The 100 Days Club - Would you like to join?

Hi Danpo,

I'm happy to help, like so many of us on here.

Here's another thing you can do, but only if you feel it would help - trust your instincts on this one.

You might consider showing your partner, and/or your parents, the posts you've written here on Gamcare tonight. Because you've emptied how you feel about things. You've opened up with honest thoughts. 

Sure, you're self-loathing and feeling very guilty - natural reactions. But there's also a seed of acknowledgement that you want to make things better. It's going to require some major changes, new habits that must start - no slipping into old ways again. You've got to feel that you need to stop gambling, though, otherwise the laudable suggestions that you're making - making everything better - will just turn out to be empty ones.

Don't show them these messages if you think they'll think it's a cynical ploy to "buy" sympathy - if that's the case don't bother.

I think you're making a start here. Using Gamstop is a start. Handing over finances to your sister is good too - but, and please trust me with my own bitter experience, this may have to be permanent. (You can switch who looks after the finances).  No cheating. Remember - us (recovering) compulsive gamblers are very, very sneaky. No PINs, no borrowing the card ...I'm talking REAL change here and if you get your 'mindset' set you'll start to think - "what the heck, if it works, what's wrong with that".

One further thought for now. There is something you can give. And that's time. Find time to listen to your parents, your partner, and children. Ask how they're doing; how school is; what they would really like to do on Christmas Day after dinner - maybe play a few daft games!!!! Spend time to really listening and responding to them. No distractions. Just take your mind off things.

No need to think about gambling - it's not gambling anyway, it's "giving money away" - we never keep it. A chance to live a simpler, more fulfilling life, one precious day at a time. A chance for the real you to just start to shine through. 

Forget money. What's better than having a tenner spare in our back pockets anyway? We don't need to fritter the rest away.

Mixer

I also found Mixer's last post to be very informative, encouraging and thought provoking. I particularly liked the phrase "Calm Reflection" because I am thinking a lot tonight about recovery and it reminded me not to get carried away.

Best wishes to Danpo. I sincerely hope you can overcome the urges to gamble and rediscover your life. You have made mistakes like the rest of us but your heart is in the right place and you and your family deserve better. 

Stephen 36 Days Gamble Free

No more the fool I'm gonna be cool

We can do do this Stephen!!!

Mixer  me and my ex have already planned xmas day and we are having that as a family just for some normality for the children. Like I say at this moment in my life I hate gambling as its destroyed me and my family. My parents aren't very supportive if I'm being honest well im only close to my mom but she never talks about things would rather just brush them under the carpet, unless she's had a drink then all hell breaks loose, that's where I'm.going to be living from now on as well. Doesnt feel good but theres nothing I can do about it. 

Danpo -  I understand.  I appreciate that it's a complex situation ... often is, isn't it.  Right now, it's about keeping your head down, slowly starting to repair the damage, quietly and with fortitude.

Spending time, as you are, reading these forum posts helps too, because it helps you learn that little bit more every day. I'm back here 100% after a break for various reasons but I always dipped in and always learned something each time.

Although Christmas looks like being a bit of a contrivance - doing it to keep some semblance of normality for the kids (which I perfectly understand) - you might want to think about how to make it a special day, perhaps with a nice touch to keep the mood light.

Talking of other forum diaries my favourite by far is Stephen's - it has everything.  An honest unflinching reality - warts an' all - interspersed with delightful little 'ditties' and a wicked, mischievous underlying humour that always puts a smile on my face! 

I can utterly and totally relate to how Stephen feels - he has his fingers absolutely on the pulse.

If you haven't seen it, it's here: https://www.gamcare.org.uk/forum/recovery-diaries/stephen-stopped-gambling-1st-november-2019-3/

Stephen is right when he says your heart is in the right place - you want to ensure you do the right thing for your ex and kids.  You're making a start.

*** DAILY UPDATE ***

Good afternoon!  I hope you're having an enjoyable Sunday.  Just for one day, we're not going to gamble, just today!  This is for you, Murlo.

Tomorrow, I'm not going to gamble for Danpo.  He is on day 10 tomorrow and let's all be with him, shoulder to shoulder, as he hits double-digits.  This strengthens not only you, Danpo, but all of us.

Here are our current targets.  These can be 100 days (from your last gamble) or whatever date you choose.  If you want to change your dates for whatever reason - you might want to increase/decrease/reset your target, for sentimental or other reasons - just let me know. (It doesn't have to be because you may have relapsed and we don't need to know that unless you want to share that information.)

In no particular order (I mix everyone up every day) ...

Fighter1                            Hon. Member ?  <-- our target is to reach and stay there!

Changing habit               28th Jan 2020

Spendlikewater84          23rd Dec 2019

Ineffable                            21st Feb 2020

Danpo                                7th Mar 2020

Murlo                                11th Feb 2020

Determined to Stop        1st March 2020

Stephen                            10th Feb 2020

EsoxLucius                       28th Feb 2020

Mixer                                  13th March 2020

Boo                                      17th Jan 2020

Thought of the day (that applies when we've decided to stop gambling): “You don’t have to see the whole staircase; just take the first step.” ―Martin Luther King, Jr.

Link of the day: You'll find plenty of inspiration here -  https://www.gamcare.org.uk/forum/overcoming-problem-gambling/favourite-posts/

Let's have a laugh: It's panto season, here are a few funnies, a few exchanges between the cast!

Dame: My husband fell into a huge vat of granulated coffee and was never seen again. It was a terrible way to go but at least it was instant.

-----

Buttons: Have you put on weight?

Dame: Well, I’ve had a lot on my plate.

Dame: I’ve been married 16 times.

Comic: 16?

Dame: Yes, four richer, four poorer, four better, four worse.

Q: What did Cinderella say when the chemist mislaid her photos?

A: Some day my prints will come.

Man: Eggs are going up again.

Dame: That’ll surprise a few chickens.

Comic: I went out last night and had 14 pints of low-fat yoghurt. I got totally Mullered.

Comic: You want to be careful of the baddie. He’s a magician. He can turn you into a prawn cocktail. And that’s just for starters.

-----

Comic: I’d like to buy a goldfish.

Pet shop owner: Would you like an aquarium?

Comic: I don’t care what its star sign is.

Dame: I miss my husband. I used to rub grease all over his back to make him feel better.

Comic: What happened?

Dame: He went downhill really fast.

-----

Have a great Sunday everyone.

Mixer

Thanks mixer, I will stay strong and gf. Really feeling the break up today but like you quote dont look at the whole staircase  just one step at a time. Keep your head up folks losing isn't the way.

Tomorow I'm going to be the angel on danpos shoulder that tells him to keep his head high and get to the next day gamble free!!

Good luck to all 

???

Danpo - that's exactly it.  *Take your time* to work out a strategy that will start to put you in the right direction - listen and sift as necessary.  This is the start of the next chapter of your life and you're doing the groundwork.  Some aspects of you are going to be 'rebuilt'.  You will still be 'you', of course; this will be all about reducing the bits that are holding you back and bringing back to the fore the good bits of which you have plenty.

Spenditlikewater - That's a terrific sentiment to help keep give Danpo that extra ooomph at this time. We're all shoulder-to-shoulder. Wishing you a great week ahead, my friend.

*** Sunday round-off ***

A great Group Chat this evening. I don't really like to share what goes on in posts like this because we all talk confidentially and the chats are deleted afterwards to keep it so. 

But it was good - nay, terrific! - to talk to new Group Chat 'faces' and hope that they'll come back again. It might seem a bit bewildering at first, with lots of messages posted at a rate of knots, but a pattern does develop with lots of sub-conversations developing. Quite fascinating how it works, actually. 

My tip is to always "dive in" and start your own ball rolling, or reply (hook on) to a post that takes your fancy. Don't hold back, no-one ever really 'hogs' it.  And if you need help, you're never hogging, everyone is always 'all ears'.

And, of course, there are quiet spells, particularly in the afternoons, where it can get pretty in-depth. Often in quieter spells you can bend the ears of the helpful moderators. 

For those of us who haven't tried Group Chat, it's here, from 1-2pm and 8-9pm every day --> https://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-support/group-chatroom/

Goodnight everyone.

Mixer

hi mixer I love a challenge as you know lol, im currently on day five I gambled last on Tuesday night.  Id love to join the challenge mate but id like to firstly set my target a bit differently.  Last year I stopped gambling on the 12 of august 2018 and it took time to get over the initial large loss but as the weeks went by I got happier, healthier and more confident up until a point where on new years eve I stayed in with my folks for the first time ever (used to drink on new years with friends) and because of my gambling free, smoke free, drink free etc few months I felt so HAPPY, it was soo strange the things that I thought made me happy actually stressed me out! and now id found the answer, I had a great Christmas and new years because I was with family and friends.  So i'd like to set my target as New years Eve...…... I know its only 30 odd days and not 100 but its achievable and will be a sentimental achievement.    

Thanks spenditlikewater it's really appreciated. 

You are a breath of fresh air mixer.. And Adam that's just lovely  ?boo

*** Morning Update ***

Good morning everyone. However we're feeling today, there's only one thing we need to do. And that's choose not to gamble. Yes, we have a choice. But, just for today, let's choose not to.

Why? For ourselves, primarily, but also for others for whom our affliction has consequences; our loved ones.  Who else?  Our fellow Gamcare buddies, with whom we have a spiritual connection. Today, this is for Dunpo. 

Tomorrow, let's lend our support to Ineffable. We are with you all the way, Ineffable ... tomorrow we are not going to gamble - for you.  (It's one day at a time, of course, but always good to plan ahead!)

Adam123 - It's great to have you aboard, Adam!  I know you love a Challenge and delighted that this is right up your street.  A really meaningful date you've set, too, one that matters so much so you - 31st Dec 2019.  Consider it done. Let's see you, one day at a time, meet and greet this deadline warmly by the hand.

Boo - thank you so much for your kind words.  It's a pleasure to know you, too; you're definitely a "good egg" !

All we have to do today is choose not to gamble. That's it! Let's forget about it; frankly, there are far more important and interesting things.  Just for today.

Mixer

Just a thought that might help people. I find if I day dream about having gambling thoughts. Like what would I do if I won the lottery thow I don't even play the lottery. What would I buy and day dreaming like that I try as fast as I can to snap out of it. This is what gets me on the wrong path. So 50Days Gambling Free I am happy that I snap out of them thoughts with In a couple of seconds. Hope this helps someone like me. All the best to all of you. 

Hi Changing habit,

Thank you for this very useful practical step - we can't have enough practical steps as we search for the 'holy grail' of what works for each of us.

I agree that the more we're inclined to think of G*******, the more it has another chance to take root.  And it has to be possible to 'train our brains' to veer off as soon as we jump on the wrong track.  I'm going to take this right track and, to help stay there, will never mention, in my posts, the "G" word again.  I'll refer to it henceforth as our 'addiction' or 'affliction'. It removes the direct reference. We hear it enough. What do you think?

  "Just for today, I have chosen not to go down this road." - hmmm, perhaps I need to work on our daily mantra though. (Any ideas?)

Congratulations on your 50 days free from this affliction. That's fantastic that. 

Mixer