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Stepping into tomorrow

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#1 Posted on:
Fri, 15/12/2017 - 16:48

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

Hi,

I just lost **** *** ***  and am really ashamed of what I have done. It isn't the first time over the years I have accumulated massive debts and lost enourmous amounts of cash to roulette/bookies. I have just self excluded after one year of being on the straight and narrow.

 

I have really ****** my christmas yet again for my kids and family.

 

The last eight weeks have been hell because I have  been suffering with PTSD symptons, i.e insomnia, heart palpitations, food sensitivity and unable to socialise. The thing is I have started to recover and decided to gamble yesterday because I had an uncontrollable urge to. I wa actually still banned from the bookies that I gambled in, and I am disappointed in myself mostly and my stupid choices. So many things I could of done to avoid gambling and I have failed.

Yet still, I will find my way back to the person who I should be and get over this powerful set of cicumstances that I am continuing to face...I  can and will...Beat it!!

Lastly, I love my daughter because she  doesnt blame me for what I have done and continues to support me through these difficult times...Without her I would be lost... I thank god that she was created!

Posted on:
Sat, 16/12/2017 - 00:39

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

Gambling isn't something that the majority of people do to have fun. It is, however, something that is used as a coping mechanism as part of a bigger issue. Something that the CG hasn't really explored. I'm becoming more aware of my problem as time goes on. It has taken me many years to understand my personal problem. On the other hand, disease/mental illness or whatever you want to label it affects people in different ways. I mentioned that for the past eight weeks I experienced uncontrollable Anxiety. From what I gather is, I lost the ability to focus on anything other than fear. So, the thoughts of fear were probably masking the real issue; depression/boredem, lonliness, e,tc...

When I ate right exercised, went to yoga, had acupuncture, meditated and  supplemented with magnesuim the sleepless nights got easier and the fear just drifted away. So, for the past two days the anxiety lifted and  I was able to think clearly...Or could I? I now understand that the impulse was very strong for me to gamble and the outcome of gambling itself was just a part of it, win/lose I dont think it mattered.

The moral of the story is,I need to address the underlying issues before I can make an attempt to get my life back. Believe me my life can be great.

But I have got to want it!

Posted on:
Sat, 16/12/2017 - 01:08

duncanmac

Joined:
2012-01-26

Derv
Fella I relate wholly to your posts, I know that gambling for me is a pure form of escape,a way to run from my inner self,somewhere to lose my inner most thoughts,a distraction from reality, but we both know that at the conclusion of any episode the life outside still exists in the same fashion,the only change is the fallout of each episode of feeding addiction adds further issues.
I today am totally committed to seeking ways to function without adding to the issues life throws my way. It's not easy addiction is forever present, it wants to be fed.
Fella gift yourself this forum to get your true feelings out into the open because from doing so I believe we arm ourselves against addiction, we can find control, we can take control.
As always l stand by your side.
The money is gone,don't chase it.
The outcome will be further destruction.
Abstain and maintain
Duncs.

Posted on:
Sat, 16/12/2017 - 10:19

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

Thanks for the support Duncan.

I wont be gambling today.

My head feels like a train wreck today. I am wondering whether gambling is a form of personalised rewards and punishment, that is deeply rooted in our past? I win and that is my reward <parents taking care of me>. Then I lose and the machine takes everything <parent punishes me>. I can remember running around as a kid knowing I couldn't go home because my mum was going to beat me; I had been naughty- usually climbing on roofs and throwing stones. I also recall us not having enough food in the cupbboards by Wednesday and we had to go over weekends starving regulary.  Therefore, my gambling problem stems from this amongst other problems I faced when I was a kid.

I am unable to function as a normal person and gambling <winning> gives me the false sense of reality that I'm okay. I know I'm not. I want the therapy that nobody seems to be able to receive. The Dr's just want to hide the problem with a bunch of tablets that giv me side effects that just reduce quality of life. I am not saying the tablets don't work for many people becaues they do. They just don't work for me.

The very thing that is annoying me the most at the moment is I seem to work for free.I work and save then the money goes into the machine...This for me is by far the most distressing thing because I'm constantly wasting my time.

I just want to be happy.

Posted on:
Sat, 16/12/2017 - 11:29

Garyl1976

Joined:
2015-01-02

Recognise all the above symptoms - simple question, have you tried giving GA a go?

Posted on:
Sat, 16/12/2017 - 15:05

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

Yes I want to but they don't have it in my area...This has been the most frustrating thing...

Posted on:
Sun, 17/12/2017 - 09:24

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

I would certainly be the richest man alive if I could stop people from becoming sick. The reality is  all the money in the world will never be enough to sustain health forever. On the other hand, throwing money away will chip away at our health and wellbeing.

I had to test something and it cost me dearly...I now know that the machines I have been losing my money on, for such a long time, have to be stopped. They definitely are causing serious health problems amongst people that are using them. This is no longer a game, it's life and death!

Today: I'm feeling better already. I know I needed to hit rock bottom for the final time this year. I have a loving family that understand my issues or at least they are trying too...I'm not only going to beat the addiction...I'm never ever going to place a single bet again in my life!!!

My anxiety has temporary manifested again. The thing is I'm laughing at it. The other thing is I'm laughing at the bookies they only took ***** ***** off me this year. And next year they will not get a penny, in fact they wont be seeing any of my money ever again. I am also laughing when they have to answer to the people for destroying communities and taking from the poor. So many lives lost and destroyed whilst the government has done nothing to help the social underclass, rising numbers of working classes and evidently young people. The cost to the taxpayer has been much more in other areas too and it seems that it doesn't matter because only the  deprived are paying for that too. Its a rob Peter to pay Paul situation. Losers dont have a voice really and this is probably as good as it gets.

What this country is lacking is good free financial advice when it comes to things like credit and social housing, but hey, everything is so unaffordable these day no wonder people are struggling to make ends meet and resorting to gambling or other forms of addictions.

The people at the top have never had it so good believe me. You would never see them in a bookies. In fact you wouldnt even see them in a less well off area. And it's the other way around for the Bookie shops proliferation in poor areas.

Ask yourself, why do we have such corruption in this country? For instance the UK is the only country in the developed world where you can lose £100 in 20seconds. Loopholes in the law is ideal for the politicians to enjoy freebies and backhanders whilst  keeping their mouths shut, during which the everday folk fritter away everything; they have the cheek to  prolong debates, pondering  over the real evidence of destruction that the machines have caused. It isn't acceptable and I dont believe for one minute that drug dealer's money launders through these machines, except for a very small minority. The real problem and an accurate analysis is; people lose cash that they earn from a mediocre wage that barely finds its way to the food table or pays the rent instead it feeds these disgusting machines. Then the punter probably resorts to other way of funding the habit to play which leads to a whole host of serious crimes. Keep the stupid machines off our High Streets and put them in proper casinos.

The designer of the sofware for these electronic games has already sold his shares and moved into real estate, full well knowing ahead of the game that these machines are not sustainable and will soon lose their credibilty. In their eyes, there is good reason for them to squeeze a bit more out of the public before they pull the plug on them forever.The evidence is overwhelming, yet still they know addiction is uncontrollable and the addicts will continue to feed the machines regardless, whilst  these continue to operate they generate billions and they can debate in lavish style. To the continued detriment of society.

I would like to also point out that online gambling is a road that I have only explored a few times and I realise the debate about gambling seems at times to be a game of tennis as to which regulators are breaking the rules. I personally dont like online gambling and wouldnt want to take part in it, however, the experience i'v had is the money is hard to withdraw and sometimes they don't even payout therefore I am glad in a way that the internet is not really a safe bet and it doesnt particularly tempt me. Also, you can easily ban yourself and the card wont ever work again which is great. However, it is still a terrible thing that needs to also be adressed and it probably will.

Something else that is bothering me, the machines have been designed in a way, whether delibrate or not, is refutable and nethertheless someone who once was a low stake gambler becomes an out of control high stakes gambler (just like me). If you really think about it properly. Someone who tries Crack ******* and thinks, "Hey that was not bad... I'll try it again"...Where does it lead them? Don't forget it was the media that labelled the machines "Crack *******" of gambling long ago. So, if it is, they should have been gone years ago? Just like a person in possesion of drugs goes to jail.

There is other things that the government could do to gain revenue like legalising medicinal cannabis to treat depression and cancers. Oh I forgot, the Pharma companies need to sell their prescriptions...This country is backwards and run by crooks and everyone knows it!

Posted on:
Mon, 18/12/2017 - 12:32

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

Day 3.

I have realised something,

I have a lot of boredem, anger and depression pent up inside. I am understanding the way my mind ticks more than anything nowadays. It has taken me a long time to realise that my past has been buried under a blanket for so long. The feeling of having money falsely restores my confidence and wellbeing, however, it also makes me more depressed because I feel that I never have enough to do the things that I would like to do. I always have the gloom that it may run out. Therefore, if I aint working 'earning' the urge will enter to gamble to make something on top of what I already have. This is my downfall, I never buy myself anything and end up giving away all my wages. Over the years I have done everything in my power to stop. I succeeded along the way. But again, I'm in that dark place yet again.

I have had flashbacks this morning of when i was thrown out of School, I was handed merit awards in assembly that day. The teachers and students were all clapping as I stood up in front of them, however, later that day I was excluded forever from that school and all other local Schools. I can remember the horrid feeling of feeling alienated at such a young age. Because I was no longer in School, I was lost, and it had shaped my future in a way that was difficult to comprehend.  I never fitted in and it ruined my life. School continued without me. It felt bad. I only have myself to blame for it. I'st not about what happened that I'm pointing out here. It's the feeling I had at 13yrs old...I have the same  feeling right  now.

Fast forward to today.:

I am having a difficult time accepting the losses. I am going to turn it on it's head right here, right now! I accept the losses! I paid for a gamble rightly so...I spent that money on myself to escape reality. It wasn't a bad thing it was what I needed to do. Now, I need to STOP! I need to forget that thing I did...It wasn't bad at all...It was a coping mechanism...I will now find other ways to cope...Just like I have coped up until now...

Thank you

Posted on:
Mon, 18/12/2017 - 17:33

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

There have been times when I got mad at myself... but I have  realised that all the rough times in my life were created to teach me something. Right now I'm going through rough times and ask again what it's for... and its as if something then just pushes me to the right direction. keep strong and keep this in your head : "We will never be given something that we can't handle " I just need to learn to put my control switch on and never surrender...

 

Peace & love.

I'm going to beat this.....

 

 

Posted on:
Tue, 19/12/2017 - 08:26

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

To gamble, is to lose!

Posted on:
Tue, 19/12/2017 - 13:12

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

I just want to get 1 thing straight.

I was playing the machine the other day when I lost my savings. I was actually banned from the shop. I did everything in my power to stop myself from gambling. But I was going through a time when my mental health hadn't been so good. All my bets were covered by card transaction. Even the cashier had a phone call from somewhere to make sure my identity was the persons on the card. I told him my name as he approached me by the machine. He was satisfied it was me.

The  biggest let down is not once did they bother to check me out properly. They just let me put all my savings into the machine. The next day I went back and I had borrow money to play and even pawned some jewellry...Nothing, they said nothing....After losing everthing, I rang the multi operators and told them I wanted to be banned from all local boookies...They told me I was still banned? However, they renewed my ban...They also told me there would be no refund! It's okay....I said, I knew that there wouldn't be....Anyway, Just thought I'd let you know the regulations do not work and the bookmakers are crooks....When a problem gambler knows he can't stop there should be a way his card is declined? But nope it doesn't work like that! Because they want people that have issues with gambling playing the machines...Thats the truth.

Posted on:
Tue, 19/12/2017 - 14:37

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

That's very true if u exclude yourself and use a card to pay there should be a way of them knowing ur excluded surely , we are in the 21st century after all. They are **** for letting u bet all ur money it doesn't make sense.just don't give them an opportunity to take ur money, never go in bookies again

Posted on:
Tue, 19/12/2017 - 15:24

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

Thanks Adam, I would like to make this issue public.

Posted on:
Tue, 19/12/2017 - 20:22

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

adam123 wrote:

That's very true if u exclude yourself and use a card to pay there should be a way of them knowing ur excluded surely , we are in the 21st century after all. They are **** for letting u bet all ur money it doesn't make sense.just don't give them an opportunity to take ur money, never go in bookies again

Exactly!!

I'm making as many enquiries as possible to shop these bunch of crooks off our High Streets!

Posted on:
Wed, 20/12/2017 - 11:09

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

5 Days

So close to Christmas and still in a cloud of depression, today I got a chest infection. Haaven't been out yet just resting. It is 5 days past my stupidity. Yet again I somehow have to scrape myself back from what I did.  I guess for the past 5  days I aint gambled which is an acheivement.I just wish I did all of this when I still had all that money. Things would have been better that way.

Posted on:
Wed, 20/12/2017 - 13:10

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

Posted on:
Wed, 20/12/2017 - 17:44

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

There is a God¬

Today I recieved money and found money too..

I was so excited..Went to Town with my daughter and then unfortunately had a massive panic attack. It felt like I was dying. I hit the floor twice in a kneeling position. It was awful...This is all because of high stakes roulette...I am in pieces. The good side is I have some money. I would rather have my mental health to be honest. The machines are really devastating...
 

Posted on:
Wed, 20/12/2017 - 18:52

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

I kind of understand what has happened today. When I'm depressed im not anxious. When I'm anxious it obvious that I'm not depressed, for the reason that, anxiety is something that you give total focus too and cant think about nothing else. Just like gambling is totally focused on gambling...Can you now make the associations? I can, and it's really, really, bad...The worst thing ever...

Therefore, I have reached for the propranol today because my anxiety was awful today. Hopefully I will recover soon?

The other thing is, me knowing or deciding not to gamble probably made the anxiety more tense.

Posted on:
Thu, 21/12/2017 - 09:36

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

I hyperventilate...Breathing exercise works for that. I dont want it to happen again.

Posted on:
Thu, 21/12/2017 - 16:42

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

i'm going to put all of this **** behind me. I hate what has happened in the past, but today is not then, its now!

Posted on:
Fri, 22/12/2017 - 01:18

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

DAY 7.

If I can sneek away from the years of Gambling with my health and life intact then I have surely beaten the odds. I just realised something about the whole situation and what I have done, and been doing, on and off, for so long. I am going to be the luckiest guy alive to pull this one off. To get away from the misery of these machines will certainly open up doors to a whole new world. I am so sorry for others that have been caught up in this mess. It was worse than torture...The murkiest darkest thing is those machines.

I remember the day I lost quite vividly: I was angry at the machine, every single bet I placed  I knew that my number wasnt going to land, the machine twitched as the ball rolled out . I did at one point hit zero, max bet £500 then it hit again...I should have known it wasnt going to give anymore..But I'd already made up my mind to continue. A guy that was high as a kite was standing over me with his eyes rolled up into the back of his head...Totally annoying me...After, he fell asleep on a chair....I didnt understand what I was doing? I am usually in and out with the money laughing all the way home. This time however, I was caught, the machine had decided it wanted everything, I have been there before so many times....It's inevitable and I knew it. Please I ask, dont let this happen to you! When you get to that point and we all do...We say to ourselves we need the money back and become frantic...We are desperate at that point because we are out of pocket...How on earth can we get it bback -we think?...Okay we go all in, its human nature after all....Guess who wins?

Posted on:
Fri, 22/12/2017 - 06:14

Lh8609

Joined:
2017-11-20

Well done on making it to day 7, stay focused you're doing great x

Posted on:
Sat, 23/12/2017 - 12:02

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

8 days (mental fog lifting).

I dont know how or why, but this last gamble has made me realise how sensitive I have become to gambling. It isn't nice at all...I have suffered from panic attacks, irritabilty, insomnia etc...Okay, I am under stress and duration at the moment, but I was never able to pinpoint this type of withdrawal before. It used to be just anger years ago...It seems my body has got to a point where it releases a whole range of other symptoms from CG....I am definitely frightened about this....However, I know so much more now and I believe that this will definitely deter me from any form of gambling in the future.

The trick for me is, accept losses....Accept all negative things that have ever happened in the past. Meditate, Stretch, rest, read,  exercise gently...Eat right (cut salt, sugar, caffeine, alcohol)...Be happy...Live for today because right this very moment there is no problem in your life...Everything that has caused a problem isnt happening right now...

In order to avoid anxiety:

change -attitude, behaviour & beliefs

Peace...

Posted on:
Sun, 24/12/2017 - 00:04

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

9 days.

I have a lot to learn...

Today, I was trying to understand the key to confidence. I realise that many disorders of the mind are directly related to confidence.

My problem is fear, again fear comes from a strong association with self doubt. The most strange thing is that the Mind cannot tell the difference between fear and excitement. A good example of this is gambling or a more simple example could be a fair ground ride. You see people on a scary ride, but their faces are smiling. So, although the experience is 'scary'  people actually like the excitement. This for me is the missing link as to why I have been struggling with panic and anxiety. Somewhere along the line I have gotten totally mixed up with fear and it has spilled itself over into how I function on a dayto-day basis. 

My  mind has been so caught up in high stakes betting that I get an initial enourmous rush of chemicals. Thereafter, there is a deficit of chemicals and that leads to short lived depression. However, once the depression lifts and lets say I get nervous or excited, which at the time I believe it has to do with gambling (however it is-withdrawal), and could be related to something else....Anyway, this triggers panic "which I have been oblivious too for so long". People may take something to kill the pain ie alcohol or drugs and that may mask the side effects from gambling withdrawal (although this is damaging to health and may lead to other disorders)...However, I am not a drinker or smoker and realise that gambling has terrible progressive side effects. Mine have gotten much worse. I have had to retrain my breathing because I have been hyperventilating which triggers full blown panic...It's fairly simple to counter this with longer exhalation rather than taking too much oxygen through inhalation. I have also had to eat right and exercise to help the brain recover....I have really been through a lot lately and advice any CG that gambling isnt a game no more!

For that reason, I have decided to totally quit after 20 odd years...It is really strange that I have gotten this far to realise what it has actually done to me....

The mind is such a powerful thing....I can change the world with it....Because if you just "believe in and love yourself"  everything falls in place because what  you will find is people will follow you and love you.

Merry Christmas!

Posted on:
Sun, 24/12/2017 - 01:21

Self Sufficient...

Joined:
2017-05-10

Wishing you every success in your recovery and congratulations on 9 days gamble free. 

We all understand each other on the diaries, we have all experienced the nightmare existence of the compulsive gambler. I picture us all on a road to recovery sharing advice and giving each other support. 

Wishing you peace and contentment over christmas and new year with a gamble free 2018 to follow.

Posted on:
Mon, 25/12/2017 - 08:59

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

Thanks abstainer.

10 days.

I was a broken man recently,

I had a busy day yesterday. Visited a muched loved relative in prison serving a hefty sentence, all related to FOBT's and their pathetic high stakes. When I left the prison I could see my relative choke because he shouldn't be in prison and it it another thing to mind if you attempt to play these machines.

Back to y recovery, I realised an important trigger for my panic. It happens when lots of people are around, however, I managed to calm it yesterday by my newly found breathing technique. Within a short time I felt calm. Thre other thing is I have started to reinforce my mind with positive suggestions (i.e self talk).

Merry Christmas.

Posted on:
Tue, 26/12/2017 - 18:17

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

Day 11.

Well yesterday wasn't good...Although I ate loads and even had alcohol. However, I felt horrible in and out of anxiety and panic. Another thing is my iphone decided to block itself on Christmas day? It's as if my phone became a complete stranger to me. I have tried everything and cannot unlock it. Don't worry I aint that bothered except I used it to meditate etc.

Fast forward:

After a pretty rough night, today has been a lot better, I realise my body isn't accepting certain foods and drinks at the moment but if I have to go without them then so be it. I am a much better person when doing the things I should be doing anyway. I feel the calmness today and it gives me a chance to relax. Like I said before (self talk is working maybe?) I just hope that whoever reads this and understands exactly what I'm going through, I wish you well and a speedy recovery...Lastly, never go back to gambling EVER!

Peace.

 

Posted on:
Wed, 27/12/2017 - 13:27

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

12 Days.

I awoke today feeling depressed. When I say depressed I mean to the point of feeling like an unknown force is literally pressing me into the ground and making me unsteady on my feet. Then it tries to take me to the point of worry. However, I am starting to come to terms with the way I feel. Another words is I'm more accepting of my life situation. My life is constant whether ill, happy, sad, rich or poor...

Later today I had a panic attack, however, this has been bought under control by myself, by way of walking; light weights and last but not least getting my breathing under control....Inhale 5secs exhale 7secs...

This is all because of wasting money away on high stakes gambling...

 

Posted on:
Thu, 28/12/2017 - 00:22

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

Day 13.

Well well,

I emphasise so much that breathing exercises are important  on people that are going through panic and anxiety. Just yesterday I had a panic situation and my body was so tense inside I could feel the blood vessels constricting throughout.I was walking up my staircase and it just hit me as I lost my balance, I felt hot, unable to breathe, and like there was so much pressure inside my body and needed to calm down but it wasnt happening. I eventually, after some time, recovered fully & felt like my normal self. I am certain FOBT's did this to me and it is the worst thing that anyone could ever do to themselves. All self inflicted. I dont need to be like this, but I chose it.

I was going through hell before...And I accept that what I did was a result of my frustration. But all I did to myself is punish myself more. I should shed a tear as to why I've been hurting myself so much over the years. I struggle with struggling and always was trying to find a way out of the struggle only to put myself deeper into it...Ohh boy, what a experience. Excitement is what I wanted and its exactly what I got...But it comes at a huge price with a hefty toll on health...Please god get me out of this terrible affliction that I have cast down upon myself!

Thanks.
 

Posted on:
Thu, 28/12/2017 - 08:31

Slot Fool

Joined:
2017-09-20

Hi Magnetism
Well done on 13 days GF. That really is a great start, the first few weeks are always the hardest.

Reading your posts you strike me as a very intelligent person who really has been through some difficult times. Have you ever talked through the things you have been through with anyone? I mean really talked through every detail and feeling and what it means to you today and how it makes you feel now?

I also had a really bad time until i was 15 and I talked it through with a counsellor at the time, it didn't help much, I was still a kid and didn't understand how I felt. 12 years on I met my husband, talked through a lot with him and really went in to detail and it seemed to help, 2 months ago we sat down and I let it all out. For the first time I was able to let it all go. I realised that the people who had such an affect on my life when growing up were just people, they had their own issues and problems and had failed to bring up children in a happy loving home. Only I had held them in such a high regard and expected the world from them. Looking at these people today (some have passed on) I see them for what they have always been and today I hold myself in higher regard

I think talking helps, not because others can give you advice on what to do or how to feel or cope but because it enables you to air your issues and feelings for me it was like I had my problems cooped up for years and by talking I set them free.

I wish you all the best for 2018 and long may your gf days continue

Posted on:
Thu, 28/12/2017 - 12:44

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

Hi,

Thanks Slot F,

I am hoping to get the help I need. I believe my issues, I guess, do stem from childhood. However, I am going to be able to accept that and move on with or without help.

Last night I managed to get refreshing sleep once again. I remember dreaming quite a lot last night and the dream I remember is  gambling in an arcade. There was a tray under one of those sliding 10p machines that fall of the ledges that I could put my hand into and fill my pockets -whilst the attendant wasn't looking. Then I asked someone to keep watch whilst I filled my pockets. I attempted to half heartedly share some of the ill gotten gains with the lookout.I recall not giving him half and it was as if I never wanted to give him his share of the proceeds. After that, this person, and I,  had moved on to fruit machines and can remember waiting for the reels to land but they seemed to be taking some time. Just as we were about to leave three oranges dropped in and I was excited, although it was the lowest win and I had noticed. Not sure what any of this means but usually I get these dreams when stopping gambling.

Thanks.

 

Posted on:
Fri, 29/12/2017 - 02:12

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

14 Days.

I must say yesterday I made progress...I found a breathing exercise that has almost completely shut down the anxiety and panic that I have been going through. It calms down the the body by activating the parasympathetic nervous system. Thus,relieving stress and anxiety. The key is to literally breathe less. The science behind what I have been suffering is telling me I actually breathe too much. I found it difficult to contemplate at first but it all makes sense to me now. Butekyo breathing technique really works for me and probably for whole bunch of other people going through this horrible condition. I now am certain that my condition started from compulsive gambling because my breathing would go all over the place. The good news is I'm about to end my gambling forever, I also totally believe in myself when I say,

"There's no way in hells chance that I will gamble with my life again".

Peace.

I thank god.
 

Posted on:
Sat, 30/12/2017 - 19:36

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

Another day closer to the end of a year that I am glad to see the back of. Moving forwards to better things. Today I went jogging after 'not so good' night last night trying to sleep. On the other hand , things seem to be getting better slowly. I am making progress. I still believe that its all to do with how we react to situations, whtether we stay calm... Or not!  

I have never given it any thought before and never experienced what I do  now know. I have started to focus my thoughts on everything that I do. I have even started to train my breathing when walking. It does get rid of a lot of stress because I'm focusing on something that I feel important. As for gambling that isnt in my list of priorities at all.

Posted on:
Sun, 31/12/2017 - 21:28

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

Day 16.

Closing the year down.

HNY!

Posted on:
Mon, 01/01/2018 - 19:56

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

Day 17.

This year is going to be good...

Posted on:
Mon, 01/01/2018 - 20:00

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

lol?

Posted on:
Thu, 04/01/2018 - 17:42

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

Day 20.

Twenty days.

Something has clicked and I'm recovering from the panic attacks. I realise running away and trying to avoid them is making them worse. You see, it's a vicious circle. My mind is like a smoke alarm-setting off- to burnt toast in a toaster. You could say it's a false alarm. However, that's just my brain saying its over protective of my well being and always on the lookout out for danger. On the other hand, and the complete opposite, is a brain that doesnt signal an alarm and the burnt toast burns the house down together with myself in it. I know which I'd prefer.

So, my thoughts whether internal or external are always hypervigilant....I now know that this 'overprotectiveness'  is a false alarm and its a good thing. I also know I have nothing to worry about. I recently thought I had diabbetes so I bought a tester and then I thought I had celiac disease- I bought a tester. On top of this I have a cupboard full of supplements from Holland and Barret....Actually, there is absolutely nothing wrong with me!

...I have finally come to terms with that all it is, is stress-depression.

I have been juicing and that has lightened the load in my mind, I stopped eating meat but now have slowly introduced it back because I think I need some....

All in all, I have learnt hell of a lot....The mind is such a powerful organ that CAN HEAL!! I have stopped doing internet searches about health and started to come to terms with all the little things that add up to full blown panic. Yes, I have anxiety related to bills and gambling. Yes, I have been to hell and done some really stupid **** to myself. But I'm coming back mightier than before!

I hope that someone young reads this and learns that losing money isnt a game and it can make you seriously ill in the long term...People think it wont happen to them, I was one of those people and now I've hit the lowest low...It messed around with my brain and that isn't nice at all...All for the sake of spinning an electronic wheel...Unbelievable!

Ohh, 1 more thing...I happened to see a cashier in the street from one of the local bookies and I told her I was banned yesterday...It was as if she never wanted to hear that...She said she never knew and she'll check because I told her I did it by multi operators...I felt good as I walked away!

Peace.

Posted on:
Fri, 05/01/2018 - 20:11

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

3 Weeks.

1st day back at work

Was a wobbly day at work because I did raise some anxious thoughts. I'm sure it'll go away as long as I keep facing it!

Posted on:
Mon, 08/01/2018 - 07:15

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

Day 24.

Still haven't got full health back.

I believe it's lifestyle that needs a change. With regards to gambling, it hasn't even entered my mind.

Posted on:
Mon, 08/01/2018 - 15:48

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

I know my triggers,

it's impatience. The same feeling you get when you adamantly want your money back.

Posted on:
Tue, 09/01/2018 - 18:26

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

When will the anxiety end?

Is this withdrawal symptoms?...

24 Days and still getting anxiety,...However, I did go and talk about my issues.  I had a spa  & massage this morning which helped me relax.

Posted on:
Wed, 10/01/2018 - 16:44

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

I have decided to smile more...

Coping mechanisms help.

Keep strong.

 

Posted on:
Fri, 12/01/2018 - 10:10

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

28 days,

never expected to go through all of this...It has been a rollercoaster...The worst side effects I've ever experienced. Everyday the depression has manifested itself in a different way...All very depletous to the mind, body and soul. I will get better and never let my guard down again.

Posted on:
Fri, 12/01/2018 - 22:10

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

Good news today..I finally hve recieved some CBT from NHS (finally)...I am certain I will recover and please guys understand that gambling causes the worst depression you can ever think of. ...That is how serious this disease is...You are messing with some serious **** and it is the worst thing that can happen....Panic, anxiety, digestion problems and feeling very unwell...It isn't worth it! Seek real professional help...

Don't forget, you are strong and can beat it!

Posted on:
Sat, 13/01/2018 - 20:24

sjw

Joined:
2017-10-27

Hello Magnetism,

It really it a rollercoaster ride for a good while. Stopping is like awakening to a nightmare. We get so consumed by gambling that it often takes up far more of our attention and focus than just the physical time we are betting. Its takes some time to properly evaluate the true situation our lives are in. Often gambling has hidden parts of our life that we don't want to face and thats another obstacle to face once that "comfort" of escape has been removed.

You know its about riding it out and facing it to get to that better person and life we deserve.

Glad you had some good news about the CBT. Keep your head up and keep going, its not easy but your doing it!

Posted on:
Sun, 14/01/2018 - 15:23

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

Thanks for the post sjsjsj, I appreciate it!

Someones said something to me yesterday that has struck me, he said that- anxiety feels good? I am starting to think that maybe it does, and look at in a more positive way...However, I did wake up a bit crappy...I adopted this way of thinking and so far so good, I trained harder in the gym and feel optimistic...The other thing is it fits in with the TFB concept...You have a Thought, then a Feeling and finally your Behaviour changes...So, to sum up whatever your problem it all starts with a thought and you can actually change your thoughts easily....

One more thing, I have wrote a worry diary appointment and this is brilliant..you write all your fears down and everyday read them out one after another, then you go and put them to the back of your mind and carry on with the rest of your day!

Posted on:
Mon, 15/01/2018 - 18:01

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

Recovery for me,

This time around it's definitely a life changing experience. The edge of the anxiety has come away, however, is in the background ready to pounce on me! I have endured so much ******** in my life and it's no wonder it all came to this.

I am full of, guilt, worry, shame and doubt. On the other hand, I am creating happiness, hope and health. Joy cannot create unhappiness. All I have to do is tame my thoughts and it will push away my fears. My body has somewhat calmed down and the adrenline isn't pumping through my veins as much over the past days. My debts have been cleared which is a huge relief although I am in no mood to celebrate.

I understand that I struggle with everyday  things but am not going to give up on doing everyday things. Work is the most difficult and stressful task that I do at the moment although I like working...It's just working for other people that I hate....

Peace & love <33

Posted on:
Tue, 16/01/2018 - 19:00

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

Well,

I checked my credit history and it doesn't look pleasant. I do have two things to say about it. **** it!... Besides it's only money. The Roulette was deep set into my psyche. It got to a tremendous point where I couldn't sit still before the ball landed! I got so taken in by it, it literally screwed me up. Now, I jump at the slightest things and have to calm myself down on a number of occasions. The way to beat it is not caring about it...I still wish that I never got this far in addiction and left it when I lost for the first time...Over and over I have punished my mind and now it has leaked into the physical side...I only can blame myself....On the other hand, it is a valuable lesson that I have messed around with my mind for so long now it is almost as if I have to retrain my thoughts...Let in the good and enjoy what I have left of my life...A life without gambling! I want to say **** gambling and the dirty ******** running the the gambling commision I hope you get what you deserve in life because the money isn't enough for you no matter what you do! And you have blood on your hands!

Posted on:
Sat, 20/01/2018 - 11:16

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

Well,

I am 3 days into a diet of no meat or diary and I admit that I feel optimistic about it. However, the impending doom is still there, in my mind; I know it will go away eventually.

Posted on:
Wed, 24/01/2018 - 15:48

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

40 days.

I am certain that my diet played a key role in my depression which led to gambling. At least I have finally an idea of what I have to do to get my health back on track.

Posted on:
Thu, 25/01/2018 - 10:49

Magnetism

Joined:
2017-12-15

41.

Of course it's a vicious circle. Poor diet, gambling and  stress cycle all go around again and again. You read of people saying when they have a drink they gamble. Wonder why they drink in the first place? Stress, where does the stress come from? Diet...I'm absolutely certain that not only gambling alone is responsible for feeling like ccrap. Disease comes in all shapes and sizes. Stay focused and realise that health is everything... money is just another man made prodigy...

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