What I did not know was that the day I walked in to the recovery program I was already a survivor.
Even though I could not help myself going back to my addictions and obsessions time and time again.
The healthy people in the recovery program would help me understand more about myself.
The healthy people in the recovery program would help me make healthier choices on a daily basis.
The recovery program helped me heal my hurt inner child.
The reward for working my recovery program today is pride in oneself, is confidence in oneself, is humility in oneself, is to be no longer angry with in oneself, is to be patient and tolerant with in oneself, is to be more in oneself, is to be more caring about our self, is to be more respectful about our self.
Being a risk taker and an adrenaline J****E I found myself to be very volatile in my mood swings, I was like Mr Jackyl and Mr Hyde and over time I would understand such that volatile in my mood swings were very unhealthy and very much made my family members feel vulnerable when I was so volatile.
Who is to say what is healthy and what is unhealthy.
As I set boundaries and stand up for myself, I am no longer the victim, I am no wanting to control and regulate other people.
Being honest is healthy, yet we can be honest with out hurting other people or myself, a healthy nurturing honesty helps people change, a unhealthy bullying and manipulating and harmful criticism will hurt other people and our relationship with other people.
My unhealthy reactions to people life and situations help me understand how unhealthy I was, that the pains of my past were not healed.
In the last week I procrastinated for some days, Shirley my wife recognized the fact but could she get me motivated to do some thing I needed to do, no that was my choice.
The more time and energy I put in to my recovery the faster the rewards would happen for me.
They use to say at the beginning of my recovery you only get out what you put in, what did that mean, the sooner I got honest with myself the sooner I could get motivated in myself, I found that being selfish was an important change I needed to make for myself, after all if I do not help myself I am unable to help other people.
Because of my recovery will think I am more than them, will the resent my recovery, will other people see them self in me, what could be achieved, how much more I could get from life and my relationships.
In order to have a healthy relationship with other people I needed to have a healthy relationship with myself.
Hence it was important for people to heal and resolve the past before they got involved in new close relationships with other people.
The rate of recovery was up to me, the sooner I gave up unhealthy habits, I gave up my addictions and obsessions and I got more involved with the healing processes, the sooner I would be happy and content with in myself.
How much time and effort am I worth today.
How motivated would I be and be willing to kick my a*s in to gear.
Love and peace to every one.
AKA Dave of Beckenham