I used to be a member here back in 2009, now over a decade ago! I can't even remember my username so I've signed up again just to share a message with anyone who comes here, as I did back in '09, in the depths of despair thinking they can't change, worried how they'll pay the rent or gas/electric this month due to trying to double it on the turn of a card.
Life changes. Everyone's life changes, that's the only constant we can trust. We don't really have as much control over these changes as much as we secretly like to think we do. Gambling, or booze or drugs, or anything that gives us a dopamine rush of feeling worthy, feeling lucky, feeling worthwhile, even just 'feeling' for a moment when we've spent all week unlucky at work hiding real emotions, just waiting for our sacred "Me time" gives us a false sense of agency and control over our destiny. It's fake, it's fukd logic!
I think we all feel negative a lot of the time, scared, angry, fearful. The Media teaches us we must be rich and thin; arrogantly sure of our own abilities; happy and focused with glorious creative careers & millions of pounds equity in our London houses we bought for a grand in the 80's.
Better try to gamble with our small wage to dare to dream and win our way to an impossible jackpot that'll put us in the "Love Island".
Gawd I went on quite a ramble there! Ha! The point I was trying to make is that the world as it is, is crazy bad at the moment! Gambling isn't such a crazy response to this world!
But it's an addiction least understood and least respected.
There's no drug, no withdrawal, no physical changes in brain chemistry, no alien substance being injected.... simply a natural dopamine release that can be found in anything else which empowers us and makes us feel "in control".
I'm proud to say I haven't gambled in 10 years today.
I was in the depths, in hell ten years ago.
My life isn't perfect, in fact it's pretty c**P at the moment, but I have no urge to gamble anymore. If I need a dopamine fix of reward I find other stimulants & real life. That's not to say I've become complacent or 'over it'. No not all, I know given the right set of circumstances I'd be sucked straight back in. However, ten years I can say it's now boring, there are better 'buzzes' out there.
Best wishes to anyone who stumbles across this post who is deep in the hole and about to start the journey. You can do it in this second if you realise what it is and choose in every moment NOT to do it. Over a short time you WILL replicate that missing buzz through real life human connections if you want.
If you don't want - carry on staring into a screen and watch the pixels dance. It's in your hands right now to make a choice. Ultimately no one really cares that much what you decide, despite all the guff, no one else is there at three in the morning when we you wake up sweating panic attack remembering you've gambled the rent money.
SO DO IT FOR YOU NOW!
Say to yourself in this moment - I choose not to gamble.
i have created an account to reply to this, it has got to me, i am that person who has just stumbled across this post and i am in that very very deep hole. It has motivated me, i hope to become just like you in 10 years,
i am ready to start my journey, i am at rock bottom right now and need to pick myself up.
thank you for this post
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