Want to DO something about your out-of-control gambling? Read on.....
*** INTRODUCTION & 2 QUICK HINTS ***
You may be reading this post because you've lost too much money (possibly after yet another heartbreaking gambling binge) and/or are in other related trouble, the situation becoming unsustainable. Therefore you might be desperate for help. If so, please keep calm, take stock and considering talking to someone, maybe a trusted friend or loved one. You may also consider Gamcare (0808 8020 133) or the Samaritans (116 123) depending on how you're feeling.
Bearing in mind, as we know to our cost, that using our willpower to stop is usually simply not enough, here are two quick hints that suggest practical measures you can consider putting into place right away.
Quick Hint No. 1 ---> Do you need to ban yourself from gambling? Here are five positive things you can do straightaway. Why not *** the nettle right now and exclude yourself from:
Quick Hint No.2 ---> Need a near-failsafe way to stop? In addition to excluding yourself from as many gambling operators as possible (see the paragraph above), why not hand over full financial control to a trusted friend or loved one - no "ifs or buts". Without the means, you can't gamble. They'll respect you for it, because it proves your intent. How long for? For life, probably. But what a better life you'll lead!
*** AND NOW ... THE BIG WELCOME! ***
Hi there. Have you had ENOUGH of this devastating problem gambling habit? Yes? Good. So let’s do something about it, eh 😉
My name is 'Mixer' and I'm a regular here on the Gamcare forums.
If you are new here, or even a regular visitor, you might find the following interesting, written through the eyes of a (recovering) compulsive gambler who, like you, is determined to stop gambling. Here I look into why we gamble and what we can do about it - for ourselves primarily, but I also consider the impact on our loved ones - let's never forget about them.
Now, I say it as it is. But it's probably what you want (need) to hear and possibly reflects what you're thinking anyway.
There's an old saying: "We are where we are". In other words, regardless how we got here, we start again from here, we start again from now.
We need to put our regret and self-pity aside for a moment and take some time to think things through and understand why we can't continue like this. This is why you're here, reading this.
Firstly, though, here's a video to watch. It's about someone who was hooked into this addiction, like me, like you. I thoroughly recommend you listen to his story ---> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7AN3VLLlkdI%C2%A 0"> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7AN3VLLlkdI
Now, there's a fair bit to read. Why not make yourself a 'cuppa' before you start. If you only want to read some bits or now, then simply click on the blue link to jump to the section you're interested in, and click your browser 'back button' to return here.
*** Contents ***
Before we try to resolve your problem, we need to understand what brought you to this point in the first place. We need to question:
We then take a deeper look, firstly looking into practical steps you can take, here and now. We also take a look at other impacts of your gambling. All this will help you get into a good 'mindset' for the task ahead as you consider:
Let's start by looking at why you might have started.
We have to stop gambling. Now. Right Away. And we can! Here are four things to help 'break the gambling cycle', steps that will vastly improve our chances of being gambling-free. We need to embrace the four "As" - Acceptance, Awareness, Action and Attitude:
We really mustn't gamble ever again, because starting up again can easily get us into as much trouble as before. Relapsing can be extremely damaging. In fact, getting 'addicted' to the self-loathing, self-pity of relapsing, often linked to underlying lifestyle issues, is a vicious cycle we must snap out of. However, if you do relapse, the most important thing to do is get 'back in the saddle' as soon as possible, going gambling-free, always one day at a time. Please also bear in mind the following:
Gambling is a very lonely habit actually, even in a social setting. Look how solitary most people are in a bookies, bingo, pub or casino, for example. And losing the money is just part of it. Some people think life outside gambling is boring, but that's partly because we close the curtains to other things when we gamble, we fail to see fantastic other options life has to offer.
Is life really about that Saturday afternoon football bet fix? Is it a must that the fruit machine is pumped with all your money every time you have a pint? Does a quiet spell at home really mean that we have to spend all our cash on a some soulless online cartoon gambling game (bingo and slots)?
The answer to all three questions is "no" by the way - we just can't see it right now, that's how 'fogged' our minds have become. To illustrate, let's look at each of the above sample scenarios in turn.
And consider this. Gambling sessions can be very expensive and remarkably short in duration. Let's say you've just spent your monthly salary in a day. What would you rather be for the rest of the month - bored and skint, or bored with cash in your pocket, and lots of lovely options?
Remember, a whole long, drawn-out month being skint really isn't much fun at all. Just think about what you, and your loved ones, could be doing. Keeping fit, eating better, going out, there's so much more! So, as gambling 'sessions' tend to be quite short, is there really that great a void to fill...?
Let's not forget about our loved ones who get caught up with all this. Our gambling affects them, too, and they don't like it much (to put it mildly). They want to see us back to our 'normal selves', back to the vibrant people we really are. Not the frankly unpleasant and neurotic characters we have become, all wrapped up with gambling, and the lies/self-loathing/selfish attitudes that come with it.
We're wasting money that could have benefitted your loved ones, too. We're very good at punishing ourselves. Why punish them too?
We often don't fully consider how devestating gambling can be for our partners, family and friends, because we become so 'wrapped up' with ourselves we become desensitised and numb to it all. Enough!
Take a look at some of the diaries here to see the view from their perspective; it's sobering at best, absolutely heartbreaking at worst. Let's not hide from the impacts of what we've been doing.
It seems odd, but quite often willpower isn't enough on its own, because it can be misused to sneakily start up again! That's why we also need to seek support and put in place solid blocks to help us. If nothing changes, nothing changes.
How about gambling operators? We can blame them all we want; the truth is they're going nowhere. The truth is we have to take personal responsibility.
Sometimes, we find it very hard to get over the fact we've lost so much money. That's an understandable reaction; you may have lost substantial sums and possibly be in severe debt.
The only way to move on is firstly to accept that chasing your losses, trying to recoup the losses, is the worst thing to do. You'll just get into worse trouble because, remember, we can't stop. If we do happen to win it all back, and this is unlikely, we will still gamble and lose it all over again, and then more.
That's just the way it is and we have to accept this brutal truth. If we can't accept the money has gone forever, it will eat away at us and we can't move on. It's time to stop beating ourselves up and time to start to repair the damage.
If you have debts but are having problems managing them, then take a look at this page from https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/loans/debt-help-pla n">MoneySavingExpert - a bit of planning prioritising and 'juggling' your obligations could save you significant interest charges. If you are in serious debt, then seriously consider getting in touch with https://www.stepchange.org /">Stepchange, a debt specialist charity.
Stepchange roll up all of your debts into manageable repayments and stop further interest. They will set everything up. Yes, it will affect your credit rating but in time you can improve this by paying off the debts.
You'll have peace of mind knowing creditors will stop 'banging on the door'; and your debts will be cleared in a few short years. It'll be worth it but require discipline and a true resolve to stop gambling. But you know this.
Let's really 'give our all' to stop this. Hey - it's not easy, but we can do it. We have a choice; to live life as it should be lived, or untold misery. Let's choose life!
Where next? Here's a good place to start; a page of key information from Gamcare.
And do seriously consider joining the Gamcare Forums! You'll meet lots of friendly people who have been impacted by this devastating condition. Recovering addicts, those trying to stop, loved ones who have been affected, success stories, suggestions and much, much more. It's a lively community and it may really, really help you. So:
Thank you for reading this. You got this far - it shows you're serious, it's shows intent.
Why not give Gamcare a call? 0808 8020 133 is the number and there will be a friendly voice on the other end. You're also welcome to post a comment or ask a question anytime on this thread.
May I wish you all the very best. Let's do something about this - You can do it!
With my very best wishes,
(one of many recovering gamblers who have joined Gamcare happy to help our fellow Gamcare buddies as they strive to go gambling free, too!)
Fabulous post there Mixer!
This part I have saved!
"Online slots - they're everwhere, but think for a moment what you are doing. You're sitting down playing 'cartoon games' and wasting your hard-earned money without leaving your sofa; isn't that a crying shame? Remember, you never win because you always give it back. Instead, think about the power of the internet and the wealth of things you could be doing instead. Use social media, watch videos (not gambling ones, they're all a con and trying to hook you in), films, box sets .. you can discover so much and it's all free or nearly free. And if you turn the computer off, more possibilities!".
It's £5.99 a month for Netflix this weekend I've seen 3 movies and two different season ones. The 1st month is free. Your right there about the cartoons very sad eh. As a kid it was endless watching the same cartoon, these designers know what to aim at, cartoons. Flashing lights, bells.
I cancelled a night in a pub today as its a gambling paradise for slot machines etc. Not for me.
Thank you.i have read plenty of interesting story on here so far and received some nice messages to,but this one really lays it all out.wouldnt be a big reader but never skipped a line and watched the video.
So much of what you said effects me and has done all my life,from time and money spent, what lifestyle my family could of had to money i should have. But when i do get used to my new found time that's not spent in bookies, I look forward to spending it with my kids before they get to old as they have grown up knowing no different as to me just working and gambling.
It WAS such a habit of going to the bookies after work,that naturally I just drove there after work today.after pulling up outside of the bookies, with enough cash to go gambling for evening soon realising where I was,it was a simple choice.happily taking the right one .going home in a good humour like I have been all week after beating the temptation makes it all worthwhile. One day at a time I suppose.
This was the first post I read in the forum after joining today. You've hit the nail on the head and basically summed up the last 18 years of my adult life.
I've self-excluded from all online companies, deleted every last app from my phone and ordered Russell Brand's book. Small steps, but it's a start and in the right direction. So many more hard days to come, horrible conversations to have with loved ones about the state of my finances and my addiction, but this has lifted a weight on my shoulders already.
Excellent is the word that comes to my mind when reading this informative masterpiece.
I remember when Mixer first started a new thread with advice and information for compulsive gamblers. Over time he amended and added until this finished product was presented so that anyone arriving at Gamcare could better understand what they were up against.
I tip my hat and salute the legend we knew as Mixer and wish him well wherever he is now.
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.