Hello neglected diary thought id give u some time. Been off work with stress since about fifth Jan. I'm diagnosed skitsophrenic and stress at work has caused me too hear voices again and believe in a life that's not real. Ive been thinking a lot through this time off about what I should do with my life and what needs to be done. So when first ill I had a severe cough and when I chewed a nicotine gum id cough and throw up so after a few times I learnt to not have nicotine gum anymore and I still don't result. Then I told my mum about the fruit machines and gamcare and along with how late the poker nights go on for on a school night and the fact I'm no longer allowed to drink alcohol due to medication everything pointed in the direction of no pubs and no poker full stop. So a new tee total Adam is on the cards. Ive been off work and at the gym a lot lost some weight and built up some muscles.
So what's the new aim, what would I like from life. Id like to be healthy full stop, that's the only thing I wish for everything else is just icing on the cake. If I can get my medication right, not hear voices and see things and not lay in bed not sleeping then ill be in a better place. I think I've now stopped gambling and have pretty much stopped everything. When I go back to work I hope to be treated well and thus not be stressed inside and outside of work. Ive spent all my money this month on gym clothes DVDs and cads from charity shops a long with a number of coffees very healthy tangible objects bought with a bit of money and nothing spent on something not tangible result.
sorry to hear you have been ill and have been struggling a bit. It sounds however that you have turned this episode into something quite positive and have been reflecting on where you want to be, how you would like to be moving forward.
Well done for coming clean to your mom, I appreciate this has not been easy for you.
Wishing you speedy recovery from your episode and keep up the positive and constructive journey forward.
All the best,
I'm in quite a reflective mood today I'm glad to Sa the voices have lessoned for two days and I'm feeling normal again. I'm happy this episode has brought me a new part of my life. A fresh start. If work doesn't work out then so be it I'm not going to stress myself out about it lifes too short. Being hearing about the successes friends of mine have made of their lives and cant help but feel nostalgic about how well my life was going before I became ill the first time about eight years ago. I was successful at work lived away from my parents and was enjoying life albeit a bit tooooo much lol. Well now I'm not smoking weed six years clear, not smoking cigerettes one year clear, not drinking alcohol one month clear, not gambling 37 days clear. Going to the gym every day losing weight. buthow long can this last I don't know for sure but it feels good at the mo. One step at a time just got to focus on getting better... Thanks again for posting.
Another day where I have no voices horray. Gambling couldn't be further from my mind horray. I'm at my sisters at the moment waiting for my nephew to finish school. I'm soo tight with money I don't know how I managed to spend soo much on gambling, I gues its because u think theres a chance u might get more back, but lets face it who actually does get more back not many I gues. Oh well I'm not doing it anymore so that's a start
Well today marked the day I got back into society. I woke up at eleven and thought its sunny lets play golf, texted a friend then he picked me up and we went for nine holes. Then got back and texted another friend who was watching the spurs liverpool game at home , so I drove over and watched it, then back home for a curry and bath and feel on top of the world. Suprising what a bit of social activity can do. Proper good day. Here's to many more.
Really good to hear from you and you're sounding really positive about your future now! Its great to hear. You can have a good life without the need for putting temptation in the way. You realise that you can make the changes that can REALLY change your life for the better.
Keep at it mate =)