Well well well...

Kongu92,

Welcome to the forum.

Very much like yourself when I first came to this forum it was very much something that I never thought I would do. Like yourself, I was in despair and was willing to try something new that could help with my gambling problems. This forum offers a platform for you to put down in writing your words, experiences and emotions. For everyone else, we have the opportunity to try to help you by offering our support. This forum is full of people just like you and me who have experienced hardship through destructive gambling. Many, many people on this forum have went on to realise long periods of abstinence and experience a greater, happier life without the stress, financial hardship and emotitional destruction that gambling can bring to our lives. Hopeuflly, you will achieve this also.

From a personal point of view your post resonates with me because quite simply roulette leads me to dark places if I allow it to. I have had short and long periods of abstinence from gambling but recently I returned to roulette and find myself back to the start facing a required battle to stop playing this brutal game.

I was your typical guy who placed a football bet without any issues and without the need to chase losses. Introducing roulette in to my life was a terrible, terrible mistake which has at times held a very tight hold of me. When in action I cannot stop until a brutal loss brings it to a stop i.e. I have lost all disposable cash and cannot play for a period of time. It is during this time that I stop, breathe and think about my current situation. I ask myself do I want this forever. How would my life be if I stopped. I stopped for four years and my life was completely different and I honestly had more money in my accounts than ever before. More than this, my mental state of mind was relaxed and calm. I could sleep at night without worrying about money lost or how I could cope with repayments.

It will be hard for you to understand this but if you stop now you will cope. You will find a way to cope with repayments and as the days of abstinence add up eventually your repayments will reduce and become insignificant until they are gone forever. If you stop now, in time, you will replace gambling with better, healthier past times and you will find yourself in a better place emotionally - you will find yourself to be a happier person and rather than worry about money and debt you will focus on the positive changes that you have made to your life.

You are at a crossroads in your life today. You can either put everything into your recovery, get better and live a life full to max or you can continue gambling and wake up ten years from now with the same problems with far greater debt. Often the toughest decisions reap the greatest rewards.

I will leave it for others to come on and give advice about blocks that you can put in place in the short term that will limit your chances to gamble. For me, the most important decision is to decide without doubt that you do not want to hurt yourself anymore.

Take care. I will check your diary to keep up with your progress. I wish you the very best.

Tomso.

Hi Tomso,

Appreciate your post. Fully understand your thoughts and relate to it also. I too have found myself continuing until I can no more. In fact that’s what brought me here. I have £650 left in my bank account, but I don’t get paid until the end of the month and I’ll be unable to repay the credit card off with my rent due without that money, that’s why I managed to snap out of my trance and managed to block myself from the website before I lost every bit of it. I lost far more than expected but I’m at least thankful a part of me had the common sense to cease it.

I find myself sitting here 4 hours later thinking of playing again. I know I can’t as I’m blocked but it’s just the thoughts. Thirty seconds of a flash thinking of a win, but I bring myself back to reality by reminding myself of the situation I have dug myself into.

Also fully aware of the future - I know I need to stop now, before I wake up and find that I’m £20,000 in debt, instead of £5000. It’s bad enough as it is, the thought of the next year pains me thinking of the amount of money that will be disappearing out of my account just to pay off what was 15 minutes of pressing buttons. Funny how you see the stupid side of it after it’s happened, not while you are doing it.

I can tell already this will help me. Just writing down my thoughts feels like a funnel, a bit of a release about it. I will make sure I keep up to date with this, the addiction within me is fully rooted right now and I’m not expecting the little thought of depositing some money to disappear anytime soon, hopefully I’ll be able to be strong and tell it to shut up.

Hi Kongu,

Welcome to the site. You are a few years older than me but I too have recently signed up here with very similar thoughts (I never thought I'd have to join a site like this). But I've found it so useful already just having a place to come and write down my thoughts when I need to. It's really helping me to know I'm not the only person with this and gives a unity with others towards beating it for good. I hope it helps you to, good luck and keep us posted.

Scot

Hi Scott,

Good to see others posting. I always think to myself how many 20s would’ve panned out if I kept all the money I’ve gambled. I hate to even think of the amount but it’s definitely substantial. I hope you’re not anywhere near the level I think I’ve probably squandered.

It’s a shame we open our eyes when it’s too late. I often wonder why I’m comfortable with losing my initial deposit - usually small around 50-75 in constrast to the desperation of 600-800 deposits to try and win everything back. Don’t understand why I can’t say oh well we had a go and lost like a normal person.

Watched a few videos today, I relate to them. It’s not always about the money, that part sets in when you realise you are playing with money you cannot afford to lose, it’s mainly about beating the game. Yet ironically, we never will because we always push our luck, try to ride the wave.

I’ve been wondering what my next steps are. I’ve done what I needed to and blocked everything I used to play on. I just can’t bring myself to tell my family what I’ve done. They’ve been through episodes with me in the past and it’s caused destruction to the point where if I said what’s gone on now then that may very well be it. I find this site a way of dealing with it well, I want to get through this problem and then come clean when I’m on the up and out of the hole I’ve just dug myself, not go crying to them about the ultimate grave I’m currently lying in. My priority is to repair the situation, I’m out in the big wide world alone now, I can’t go running to mum and dad every time I screw it all up.

That being said, I’ve said to myself no more. Why do I bother squandering a months wages, money that isn’t mine via cards and loan on something that has and will always end up causing me pain and suffering. Sure, winning is great, but lord knows that hasn’t happened in a long time and even when I do win, the casino will still be winning in the long run. Time to put an end to it all, admit defeat and flick the bird at this dirty industry that wants to legally rob me of my hard earned cash.

This is day 1. Heading into day 2. Things have and will change, gambling isn’t going to win me any more.

Day 2. Still stings, losing that money. It always will, whenever you think about your losses, the pain eventually subsides and it just becomes a bad memory but it’s always at its worst whilst it’s still fresh. You wonder why you didn’t accept a £50 loss when it spirals into hundreds and then thousands..

I had a email which oddly felt like a win, a message from one of my credit cards saying they offered me 0% on balance transfers until March 2020, a sigh of relief knowing there’s some time and breathing room to rectify my problem without it costing me heaps in interest because I can’t pay it back all at once. It gave me reassurance, that even though I blew it, there’s always hope somewhere.

Having said that, my mind frequently reverts to anxiety and what am I going to do, I have no money... that’s the addict in me trying to convince myself to play and win it back. I’m thankful I blocked myself, I haven’t tried yet but it’s nice knowing that there’s a big barrier to stop me attempting it.

Just taking each day as it comes.

K92,

Good to see you posting and active on the forum. That will prove to be very beneficial to you.

Reference on of your previous posts regarding telling your family about your gambling isses. About four and a half years ago and after years of trying to quit and not being successful, I made the decision to tell my parents. To this day, I still cannot make my mind up if it was the best decision of my life or the worst. I couldn't stop playing roulette. I was so addicted. I'd go through binges of playing several times per day and I just could not stop chasing. When I told my parents I walked out their house an hour later and, at that time, new I would never gamble again. I went to G.A. the same week and didn't gamble on anything for over 4 years. Obviously, I got complacent and stupid recently which is why I am back here but the absolute sheer shame of facing my mum and dad and telling them that I was a gambling addict was the worst thing in the world. Or was it the best. I still don't know. I went form playing roulette every day to not playing overnight for four years.

To summarise, the shame of confessing had an instant impact which brought huge benefits to me and my wife and kids. The negative aspect of telling my parents was my dad's reaction. My mum was concerned and throughout time constantly asked me how I was doing and was everything better. To this day, my dad has never mentioned it to me. I think that he was ashamed of me and that still hurts to this day. I can never take back what I said.

I would never try to give anyone advice on what to do in this situation. It is up to you. You know your parents better than anyone.

Right now your emotions will be running high and crazy. Take some time. Concentrate on putting one day of not gambling after the next and consider your approach carefully and I am sure you will do what is best for you.

Take care.

Tomso.

Hi Tomso,

Yeah it’s a tricky one. I’ve been ok so far, obviously money worries still at the forefront but there is actually a silver lining..

I went food shopping at spent under £30. Ironical really, being very careful about what I buy to eat and live because I’m happy to throw away £2000 in the blink of an eye. I know this is only temporary and I’ll reap the benefits of committing to this a couple of years down the line, but it’s hard to think that far ahead to be honest. I guess it’s the same as every gambler - all that matters is the now, not the past or present.

It’s actually worse than I thought. When I add up every single debt I have it comes close to £9000. Staggering. That’s a third of my wages. Gone. On primarily gambling. Absolutely insane. That’s half a deposit for a flat. Half a new car. For what? One shot at hitting my tier numbers for a measly win that I’ll probably repeat anyway and eventually lose.

Never been so heightened by my sense of regret and feelings of failure as I am right now. Maybe this is my bottom. I sure as hell hope so. What sort of 26 year old is £9000 in debt for no good reason at all?

We will see how things go on. I’m getting through each day fine, the hate of gambling hasn’t even made me even feel a slight urge towards it. That’ll subside with time. It’s keeping it at bay that will be the main battle. But it’s day 2 and I’m making my first step back up out of this godforsaken hole I’ve built.