The day before pay day and usually excited about being able to gamble again as this time it would be different, this month i would recoup my losses everything would be ok and i wouldn't need to gamble ever again, i could just walk away with my winnings. Yeah right!
What started off as a bit of harmless fun has now escalated into a serious addiction. The fun and excitement long gone replaced with a compulsion and need to gamble that i can no longer control, no matter how much i try to kid myself that i dont have a problem. Even when i win it is not enough, it is all consuming and exhausting. Even when i set myself a target it is not enough. I keep going until i have nothing left.
As i do online gambling it feels like its not real momey. Gambling has now become suffocating and i hsve felt thst i am drowning in a sea of debt snd despair, guiltridden the only way out to gamble more. This is it i work hard but always have nithing to show for it. I feel like im in a self induced fog not rrally living or feeling snything.
I have placed the blocks on and will draw my pay out in full as i do online gambling so the temptation and means of gambling are tajen away. Whenever i hsve been feeling tempted i have read the recovery diaries which have helped me.
Hi hun welcome here x please keep posting it really helps. Me too online (slots) and I was suicidal when I first started posting properly and it helped so much, just let it all out better out than in :). So glad you've blocks in place it can save you from an urge as I found out today. Stay safe and best wishes Lu xx
Hi it definitely helps to post and to read other peoples experiences as gambling is so lonely and isolating. Not starting New Year way I've ended this one x
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Pay is in today, I can do this!
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kadiz1 wrote:
Pay is in today, I can do this!
Mine too, up first thing paying every bill - it weirdly feels good.
Change your routine today (its part of understanding the triggers).
Get off the internet, go do something you have not done in a while, if you can afford it !
But DO NOT GIVE IN, you may have cash, but remember the pain losing it causes (and you will lose it - FACT).
Have an enjoyable GF weekend, i will look for an update to see how you are coping.
Positive thoughts
Sbb
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Hi,
Thank you for the advice and supportive comments, its so reassuring to know that other people are ether going through or have gone through what i am. There is light at the end of Г dark tunnel.
Yesterday i felt excited about getting paid as this will be the first pay in almost 7 years that has not been wasted or fritted away. I have been in such a fog that i thought i had been gambling for 3 or 4 years not 7. Just goes to show the impact on my life. I paid my bills bought some Christmas presents and it felt so good to take back control.
I was tempted yesterday as i did online sports gambling as it was a Saturday afternoon but didnt give in. When i hsve been tempted i have been reading comments and recovery diaries which is a great help.
Hoping the best for you on your road to recovery Kadiz. Well done on blocking online gambling, as time goes by you won't miss it. The best advice I can offer is just think what you can do make each day better for yourself. Also try and find something to feel the time viod that gambling took up in your life.
Day 22- Still holding out, been a bad week. Emotionally and physically exhausted. Times like this its hard to focus on the positives in life. But thats life, just about weathering out the storm. Have a week off work in 2 weeks, very very much looking forward to it.
Still going! I had a bad day in work today but it made me even more determined not to cave in. There will be good days and bad days, i didnt want to fall at the first hurdle today.
I found a useful to write down one positive thing thst has happened in the day, no mater how small or trivial it might seem. It helps you focus on the good things and positive things, which can easily be over looked when your feeling drsined & exhausted.
Another one of those days at work, feeling really down but have not gambled. Feeling pleased that I have not turned to that.
Well done for not gambling kadiz it's hard at best of times so give yourself clap on back you've done really well stay strong Lu x
Everytime I've gambled before I've always foolishly believed I'd win even when I was chasing losses. Now a switch has finally gone off in my brain and I can clearly see that I'm nit going to win that I'm throwing away money that I have worked hard for
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The exact same thing has happened to me - I am never going back there !!!
Keep up the fantastic work
Sbb
​For the first time in years I don't want to gamble. The trigger of work pressures hasn't pushed me. Still early days I know but not going back.
Another day done & dusted.
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