Tranquility or Turmoil - My Choice

Do you know what is triggering you mate

Thanks for posting on my diary holycrosser. 

Congratulations on your 12 weeks gamble free, I admire your commitment. That's were I was 2 days ago but than I threw it all away.

The reasons why I gambled seem to be pathetic but I will mention them anyway:

1/ For a few days before I gambled I became preoccupied with my finances and started to think that by winning a few pounds I would be in a much better position. This is absolute nonsense as I had a little put by plus sufficient to pay the bills and also enjoy a reasonable lifestyle. Now I will have to economise for a while due to the money I have just lost.

2/ Prior to the gambling a few things came up which were not to my liking and were preying on my mind. I suppose I ventured off to the fobt machines to escape reality for a while. 

Anyway, here I go again. 

I wish you every happiness as you continue on your gamble free adventure.

I totally relate to that, however I’ve devised my plan and I ‘now how much 8 have and when that gets better,then I’ve come to terms that if I start gambling it will never ever end.

it will never get better and I want it just to stop, once and for all, stop.

thats what drives me on,Ive had a couple near misses believe me, stress triggers it for me.

today I went shopping, bought a round of drinks for us all and friends out of my money I’ve earned via work not gambling, I’ve not wasted one penny for over 80 days.

you can do this

Thankyou holycrosser.

I admire and respect your attitude. You have a good understanding of what we are up against plus you have a genuine desire to stop gambling. I look forward to following your progress. 

Take care my friend.

Just remember, this is never over, it’s for life.

you can’t ever let it back in, even when you are feeling fine this thing creeps up on you like a slimy rat, it’s always waiting to pounce.

it has to be for life, never again gamble one penny....you up for that?

Totally with you on that holycrosser. I find it too easy to get complacent but I need to always be aware of the danger that is never far away.

You are 80 days up ahead of me now and many of our fellow travellers are alongside us. Hopefully we can all stay gamble free, reclaim our lives and be free of this soul destroying addiction.

I wish you well on your journey.

Hi Stephen 

Thanks for your encouragement. I was try to compose a couplet involving Swimming, Tango and Salsa but it didn’t get very far!

I am glad you seem to be on top of the recent mishap. You have many friends on here to help you along. You really have such a kind, warm and generous personality which shines through and we are behind you all the way.

The gambling is an aberration, a distraction, an escape - you know the reasons. It is now about moving forward as you say and you will. As you can see from my diary I have a lot of issues which hopefully I will finally start to address - one day at a time!

hi Stephen I also relapsed last week, its good i can Sa last week now as id like to put it behind me as I know for sure you will to. Lets move forwards, just look to the future for a while and not back, just think what we can achieve without gambling. Enjoy the simple pleasures mate I know I do.

Many thanks Rob & Adam. I appreciate your support.

I am feeling a bit down in the dumps at the moment but that is to be expected. As my gamble free days slowly build up I will start to feel more positive.

I do have sufficient to get by and pay the bills so it's not the end of the world. It could have been far worse.

Hi Stephen,

I know you have lapsed plenty of times - and those triggers are familiar.

Can you hand your finances over to anyone ?

Can you self exclude from any premises that have FOBT's in them (not sure how effective self exclusion from retail shops is).

If you can't hand finances over, Can you find a way to pay almost everything on debit card so that you carry absolute minimum cash

Hello Stephen.

The situation that you describe is very familiar. I can remember loads of times when I felt like I couldn't afford something - perhaps a bill for payment, a birthday present or to make a purchase. And virtually every time I tried to win the money - I ended up losing! But then proceeded in desperation to get money from other means (c.c's, bank overdraft, loans, selling stuff etc) in order to make the original purchase/payment. Absolutely crazy to end up paying over the odds because of my desire to win the money and get it for free!

And I know what you mean about turning to gambling when you're feeling sad or empty or dejected or inadequate or bored. The list goes on.

Anyway, keep on trying to cage the demons that bring you so much despair. And continue with hobbies which are entertaining, enthralling and good for the mind & soul.

Thank you K2 & changemylife. I really do appreciate your advice and support. 

I am self excluded from 40+ betting shops but if the staff don't know me than they don't say anything. It does keep me out of the city centre bookies because they know me, so that is a good thing.

Three friends have tried helping me with my finances in recent years. Two of them I don't see any more and one of them will have nothing more to do with my finances. On top of that, my sister has ignored me completely for the last few months after I borrowed some money off her. I have paid her back so don't why she is behaving like that. 

I gambled again today and at the moment am feeling sorry for myself.

Today would have been my wedding anniversary but my wife left me many years ago because of the gambling.

I was an absent father as my daughter grew up. I havn't seen my daughter since she was a child and she is 35 now. I wrote to her every month until she left school and supported her financially but I wasn't there for her and that's what matters. The good news is she has grown up to be a lovely mother of 2 children and is happily married. 

My ex wife did everything in her power to prevent me seeing my daughter as she was growing up and on reflection I believe she was justified in doing so. At that time I also had a problem with alcohol but I haven't had a drink now for over 28 years.

What really baffles me is that she married me anyway because she knew perfectly well what I was like.

Anyway back to the gambling. In a way I don't consider myself to be a gambler because "gambling" implies that there could be a favourable outcome.

I am just a silly old fool who chooses to put his money in a machine and than wave it goodbye.

Anyway I am still here and haven't given up hope.

Worked all my life and here I am at 68 with nothing to show for it. However, tomorrow is another day and hopefully I will suddenly come to my senses and live happily ever after.

My name us Stephen. I am a complete an utter fool. My last bet was 4th June 2019.

Stephen. You are not a complete and utter fool. Gamblers come from all walks of life with a variety of life experiences. Sometimes our actions are in response to things that happen, other times we just lose our heads for a while.

Family situations and pressures are painful at times and the memories, both good and bad can overcome us. It seems like you have had a rough ride over the years and I'm sure we'd all love to turn the clock back. But we can't undo what's done!

Clearly the drinking was a factor with your marriage breakup with the subsequent gambling addiction to follow. We all feel sorry for ourselves at times and when children are involved it hurts all the more.

However, you must accentuate the positives in your life and appreciate everything that is good. You are not a bad man. You have many wonderful, quality traits and talents. Take care my friend.

Your ex wife had no right to keep you away from your daughter. This is what really annoys me. How hard did you try to see your daughter?. I have a serious gambling problem and my ex didn’t make it easy but I never give up trying to see her. You paid for your daughter up keep. What does she think of you?