What a day

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(@takenafirststep)
Posts: 50
Topic starter
 

So yesterday I was stranded on a motorway for 3 hours after a 13hr shift at 2130 at night fter my car cut out with no warning spent the spare money I had for the month for fuel etc on recovery veichle to get myself and dead car home as was 100 miles from home my own recovery company didn't answer after hour of calls

My brain has been on gambling ever since returning 

1) because I feel as though I have gambled so I feel emotionally rubbish disappointed

2) my going to sleep brain (my mum that died says go on gamble ill make sure your sorted financially) the problem I had in the first place 

I haven't had the TV on for a while becayse the adverts were a trigger.

So just when I thought I was recovering I feel like I'm back to not knowing who I am again 

But I've been home since 2am and have not gambled.   Small positives

 

Feeling really rubbish becayse yesterday was the first day I saw glimmer of my old self in 6 weeks and I feel its all been swiped away

 
Posted : 15th November 2019 7:20 am
(@busterbear)
Posts: 14
 

Well done for not gambling I think that too my dad and sister are going to send me a win to sort my mess out then after I lose I feel extra grief like  I’ve let them down yet again .... 

hope your weekend is better x

 
Posted : 15th November 2019 2:04 pm
(@takenafirststep)
Posts: 50
Topic starter
 

Awww bless you at least I don't feel alone with that thought I'm feeling like I've let everyone down at the moment 

 
Posted : 15th November 2019 5:00 pm
(@busterbear)
Posts: 14
 

Is your car sorted now ? 
how have you managed to stop yourself playing ? I have 0 will power and just getting in more mess 

 

 
Posted : 16th November 2019 10:42 am
(@takenafirststep)
Posts: 50
Topic starter
 

No my car seems very broken 🙁 I need my car for my job and finances are a stugle from my gambling issues and trying to recover from that so don't really know what to do all I know is I'm exhausted from all the worrying and stress.

 

To stop gambling I have a gamcare therapist who I speak to once a week who offers email contact when I'm struggling and just self referred myself to some more bereavement councilling to try get me back to my old self or new improved self. I also use candy crush as a distraction I don't have any money linked for purchases so play that when I want to gamble I have also installed gamban and gamstop self exclusion

Because my car cost so much to get it recovered I just feel like I've chucked it all on gambling because financially I'm failing again. 

I also download films box sets to watch at night as the gambling adverts on tv subconsciously get in my head

 

How to you keep messing up? 

 

This post was modified 4 years ago by takenafirststep
 
Posted : 16th November 2019 11:35 am

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