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Posted on:
Wed, 05/09/2018 - 16:51

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

72 Days.

I realise that the best way to relax is to just...Unwind and be calm.

Posted on:
Fri, 07/09/2018 - 18:11

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

74 days without gambling.

I'm back to living.

Posted on:
Sat, 08/09/2018 - 14:38

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

75.

Life twists and turns.

Looking back over my diary and realising the ups nd down... Emotional, very.

Posted on:
Sun, 09/09/2018 - 09:30

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

76

I am doing the right thing.

I went for a 50 minute jog at 6am. Felt jittery this morning. I know I'll be okay.

Posted on:
Mon, 10/09/2018 - 16:33

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

77.

Back to work and today was not easy. However, I wont fall into old ways, regardless of my health woes at the moment.

Posted on:
Tue, 11/09/2018 - 15:48

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

78.

I wonder whether other people at work have demons in their closet and that is what haunted me when I was striving to do my very best? It felt like everyone was wieghing me down to defeat my conquest!  Now since I have been through the mill...I no longer have the ambition that shone through me like a light...I am just an ordinary guy now that goes to work and collects wages at the end of the month...Plain and simple...

Posted on:
Wed, 12/09/2018 - 16:18

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

79.

I passed a bookies today and made a joke about betting...Something was tempting my brain to fit back into the old ways. The burning part of gambling that says, "Go on!" I'm glad I left the area now and have time to think over what I was thinking...

Posted on:
Thu, 13/09/2018 - 15:59

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

80.

Eighty days around the world but still the same old me...

Posted on:
Fri, 14/09/2018 - 15:32

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

81.

Friday.

Posted on:
Sat, 15/09/2018 - 07:10

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

82 days.

Resting today.

Posted on:
Sun, 16/09/2018 - 09:36

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

83 days.

Such progress, but still have the mind of a gambler?

Posted on:
Fri, 05/10/2018 - 16:10

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

102 days.

I made it!

My account has been locked and I managed to steer clear of gambling...

Posted on:
Fri, 05/10/2018 - 19:09

sjw

Joined:
2017-10-27

Well done one 100 days mate!

Its been impossible for most people (me included) to log in for ages now but its great to hear that people like yourself are still doing well. Now the forum seems to be back up and running a little more regularly hopefully you'll keep coming back for that extra support from us guys on here!

Have a good weekend.

All the best.

Posted on:
Sat, 06/10/2018 - 06:24

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

Thanks for support.

Yes, I will be on here...

Yesterday I spoke about my gambling to a relative and realised that all it takes is a bet to be back to sqaure 1. I read the 25 year story, 1 day at a time... from a compulsive gambler and thought about my own journey.

Then I Remembered my personal story...The  physical response the day after gambling...The body floods with stress chemicals and makes me feel worthless.. and I believe now that it all played a part in my demise...Anyway, I'm back!! Although my mind is still addictive, compulsive and impulsive and sometimes I wish it weren't.

I don't want to be negative about this abstinence adventure....However, I think although we stopped placing wagers to win; there are still a number of ways we seek rewards and the brain functions this way no matter what, because it's a part of a genetic makeup. I have a good example...Playing a game that doesn't require money, ok, it does a lot less harm financially but it still feeds the reward centre. Therefore, probably we will never be cured, going back to my original point, the writer mentions rewiring off the brain (which is true also). We have stopped and now we need to stay free of gambling...Hence, it is still a mountain climb to staying gamble free.

Posted on:
Sat, 06/10/2018 - 21:12

signalman

Joined:
2018-08-31

Yeah man... I will started looking at all of life's hurdles as a game I must win on a day to day basis... My performance at work, cleaning the house, cooking the dinner even.

Gambling is a game but SOOOO easy to win that one... Just never place that first bet and you've won. Easier said than done for course but still a simple strategy to win that game. Once I get embroiled in it I will lose (big time in my case... I'll lose everything)

Stay strong mate.

Posted on:
Mon, 08/10/2018 - 18:48

Christer1

Joined:
2016-02-29

So true in all your words especially all it takes is one bet. Also i like alot else what you have especially bout the government and the nothing they do good read i will follow your diary it will help me

Posted on:
Sun, 14/10/2018 - 18:01

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

Thanks Christer 1.

I have had a well deserved weekend. Treated myself to a trim.

I still suffer with a very distorted thinking pattern. I know that the gambling helped me develop an anxiety disorder. However, when I talk about anxiety I aint talking about some silly little nervous moment. No, what I am talking about is constant worry of having the following; panic attack, heart palpitations, heart attack, fit, convulsions, dying...These worries have plagued me for 1 year constantly and it has been exhausting.

..Gambling was something that got me so high that I couldnt even stand still..Who the **** created this monster? Was it the devil himself? I pray to god every night and thank the lord for my life...I ended up in the worst place ever...Please do not let these blood suckers take away the little bit that you have...I am sorry for my sins and all I wish for you is peace.

We all deserve a chance to live...

So just live...

Stay away from the devil...

He Steals, Destroys & Kills.

Posted on:
Sat, 20/10/2018 - 14:52

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

Well I have been having lots of dreams about gambling lately and I know my brain is trying to process all the ******** stuff I have done to rid the addiction from my brain. It's hardwired to gamble and that is how strong this addiction is. No scummy gambling for me...

Posted on:
Sun, 21/10/2018 - 09:19

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

I think about the numerous times I lost everything and the feeling of being broke doesn't just effect me, it brings trouble to my family, the community and society...What a bloody waste!
 

Posted on:
Mon, 22/10/2018 - 16:49

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

Giving is receiving...

The dream that I have recurring is weird...

I play a machine with my son and all of a sudden I get unlimited free money and keep filling my pockets with it as it comes out of the bit where you place it (like bank machine). However, after some time I realise its monopoly money...Then I have the reassurance that I can go back and re feed the monopoly money...Hmmm...Definitely its telling me that the money isn't real (no value) when you play those games...

Posted on:
Wed, 24/10/2018 - 16:26

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

121.

I am in a much better place than not so long ago, that's all that matters.

Posted on:
Thu, 25/10/2018 - 17:49

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

Meditation and coq10 seems to be turning my life around...

Starting to feel much, much better..

Posted on:
Sat, 27/10/2018 - 08:18

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

Tiredness seems to put you back a bit ...

However, each day that passes you get more and more resilient. We will conquer addiction and the mental state will completely recover. With small steps and subtle changes...It just takes a little time.

Posted on:
Sun, 28/10/2018 - 14:24

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

125.

I did something good with some money yesterday. It makes me feel good. I read somewhere that OCD is very difficult to treat. Gambling, unfortunately is directly related to the disorder.

Makes sense.

Posted on:
Mon, 29/10/2018 - 15:54

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

126.

Monday and it seems that I'm back to sqaure 1. Although I havn't gambled for 126 days.

 

Posted on:
Tue, 30/10/2018 - 16:13

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

127.

I feel awful then okayish...I am hopeful that I will get completely better one day. Don't gamble.

Posted on:
Wed, 31/10/2018 - 17:13

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

Today is better.

128 days gamble free.

Posted on:
Thu, 01/11/2018 - 18:16

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

129.

An amazing acheivement.

Posted on:
Thu, 01/11/2018 - 19:00

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

You're doing brilliantly, believe I yourself and your strengths you've broken the habbit, theres no reason why you cant keep going on this gamble free path. Adam

Posted on:
Sat, 03/11/2018 - 08:34

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

Thanks, I appreciate it!

Posted on:
Mon, 05/11/2018 - 10:58

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

133 days.

Gambling is now being viewed by the government as a gambling related harm and seen as a  health issue. 18% of people across the UK gamble online and the stakes are unlimited.

So, although I have managed to stop completely for 133 days, there are a number of people going through hell right now becuse they have lost their money to an addiction which  the person cannot control. If there are vunerable people, why does the regulators and the government not act? They should have done it years ago. I know initially people loved the idea of being able to win big amounts, however, no one knew in reality they would  turn the tables and instead extract huge sums from poor families by using software that induces mental health problems at a very large scale. It got out of hand years ago and everyone and everything in this society has suffered.

..Time to pull the plug and give back the  honesty to communites and individuals...The lies have to STOP!

  Recently a government official  that made sure the FOBT's stake was to be reduced to £2  has resigned, for the reason that, the government have been 'taken care of'  to ensure the delay of stake cut until October 2019!.

... People already have nothing left...Then alas ,they decide to close it down (because the model is exhausted).

Posted on:
Tue, 06/11/2018 - 12:28

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

134.

According to Dr's and psychiatrist's. DSM etc...Like asthma or diabetes, there’s no permanent cure for compulsive gambling. “It is a chronic, long-term illness." “But it can be controlled very, very well so that you are not worrying about it every day.”

 

Reality is, gambling is a brain disease where the brain doesn't work properly or is hardwired to seek out pleasure in the form of gambling. You can legally  be spoonfed this by; media and government...

It really isn't the public's fauly when this is recognised as a disease...One that destroys.

Posted on:
Wed, 07/11/2018 - 17:26

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

135.

People can sometimes make you feel unhappy or maybe their unhappiness can make you miserable. I am already feeling gloomy from negativity around me... Chin up! 135 days...

Posted on:
Thu, 08/11/2018 - 14:43

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

Its strange when I look back at a post...Yesterday for instance, I cannot actually remember what was going through my head at the time...This can be compared to making the choice to gamble..It catches you so unaware and off guard, it seems like the right decision at that very moment...Atfer, you wish you never made the choice, win or lose.

Posted on:
Mon, 12/11/2018 - 17:14

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

140 days.

Still, it is a mountian climb...Although I feel that  during abstinence things stay the same. Gambling, on the other hand, really alters everything, the excitement is the ultimate rush. However, with the up, comes the down,  I can no longer bear the down part...The downs have erroded, corroded and destroyed my baseline and below. I am left distraught to say the least.

All I have left is hope... for a better future!

 

Peace.

Posted on:
Mon, 12/11/2018 - 19:35

sjw

Joined:
2017-10-27

Hello Magnetism,

Great to see you at 140 days, congrats.

Life moves alone fairly steady for the most part once we stop but there is a lot to be said for the peace you can find in that space. I felt like my heart was racing for years while gambling and thats a sick, worrying place to be whether thats off of a high or a low. As you say when it does come crashing down (and it always does to us as compulsive gamblers) it really is soul crushing.

Look after yourself and try be the best you.

All the best.

Posted on:
Thu, 15/11/2018 - 13:24

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

Thank you SJW,

Well the past two nights I have had dreams about gambling on fruit machines?

The dreams aren't nightmares because it seems that they are happy dreams. My mind isn't viewing gambling itself as the threat. However, everytime I get a win it's either halved or less than it should be- that the feature displays. On one occasion during dreaming, I couldnt get the full amount and they took away the machine on a truck and I was asking them for the money as they drove away.

My interpretation of the dreams are my subconscious finally filtering what has been bothering me for so long...I usually wake up very anxious and wired, but since the dreams I'm waking up much more drowsy...I think its a good sign...

 

Posted on:
Fri, 16/11/2018 - 12:09

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

Glad to see the government back track on themselves and reduce the max bet on FOBT's to £2 in April 2019. In stead of the delay until Oct 2019?  This announcment is more than welcome although it should have been done sooner. It just goes to show how corrupt the Government are and do not care much about the social harm these machines have done to the wider community especially in the depraved areas of our country. So sad, buy hey! **** is real I guess!?

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