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Worry and Regret  

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RouletteRegret
(@rouletteregret)

Back in June I lost a lot of money playing roulette and have carried the worry and regret ever since. I have not been able to come to terms with this. The reason for this is because I have had a roulette problem for probably 15 years but recently I was able to abstain from gambling, paid off all of my debt and lived a better life. 

Since June it’s been very difficult and last night I made things worse by gambling on roulette again. My gambling debt is currently £7200

The debt is horrendous. I can’t sleep and cannot think or concentrate on anything other than how I repay this.

I feel as though I am wasting my life. I can go weeks or months with hardly spending a penny on myself only to blow hundreds or thousands in one day and my situation worsens. 

I could go on for pages and pages but I’ll stop for just now by saying that I am simply very, very worried for myself, for my future and about my ability to stop this self sabotaging behaviour.

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Posted : 27th September 2019 2:45 pm
RouletteRegret
(@rouletteregret)

It has been a tough day today which is to say that I’ve found it difficult to get to grips with my current predicament. The mental aspect of being a compulsive gambler is brutal. The constant worry just runs all day through my mind and thoughts.

With brutal honesty I see that gambling has affected me in so many negatives ways. It’s easy to think it’s a financial problem but that’s just a symptom or a consequence. Days like today I’m distant, uninterested, impatient. I can be short with my wife or with the kids. Most of the time I feel devoid of motivation and find myself parked on the couch watching TV all night. I want to break free from all of these things. More than anything I want to stop hurting myself and the people who rely on me the most. I want to have a go at life again. I honestly believe that gambling and money concerns have continued to pull me in to a dark place as the years have went by. I’m not talking about depression- I’m not depressed just beat up, constantly down and without the fight to change all of the above. But I’ll need to change - if I want to change.

Also, I find myself in a viscous circle. I don’t do well dealing with money worries. I try to cope with my thought but have a track record of trying to gamble out of a problem. When I lose, which I always do now, and make my situation worse I suddenly realise that it wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it was compared with my new level of debt. This is exactly what happened last night.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 27th September 2019 8:45 pm
Forum admin
(@forum-admin)
Admin

Hi RR,

Thank you for your post and your honesty; firstly can I congratulate you on your period of abstinence. I was sorry to hear of your relapse and understand the stress that gambling debts can cause. Can you think of anything that may have triggered the relapse for you?

I recommend checking out our website which has a wealth of information covering free debt advice, you can find this under the Self Help tab. Having a plan in place to repay the debt in a manageable way can really help relieve the stress you are under and therefore help break the cycle you mention. 

I was also wondering whether you had self-excluded or put some blocking software in place? A lot of our forum users report that such tools really help to overcome the sudden urges they get.

I’m not sure if you have contacted our HelpLine or Netline, but if not I’d recommend you do so as one of our advisers could discuss strategies and support that could help you to overcome the behaviours you mention. 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 27th September 2019 9:51 pm
RouletteRegret
(@rouletteregret)

Hi Admin,

Thank you for your reply.

You offer great advice based on a “manageable debt plan” because I always try to pay too fast leaving myself with no money which isn’t sustainable. I lack patience. On this occasion, I think I’ll take this advice. I need to live for today and not wishing my life away hoping to be years in the future when my debt is settled.

Historically, I was always a roulette player in bookies until they changed there rules on maximum stake so my blocks were all about not carrying cash etc but in June I logged online which has proven to be a very dangerous and difficult game for me. So, I have no blocks for this I can log on anytime with no paper money and gamble. I need to tackle this issue and have read about Gamblock tonight which I will take advantage of.

Thanks again,

RR

 

 

 

 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 27th September 2019 10:49 pm
RouletteRegret
(@rouletteregret)

I have been reading lots online about addiction and the correlation between this and mental health. I’ve been addicted to roulette for 15 years now and although I have had periods of abstinence I still feel the same now as I did when I first realised that I had a problem. Always, my focus was on stopping when perhaps it should be on changing. Changing my life, structure and the things that I do in order to change how I feel inside my head. Maybe just maybe if I could change how I feel and think I may not ever need to gamble. Maybe all this is nonsense but deep down I’m petrified that if I don’t change something I will always go through my life one devastating relapse after another.

Something that sticks out a lot during the many articles that I’ve read is the benefits of running for mental health. Science suggests that running helps an addicted mind. 

I used to be fit and sporty once upon a time but not so much now. Something happens to me at night after work - I become a lazy, lethargic sloth who collapses on the couch watching hours of TV until it’s time for bed. I wonder how positively it could affect me by running at night after work.

I plan on going for a run tomorrow. Who knows.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 28th September 2019 1:28 pm
S.A
 S.A
(@s-687)

Hi.. am a compulsive gambler, with similar levels of debt to you and I of course relate to a lot of what you have said.

First off sign up to Gamstop for 5 years. It will stop your online gambling in its tracks.... it covers 99% of all online casino's. It does exactly what it says on the tin.

Second... as admin suggests, pay debts back slowly. Enter into agreements where by you can live a normal family life without having to go without. You need to allow your debts to sit in the background to be managed and monitored only when necessary. I was stressed about my debts when i first built them up but now they are just a bit of back ground noise. From time to time I get a letter. I ring them up and say my situation hasn't changed and we carry on as per agreement. Don't put yourself under undue pressure, you don't have to punish yourself moving forward. It makes no difference to the banks survival whether they get your money back or not. Your just an account number.

Third... your not alone in your mental state. Ive been self-destructing with gambling for 25 years... but what I do say is that when I do have long periods of time away from it... my mental health gets better, slowly.. but it does improve and then I start jogging and getting fitter and I feel better and better and not a couch potatoe.

When I have a gambling binge I feel panicked and on edge and my thoughts race at a million miles an hour. It takes a while to slow down and put ones life and situation into a more realistic perspective. The main thing is to concentrate on not gambling, one day at a time as i try to do the same.

All the best.. S.A 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 28th September 2019 4:03 pm
RouletteRegret
(@rouletteregret)

Thank you for your message S.A. And for your great advice.

Ive just tried going through the Gamblock process and failed the verification process twice in a row which is the maximum amount of attempts I’m allowed. I can’t believe this. I only had a problem with one question which was about how long I have held my mobile phone contract. I will try again tomorrow. I hope it works tomorrow and I hope I don’t have to phone to speak to someone.

Gamstop seems to be a wonderful idea. I selected the 5 year minimum term. I would really benefit from having this. Hopefully I’ll get it tomorrow.

To S.A. - your time and words led me to trying something tonight which would help me massively. Thanks for taking the time to help me today.

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Posted : 28th September 2019 9:13 pm
RouletteRegret
(@rouletteregret)

A familiar tale for me today. I went to sleep at about half eleven last night and woke up at 4 minutes past five. Mind starts to race not necessarily about gambling issues but just issues and I can’t get back to sleep. I know I’ll be tired later but just cannot switch my mind off. This really irritates me and has a knock on effect. Later tonight I’ll lie on the couch tired and devoid of energy only to start the following day in the exact same manner.

i couldn’t be bothered going for a run but got ready for it anyway and got myself out the door. In truth, I found it difficult and it was a slog until the end. After finishing I felt good I must admit and felt even better after my shower. I felt good because I’d done something positive and because I never quit.

Life is tough for me at the moment. I’m really struggling with accepting the debt. S.A. Gave me some great advice yesterday which I pondered over all day. Keep the debt in the background and chip away at it while living your life today. It makes great sense. Only I’m brutally impatient. Long term plans don’t come easy just now.

Anyway, I went a run and felt better.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 29th September 2019 1:56 pm
Shantel17
(@shantel17)

Hi Roulette Regret, 

I haven't been gambling for as long as you but In the two and a half years I have been gambling I have lost an excess of twenty five grand. 

My weakness is the slot machines I could pump a thousand pound into one of them in the space of an hour and ultimately I'd log off with not a penny left in my betting account. I'd cry and feel like I was having a heart attack when I realised what I had done. Yet I continued to do it month after month whenever I could. I'd hide in the toilets at work and gamble, I'd do it on my lunch break and then as soon as I walked through the front door. I have put in nearly double of what the maximum jackpot is into a slot machine on many occasions and it's actually embarrassing. 

If you're an online gambler you absolutely need to join gamstop. I haven't put a single bet online since joining around 6 months ago because I can't its impossible and has helped me massively. 

My issue now is going into the bookies and bingo halls and casinos. Even the service stations to play on a slot machine. I lie about where I am and what I'm doing and I of course always walk out empty handed because we don't gamble till we win we gamble till we lose. 

Today I have installed contactless mobile on my phone so I can go out and buy what I want or need ie food, petrol etc however I have cut up my bank cards so there is physically no way I can get my hands on any cash and continue to sit in this horrible vicious cycle. So with gamban and no access to a single penny in cash I'm hoping I can kick this awful addiction once and for all and get back to having a normal life. 

I really do wish you all the best of luck. Please download gamstop I believe it could save your life. 

 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 29th September 2019 6:38 pm
RouletteRegret
(@rouletteregret)

I have been reading the self help section which says I can download gamban for free for 12 months with a GamCare promotion code. I would like to take this opportunity very much. I don’t know how to contact admin to request this. If anyone is reading this I would appreciate some help please.

Gambling tortures my mind. This weekend I’ve had a plumbing problem which I need to fix and a wardrobe door is broken/cracked which needs fixed. Both are urgent in different ways and needs fixed. Of course, this costs money. Last week I had to get the car MOTD and serviced and needed two new tyres which cost 380 quid. It just adds and adds and seems like it’s never ending. The torture is the knowing that I put 720o on a credit card in two episodes of gambling yet I’m a fretting about having to spend 600 quid. 

The part that destroys me the most is the mental torture I am putting myself through over the debt. The debt is the same today as it was yesterday. Nothing bad has happened over the past two days. It will be the same debt tomorrow and I’ll let it ruin my day and yet still nothing bad will happen. Nobody is going to storm through my front door demanding this money. The real problem is the secret, the lying to my wife that I’m fine..... just a little tired.

I would do anything to go back to that stupid day in June and change this but it’s not possible. I need to face up to the consequences of my actions and I need to do so quickly because my life is absolute hell at the moment and it can’t continue. I am simply wishing my life away. Nothing more.

RR

ReplyQuote
Posted : 29th September 2019 9:28 pm
TraceyJ
(@traceyj)

Hi RR

I signed up to Gamban and used the promotion code "Gamcare" and it automatically signed me up for 12 months free

Best thing I've done

Good luck

ReplyQuote
Posted : 29th September 2019 10:58 pm
RouletteRegret
(@rouletteregret)

Thank you for your help Tracey.

I have downloaded Gamban for free which I was very excited and happy about. Now I’m a little worried and I’m looking for some further advice. Does Gamban prevent me accessing a site or does it allow me to access it but prevent my log in details?

Also, I’ve now got a VPN icon at the top of my phone. Is this ok.

im just a little worried because i use a work mobile which is for me only but I don’t know I’m just worried. I’m probably just being stupid.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 30th September 2019 10:52 am
S.A
 S.A
(@s-687)

Hi... Gamban prevents you from accessing the gambling site from the device that you have got gamban on. The gambling site is blocked.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 30th September 2019 10:57 am
RouletteRegret
(@rouletteregret)

Thanks S.A.

stuff like this kills me. I have now downloaded Gamban twice on my iPhone and still I can access sites. 

I must be doing something wrong. I’ll keep going. I need this.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 30th September 2019 11:19 am
RouletteRegret
(@rouletteregret)

Just found out that Gamban has a technical problem with Sky broadband which I use. Typical. Nothing comes easy.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 30th September 2019 11:29 am
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