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Posted on:
Sat, 10/06/2017 - 07:57

Stephen The Strong

Joined:
2017-05-10

Morning Diary . Feeling great . 30 days since I last  had a bet , feeling confident that I can now stop gambling .

Really enjoyed my first one to one counselling session yesterday . Will have as many as is needed , up to 12 sessions . Afterwards went to the gym for a swim and a steam which is also a therapy for me .

Last night went to G A for the first time in over a year , good to share time with friends who can relate to my battle against gambling addiction . 

Hoping that all my friends in GamCare have a good , gamble free weekend .

Posted on:
Sat, 10/06/2017 - 10:43

Who am I

Joined:
2017-05-17

Dear Stephen, 

So glad you enjoyed your counselling session and G A last night, so glad you are doing lots of lovely things and so glad you are still gambling free.

I loved your poem from post 47, it is beautiful. 

The pier you visit where you look over the humber sounds truly special, I think it is important for us all to find places we can go and just be. 

Hope you have a beautiful day today.

 

Posted on:
Sat, 10/06/2017 - 20:00

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

Hi there, glad you found the counselling useful, it'S good for someone to look at things outside the box. I had the assessment Thurs and the lady really made me think properly about the answers to her questions and about mysrlf. It felt a bit self indulgent at first but I really need Congrats on 30 days what a milestone!! Enjoy the rest of your weekend S :)

Posted on:
Sun, 11/06/2017 - 12:27

Stephen The Strong

Joined:
2017-05-10

Thankyou Moorey ,  ' Who am I ' , Sharon and Maybenow . Really appreciate your posts In my diary yesterday , your support and encouraging thoughts have been a godsend to me over the weekend . 

I was feeling good saturday morning on reaching the 30 day milestone . 

The last 24 hours however have seen me depressed , anxious and worrying about everything and anything . 

Waking up with disturbing dreams during the night so at 05 00 went for a 2 hour walk to the pier to try and clear my thoughts . Arrived home at 07 00 , had a coffee and nodded off for a few hours . 

Starting to rally now and my head is clearing . Planning to go for a swim this afternoon ......  stephen 

 

Posted on:
Sun, 11/06/2017 - 17:00

Who am I

Joined:
2017-05-17

Sorry to hear you've had a rough 24hrs Stephen.

All I can say really is hang in there it will get better.

I'm glad to see you've had a long walk. I imagine it was beautiful at that time in the morning with the birds waking up, few people around and the bright morning light. Undisturbed. Peaceful. 

I'm also glad you've had a nap, it sounds like you've really been suffering being left with your thoughts. I also think too much and it can be so mental exhausting at times. 

I hope you are feeling better, but even if your not please hang in there, you will feel better.

Thinking of you.

Posted on:
Sun, 11/06/2017 - 19:40

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

Unfortunately I think it takes time to ride out the ups and downs in our heads, but really great that you put in the diversions to stop you gambling.Big respect for being strong enough to deal with these bad times. Hope you feel better now and in the future you'll know that it will pass. Take good care of yourself S:)

Posted on:
Sun, 11/06/2017 - 22:36

Annie2016

Joined:
2016-05-01

sorry to hear you've been having anxiety. I wonder if counselling has made things come to the sub conscious. Sounds like you did the best thing possible in going for a long walk. I've always loved walking, especially early morning. You are doing so well - remember if you can beat nicotine and alcohol you can beat gambling. Stay strong but be kind to yourself. Xx

Posted on:
Sun, 11/06/2017 - 23:20

Stephen The Strong

Joined:
2017-05-10

Thankyou ' Who am I ' , Sharon and Annie  for your encouraging words and feedback . Guess I will.get these black clouds floating over from time to time as everyone does . Trouble has been in the past when I've used it as an excuse to gamble .

Feeling good now though and look forward to day 32 tomorrow ...... stephen x 

Posted on:
Mon, 12/06/2017 - 08:55

Stephen The Strong

Joined:
2017-05-10

DAY 32 . Morning Diary . Looking forward to the week ahead , committed to a future free from gambling .

Forever sounds a long time and a bit daunting , so I will remain strong and focus on today , which is also tomorrows yesterday .

Quite possible some peoples words or actions might get up my nose , if so I wont let it get me down and definitely won't let it affect my recovery . I aim to be kind to myself and considerate to others .

Going to try for a chilled out week . I will listen to my Angels and take in the wisdom of friends in the GamCare forum . Like me they are facing a massive challenge . 

I won't try to be something I'm not . I will accept myself for what I am , endeavour to realise my true potential and strive to be hopeful , happy and contented .

I am stephen ..... I am responsible for my actions .... I can choose to gamble or not to gamble .... I choose not to gamble .

 

 

Posted on:
Tue, 13/06/2017 - 13:12

Stephen The Strong

Joined:
2017-05-10

Feeling good Stephen .... Aged 33 Days ....On a mission .... No more the gambling fool , gonna be happy and keep my cool .

WE CAN'T ALWAYS CHOOSE THE MUSIC LIFE PLAYS FOR US

BUT WE CAN CHOOSE HOW WE DANCE TO IT 

Going for a Swim and a Steam shortly and off to Salsa Class tonight .

Posted on:
Tue, 13/06/2017 - 14:36

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

Wise words, one day at a time works for sure. Happy salsaing :):)

Posted on:
Tue, 13/06/2017 - 15:37

Annie2016

Joined:
2016-05-01

Great to see you are feeling positive and re energised. Thank you for your lovely words on my diary. I like your words 'I choose not to gamble' as this put you back in control. I am going to remember this - and I like you am going to choose not to gamble.

Well done and I hope you have a calm and restful week.x

Posted on:
Thu, 15/06/2017 - 02:28

Stephen The Strong

Joined:
2017-05-10

Day 35 of my new life free from gambling .

I happily take responsibility for my actions ..... Today I Choose not to gamble .

I will listen to my angels and take on board the wisdom of GamCare friends .

I will ignore anyone who behaves in a negative manner towards me  . I will definitely not let anyones actions affect my recovery .

Fortunately I am having a course of counselling , hopefully this will give me more insight and clarity .

I am stephen ...... a compulsive gambler .....I am confident and committed to MY recovery .....

Posted on:
Fri, 16/06/2017 - 01:30

Stephen The Strong

Joined:
2017-05-10

Day 36 of my gamble free life . Feel I am enjoying my recovery , keeping active and being sociable .

On 11th May 2017 I turned my back on the addiction  ...... when it starts tapping on my shoulder I ignore it .

My angels are always there to offer guidance , it's up to me if I am prepared to listen to their wisdom .

I have made a conscious decision to accept responsibility for my actions , no more excuses .

I can choose to gamble or not to gamble ( couldn't be much simpler ) . Today I choose not to gamble ....... 

I am stephen ......a compulsive gambler ..... I am committed to my recovery 

 

 

 

Posted on:
Fri, 16/06/2017 - 23:01

Stephen The Strong

Joined:
2017-05-10

Day 36 drawing to a close . Funny kind of a day started with posting in my GamCare diary . Afternoon counselling followed by a swim and steam at the gym , finishing off tonight with a GA meeting . Got therapy running out of my ears but all good if it keeps me from gambling .

Posted on:
Sat, 17/06/2017 - 07:01

Annie2016

Joined:
2016-05-01

You are doing so well. Well done!! X

Posted on:
Sun, 18/06/2017 - 11:20

Stephen The Strong

Joined:
2017-05-10

Day 38 Gamble Free .

I willingly accept responsibility for my actions . 

I can choose to gamble or I can choose not to gamble .

Today I choose not to gamble .

It really is that simple .

I am Stephen ..... a compulsive gambler .....confident and committed to my recovery .

Posted on:
Sun, 18/06/2017 - 11:49

DeterminedDan

Joined:
2016-09-08

Congratulations on your journey thus far Abstainer. I'm glad to hear that you're both confident and commited in your recovery.

38 days is a fantastic effort. You should be proud. Think how much time and money you would have spent in those 38 days if you were gambling!... Isn't worth thinking about. You're getting your life back which is something money can't buy. Keep going Abstainer!...

Posted on:
Sun, 18/06/2017 - 17:22

Stephen The Strong

Joined:
2017-05-10

Moorey you Superstar thanks for your support and encouragement . Really appreciated . Can see you passing the Day 20 marker and your looking super strong and focussed on the challenges that may lie ahead . Well done , wishing you well .

I'm throwing out a challenge to all the devils and gambling demons " Come and do your worst you suckers , i'm ready for you this time "  . I am stephen , super confident and totally committed to my recovery

Posted on:
Mon, 19/06/2017 - 10:14

Stephen The Strong

Joined:
2017-05-10

            Yabba Dabba Doo & Hallelujah Brothers n Sisters.......39 Days On The Recovery Road And Ready To Rock n Roll.

                                My recovery must come first so that everything I love in life does not have to come last 

Posted on:
Mon, 19/06/2017 - 11:59

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

Day 39 woo hoo! ! Those days are racking up and your positivity is catching. Have a great sunny, GF day :):)

Posted on:
Mon, 19/06/2017 - 16:57

Stephen The Strong

Joined:
2017-05-10

Thankyou Sharon , your my inspiration when i start to feel weary . Great to see you battling onwards and upwards with a smile on your face and courage in your heart ..... 95 Days ... You are doing really well and I am so proud of you   stephen x 

Posted on:
Tue, 20/06/2017 - 10:17

Stephen The Strong

Joined:
2017-05-10

40 Days Gamble Free ......It has a certain ring to it and feels so good , a real sense of achievement .

11th May 2017 was the day I turned my back on the addiction . 

 I will not dwell on the past , though I will learn from it . Best I go forward with courage , hope and determination .

 I will avoid complacancy , remorse and self pity . Whats done is done , time to move on .

I am responsible for my actions . I can choose to gamble or not to gamble .

Today I choose not to gamble .

I don't fear the gambling demons  anymore .... they can tap on my shoulder or try to create guilt , doubt or confusion in my mind .... I will ignore these promptings and remain true to my cause . I will be the master of my own destiny .

I am stephen ..... a compulsive gambler ...... confident & committed to my recovery .

Posted on:
Tue, 20/06/2017 - 23:08

Stephen The Strong

Joined:
2017-05-10

Hello Diary , pleased to have got 40 days under my belt . Today went well ; swim and a steam this afternoon and salsa dancing tonight . Feeling confident it is the end of my gambling , no more the fool feeding hard earned money into a fobt machine .

I stopped drinking alcohol in 1990 . I stopped smoking cigarettes in 2001 . My mind set now is the same as on those 2 occasions . I believe there are opportune moments in life when change is possible , I think this is one of those moments for me .

I intend to to do whatever it takes to overcome this insidious addiction . I am responsible for my life . It is my choice to gamble or not to gamble . I choose not to gamble . I am stephen . I am a compulsive gambler . I am committed to my recovery .

Posted on:
Wed, 21/06/2017 - 16:25

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

Hi Stephen, I can't thank you enough for posting on my diary earlier, I think gambling even when you're not gambling really messes with your head. I had a chat with a friend earlier who is coming out the other side of a really rough time and she suggested that when we feel low we start to doubt ourselves then it's a vicious circle that's hard to break. I'm a bit better than earlier and am reassured by the fact that I will not gamble under any circumstances. So I'll take your advice of be kind to yourself and soldier on Hope you're having a good GF day S:)

Posted on:
Wed, 21/06/2017 - 18:07

Stephen The Strong

Joined:
2017-05-10

Thankyou Sharon . For sure when I feel down in the dumps I pick myself to pieces . Would be great to go back and change a few things but I can't so will focus on whats to come .

Funny enough I have been trying to get my hands on a Time Machine . Would love to.be at the 100 Day marker on saturday , cheering like mad when you go running past . I'm well back in the field but will give a ' Yeeeha '  a  ' Woo Hoo '   & a  ' Rock on Sharon ' . Take care  .

Posted on:
Wed, 21/06/2017 - 21:35

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

Thanks Stephen, 100% focus on the future. Big whoop for you 41st day and your positivity which helps so many here :):)

Posted on:
Thu, 22/06/2017 - 11:04

Stephen The Strong

Joined:
2017-05-10

Day 42 . No urges to win money on the bookies fobt machines . Aiming to develop a better understanding of my thoughts and emotions , to remain positive . Great to have realistic hopes and aspirations but not to be living in cloud cuckoo land .

I remember only to well the overwhelming desire to gamble on the machines . In my mind I could easily find justification for my actions . My wild imaginings blocking out any sense of right or wrong .

I guess it was all in my mind , but the addiction seemed to know me better than I knew myself , even knew when money was going into my bank , how I could survive on a bare minimum , it seemed demonic in the way it manipulating my thoughts .

Anyway I feel so much stronger now . I have turned my back on the addiction and ignore the occasional tap on my shoulder . 

I am stephen ..... a recovering compulsive gambler .

Posted on:
Thu, 22/06/2017 - 11:32

split

Joined:
2017-02-28

Keep at this Stephen your doing brill. Its only going to get better for you as the days add up. 

I dont know why I gambled or what went through my mind for all those years either. I was indeed living in cuckoo land!!! 

I woke up this morning and this morning and thote of gambling. Its is I feel like you say an occasional tap on the shoulder. 

I understand that I think of gambling when I have free time, when I have money to spend. When I am sometimes bored. My mind thinks of winning. And I understand this to be a real trigger for me. I take a min. Or ten. An just sit. Tell myself i cant win. Think of all the bad things that gambling have caused in my life.

that is exactly what I did just before I read your post. So now going to go for a walk and treat myself to a fry up in the local cafe. I think its better i spend on something of value. 

Just take ten minutes in those moments of weakness Stephen. Your doing great by the way!! Split! 

 

Posted on:
Thu, 22/06/2017 - 20:43

Stephen The Strong

Joined:
2017-05-10

Thankyou so much for your support Split . The kind words and advice of my GamCare friends have helped me enormously . Hope your still weight training , maintaining fitness with a healthy lifestyle can improve our self esteem and help us remain positive .

I like that you ask ' The Universe ' for guidance . The tiny bits and pieces that we call ' Me ' all came from somewhere far out in space so when you call out to the universe your just calling home really . I personally believe my angels give me guidance , I only have to listen to their wisdom with an open mind , completely different vibes to the insidious promptings of the addiction . We're all on the same road to recovery yet our journeys and travel plans are unique to each of us , after all it wouldn't do for us all to be the same .

Wishing you and your family happy times ahead , good adventures , love and contentment . Take care ........ stephen

Posted on:
Sat, 24/06/2017 - 12:16

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

Day 44 BOOM!! Fantastic, indeed the prom was lovely thanks :) and just wanted to say thanks for all your encouragement and kind words. I can tell your shining positivity means a lot to many people here. So have a great weekend yourself and yep I'm going to be kind to Sharon and plan ahead for the next hundred days S :)

Posted on:
Sat, 24/06/2017 - 12:35

Stephen The Strong

Joined:
2017-05-10

Dear Diary . Would like to send love and best wishes to all the me's yet to come . Hope life has turned out well for you all , enjoying the challenges , living happy gamble free days .

Don't have a diary of our addictive gambling days . Terrible times of despair , shame and  misery .

On 11th May 2017 we turned our back on the addiction and decided to move on . Instead of looking back in regret , we looked  to the future with hope . 

We are now on day 44 . No desires to gamble on the fobt machines . Friends on GamCare have been an enormous help in our recovery . Yesterday we had our 3rd counselling session which is really helping to clear the mist , to  see our addiction from a different perspective .

Complacancy is a danger , but it is an absolute certainty we will never again gamble on fobt machine . We are lucky in so far as that was our only gambling obsession . Theirs still a life to be lived so lets go live it . Hope we get a few days in heaven before the devil finds out we're dead . Hallelujah brothers and sisters lets rock n roll .......Love to you all . Stephen The 44 th  x

Posted on:
Sat, 24/06/2017 - 16:22

Mac1989

Joined:
2017-06-06

Happy Day 44, 

Cannot wait to get to this day myself, hope your enjoying this fantastic saturday!!!! 

Posted on:
Sat, 24/06/2017 - 23:14

ODAAT

Joined:
2014-11-10

I loved the "My recovery must come first so that everything I love in life does not have to come last!" line but then I pee'd myself laughing @ you hoping you'd get a couple of days in heaven before the devil finds you out :-0

You & me both mate!

I've said it before & I'll say it again, it's so refreshing to read your recovery posts because it's clear to see that all the work you have done before now is slowly being consolidated.  It reconfirms my faith in the power of the teachings that I am dipping into which literally come to life in your words.  

Keep letting those Angels guide you Stephen, the little red **bleep** can get a piece of us when the woman @ the Pearly gates says so right ;-)

Posted on:
Sun, 25/06/2017 - 10:40

Stephen The Strong

Joined:
2017-05-10

Thankyou Odaat for your kind words . The recovery diaries are a constant source of inspiration for me . We are all together striving to overcome our gambling addiction and find a better life . Friends such as yourself have a wonderful insight  which greatly benefits other members . I learn something from all the diaries , everyone has their own story to tell . It is sad to see the pain and suffering in  some of the diaries but really uplifting to read of the successes .

Posted on:
Sun, 25/06/2017 - 23:58

Glint

Joined:
2016-01-08

I like this diary.

An eclectic feel-good mix of positivity, vitality, productivity, spirituality and Bob Dylan.

As the old adage goes 'better to dance Latino than take a chance in a casino.'

Great range of uplifting posts and snappy soundbites.

If you don't mind me saying you are just a little bit older than me Stephen; now, I've always thought it important to respect my elders...

You make that very easy!!!

Posted on:
Mon, 26/06/2017 - 17:53

Stephen The Strong

Joined:
2017-05-10

Thankyou so much Glint for your encourageing words and support . Definitely one of my wisest moves the day I joined Gamcare . The inspiration I get from my friends such as yourself  has been the basis of my recovery to date , absolutely brilliant .

Early days for me 46 , but already feeling a massive improvement in my general wellbeing . The managing of my finances has taken a definite turn for the better , I am starting to see my situation and possibilities in a far more rational way . Wishing you every success and happy times on your journey .

I am stephen......a compulsive gambler in recovery......today I have chosen not to gamble and I feel good about it .

Posted on:
Tue, 27/06/2017 - 11:10

Stephen The Strong

Joined:
2017-05-10

Still moseying on , feeling ok , no pesky fobts barring my way 

Three days ahead to the 50 day bash , got my self back and aint lost no cash 

I'll stay gamble free , yes I will see it through , with a whoopee and a holler and a  yabba dabba do 

I am stephen . Today I choose not to gamble .

Posted on:
Tue, 27/06/2017 - 23:42

Stephen The Strong

Joined:
2017-05-10

Not in a good place just now . Is my optimism a good thing or a bad thing , will it take me home or throw me back into the hellfire of gambling addiction . Backing up to the ropes and been frightened is not an option and will surely see me broken .

I just closed my eyes and sent out a challenge to all the gambling demons real or imaginary " Come and do your worst , i'm ready for you this time " I am Stephen . I am Confident and Totally commited to my recovery . You will NOT beat me this time .

Posted on:
Wed, 28/06/2017 - 10:49

Stephen The Strong

Joined:
2017-05-10

Morning Diary and a big high five to all the me's of the future who will look back on the early days of our gamble free life .

Had a bad spell in the early hours of this morning . Remorse , confusion , fear , uncertainty , doubts , shame , greed , selfishness , self loathing , bitterness and feelings of inadequacy ; they all came hammering on my door with baseball bats a hollering and a yelling and screaming blue murder . ( Note , I do sometimes exaggerate ) .

Its passed now and I feel ever more confident than ever my gambling days are over . Nothings gonna stop me now .

I am stephen , a recovering compulsive gambler . Today I choose not to gamble .

Posted on:
Wed, 28/06/2017 - 14:53

Lightsout

Joined:
2017-06-19

Dear Stephen,

I'm sorry to hear your emotions took a decline this morning. Dust yourself off. Challenge those irrational thoughts of your low worth and inadequacy when they come, uninvited to your door. You are on one of the rockiest missions in life, you are STRONG, otherwise you would not be walking this path. Look back at how far you have come. These feelings will pass. One day you will forgive yourself and celebrate your iron resilience. What a fire you have passed through. You are an inspiration!

Posted on:
Wed, 28/06/2017 - 17:42

Stephen The Strong

Joined:
2017-05-10

Many thanks Lightsout . I liked your saying " one day you will forgive yourself " , that alone is something wonderful to strive for . Felt very negative all day but that might be down to it being dull and raining . Take care , wishing you happy days ... stephen 

Posted on:
Thu, 29/06/2017 - 00:18

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

So sorry to hear you had a bad episode earlier, you're not alone to be honest. I feel like an emotional yoyo when I feel like I've hit a middle ground from nowhere comes a black cloud. But as long as we don't gamble we can make it through, also you have such a command of words I wondered if you are interesting poetry? Hang on in there and we'Lloyd get there togetherm take care S :)

Posted on:
Thu, 29/06/2017 - 09:38

Stephen The Strong

Joined:
2017-05-10

Thankyou Sharon . I think of friends on the forum as my GamCare family , happy to read positive stories of recovery and sad to see friends struggling . Everyone battling to overcome this insidious illness of gambling addiction , many wonderful  people who lost their way and are struggling to get their lifes back . We are all different . Our personalities and viewpoints are different but we are all travelling the same road and we all have our story to tell .

Posted on:
Thu, 29/06/2017 - 16:51

Sars27

Joined:
2017-06-02

Hi Stephen ,

Good afternoon. Just read your entire diary . You've had some good progress ! First of all a very big well done and congratulations for staying gamble free . I know that you've had ups and downs like myself and any others here I guess . Keep up the good work sir. You're very inspiring ! I hope you can drop by on my diary too ! 

Tomorrow your half a century GF! Keep fighting and never look back :)

Thank you,

Sars

Posted on:
Fri, 30/06/2017 - 00:35

Stephen The Strong

Joined:
2017-05-10

Thank you so much Sars , really appreciate your support and encouragement . Fifty days without a bet and I am feeling  good . The  wisdom , support and inspiration of friends like yourself has really boosted my confidence and self belief . 

Posted on:
Fri, 30/06/2017 - 08:42

Stephen The Strong

Joined:
2017-05-10

50 Days since I last had a bet and feeling quite relieved . Also works pension in bank today so can see some progress on the financial front . 

Don't want to put a dampener on my celebrations but the above to me is 2 possible excuses for a relapse .

Going to be a happy day for me but must be on my guard , I know from the past how the addiction can catch me unawares with catastrophic results . Will make sure I keep busy and get to a GA meeting tonight .

Love to all my friends and fellow travellers . Your support has been my rock , keeping me afloat when things got rough .

Posted on:
Fri, 30/06/2017 - 09:56

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

Morning Stephen, I indeed understand the temptations here but 100% believe that you are committed and strong enough to resist.?You have made amazing progress...50 whole days, whilst providing inspiration and positivity to all You really are an asset to the forum, happy Friday and take care S :)

Posted on:
Fri, 30/06/2017 - 09:57

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

Ps sorry that ? Was supposed to be a ! Silly predicted text S

Posted on:
Fri, 30/06/2017 - 13:26

Stephen The Strong

Joined:
2017-05-10

Thanks for that post . Wishing you every happiness , wherever destiny leads you it will be better without the gambling demons tormenting at every twist and turn . Take care , have a good weekend , be kind to Sharon she is a wonderful lady .

I believe GamCare is my last hope as I've tried everything else . Sure I couldn't cope with another relapse , even the thought of any more gambling misery really freaks me out . Such a disgrace , worked hard all my life and ended up @ 66 in this sorry state . Don't think it will hinder my recovery to say I am thoroughly ashamed , however I will dust myself down and get on with it , not that I have any other option . Haha good news is i'm still standing and ready to give it my best shot . 

Wishing you a great weekend , your destiny awaits you Sharon .

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