I am new to the forum.
Lost everything, my house I sold recently, money I borrowed on trust from friends and family, loans, cards I owned . Now I have no where to run. Probably might need to file for bankcruptcy. Although i have a job, for now which can pay the basic bills. Very nervous with wife and kids who are totally dependant on me. What have I done and what to look forward to. There is nothing and I can never rebuild my life. I do not know what to do or continue with my useless life at all. Anyone who has been in my situation and managed to come out, can you please advice if it's worth to continue my journey, and how to go about it?
well done for coming on here and posting, and well done for considering recovery. Please have a look around on the Forum, there are plenty of people who managed to trun their lives around from similar starting points as you find yourself in right now. It is always worth to carry on living if only so you can see your children grow up and can experience your own success in your recovery if you are putting the work in.
Please do call the Helpline on 0808 8020 133 or the Netline here to speak to an adviser one-to-one in real time. We can advise you of next steps and look for additional support in your area.
Please keep posting and please know that you are not alone and there is support on the journey.
All the very best,
Thank you Eva. I hope to hear from people who were in similar circumstances and managed to come out, their struggles and experiences. I hope there are few who can guide and help me. I need some suggestions on how to move forward. I am contacting stepchange but expect roadblocks ahead with lenders making it harder. So anyone with experience please share your journey and if it's a positive outcome through steps you took and help received, request to share.
Sorry I don’t have much time to write at the moment but I didn’t want you to feel like nobody has been reading and or going to reply to your post. I’ve been where you are and a lot of what you have written, I could have written myself. You have not mentioned what type of gambling it is that you do, but to start off with you need to get some blockers in place. Gamstop, self exclusion...there is lots of information on these subjects on the site. My main piece of advice would be to look at getting yourself some support. Call gamcare and arrange some counselling or even better get yourself along to a GA meeting. Talking about it helps believe me.
Thanks ITDamo, I've been stupid enough to gamble in share market or CFD as they say. I am putting a stop in place through self restriction and engage gamcare as well. I'll definitely try and get help for me and my wife from the support line. Very very nervous and panicking as I've never been in this situation with not only no money but owing many people. My demons got better of me and my angels couldn't save. Need to control my demons and channel my angels or goodbye world as I am tired and have no strength to fight anymore but will to not leave behind the ones I brought into this mess without any shoulder to cry on if not support.
I hope you're ok today. I hope you're sticking around GamCare and will use it as a support mechanism. I feel for you so much, especially with a family like myself - I know that pain friend. Listen - it may feel like the world is swallowing you up right now but by putting a stop to gambling and admitting defeat you have cranked the jaws open and now you will climb out of this mess - slowly and it will take time - and yes, you will become impatient and the demons will come sniffing for your blood but stay strong and work on things one day at a time until you put distance between this period of your life and step into the future - at that point you will feel stronger and more resilient - you will stand tall again if you stay on this path - in fact you will be taller and stronger for it - I know it doesn't feel like that now but you will.
The emotional support ITDamo has suggested is spot on - the GA (particularly) and counselling is a powerful medicine for someone like yourself at this point - sounds like you could do with some medicine to alleviate the pain - source your local meeting and get to it buddy.
re: Stepchange - don't be apprehensive about using them or second-guess what they can do for you - just contact them. The guessing games are over for you now remember? ;o) All I can say is that I did the same thing you did - contacted them with a defeatist, pessimistic view of what they could do for me in mind but in fact they were amazing and couldn't do enough for me - they are the experts in these situations and remember they've seen this all before... problem gambling is a global epidemic of huge proportions - there are people falling prey to this every few minutes across the world - just remember that if the self-loathing starts to get the better of you.
If you've got money coming in and all your debt is unsecured they will probably do a financial assessment with you and possibly offer to setup a DMP for you (Debt Management Plan) - they can help you work out an affordable monthly repayment which will be split across all creditors and they have to settle for this amount for the agreed term (which I guess is however long you require to pay off things)
Of course if you're debt is more significant and your income is not enough to warrant a DMP then Stepchange may help with the IVA (Individual Voluntary Arrangement) which is like the DMP I think but after 5-6 years remaining debt is wiped out and creditors cannot pursue anymore - I guess it's like the middle ground between a DMP and bankruptcy.
Stepchange sound like they are the key to your door right now - please ring them and see where things go from there. I'm sure whichever way it does go will be the right direction and will help loads to stablise your mental health right now as you'll have non-judgmental people helping you who are on your side. Good luck.
If you ever need support or just want to chat please drop me a message on my diary and I will respond. I would like to offer you an olive branch if you ever need it - I know I needed it when this first all happened to me.
Apols if I got some of the intricacies wrong. re. Stepchange and the services they could offer you - I'm not so hot in that area - the point of all that anyway was to reinforce that you do have options available to you - all is not lost yet my friend - they have seen it all before remember. And please, please do not focus all your energy on who you've let down and betrayed... don't waste what energy you have left. Instead focus everything you have in the tank on liaising with Stepchange - putting a plan of action in place to rebuild your future - for yourself, your wife and your kids - then execute that plan and you will rise again - slowly but surely ok?
And reach out if you need support - here, counselling, GP, GA - get as much help as you can. Drop me a line if you need to.
Yes my recovery is well worth while.
I am a non religious person I walked in to the recovery program having given up all faith and hope in myself.
I thought that giving my money away to complete strangers and risk taking hurting myself and other people was fun and that life was boring.
I walked in to the recovery program feeling guilty ashamed worthless and useless.
I walked in to the recovery program going in to panic mode on a regular basis.
I thought that by getting my money back would heal and resolve all the pains I caused myself and other people that was not true.
With each of my lies came further fears.
I use to think that honesty was the best policy was joke.
I feared emotional intimacy, I feared failing and trying new things.
The healthy people in the recovery program helped me understand that I was a rat in a wheel going faster and faster and was in self destructive mode.
Only once I abstained from all unhealthy habits indicated I was ready for the healing process to start.
There were easy fixes, each day was based up on baby steps exchanging unhealthy habits in to healthy habits.
I am not the lost angry person I use to be, I am not the insecure inadequate person I use to be.
Just for I will not gamble was a boundary to say that I no longer want to hurt myself today, I am starting to value myself.
I walked in to the recovery program not trusting myself or other people.
I could not trust myself with money.
Each day I put time and effort in to my recovery I am becoming the person I like today.
Is being a healthy person worth while.
Yes I have been in recovery since 1969 and all the time I put time and effort in to my recovery I and my family are the beneficiaries.
To move from unhealthy dysfunctional to interactive healthy relationships.
Each of my unhealthy habits exchanged to healthy habits means me and my family fears have reduced.
The most precious things in my life today is time and relationships.
I have moved from hating myself to caring loving and being proud of myself.
Love and peace to every one.
AKA Dave of Beckenham