Time to turn my life around

Day 38 today.

Wasn't planning on updating my diary today. However, something happened today that I wanted to share.

I went to the football with an old friend this afternoon. On the walk to the ground we pass a bookies. As we get near my friend says he wants to nip in to put his grand national bets on. My friend knows nothing about my gambling problems. I thought it would look strange if I stayed outside. I was caught on the hop and made a quick decision to go in with him.

I felt pretty apprehensive as I went in. Most of my gambling was on line but I'm not unformiliar with betting shops. My mate went to fill his slip in and I stood in the corner near the door.

I found myself observing, people watching. There were people playing the Fobts, one was getting a bit irate! There were the obvious regulars frantically writing out slips and rushing to the counter to place them. There was a bin full of losing betting slips. Not one person in there had a smile on their face. In fact everyone looked pretty miserable.

As I stood and watched it made me even more sure that I want nothing to do with that lifestyle anymore. I am absolutely better off without gambling in my life. I felt sorry for the people in There, wasting away there days. The weather was really nice outside yet these people were cooped up in there losing there money and getting frustrated.

I left the shop after 5 minutes or so. It triggered no urges at all and I felt good that I still haven't gambled. Non gambling is the way forward to getting my life back on track. It was good to know I can walk into a bookies and not gamble although I won't be making a habit of It!!!

My mates bets lost As Well, mugs game!

Well done on 38 days

And great that you could walk in there and not get any urges, great that you could see it like it really is without the smoke and mirrors, illusions and delusions that have corrupted our thinking for so long.

I have a savage cold. I do not get sick pay, so it's annoyingly cost me cash..

In the past I'd have thought, well, let's log on, see if I can recoup a few days' wages.

Not any more.

Day 40 today.

Thanks redeemed. I'm self employed so also don't get sick pay so I totally get what you mean.

Today was a ridiculously busy day at work. I'm absolutely exhausted tonight. At least if I'm busy at work it's keeping my mind occupied.

An interesting question came up in the chat room about whether the thought of your day count going back to zero acts as a deterrent to gambling. I know that not everyone puts importance on the day count but for me personally I think it does act as a deterrent. I'm finding that the day count is helping me. I set small targets and keep moving the goal posts. Today I've hit 40 days. Next target is 50 days. Then it will be 2 months etc. Maybe not everyone's thing but it's helping me stay on track. I would be devastated to go back to day 1.

Yes, I didn't join in with that part of the chat tonight because I reset mine to zero on purpose when I reached 7 weeks.

I did it partly for the feeling of the kick-start of enthusiasm that you get at the beginning in the early days, and partly because I feel such a different person now that I wanted to celebrate the newness, and part of that was because I felt the number kept me anchored to the old stuff and the bad feelings and I wanted some separation from it.

It's whatever suits us, isn't it? I also have a spreadsheet, I fill each GF day with gold, every week full of gold I award myself a notional £10, as soon as finances permit, I will be buying myself something with it. I'm like a kid with a star chart, but it works.

40 days is excellent. Well done.

50 days GF!!

I've been so busy recently that I nearly missed this little land mark. Before I stopped gambling 50 days ago I genuinely couldn't remember the last time I had gone more than 24 hours without a bet so I am chuffed to bits with 50 days.

Had a rare day off work today to take the kids to a farm for the day. We had a brilliant day out in the sunshine. Like I say I am keeping really busy at the moment and gambling is not on my mind at all. I watched the spurs game with my 10 year old (We are both spurs fans). I enjoyed sharing the moment with my son. My phone was in the other room and gambling didn't enter my mind once.

The finances are already beginning to look slightly better. It will be a while until they are completely sorted but as long as I am not gambling I know that the debts are going down.

50 days done. Do it again and I'll be at 100 days! No reason why not but I'll keep my guard up and not get complacent 

Isn't it great to enjoy a footie match for what it is again!  And what a great game.

I also watched the Grand National not knowing whether I'd enjoy that, but I did.  Remembering and feeling the raw passion of sport is a great thing that I only recently realised gambling had somewat tainted for me.

Congrats to Spurs and good luck. Having watched Ajax, I think you have too much for them over 2 legs. Worst you can do is come 4th (which is only one place lower than you finished behind us when we won the league - sorry, had to get that in because we'll never win it again!)

Day 53 GF.

Went for a short run yesterday, first one for a long time and my legs are killing this morning!! I'm not a keen runner but slowly got myself into it last year. I built myself up to doing 4.5 miles comfortably then pulled my calf last summer. I had a couple of weeks off because of the injury and then never started again, lazy!! Only did 1.5 miles yesterday and found it tough tbh but felt good for doing it. I'm going to do another one tomorrow and start building some fitness up again.

On the gambling front all is quiet. Not really having any urges or thoughts towards gambling at the moment which is good. I took my eldest to the football yesterday and again enjoyed it for the football without my head in my phone checking and placing bets. 

Having a bbq with the family today in this glorious weather. Happy days!!

HAVE A BURGER FOR ME GARETH!!!! c u in chat if ur free, congrats

Day 60 GF

The last couple of weeks I have had no urges at all and no thoughts of gambling..... until Friday. Since then gambling has flooded back into my mind. I have thought about it a lot over the weekend and yesterday I was climbing the walls. I think it may be the fact that it is approaching the time of the month when all bills and debt payments come out all in one big hit. I tried speaking to my partner about it yesterday but although she has been incredibly supportive to me I got the impression she didn't want to talk about it. I also haven't really been in chat as much as usual over the last few days and think it's all built up a bit in my mind so thought I would post here to get it off my chest.

Plan for this week is to do what I do best and throw myself into my work to keep extra busy and hopefully the gambling thoughts will subside again. 

It's knocked me for 6 a little bit tbh. As it was starting to almost feel a bit easy as gambling couldn't have been further from my mind the last couple of weeks. However I am still as determined as ever and have the 10 weeks GF in my sights. If anything this weekend has taught me to never drop my guard.

Onwards and upwards

Day 64 GF

Feeling good again . No urges over the last few days. All bills and debts have been paid for the month. When I stopped gambling my partner and I looked at my bank statements and changed all my direct debits and standing orders to come out on the first of the month. Simple little change to make but it's been a big help. I used to have bills and loan repayments coming out all through the month. Now I can relax for the rest of the month without constantly checking how much is coming out tomorrow.

Working hard and making money while the weather is on side. I'm going to work most of the bank holiday weekend. Get these bloody debts paid off quicker!! Hopefully I will get an early finish one day and spend some time with the kids.

Feeling positive again

Day 71 GF!!

Yesterday was 10 weeks gamble free!! Over the moon that I've got to 10 weeks without having a bet after gambling heavily for so long.

Nothing much to report, not really having any major gambling thoughts at the moment. I'm still reading these pages every day and popping into chat when I can. It helps me stay focused.

Well done mate, keep at it, never think you have beaten this ok.

one day at a time

Hi Gareth,

Just want to say well done more than 10 weeks GF. Im buzzing for you, stick with it 1 day at a time.

Best Wishes

AL

Day 85 GF!

Thanks very much for the messages they are appreciated. It's fantastic the level of support people on here give.

Not too much to report at the moment. No gambling thoughts or urges recently. Bank account (very) slowly improving!! Getting closer to 100 days gamble free but as always , one day at a time.

Day 101 GF

I'm in the 100 club!!. Had a few small urges recently, a few niggling gambling thoughts but quickly dismissed them. I haven't come this far to chuck the towel in. Works busy, family life's Good, happy days!!