hanks so much for sharing your story.
When I first posted here you were one of the first to reply and advised me to come clean with hubby there and then.
I didn't listen until 6 months later.
How right you were..........
Still better late than never, now enjoying life together and honsetly.
This diary is a wonderful lesson to us all.
All the best to you and to JIm
love and thanks
What a fantastic few posts to start a
diary with. Really powerful, honest gripping stuff there.
It's always good to be reminded of the damage gambling does, and hear first hand from "the other side of gambling".
Great to see you in chat today, hope all goes ok at work with regards to your trip with the sicknote.
hi jac i would like to thank you so much for the kind support you have shown me on my laetest blunder you dont know how mutch it means to me and yes i will tell the wife about it but not just yet she has been so happy the last 5 weeks i just dont want to rock the boat just yet once again thank you for your support steve
Brilliant, love your honesty.
Two things I got from it, I'm 6mths bet free and feeling strong but realise I'm note CURED just doing the right things to keep in remission. Thanks.
Second, I have been so chuffed with myself that I forgot to ask my fiancee what she thinks or how's she doing. Will do so tonight.
You and Jim should be proud of yourselves for not just getting your lives back but you could have forgotten about all others with the illness and said that's their problem. You are a lot stronger than I am.
Hi Jackie, thank you so much for your post, So glad you started your diary . What a time you and jim have had. You reinforce how true it is to NEVER think you have cracked this illness.
Grateful to you for turning your bad experiences into such highly useful advice.
Jim has done brilliant and is a very lucky man to have such support, wish you both the very best x
Just finished reading all of your thread, my god you are a brave lady.
Your threads brought so many feelings and emotions rushing back to me, I hope Jim realises how lucky he is.
April 22 should be a really proud day for him - I am sure he will wear his pin with pride. May be one day they should bring out a medal for the wives as well.
Hello, firstly I must just say... Thank you so much to those who have read and left such wonderful messages on my diary and I apologise for not catching up with anyone to say so before now.
It was very strange to 'look' back and put it into some words. I am glad that I have done this now and if it can help others in anyway, then thats a bonus.
I have been in a lot of extra physical pain over the last month as some of you know, and I find this so hard to deal with 24/7. I am going to have some 'bits' rebuilt(!) which should help but it appears to like my body and is busy attacking any other joints that I have! I feel so old and I get so frustrated with the restrictions it makes me live. I'm just not the person I was a year ago, so this also frightens me.
I have always been the nurse, fixer, supporter of people...in my life/job and in every aspect of my life. Its just they way I am. All this cr** that is happening to my body seems intent on changing that. I am having to let people help me and although its nice sometimes, its just not something I am at all use to.
I know I have to adjust and I know that eventually I will, but I find it so hard. I have spent the last year trying to fight it by ignoring/denying what my body has been trying to tell me. "Its all about pacing yourself" I'm told, but I cant seem to find that balance. I feel that I'm hardly doing anything but I just get soooo exhausted, its crazy, then I get mad with myself. Just prolonging the agony of acceptance I suppose. Anyway, enough of the self pity. I will sort myself out in the end, I always do.
God...waffle, waffle well its my space and I am a woman, so why not! lol
Jim and I got back from a week in Amsterdam last night. It was so good to just relax and chill out away from everyone and everything. Jim sprung this trip on me at the last minute, which was great. He gets upset when he see's me in pain and the fact that he cant take it away. So he organised this trip. He treated me like a queen out there, it was wonderful. He waited on me hand and foot, nothing was too much trouble. He says that I was there for him and now its his turn to support me. I love him so much.
This new journey in our lives is not what we want but we are fighters and we don't give up easily. It doesn't stop me worrying about how we will cope with my loss of wages, Jim tells me not too. He says this time the debts will be for a good reason, but I do worry that it will put too much pressure on him. I worry about my future health and what strains it will put on the family. Told Jim to get a new model but he says he loves his 'little crip'... cheeky sod! lol
Once I have caught up with the washing etc... downside of holidays 🙁 I will catch up with you all. Hope you are all well and staying strong.
Jac, thank you so much for your post....and e mails by the way, they make me chuckle.
I would be lying if i said i wasnt nervous about going away, but i guess thats part of the process i need to go through, reevaluating, rediscovering myself and who i am and putting myself in a situation where i need function as me a real person if that makes sense.
Im so greateful to have met you on here and tbh gutted that i cant make it down next week and meet the real J team..lol but rest assured i will be thinking of you both next wednesday when Jim gets his pininng on behalf of both of you.
I know how much pain you are going through and admire you so much for all the effort you put in to others recoveries inclduing my own.
Love and best wishes to you both
ps im learning that on here and finally accepting that some people have their own ways of doing things.
Thanks for sticking with me Jac, I like to think that I would have stopped even if you had decided that enough was enough, but i am so glad that I didn't have to find that out.
You are my rock and have stood by me despite all that I have put you through.
Now I will be your rock and will be with you for every step of this road that we are now travelling down.
No matter what s**t this world throws at us, the J team will overcome it and come up smiling. Dont forget I am a zookeeper and deal with s**t every day.
I love you with all my heart and I will be a husband that you can rely on for the rest of our lives.
Jim (last bet 22/04/06)
I was honoured to go to Jims pinning last night.
It is a real achievement for Jim to have come so far and I don't just mean the two years 'clean' that he now has.
The two years of never having placed a single bet.
I'm talking about the real inner journey that he has walked in that time.
It has taken Jim many years until he was truly able to face this head on and realise what he is and how to move forward despite this illness.
He is such a different person these days, we both are. You cannot live the life we have without damaging yourselves and each other.
That damage has been done and we cant remove it. As we come across the different parts of ourselves through daily living, we are able to change the way we see that 'damaged' area, the way that we feel about it. Which in turn helps to heal.
Some can become quickly healed, some will be ongoing and take a lifetime.
I have never been to the Paignton GA so it was great to see where Jim goes every week! I met some lovely people there.
Apart from Jim there was only one person that I knew from another GA, although had not seen them for years, it really was good to meet up. (Should you ever read this.... I can never thank you enough for the support you have shown Jim over the years. I know you and I may have slightly different views on some things but if it wasn't for you, Jim and another member there would be no Paignton GA. You have given your time and helped to open the doors to those rooms, that is and will help so many. Thank you x)
Although as I say most where 'strangers' to me I was made to feel very welcomed.
Jim is wearing his pin with pride, I can feel it. I know how much this means to him. 🙂
Jim also gave his 'therapy' last night. The story of his gambling life from childhood through to present day.
Although I have heard most of it before, it never ceases to amaze me the lies, twists and turns, ups & terrible downs that a gambler in action lives. Its such madness. What a crazy way to exist (I was going to say live.. but its not 'living' is it)
The other thing that came to me was how differently we remember those 'action' years.
For me (& I'm not after sympathy!) my life has been quite hard when I look back, emotionally and physically. I feel that I have taken on everyones problems and spent my time & my life helping them.
Sharing myself, (maybe too much at times) for Jim, children, caring for my Mum, Dad, work, school etc. Even things like decorating and gardening for us & parents was largely down to me. Also 'keeping things ok' when Jim's secret life made its appearances.
Listening to Jim last night, his life story didn't really include others... well only when he had to. To hear him talk is so sad.
I am soooo glad that he is no longer that person. Who's whole life revolved around getting money to gamble at every opportunity and then to continue the circle. The hardest thing in his life was not getting caught out!
No wonder everything else in his life gave him touble...it was eating into 'his' gambling time, it was inconvenient.
Jim was always preoccupied with 'his love', we never did have him all really, he was just on lone from the bookies!
How sad is the life of a gambler and how I wish we had all as a family been able to get out of this earlier on in our lives. Just so much wasted time and wasted experiences of life.
Those times have gone. I suppose we wouldn't be the people we are today without having those experiences. We have the future and that must not be wasted, there is so much more to do and experience yet.
Today is what it is really about, living in the moment. I can do that, we can do that as a couple. I now have the 'whole' of Jim and it feels good.