Congratulations Catbradley on your excellent progress.
It is now 5 weeks since you last gambled and are starting to get your old self back.
I admire your wonderful attitude and respect your courage, determination and resilience.
You bravely set out on this great adventure into the unknown and continue to stand fearless and proud whenever challenged by sadness, temptation and uncertainty.
By the powers bestowed upon me (by myself), I am proud to award you the 'Gamcare Warrioress (First Class) Order Of Merit.' - You have earned it.
Catbradley, Stalwart Stephen and many gamcare friends are on a journey together with smiles on our faces, hope in our hearts and songs on our lips.
Nothing is going to stop us now.
I’ve had a few really hard, really rubbish days.
My stress levels haven’t been good. I’ve been super busy and out the house between work, meetings and appointments.
I found myself testing my limits today.
I don’t want to gamble and I have no desire to do it but I still found myself at a low point testing my limits. Checking my GameStop was working ect. I feel guilty just for looking. What would I have done if they weren’t and could get in?
I don’t know for sure.
Feeling rocky lately. Day 69.
I’ve been poorly and although I don’t want to gamble and I can’t gamble even if I wanted to I just feel like my mental health is spiralling.
I made a list last night of reasons I have to be happy and to be honest, it wasn’t very long.
My relationship is on the brink of ending, my son (who is almost 7 with ADHD) is obviously noticing things are not right and has started wetting the bed every night.
My oldest is 15 and in year 11 and I feel like I’m letting her down in her most important year.
I’ve not gambled but equally I’ve done things I’m not proud of lately.
I just wish I was ‘normal’ and living a ‘normal’ life. I just don’t know how to get there. It feels almost impossible. I’m starting to think that I’ll never ever be happy again.
Well done for continuing to use your diary to chart the ups and downs, and remaining gambling-free throughout.
I hope the CBT treatment you mentioned is helping you gain more skills in managing your mood. You could also talk with your GP about any concerns you may have for your own emotional wellbeing or about the wellbeing of any of your children.
Our freephone and netline are both 24 hours a day now if you ever want to talk with an adviser here.