The addictions and obsessions was a form of escape for me, escape from people life and situations I could not cope with emotionally.
The addictions and obsessions were places I went to when I could not cope.
I am a non religious person and found healing my hurt inner child took time.
Why did I not use the telephone list, because I either did not feel worthy of asking for help, or I felt that I did not want to inconvenience other people.
By admitting to myself that I was emotionally vulnerable was enabling to start to understand my emotional triggers.
I use to fear being honest because as a child when ever I was honest I was punished for it.
I always associated being honest as being painful.
Today I no longer talk about money lost, I no longer talk about being action.
Today I talk about how I coped with today.
I was not able to communicate before the recovery program.
I use to use swear words because I was not able to articulate myself in healthy ways.
When I try to justify myself I know that I am going against my own conscience or that I am not meeting with my own commitments.
The ideal situation is to be completely emotionally detached from all feelings and emotions towards gambling.
With every therapy I hear I see and feel myself in other people, I see and feel myself in who I use to be, I see and feel myself in who I am today, yet more importantly I see and feel myself in who I can be tomorrow.
Before my recovery I use to do things resentfully and reluctantly.
By doing thing with unhealthy motives I could not get any reward in myself from what I did.
With unhealthy motives I could not get pride in myself.
For every unhealthy habit I give up I replace it with a healthy habit.
Every new healthy habit I Take up make me feel more productive in myself.
Being in the recovery program today I am far less emotionally vulnerable and no longer have to escape people life and situations.
I am a non religious person and found that by embracing healthy spiritual values I am abe to embrace a healthy life today.
Love and peace to every one.
AKA Dave of Beckenham.
One of the strangest things I found was that I gained control over myself and my life BY giving up 'control' and 'controlling ways'...
It isn't a contradiction. By letting go of bad habits and old ways of behaving, one can became a new and happier person...
It is scary. The thought of change and the fear that it is too late and what would life be like if you faced it head on...
You are right, Dave. Admitting that you are scared and vulnerable isn't a weakness, apparently it IS a great strength!
BUT the only way to find that out is to do it! No one really believes it until it happens...
Just give it a go....take that leap...
In my recovery I found that my control issues were fear based.
Because I was I was emotionally vulnerable I would escape people life and situations I could not cope with in a healthy way.
The word normal was used often in the recovery program.
In time I would find out that normal people would say and do some very painful things to others and them selves.
The recovery program would help me help myself.
In time I was able to abstain from unhealthy habits.
It is scary for me to remind myself of how long it took me to identify my fears understand them and reduce my fears in everyday life.
I often tell my wife if I am feeling emotionally vulnerable, and over time Shirley my wife would tell me when she was feeling emotionally vulnerable.
I walked in to the recovery having suffered many pains in my life.
Each day is a challenge I am willing to face.
Love and peace to every one.
AKA Dave of Beckenham