Congratulations Catbradley on your excellent progress.
It is now 5 weeks since you last gambled and are starting to get your old self back.
I admire your wonderful attitude and respect your courage, determination and resilience.
You bravely set out on this great adventure into the unknown and continue to stand fearless and proud whenever challenged by sadness, temptation and uncertainty.
By the powers bestowed upon me (by myself), I am proud to award you the 'Gamcare Warrioress (First Class) Order Of Merit.' - You have earned it.
Catbradley, Stalwart Stephen and many gamcare friends are on a journey together with smiles on our faces, hope in our hearts and songs on our lips.
Nothing is going to stop us now.
I’ve had a few really hard, really rubbish days.
My stress levels haven’t been good. I’ve been super busy and out the house between work, meetings and appointments.
I found myself testing my limits today.
I don’t want to gamble and I have no desire to do it but I still found myself at a low point testing my limits. Checking my GameStop was working ect. I feel guilty just for looking. What would I have done if they weren’t and could get in?
I don’t know for sure.
Feeling rocky lately. Day 69.
I’ve been poorly and although I don’t want to gamble and I can’t gamble even if I wanted to I just feel like my mental health is spiralling.
I made a list last night of reasons I have to be happy and to be honest, it wasn’t very long.
My relationship is on the brink of ending, my son (who is almost 7 with ADHD) is obviously noticing things are not right and has started wetting the bed every night.
My oldest is 15 and in year 11 and I feel like I’m letting her down in her most important year.
I’ve not gambled but equally I’ve done things I’m not proud of lately.
I just wish I was ‘normal’ and living a ‘normal’ life. I just don’t know how to get there. It feels almost impossible. I’m starting to think that I’ll never ever be happy again.
Well done for continuing to use your diary to chart the ups and downs, and remaining gambling-free throughout.
I hope the CBT treatment you mentioned is helping you gain more skills in managing your mood. You could also talk with your GP about any concerns you may have for your own emotional wellbeing or about the wellbeing of any of your children.
Our freephone and netline are both 24 hours a day now if you ever want to talk with an adviser here.
Ive just read your full diary. Great read and very inspiring.
Diaries like yours are great for newbies to read. You came here with a problem and you’ve worked incredibly hard to get better. There’s been good days and bad days yet you've conquered all these emotions and continue to move forward.
Good for you. Keep going.
147!!! I still actually believe I have not gambled in 147 days!
I couldn’t have done it without the support of gamcare and CBT.
I know I’m not totally over it and I could relapse at anytime, but I have no much in place to stop that happening. i have had a wonderful Christmas and I will be going into the new year with confidence and a determination that had, through gambling, gone!
I hope anyone struggling right now asks for help. CBT was my saviour.
I’m now on day 177. I can’t even begin to describe how it feels!
I barely even think about gambling anymore. I have money in the bank, I pay all my bills on time, I can afford to go on holiday. Every I dreaded in the past seems like a distant memory, like another life.
I am happier and healthier and I’m so looking forward to see what this year brings!