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Worry and Regret  

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RouletteRegret
(@rouletteregret)

Been for runs in the last three days and feeling good.

Was out buying a real Christmas tree today and all the kids are happy and excited. 

I had to take the wife into town earlier to get her hair done and I noticed some poor homeless soul sitting in a sleeping bag looking freezing cold. Terrible shame for these individuals. I always think about the homeless when temperatures hit zero and the awfulness of their days and nights. Im in a heated house, watching TV with a beer and about to enjoy a delicious home cooked meal.  Perspective - I have a decent life which I often try to ruin through gambling.

RR

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Posted : 30th November 2019 6:04 pm
The Revenant
(@the-revenant)

Hello RR,

First, a R*d wine fuelled post, so thats my validation.

Good on you for your tri - daily run, something i only think about ! Yet, i do have the trainers 🙄

Now, albeit irrelevant, but wondering whether homelessman was a buisness man in disguise ? Was interesting how wifes haircut and homeless sleeping bag was put into the same sentance - Very English.

So, despite long winded, my point is, that its very admirable how far youve come, also its very admirable that you noticed the homeless man and appreciated what you have, but dont get side tracked - ' selfish in addiction, selfish in rediscovery ' . 

Thats what matters, and then the filter begins in helping your nearest and dearest and less fortunate folk.

All the best 

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Posted : 30th November 2019 6:35 pm
The Revenant
(@the-revenant)

Rince - repeated post

This post was modified 5 days ago by The Revenant
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Posted : 30th November 2019 6:35 pm
Paper1
(@paper1)

I have just got into same boat, was massively in debt about 8 years ago, racked up thousands and thousands of debt, so i stopped when on a debt charity called pay plan, where i paid a set amount each month, it was hard going, i ended working a lot of extra hours, to pay it back which i did in about 6 years. That was the good news until last week, with no debt gambled all my wages away and gambled on my credit card. I now feel ashamed and angry with myself, i have blocked internet access to gambling sites, j know how it feels, but i am sick to the teeth of gambling now and sick to the teeth of money i have got in debt with, but i am going to try to be positive and leave it alone, i know it is hard, but this time i can beat gambling by stopping

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Posted : 30th November 2019 7:06 pm
S.A
 S.A
(@s-687)

Hi RR... yes by the sounds of it, you do have a decent life which makes it strange why any of us would ruin a perfectly normal and ok life. I suppose gambling takes on a world of its own, designed to addict us in all its forms.

I think am just one step out the door way from that homeless fella you speak of. Believe it or not I never put the heating on in my flat unless somebody is coming over (a rare event) and even then its just a bar fire in the lounge. I have these old electric storage radiators that are very expensive and only seem to pump out heat when am not actually there. All I seem to care about is whether am warm enuff to sleep ie two duvets. On the coldest of nights I have ice on the inside of the windows. This is how my sick mind is. Deny myself warmth because its supposedly too expensive and yet I go into a "warm" gambling den and blow all my money. My level of self-care is astonishingly bad. I am but one lost pay check away from rent arrears and potential homelessness. As it stands I don't know whether I will be paid on Friday the 13th or Monday the 16th but that will be my next danger point. Anyway sorry to ramble on in your diary... keep up the good work... your doing mighty fine.. 🙂

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Posted : 2nd December 2019 9:57 am
Forum admin
(@forum-admin)
Admin

Dear S.A,

Thank you for your supportive response to RouletteRegret. However, it seems as though you are going through a particularity tough time. Some of our callers do neglect their own needs, so we want to stand by you, to help you to take better care of yourself. You matter, you really do. Perhaps you feel overwhelmed by your situation? We can help you to work through it and unravel the areas in your life that may seem too complicated to handle. 

We are ready to listen to you 24/7 

Best wishes

Fiona

Forum Admin

 

This post was modified 3 days ago by Forum admin
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Posted : 2nd December 2019 10:31 am
RouletteRegret
(@rouletteregret)

Ive had a decent few days and Im doing Ok but there will come a time in my future where I will want to hurt myself. Not physically. There will come a time when Ill get too stressed at work, I’ll have a massive argument with my wife or Ill be so tired I can barely function. These things happen and I don't have a plan for it. This makes me aware that Im in abstinence and not recovery but its only been 68 days and I’m ok with it. Most importantly, I’m aware of it.

My wife informed me two weeks ago that she had spent 60 quid on my kids seeing Santa. I was on the brink of meltdown. She reminded me that their only young once and I calmed down from a 10 to a 8.5

Anyway, Santa visit been and they were all buzzing. The whole day was a day of excitement and happiness. We did other fun things as well and it goes down as a great day. My way would be to never pay the 60 quid because its a ridiculous rip off. But, I spent thousands on roulette in one hour and actually lost count of how much I’d deposited. Perspective.

I bought a pair of smart boots on Saturday. I rarely buy new clothes outside of birthday or Christmas. As I walked to the till I muttered to myself - you can buy this because you’ve not gambled. It’s so true. I had money to treat myself because Ive stopped gambling. The money was well spent and  Ive not regretted it for a single minute. On the contrary my new footwear look outstanding.

RR

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Posted : 2nd December 2019 7:53 pm
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