The start of my recovery

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wardal1979
(@wardal1979)
Posts: 100
Topic starter
 

Hiya All,

I am 37 years old and have been addicted gambling for 13 and a half years roughly. Got myself into just short of £14,000 worth of debt in the past, but cleared that in January of this year. I started gambling when I split up with my boyfriend and was at a low point. I am currently going through another low point in my life having lost my little sister to breast cancer in February of last year, aged just 31. I have started to slip further and further back into it heavily, with only small debt, but still a problem, only just been paid and deposited too much already, now only have enough for my rent and a few bills, car has got its MOT next weekend and hope to god that it passes with minimal cost, otherwise that is going to be a big issue as my folks will say 'you have just been paid'. I want to get out of this rut that I am in. I feel unable to speak with my family about this as they are going through enough as it is.

Today was a turning point for me and that was admitting I was addicted to gambling. I spoke with my boss (who is like a mum to me) that I had slipped back into my own crazy ways and that I needed help (not just financially but also moral support). It felt great to be able to ask for help, was crying whilst walking home from work, but I think they were tears of relief. She told me that her and her hubby would be here for me and that they will do whatever it takes to help me in my recovery. My boss has offered to sub me a bit of money to get me through till next payday, and I shall pay her back, as she also shared the same thoughts as me in that my folks have too much on their minds to have me burden them with this at present.

On another thread on the forum someone called dean0 said that barclays do a cash only account (no overdraft, debit card facilities etc). Which means that this is a way to try and stop the urge to deposit online. So I shall be going to Barclays tomorrow to open this account and close my current account down.

Sorry for the long post x

 
Posted : 28th November 2016 6:01 pm
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
 

It's good that you can admit you are addicted, now you need to put blocks in place on the online sites, there's some free blocking software if you search on google.

You say you can't speak to your family but it really will help and if you're having a tough time they'll want to help you through it rather than finding out at a later date and knowing that you kept it from then, it will be just as big a relief, if not more, as when you told your boss.

Borrowing money is not a good idea but if you really have no other choice you can make sure she gives it you as and when you need it or pays off bills, debts? Or anything else herself so that you don't have the money in your hand because believe me that will be a massive temptation to go and gamble again.

Hope everything goes ok and you're problem free soon.

 
Posted : 28th November 2016 6:17 pm
wardal1979
(@wardal1979)
Posts: 100
Topic starter
 

Hi Paul.

I really cant talk to my parents at present as they are still grieving for my sister, this is probably the reason I have slipped again. I am going to get the girls at work to put a block on 17+ websites (and not tell me the password) so that I can not get onto them. I have just closed down my online gambling accounts permanently.

I understand what you mean about not having the money in my hands, however all of my gambling has been online and I managed to go 23 days without gambling by not having the money in my current account (just withdrawed the cash it so that it was out of reach). I don't go into bookies etc as would not even know where to start there.

 
Posted : 28th November 2016 6:33 pm
wardal1979
(@wardal1979)
Posts: 100
Topic starter
 

Well today is my 4th day GF and am glad to say that the horrible sick feeling that was always in the pit of my stomach is finally starting to ease x One day at a time x

 
Posted : 1st December 2016 7:06 pm
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
 

Well done on day 4 - that horrible feeling in the morning is one I never want to repeat

 
Posted : 1st December 2016 11:43 pm
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
 

Welcome and well done on your gf days, you will start to feel much better as the days gf start building up. Sorry to learn about your sister, so young and it takes time to heal from that. Keep your mind occupied , I do a lot of jigsaw puzzles, adult colouring etc., to be honest I don't know how I had the time now to sit there gambling online for so many hours . Best wishes on this journey to recovery x

 
Posted : 2nd December 2016 12:05 am
wardal1979
(@wardal1979)
Posts: 100
Topic starter
 

Hi Prim&Proper and Anon100, thanks for responding. This is definately going to be a tough one to crack but I am fed up of letting myself feel like this and so am more than determined to get through it. My friend at work had said about adult colouring books, so guess what I am going to be purchasing at the weekend.

x

 
Posted : 2nd December 2016 12:28 pm
Skyblueblue
(@skyblueblue)
Posts: 374
 

Not easy - but we all know that ! Well done on the start of your journey.

Now do you mean colouring books for adults or colouring books with an adult theme ? 🙂

I would imagine the latter would have many small bits meaning keeping in the lines may prove tricky!

Sbb x

 
Posted : 2nd December 2016 12:32 pm
wardal1979
(@wardal1979)
Posts: 100
Topic starter
 

Ha Ha I like the idea of the latter as it would mean I have to concentrate really hard !! x

 
Posted : 2nd December 2016 12:43 pm
onlyme
(@onlyme)
Posts: 349
 

Hi wardal, you're off to a great start, I know it seems a bit slow to start with but those days very quickly add up 🙂

A big yes to the colouring books, I've just got some, they really help with filling time and you can let your imagination run riot with colours....I've just done a skull at the bottom of the ocean type picture, all pink and burgundy...my oldest was a bit miffed but I don't care, it's nice to go against the norm.

 
Posted : 2nd December 2016 12:45 pm
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
 

Hiya wardel glad to hear your gf but really sorry to hear about your sister it must be very hard and watching your parents grieve. Hope time heals x I have adult colouring book lol it's book of quotes inspirational ones and patterns etc I do various crafts now watch box sets knitting reading long walks with my dog. If I didn't keep busy I'd find it harder I think to stay gf. Well done again on gf days 🙂 best wishes Lu x

 
Posted : 2nd December 2016 6:47 pm
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
 

Hi Wardal, how's the battle going? Just checking in on you x

 
Posted : 4th December 2016 7:03 pm
wardal1979
(@wardal1979)
Posts: 100
Topic starter
 

Hiya Katiecoo, I am fine thanks hun, just trying to keep myself busy. I am on day 12 of being gamble free and it feels good. The testing time will be payday, but I have to remain strong. It is enough letting myself down but I refuse to let others down. How are you doing? xx

 
Posted : 9th December 2016 4:48 pm
wardal1979
(@wardal1979)
Posts: 100
Topic starter
 

I was chatting to one of the girls at work today about my addiction and got onto the subject of how much I had spent on gambling and I could not answer her as I did not truthfully know. I told her that my task this evening was going to be to calculate my deposits and winnings for 2016. Well seeing these sort of figures written down is a major wake up call ..... deposited £15,820.99 and won £5,955.83 this year, that is a horrid loss of £9,865.16 (some of this money was from a PPI claim that I had won, but still means that I stupidly blew it). This makes me so determined now not to spend any more money on this horrid addiction. x

 
Posted : 9th December 2016 7:19 pm
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
 

Hi wardal1979. Just reading through your post. Online gambling is such a horrible thing.

Well done for how far you have come and going through what you have already had to.

If I done the same and looked at how much I had actually deposited and lost I think I would go white and break out in a sweat.

I have 4 children and the guilt of where the majority of my money has gone for the last 10 years makes me sick. Loans credit cards you name it I've had it. Amounting to well over 50k if I include loans from family and working.

During my most desperate stages I would even order things from very online get them delivered on credit and then take them to cash convertors.

I have huge debts. But hopefully If I can get them under control I have something to aim for.

I'm really beginning to feel like I want to take back my brain and regain me before being a gambling addict.

I wish you all the best and hope we can get through this and stay strong!

 
Posted : 10th December 2016 12:54 am
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