Struggling today with what i did at the weekend

I replied to your post on the other thread and I hope it helps you find some peace.

Believe me, I know how bad you are feeling right now. My relapses would lead to self harm because I couldn't handle what I was feeling. The thoughts and self loathing feels like it will never go away, but it will. We forget the pain and we adapt so much because that is what we do as human beings. We bounce back. We can bounce back so well that we go and make the same mistakes all over again so make sure you are well protected at this time as it is natural to want that quick fix to seemingly make the pain go away. Trust me, it won't. Winning back losses just leads to more losses.

I know it's cliche but time will heal this for you. Spend as much time as you can with your family and get your mind off what happened the best you can. Remember, you don't have to ever feel this way again. Wouldn't that be amazing? It is always easier to quit gambling on a loss than off the back of a win. I know you hate what happened but let that anger fuel you on to the life of a non gambler. Gambling helped you put that money in the bank and gambling took it away from you. That's the game. If you think that winning back the money now will make you feel better, ask yourself why you gambled again, after you paid off your debts before? Did having your debts clear make you stop gambling? Of course not. Gambling has very little to do with money or happiness. It has everything to do with addiction and misery. There is a saying in this game when someone gambles and wins....'I'm sorry to hear that......better luck next time'. It's a case of being careful what you wish for. 

In the end, winning is the same as losing. 

Find peace soon. 🙂

Thanks lost and found I read your post on my other thread and wise words! 

It's so strange because like probably many on here I really do know exactly what to do to stop gambling and I did got a year without it. Best year of my life without doubt! It's one thing to say and another to do however and I do step out of the gambling trance and wonder how i ended up in it and where the last however manh days went. 

It's so easy after the binges to look back and think why did I hit reverse withdrawal and why couldn't I be happy. You are right life can be so much better and after a week or two I can start to function again normally 

Yes, it's always bothered me how much we all know what needs to be done, but we still can fall into the trap of gambling again. Someone once said that these forums are like the blind leading the blind, but I don't think that's true since we are anything but blind to this addiction. I think what they meant to say is that we all give great advice but can't always take it and that definitely has been an issue for me. I suppose it's that 'knowing' that makes it so hard to accept when you mess up and you beat yourself up for going back. 

Just know that you've done all you can to put blocks in place and now it's a case of getting back on track and marching on. I felt like my throat had been cut when I signed up to Gamstop. The relief was immediate, but short lived and I soon starting panicking and feeling backed into a corner as my addiction made me seek out ways to bet. I was not easy to live with for a few months but things got better and at the time, signing up was not what I wanted (even though I did it myself after a very hefty loss) but it was most definitely what I needed. 

I continued to look for places to bet for about another 2 or 3 months after signing up and although I looked for sites, I was never fully committed because I didn't attempt to bet. I guess I just wanted to see if I could still do it if I wanted to. 

I think some of it comes from having those choices taken away from us. We are adults and it isn't easy to surrender control. It's only about 8 months ago, that I was finally allowed to use a laptop on my own! Fair enough, I deserved that. I have about 3 years left on my exclusion and I intend to keep it in place. Addiction sucks because despite all the harm, I know that I still have a torch for gambling and that's exactly why I don't do it. 

Stay well. 

Interesting about the giving advice but not taking it. It reminds me of the story of the addict in the hole. I'll post it on a separate post as I think it's a great reminder of the strength and benefit of getting help from one who understands and has been where you are, rather than what a book says you should do. 

For me, this time, the thing that helps stay off has been working the steps through GA. 

Step one. We admitted we were powerless over gambling, that our lives had become unmanageable.

As long as I remember that then I shouldn't go and test myself. As soon as I think that I can gamble normally again I've lost, so every day I have to admit that it's got me beat.

Chris.

I'd love to read that. That's the thing isn't it, Chris? You have to accept that you are actually strong for knowing your weaknesses. Gambling is my weakness. I know that I will do anything to get it, and that despite everything  I have gone through, and all that I have learned, I will always be vulnerable to gambling. I lock it away and throw away the key. I cannot start because I know I cannot stop. Control is an illusion. I grow strong because I let it be.  I do not engage with it and in return, most days, it lets me be too. It's still in my head but it is not in my life and I hope one day, I won't ever think about it again.

Lost and found,

I echo your sentiments.

Chris.

Both absolutely right and it's easier said on the back of a loss

 Althou k did something k can't remember the last time i did....I left myself with money in my bank accounts. Normally I blow the lot but this time I felt sick to my core and decided that's it. I thought I can't go through the lying to get money to survive and not have money to pay things I need to pay. That's so rare for me so definitely s positive. 

Posted by: Losingcolour92

Really struggling today in all honesty. No desires to gamble even though I have money.

 

It's all this spare time with covid 19. Works all but gone and time is just meaning I have all the thoughts of all my mistakes over the years and in particularly this weekend just gone where I blew eight grand profit and then three grand of my own money. The money frustrating as i mentioned in my return post on Sunday but more than that just the sheer desperation. 

Aww the weekend just gone when I lost all the profit and my money I gambled Saturday on my way to work, when I got to work, on my way home from work and then when I got home from work

 

Really struggling to come to terms with my stupidity basically. Times like this you hope for a sort quick fix to stop you feeling like this. I know that doesn't exist and jmhnder no illusions that this won't be difficult it's just hard with all the time and thoughts flying round my head

 

Thanks for listening all 

You are right. Trust your feelings, instincts, or whatever is that. This isn't the best time to waste money. You should use your money in practical ways. For this time around, be smart and wise, and clever. Put your money into good use. 

Hey,

You're doing very well! Keep the clear head, peaceful heart and soul intact.We all will get through this difficult time.For now we need to aknowledge every little mercy out there...eg. no gambling incidents...That is really positive.Stay safe, committed and be kind to you

S.......xx