Successful day alone

2 Posts
2 Users
0 Likes
1,940 Views
Lindsay25
(@lindsay25)
Posts: 22
Topic starter
 

Today was the first day I've been on my own properly in over a month. Normally I would have my son on my day off work but he was at nursery and that was where a lot of my problems happened. Being alone and having the opportunity to go to a bookies without anyone knowing. Without worrying about time and being questioned where I had been. 

But today I was half way thru a relaxing quiet day when it came to me, I've not had a day like this for a long time and last time I did I f****d it up really badly. 

Don't Wana sound big headed but I am actually proud of my self for not even having the urge to go do anything stupid. I was just happy to sit around watch TV, listen to music. And yes cuddle the cat. I've said before in old posts that I feel different and that time would be different. But I always fell back in to the traps. But this time things really are different. I opened up to my parents about my problem, they helped, I'm working extra when I can to make sure we save enough money to get the house we want in January. I'm not fighting with my girlfriend about everything, I have so much more fun and tolerance with my wee boy. I don't hate my job like I did, the things that's angered me before I've come to realise, look out for my self, show my worth and good things will happen, i.e the house. I can talk about money with out my heart racing to the point I feel sick and angry. 

I firmly believe that if I had told my dad my problem a year ago he wouldn't have been so understanding as he is now. My sister who just turned 36 last month had a stroke earlier this year. While that was happening I was in the middle of two surgeries on my kidney for my 14 years of kidney stones. After my second surgery I took I'll at home and was rushed to hospital with sepsis. I won't lie I was so scared something bad was Gona happen. I was extremely close to being taken to high dependency unit I was that I'll. Almost losing his two youngest in space of weeks changed him. I have always been very close to my dad which is why I am ashamed I lied for so long but so glad he understands what I've been dealing with and did what he did to help me. 

If I ever go backwards I will never be able to show face to my dad, I always said my hero was my grandad for his work ethics one job his whole life. My dad has always been my second hero. A better word my rock. 

This one successful day feels like a massive leap in my slow process to overcoming gambling, anger, depression, shame, and rebuilding my life and being the person I once was. 

 
Posted : 14th November 2019 10:17 pm
(@serious_sue)
Posts: 7
 

Just read your post.  That’s great.  Sounds like you’re on a great path.  A different one from other times.  That’s what I’m hoping for too.  

End of day four, going strong.  I’ve not had a desire to gamble but I’ve missed ‘playing’ the slots.  I’ve been tempted to play demo slots for free online but feel it’s not the right thing to do.  Currently doing me best to resist temptation hence coming here to read posts. 

 
Posted : 14th November 2019 10:40 pm

We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.

Find out more
Close