhappiness.
Anyway, hope some of what I said connects with you and helps.
All the best,
Thanks WCID, I appreciate you saying that. I get a bit worried sometimes as I only post here these days when I've had a skinful - booze was always my gambling trigger. So, when I still (thankfully very rarely now) get that d**n roulette itch, I come on here instead and vent instead of scratching it.
I wake up the next day, still getting that familiar gamblers' sinking feeling with the hangover - "christ how much did I do last night?", but now thank god it's only "christ I hope I wasn't too real on Gamcare last night!!"
Hope you're doing good.
I did the same thing i gave my mother and girlfriends over many years my bank cards I could not trust my self with them !! it did work eventually I have my cards back I seem to have got over the worse . The addiction Gambling made me homeless for a few months and bad credit , family helped in the end . Gambling is a sin it has its links with religion over 2000 years ago I think we are victims not a free will choice as its a temptation rather than a desire ? your views please .
Why the name Molehole? I love your posts - irreverent, controversial but stingingly true. I realised gambling was not the root cause ages ago but gambling is easier to fix - and I say that in relative terms - stopping gambling was one of the most difficult things I have achieved in my life to date. I am still trying to understand and manage the root causes - all complex and multifaceted - that will take many years I reckon - so don't be so hard on the ones who focus on stopping gambling first - it's a good start isn't it?
I use to swear a lot before my recovery, the reason was that I was unable to articulate myself in a healthy way.
The addictions and obsessions were a form of escaping in my fears, the addictions and obsessions were a symptom that I was emotionally vulnerable.
My emotional triggers were my pains not healed. My emotional triggers were my fears not faced.
My emotional triggers were my frustrations due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations. By me having unreasonable expectations of people life and situations I was effect causing myself pains time and time again.
My emotional triggers were my feelings of loneliness due to my fears of emotional intimacy. My emotional triggers were my feelings of being bored. I can be honest today with out being cruel or adversely affecting other people. I can embrace change towards healthy habits today.
My unhealthy reactions to people life and situations indicated that my hurt inner child was not healed.
My unhealthy reactions in anger, resentments, impatience intolerance, jealous, envy, rage, lack of trust, guilt shame regret remorse penance person pleasing vengeance mistrust self worth low self esteem indicate that I am not fully healthy and not at serenity with myself today.
In time I would open up in the recovery program, I would open up to counseling talking about every conscious memory of my past.
The recovery program helped me set up boundaries for myself.
Only once I surrender completely and live one day at a time, just for today I will not gamble. It is a boundary I set for myself to no longer live in fear and escape.
Just for today I will not Gamble and will not smoke means I am exchanging another unhealthy habit, yet just for today I will means my dedication towards being more productive today.
My wording I used I have to indicated that my thinking was obsessive, I then worked out what were my needs, what were my wants, what were my goals, and writing them down and making my lists made me more accountable to myself.
I also became more selfish about my recovery, not doing things resentfully or reluctantly, also doing things unconditionally, to do things and not expecting in return, that reduced my frustrations and my disappointments.
My addictions and obsessions were just symptoms that I was an emotionally vulnerable person.
Until I am admitted to myself that I was unhealthy no one could help me help myself.
Your ability to be honest and open indicates you have over come your fears of rejection and abandonment also indicates you are able to over come your fears of emotional intimacy.
For me my honesty helped me to be able to interact with other people in healthier ways.
Being an emotionally vulnerable person is not an excuse it is an inner understanding of myself.
People who use the wording excuse to addiction are not aware of how vulnerable they are or who are still burying their pains fears and frustrations.
My unhealthy reaction in my anger was due to my pains not healed, my fears not faced, my frustrations due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations, I use to think that being angry was healthy, not today being angry is not healthy in any way for me today.
My unhealthy reaction in my anger caused further aggression and confrontation, my anger caused people to fear me.
I want every one to be free of all fears towards me today.
I am no longer the victim, I am no longer the perpetrator, I am no longer the rescuer.
Because of my work in my recovery I am no longer the victim, I am no longer the perpetrator, I am no longer the rescuer.
Please keep going to meetings, you will benefit from it in so many ways.
Love and peace to every one.
AKA Dave of Beckenham