I guess it’s taken me nearly 25 years to put words down in writing but now having abstained for 81 days which is the longest over the period here goes….
Looking back I thought I started gambling in 1995 when a colleague introduced me to betting shops near work but in reality it probably started at the early age of 10 ish when my since passed Mum took me to work with her as a pub cleaner and I used to play the fruit machine at the end of the shift for being good.
Fast forward 44 years and I have since gambled on just about everything but the poison was undoubtedly FOBTs since their UK introduction. I have literally lost over a quarter of a million in my time and it’s this that still haunts me today. I have perhaps on reflection had low self esteem and throughout life always wanted more than I had or to be someone else. The irony is I was someone else who could have had it all had gambling not struck or had I tackled it at inception.
The time lost, pain of hurting loved ones and having been through losing family members to cancer has been unbearable. Gambling cost me family members as I became so jealous and resentful of even my brother who passed away at 58 years but I only got told after the funeral. That hurts today as much as it did a few years back when I was sent a copy of the order of service in the post.
Career wise I’ve had it all and threw it all away due to my compulsion with gambling - missing work, feeling unduly stressed, going sick and eventually having to resign to avoid the sack.
Health wise I’ve had years of medication for anxiety and depression and many bouts of the emotional rollercoaster but never been able to address it until now.
So what’s changed to make me realise a lifetime of gambling addiction is no longer what I want?
The short answer is two fold.
Firstly having lost my last job due to the addiction I now choose to work 12 hour nights in a factory on £10 P hour which is a long way from the six figure salaries I’ve been accustomed to earning, yet im so much happier.
The second reason is I’ve finally been able to contextualise and get beneath the skin of the addiction thanks to Allen Carrs The Easy Way - really resonated with me. I’d recommend it to anyone looking to change their mindset
All blocks now in place and gamcare counselling to come so here’s to starting to live life to the end as opposed to my epitaph being “ a life wasted to gambling”.
Thanks for reading and apologies for the rambling - for me this is to look back on in days weeks months and years to come to remind myself of what I had become and what I never want to go back to
Hopefully talk to many of you on the chat forum moving forward. Take care
” Being sad, lonely, anxious and depressed didn’t make me gamble. Gambling made me sad, lonely, anxious and depressed “
I think you hit the nail on the head in regards to the ending of you’re post where gambling has made you sad, lonely and depressed and not the other way round. I can resonate with what you have shared and you have taken massive steps in life to turn it around not just posting here and absence from gambling but your dedication to continue to improve yourself and life moving forward gamble free.
i can fully relate to the early years of how and when it all started, for me it was penny machines at the arcades when I was a similar age which turned into fruit machines in my late teens to then online gambling shortly after I turned 18. Because of the extended access to gambling these days via technology it’s of course become more dangerous for more people and we will rely on are Will power and fellow friends on this site and elsewhere to support us and help carry us away from gambling.
I must get in on the forum live chats more often and I hope to see yourself there, I know the loneliness, pain and the damage gambling has done through my life and can relate to a degree what you have gone through. There are also a lot of supportive people here who can also share there experiences and can converse with you.
take care and just for today, I will not gamble.
dave101
@dave101 thanks Dave- appreciate your words and hopefully see you on chat soon - another good one tonight
Hi Mike,
Glad you’ve seen the light - finally.
No doubt you’ll get plenty of support on here.
All the best,
Tizzy.
Just checking in on 12 weeks GF - 84 days
Day 86 - pushing to 90 days on which I see there is a lot of emphasis but Why?
Hi Mike, well done on 86 days, I suppose it's the gambler in us being obsessed with numbers. Each day is an achievement and more important than the last, just keep racking them up!
Day 88 - time to look for a different type of two fat ladies ?
90 days - doesn’t half feel good ??
92 days - feeling ok despite 2 rejections for better jobs. My confidence still low but here’s to 100 days coming up.
Hey
just had a read of your diary, well done getting to 92 days, you mentioned about 90 days and how to some its a big thing, I know GA programme ask for you to try for at least 90 days, I went over 2 years gambling free and I actually found the milestones difficult and put pressure on myself, I'm just going to plod along day at a time. Try not be to disheartened regarding the jobs.
PS Ive been listening to Allan Carr easy way to stop gambling and have found it very helpful.
Cheers Jamie - I’m glad Allen Carr is helping- it’s the one thing that truly resonated and inspired me. I’m going to get to 100 days then stop counting and just go one at a time. Take it easy.
94 days - thanks for all the continued support.
Day 97 - feels much easier of late
Hi
Life got simpler and less painful as I started to heal my pains and face my fears.
Love and peace to every one
Dave L
AKA Dave Of Beckenham UK
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