Yep im happy with how this year has gone soo many great positives have come out of this year, im healthy, im not spending shed loads of cash a month, im not smoking or drinking, even yesturday at the pub i said it was my birthday and people were like why u not drinking and i was just like cos i dont drink. Its honest to say that i did play poker last night at the thursday game (as it was my birthday and im still on holiday i thought i might as well meet up with those friends too, was great fun i played really well and got very lucky on a couple of occasions. I know for sure i will only play these games when im on holiday maybe a couple of times a year to keep up to date with mates. I ended up third out of 32 people winning a huge 15 pounds (lol its really not about the money with pub poker just the socialising), so over to two games im four pounds up and thats where i will stop!!!! Im very very thnakfull for the positive posts on my diary, im back on day 292 and feeling positive that i can hit the year not losing any money thru gambling. Over and out.
Well here i am at the end of my holiday, nine days have flown by and im back at work tomo (ohhh no). Mixed feelings about this week as i gambled a small amount of money. The thing is i cant change the past and i didnt lose any money and i did see a lot of old mates again. Looking forward to getting back on the non gambling grindstone. Im 38 years old now too which is another year i've gone past. Spent just over 150 pounds this week but bought a few presents for my mum and bought some dvds and cds and clothes and went to the cinema. So iverall it was a good week. Just one week back at work and got a long weekend away from work to watch the england games. Seen some old faces on the website this weekend which is good to see, its funny how a lot of people go away and come back and i just stay here everyday, week, month, year etc lol. Ive still got two holiday days in august for a friends wedding, then a week off in december and ive still got 8 days holiday to take so in pretty good state of affairs holiday wise. Just a shame to go back but all good things come to an end.
Today is 18th of august 2019 and ive had a mini step backwards in the past 2 months and have gambled in pub poker for small stakes. Now ive had some great times doing this but ive neglected my recovery. Thoughts were coming back of gambling online, in casinos, going to vegas when im older, going into bookies when wlaking past (thoughts of not actually doing them). I set up a mini spreadsheet at the start to track all my gambling and after ten games I was 29 pounds down not bad), then last night won so now im up not by much but up on gambling so ive spent nothing on gambling for a year and 6 days. Now earlier in the day I was looking up vegas holidays and thinking about gambling more and getting right back into the place ive been many times before, into a compulsive gambler mode! So I thought id read back one of my diarys, so I started this one and flicked through quite a few of the pages and boy have I come through a lot to be in the positive situation with regards to gambling, my finances, work and most importantly my health. Now I was soo happy spending more time with family and staying away from pubs.
So ive decided to reset my day counter, continue on this successful diary and hopefully remind myself each day of what ive been thru by reading back posts ive previously written.
Day two today and alredy the thoughts of playing tomo are coming into my head. The problem is I can deal with them today but tomo night is the problem, I allways act on my impulses and it usually leads to problems then im regretting it on the way home after. Tomo night got to come home and do something good that's better than poker then follow that up each week. Maybe make it a dvd night, just have to buy a dvd in charity shop each weekend and watch it on the Tuesday night! I hope that will work. Might even go to the gym beforehand......just ogt to fill the time that the poker night has done for last two months!.
just on my lunch break at work. Work going pretty well. I haven't touch wood had a sick day since October so coming up to a year which is great. Hoping to get to the year mark. Went to pub poker Tuesday and think ill continue with it so ill stop counting my days now. starting to look forward to winter with fireworks and Christmas however this has involved me being ill in recent years so ill try and be careful with my health.
end of another weekend, not written on here for a week, this weeks been nice and the weekend has been brilliant. Managed to come in on budget for th month after moving some payments onto next two months (was a bust month), cancelled some plans for next week so that i have enough money for the rest of the month. Been budgeting and i am doing great financially and even with the gambling pub poker ive only lost 11 pounds since i started again in may and i intend on keeping at track of it and staying within my 100 pounds a month after bills on everything alltogether. Enjoying life in uk and dont fancy going abroard as the cost is a lot and i can enjoy myself here and spend my money watching football, going to gym and with friends and family. Done 4.5k rowing this week 30 minutes a new record for me so will try to improve distance each week. Had voices last night but just listened to music from 5am till 730am when motd came on tv. over and out, lets do next week. oh and touch wood for fiftieth time in forty days i will have not had a sick day from work for a year!!! now thats gonna be something to celebrate horray.
boy the weeks are just flying by, its wednesday again, another week where it is just flying by, life is just flying by, need to stop and take a deep look at things. I went on fruit machines last night, only three pounds change after i bought a drink but know this could escalate. Going back to old ways would be such as shame. Going to add it to my poker spreadsheet so i can keep an eye on spending, also thinking about it on saturday i played on fruitmachine (didtn lose), then went into a bookie im excluded from and placed a bet of two pounds on liverpool , won 16 pounds then played poker in the evening. so all in all i played poker last week tuesdau, thursday and saturday and played fruit machine and bet in a bookie. Really shouldnt be able to do that, i know i cant do it responsibly so why start again? Have to take a step back and look at it from an outsider looking in. Was it boredom, no ive been interested in the football and going to the pub is where i watch it which is enough to interest me without the betting. The thing is i didnt lose on fruit machine and i didnt lose on the football bet and you know deep down that not many people can quit after a win they only quit after a huge loss, one which is coming for me soon if i don't stop straight away. So ill take a long look at myself over the next week and stay in and not go to pub. England game should be on normal tv so i can watch at home this weekend and not think about betting. Then next tuesday make sure i dont go on fruit machine again. I've been able to just watch frinds play fruitmachines for a year without betting on them even a pound so i guess i just forget about the misery and think just maybe ill win just one pound is all i need. The thing is in that year i dont think ive ever seen one of my mates win on one and i still look at playing again, it really is soo stupendessly stupid of me. One the plus side im seing brighton next saturday with my nephew for his first game then watching spurs 5th october!! so bang up for those. Over the past three months ived gambled ive only lost 11 pounds plus the money spent on soft drinks, ive played 15 times since i started in may. So overall its been rather successful entertainment but i need to step back a bit and make sure i keep it to ONCE a week and NO FRUIT MACHINES and NO GOING IN BOOKIES! if i can keep to this ill continue to go to pub poker and see those friends, if not ill stop altogether and see if i can manage a whole calender year i got up to 294 days so theres no reason why i can't do the whole year.
pretty depressing reading seeing you back on the machines and bookies even though only small stakes. I think you know where this ends up.
i don’t think you should be playing poker either to be honest. You seem to be normalising gambling, focusing on the fact that it hasn’t cost you much so far. You even mention somewhere about thinking of going to Vegas. This is troubling- it’s the fantasy world that all us gamblers indulged in, its not healthy behaviour.
if we could gamble normally then we wouldn’t be on here. You had an immense 9 months, why risk going back to the old ways ?
wishing you well anyway.
Im getting thru day two, fleeting thoughts of going to poker tonight, wont lie twenty minuites ago I was close to being on the way there. But just calmed myself down and gave myself a talking to, ive got to make it to atleast next tueday before a poker game. I really don't know whether I can see myself playing this restrained poker once a week and going to the pub and not playing on machines or whether im kidding myself that I can do this. I do restrict my cash and card when going out which mens I can only spend a maximum amount of money when out. I have taken my ebit card out in recent months when going to town and its not been a problem but I think as I went on the fruit machine ill make sure I leave it at home each time from now on to make sure no accidents can happen and the gambling hangovers will never follow the next day. I do transfer all my pay each motnh to my parents still and that works well and take back cash when I need it so with all the blocks everything I can do to stop the gambling I do. As just described ive been stronger and stronger thu the year then relaxed my bariers and start ed again I think its perfectly natural occurance to happen after a relapse. I've recently also asked that my inheritance from parents goes into a trust that my sister will control so I have to get authorisation before getting any money out, I personally want to give all the inheritance to my sister for my nephews and niece for when their older and I personally only spend what I earn. So in a way ive already put a block on the risk of wasting any of that money too.