15 years worth of gambling ,hundreds won and thousands lost
its not just the money anymore the mental effect this is having on me now is getting disturbing ....i have also recently discovered i may have a bipolar disorder (awaiting tests)
currently sat here on my laptop in spain in a daze i have a flight home to catch in a few hours and its lucky my partner is with me otherwise i dont think id be capable of getting home
the gambling lifestyle is not a healthy one it currently controls nearly every aspect of my life and it is putting a tremendous strain on my relationships
i am very much a live fast type of guy and the gambling has always suited that however now i feel like i am in real danger of spiralling into several mental health issues
how will i find something to replace the gambling ? i dont know probably will need to build my own business and pour all my energy and intelligence into that instead of pondering over card counting systems and football statistics and wasting hours upon hours listening to latvian croupiers on live casinos
its time for a detox , ive never been a big fan of counting days as i believe it leads to complacency but i will try to post my progress in this diary when i can
Hi and welcome to the forum
You will learn about one of the most dangerous addictions. Gambling is a drug addiction and it may be your tendency towards depression that is driving it.
You must detox now as it has new lows in store for you if you carry on.
You dont need to replace it with anything similar. You need to relax and enjoy the simple pleasures in life while your mind heals.
Compulsive gamblers have an ill relationship with life and therefore money..Money becomes tokens to get your fix until you realise its out of control. Such a powerful draw that we were back doing it again.
You mention a fast life like you are a jetsetter. This is no james bond movie and gambling destroys people
Do the exercises...write down what you have actually thrown away. Make no mistake you have given it away on those odds. Try and explain a gambling session to a non gambler. It make no sense and you will feel that you are telling them fairy tales as they stare at you blankly. Thats the constant reality check you need
There is no shame in facing bi polar and there is no shame in admitting that gambling had you addicted.
Please put the blocks in place. Tell people close. Its a born again moment and crucially it relies on total honesty.
You will heal. Im sure you dont like giving your money away but thats what you have been doing. Its complex and you need to start learning about addiction. Its a form of split mind control and its extremely dangerous.
If you stop now you can actually be thankful you havent experienced the next stage in the spiral downwards.
With the right support and frame of mind you will feel serene in a way you havent felt before.
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
thanks for the input joydivider
I noticed you have clocked up almost 3 1/2 years gamble free ? that is quite some achievement do you feel you have put it behind you now ?
i have been gambling for many many years with occasional breaks and financially i am not too bad off although i put very little value in money
its more of the mental hold this has on me im not sure i will ever be able to forget about it and live a "normal" life
i take gambles in nearly every aspect of life and to change i assume would be to change who i am ?
i have to find a way to direct the energy used on gambling into something more productive
i still have some brain fog and minor trouble sleeping but i am feeling slightly better than i was on Monday
well its the first week i havent played online casino in a about 4 months
temptations have been very very strong but luckily between myself and girlfreind we have managed to keep me occupied enough to disparage them
i got caught out on wednesday with the europa leauge final a mate who works in the bookies convinced me arsenal were a cert ....not an excuse i know but 50 quid and 90 mins later i wish i had passed
chelsea won 4-1 although i had tuned out by 3-0 as i was f*d up of watching arsenal em-brass themselves
i let it slide and have decided to try and abstain from football bets also
still having some sleepless nights due to mind racing but there is a lot going on in life at the moment
Well ive now not played online casino for over a week and ive not bet any more on football either since last week
I have plenty to keep my mind occupied at the moment I have had one or two thoughts about logging into a blackjack table but when I think about the bigger picture it is pretty futile so ive left it alone
My sleeping pattern seems to of just about got back to normal and the mind fog has cleared gambling definitely provides some weird hangovers
Will try to post again next week
I don’t know if anyone is reading this but I’m now roughly 3 weeks without a bet and although I have been too busy to think about gambling the urges have been very low
I think my main trigger Is definitely being stagnant if I’m not doing anything in life I seem to turn to gambling as an outlet to express myself
gambling has wasted an awful lot of my life already and I am determined not to let it waste anymore
If I want to really make something of myself in life I have to do it now
Onwards and upwards
Were definitely reading it GMTB 🙂
Totally agree with everything your saying , we really do need to keep our body and mind busy , what with the " Devil and idle hand's " and all that 🙂
3 week's is a huge foundation to work from buddy and it's now about going forward and seizing all the opportunity's that lay in front of you 🙂 .
Onward's and Upward's indeed .
All the best bud
Day 30 a month pretty much a month away from gambling
Sleeping has improved dramatically patterns seem far more normal now
Probably because im not thinking about bets and live casinos 24 hours a day
The copa America is currently running and I wont lie on Saturday I was very tempted to punt on a game luckily I told the mrs I was thinking about it and she put her foot down
Ive not really noticed any difference financially at the moment although payday is this week so we will see how july goes
Ive dreamt up a couple of business ideas with my spare time and hopefully I will be able to progress those in the near future
thanks for the comments
Well I am fast approaching 40 days GF and I will admit wholeheartedly I feel a lot better in myself and my mental state
I've had a busy weekend with too many drinks and im paying a heavy price this morning still better than a gambling binge come down
Still have some anger and patience issues but those are separate from the gambling
Temptation has been low to be fair I used to spend 2-3 hours a day on live online casinos now I barely think about it …..it really is a futile exercise
The football side of gambling is going to be much harder to ignore when the season starts but I will have to cross that bridge when I come to it
So today is day 44 and I’m going to be honest and say I am starting to develop an itch so far I have managed to keep very busy and keep my mind off it all , But now I am starting to lust for some some excitement in life
I have a few projects running to supplement my main income but I’m finding my day job extremely boring & monotonous at the moment and I think this could be leading to some complacency in other areas of life
The thought of handing my notice in to my boss my cross my mind at least twice a day lately
But I fear the unknown and subconsciously would probably rather jump back into my gambling comfort zone
Must bring this to a conclusion soon
day 47 have managed to squash the itch i had earlier in the week
financially ive not seen much difference yet as i always have money stashed away but i do FEEL a lot better in myself when not gambling sleeping pattern is a lot healthier and also my mood is a lot more stable
i have an upcoming civil court case with a cowboy parking firm and that is playing on my mind at the moment , i am so frustrated that this government allows these crooks to pursue innocent motorists through small claims courts its absolutely disgusting
whatever the outcome i would rather take the CCJ than pay the judgement although hopefully i will have an empathetic judge
51 days without a bet not sure if its a new record for me as I have never counted before
but I would like to try and at least make it to 100 before I make that claim
its payday next week and theoretically I should start to see some financial benefits from living a gamble free lifestyle
I came very close to a lapse last night , girlfriend is working away and I was left on my own in front of the AFCON with a few beers
I just about managed to squash the urge and after watching Senegal & Tunisia I am very glad I di
d as it was one of the most rigged games of football I have ever witnessed in my life
your entry’s are extremely positive you are definitely heading in the right direction.
Those temptations never seem to pass. Definitely they become less and less overtime it’s just finding the right things to stop those triggers from going back into a ridiculous dark situation
the business idea could be a great thing for you.
Going down that route myself has definitely kept me away from consistently gambling everyday and has helped me starve the regular urges that I once had. It will give you new purposes help with your mind keeping it active and positive.
It will also give better value for the money you earn out of it regardless the amount you make.
I personally just need to add to things and start getting smarter when things are not going great and build on the road to recovery which we will achieve one day, however for me this addiction will always be lurking in the background
keep up the good work it’s great to read your success