Ive made it (Again). 1 Week clean. This time its different though. I'm clearing this addiction for good, on to a better life for me, my family and friends. Suffering for 12/13 years hasn't been fun. Ive made some big mistakes along the way but its all going to be in the past now. I broke down in pieces last week to my wife, it all came out. I should of took the advice from people on here when I signed up 9 months ago, I could of been in a better place but better late than never I guess. I never did a diary last time so I thought it would help and make me feel better as Ive been reading other posts from success stories and it proves addiction can be beaten! Ive had no urges to gamble at all its mainly been the feeling of guilt from all that Ive been hiding and the debt I'm in and the risk Ive caused to my family. This seems like a common case that everyone can relate to from what Ive been reading. I'm not sure if this will ever go, I tend to hold on to things like this. I'm lucky to have the support from my family and friends the GamCare team, I was not in a good place 8/9/10 days ago. Just feeling very emotional with it all at the moment, I bottle everything up, I want to do it all on my own. This has taught me to open up more, talk, reach out, people just want to help you so take it, accept it. The other day it was snowing, I needed to return some clothes at the post office. I thought to clear my head I would walk with my headphones on. I did, it was peaceful, beautiful the cold fresh air felt amazing. On the walk I was thinking about doing this diary. Before and on the walk I had some thoughts that I wanted to write down but I'm going to leave it at this and type them up in my next entry. Take care and stay safe everyone. Your not alone and its never too late to change your future!
given you are 13 years deep into the addiction you should be well aware of complacency and the monumental journey you have in front of you
i think a lot of gambling addicts make the mistake of thinking you can beat a gambling addiction in a couple of weeks / months gamblers are impatient by nature its what drags us in and keeps us comming back for more .....
i can tell you now it takes years of perseverance and determination to re wire your mindset i am about 5 years into my recovery i am still nowhere near the finished article
to this day i am still needing to be conscious that the slightest curveball in life and i could end up doing my bol@x in on them tables again
i don't mean to be a Debbie downer , just want to make you aware its a long old road to recovery
Great idea doing a diary. I’m logging in daily and writing too. Have you joined the gam change course ?
Brilliant. I hope its helping you. I wasn't sure if to do a little one everyday or a big one once a week. I will see how it goes as I've never done it before. No I haven't, what's that? I haven't seen or heard about that. If it helps im up for doing it.
10 days done ✔ ?
Strange feeling as I'm up so late, everyone is in bed. Its my weekend off work, this would be the time I gamble the most, still no real urges to do it. Mixed feelings about the whole situation ive got myself into but remaining positive. Thought I would just get this quick entry in as it's getting late and I'm off to bed. Hope everyone else I've been speaking to and stories I've been reading are doing ok ?
10 days done ✔ ?
Strange feeling as I'm up so late, everyone is in bed. Its my weekend off work, this would be the time I gamble the most, still no real urges to do it. Mixed feelings about the whole situation ive got myself into but remaining positive. Thought I would just get this quick entry in as it's getting late and I'm off to bed. Hope everyone else I've been speaking to and stories I've been reading are doing ok ?
How are you doing??
@debsy37 thanks for checking in on me ? Yeah I'm doing OK thanks, how are you keeping? I've been trying to keep busy tidying up around the house today, reading and commenting on some posts on here as much as possible. Feeling strange today though, can't work out or really explain it. Just trying to keep busy I guess anything to stop thinking about it. Hope you doing well
@debsy37 thanks for checking in on me ? Yeah I'm doing OK thanks, how are you keeping? I've been trying to keep busy tidying up around the house today, reading and commenting on some posts on here as much as possible. Feeling strange today though, can't work out or really explain it. Just trying to keep busy I guess anything to stop thinking about it. Hope you doing well
Glad you are ok. I’m filling any moment with lots of jobs or logging on here too. We can do this
@maxmaher thank you for your comment. I understand where you are coming from. When you first post the comment I wasn't far into the start of my journey (again) so it was a bit of a kick in the teeth as I was feeling so good about myself for finally letting it all out to my wife but I understand you need to be cruel to be kind, especially with addiction.
Well done for going 5 Years GF ?
Day 11 GF ❤
Its Valentines Day! I received an amazing gift ? My wife contacted all the friends I have opened up to over my addiction and they all did personal videos to me! It will keep me going strong whenever I'm feeling down or not in a good place so I can watch them on my phone at anytime! So lucky to have Family and friends like this. If anyone is still reading, open up and tell the closest person you know if you haven't already, the help you will receive is beyond anything you can do on your own. Another friend did a poem for me which was amazing! Hope your all still doing well everyone. Happy Valentines Day, let's spread the love ?
Two weeks done ?? Self assessment tomorrow so looking forward to getting the help and support. Hope everyone is still going strong ? ? ❤
Had my self assessment today, things are really starting to fall onto place. Looking forward to the sessions and help I will receive to keep me going. Day 16 clean!
3 weeks done ✔
Got a new bank card today and if I download the banking app I can cancel gambling transactions which is handy to have switched on. Not that I've needed it, I have Gamban and Gamstop in place and what's best is I have no intention of gambling. The thought about playing again casually still goes through my mind and I just think about the past and instantly remind myself how it all starts and ends. We all know that story too well!
Overall feeling good and happy with my progress, looking forward to a brighter, better and healthier future.
Hi, your comment above about not needing the gambling ban via the app for your new bank card, we don't need any of these blocks until we actually need them.
I previously went three years off gambling and I 100% believed that I would never gamble again. Something went wrong in my life and in the blink of an eye I threw it all away. We only need them when we need them!
Hopefully you'll activate the ban and if it helps you once it's done it's job.
Keep going.
Chris.
Hey Chris,
Thanks, Yes I will put the block in place. I was actually disgusting and disappointed with my bank as I explained the situation I was in and what I'm setting out to do to stop myself from doing it again. On the phone to them for an hour and I only asked for 3 things
1. Cancel my credit card
They did that ✔ ?
2. Cancel my overdraft
They said they couldn't cancel it only lower the limit to zero, which I did but isn't it only to too easy to change the limit online again? (Not that I've tried)
3. Stop all gamling transactions
Which they said I just have to do it online via the app ? But couldn't I just switch and change that as I pleased, same with the overdraft?
Maybe I should change bank, what do you think? Or close the account down and create a new one, with no overdraft? As you have to apply for one.
Any advice I would be very grateful ?
Thanks ?
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