Support us

Trigger behaviours  


I'm starting this topic to get other spouses experience of living with a recovering compulsive gambler. My partner has been in recovery foe the last 18 months for a 10 plus year addiction. He has had 3 very bad relapses during the last 2 years but I have stuck by him and we have tackled a lot of things practically. He attends weekly GA meetings and we have come to agreements about finance's and how all that runs and it does seem to work. As if all of that, plus working through trust issues isn't hard enough, I really struggle at times when I know he is going through a phase of fighting the cravings. He will create a lot of reasons for his bad moods, irritability, unhappiness.... Whether it be work, our children our home life, our s*x life or I'm being distant and cold. He accuses me of cheating. He becomes insanely jealous and insecure and I get put under a microscope. Everything I do it wrong. I have noticed that every time this happens it is followed by a relapse but he simply will not put how he feels down to the fact that he is fighting an addiction. He will deny it repeatedly and keep blaming other things, mainly me. I now just feel beaten down and depressed from being told about everything I'm doing wrong when he feels like this and I do not know how to tackle this. Any one experience similar behaviours with their partners when they seem to be fighting the urge to scratch that itch?? 

Posted : 8th November 2019 9:46 am
Merry go round

They are all excuses for bad behaviour. This is not your fault. You should get help for yourself. Relying on a gambler to change is a long waiting game. It's about you and how you change. Find a meeting or get some counselling. This addiction damages you as much as them. 

Posted : 8th November 2019 12:44 pm

My ex was the same and I couldn’t take it anymore. My self esteem had reached rock bottom when we were together. The fact that he is not acknowledging that his moods are a consequence of his addiction makes me think he’s got a looong way yet before he can say he’s truly recovering.

you shouldn’t put up with this. A a relationship should be built on honesty  and trust, two things that are virtually impossible to achieve with a CG

im much happier now that I’m not with him anymore. Please look after yourself whatever decision you are going to take 

Posted : 8th November 2019 9:17 pm


In my recovery I learned that the day we both got married we both had emotional baggage.

The recovery program was going to help me heal my hurt inner child.

I am a non religious person so I felt vulnerable in the recovery program people were trying to push religion on me.

Can a non religious person heal from their past. Yes for sure.

In the recovery program was going to help me understand each of my emotional triggers.

Pain fears frustrations loneliness and boredom.

Having unreasonable expectations of life people and situations I was causing myself more pains time and time again.

The recovery program was going to help me understand that my unhealthy reactions to life people and situations I was hurting myself.

I could only get healthy once I admitted to myself I was very unhealthy.

My wife fear me.

My insecurities became my wives insecurities. 

Only by admitting to myself that I was emotionally vulnerable could I find a much healthier path in my life.

The recovery program was going to help me help myself become more healthier.

The recovery program was going to help me exchange unhealthy habits in to healthy habits.

Regards Dave L

This post was modified 7 months ago by Forum admin
Posted : 9th November 2019 6:58 am
Rachel 2015


Can really relate to your story. My fiancé goes through similar behaviour patterns. Their choice to Gamble has nothing to do with us, if life gets bad for us we don’t go running off to hide and cause pain to others. They have a choice. I Know that when my fiancé has gambled it is not worth talking to him at that moment as he will blame anything and everything. I wait till a more calm relaxed moment and approach the subject and explain how his behaviours and choices make me feel. I also refuse to talk to him when he is in his blaming mood, his petting poking has included, I have filled the washing machine wrong, not washed the pots right, and left a crisp packet on the side, It is exhausting. So I just ignore him or irritate him more. The other day he accused me of leaving sweet papers in the floor. So I  stood in front of him eating sweets and dropping the papers on the floor. Give me amusement if nothing else. This forum is really good. Hope things start to improve take care x

Posted : 9th November 2019 10:31 pm
Share this page

Please Login or Register