Support us

Stepping into tomorrow  

Page 1 / 19
 
Magnetism
(@magnetism)

Hi,

I just lost **** *** *** and am really ashamed of what I have done. It isn't the first time over the years I have accumulated massive debts and lost enourmous amounts of cash to roulette/bookies. I have just self excluded after one year of being on the straight and narrow.

I have really f****d my christmas yet again for my kids and family.

The last eight weeks have been hell because I have been suffering with PTSD symptons, i.e insomnia, heart palpitations, food sensitivity and unable to socialise. The thing is I have started to recover and decided to gamble yesterday because I had an uncontrollable urge to. I wa actually still banned from the bookies that I gambled in, and I am disappointed in myself mostly and my stupid choices. So many things I could of done to avoid gambling and I have failed.

Yet still, I will find my way back to the person who I should be and get over this powerful set of cicumstances that I am continuing to face...I can and will...Beat it!!

Lastly, I love my daughter because she doesnt blame me for what I have done and continues to support me through these difficult times...Without her I would be lost... I thank god that she was created!

Quote
Posted : 15th December 2017 4:48 pm
Magnetism
(@magnetism)

Gambling isn't something that the majority of people do to have fun. It is, however, something that is used as a coping mechanism as part of a bigger issue. Something that the CG hasn't really explored. I'm becoming more aware of my problem as time goes on. It has taken me many years to understand my personal problem. On the other hand, disease/mental illness or whatever you want to label it affects people in different ways. I mentioned that for the past eight weeks I experienced uncontrollable Anxiety. From what I gather is, I lost the ability to focus on anything other than fear. So, the thoughts of fear were probably masking the real issue; depression/boredem, lonliness, e,tc...

When I ate right exercised, went to yoga, had acupuncture, meditated and supplemented with magnesuim the sleepless nights got easier and the fear just drifted away. So, for the past two days the anxiety lifted and I was able to think clearly...Or could I? I now understand that the impulse was very strong for me to gamble and the outcome of gambling itself was just a part of it, win/lose I dont think it mattered.

The moral of the story is,I need to address the underlying issues before I can make an attempt to get my life back. Believe me my life can be great.

But I have got to want it!

ReplyQuote
Posted : 16th December 2017 12:39 am
duncanmac
(@duncanmac)

Derv
Fella I relate wholly to your posts, I know that gambling for me is a pure form of escape,a way to run from my inner self,somewhere to lose my inner most thoughts,a distraction from reality, but we both know that at the conclusion of any episode the life outside still exists in the same fashion,the only change is the fallout of each episode of feeding addiction adds further issues.
I today am totally committed to seeking ways to function without adding to the issues life throws my way. It's not easy addiction is forever present, it wants to be f*d.
Fella gift yourself this forum to get your true feelings out into the open because from doing so I believe we arm ourselves against addiction, we can find control, we can take control.
As always l stand by your side.
The money is gone,don't chase it.
The outcome will be further destruction.
Abstain and maintain
Duncs.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 16th December 2017 1:08 am
Magnetism
(@magnetism)

Thanks for the support Duncan.

I wont be gambling today.

My head feels like a train wreck today. I am wondering whether gambling is a form of personalised rewards and punishment, that is deeply rooted in our past? I win and that is my reward . Then I lose and the machine takes everything . I can remember running around as a kid knowing I couldn't go home because my mum was going to beat me; I had been naughty- usually climbing on roofs and throwing stones. I also recall us not having enough food in the cupbboards by Wednesday and we had to go over weekends starving regulary. Therefore, my gambling problem stems from this amongst other problems I faced when I was a kid.

I am unable to function as a normal person and gambling gives me the false sense of reality that I'm okay. I know I'm not. I want the therapy that nobody seems to be able to receive. The Dr's just want to hide the problem with a bunch of tablets that giv me side effects that just reduce quality of life. I am not saying the tablets don't work for many people becaues they do. They just don't work for me.

The very thing that is annoying me the most at the moment is I seem to work for free.I work and save then the money goes into the machine...This for me is by far the most distressing thing because I'm constantly wasting my time.

I just want to be happy.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 16th December 2017 10:19 am
Garyl1976
(@garyl1976)

Recognise all the above symptoms - simple question, have you tried giving GA a go?

ReplyQuote
Posted : 16th December 2017 11:29 am
Magnetism
(@magnetism)

Yes I want to but they don't have it in my area...This has been the most frustrating thing...

ReplyQuote
Posted : 16th December 2017 3:05 pm
Magnetism
(@magnetism)

I would certainly be the richest man alive if I could stop people from becoming sick. The reality is all the money in the world will never be enough to sustain health forever. On the other hand, throwing money away will chip away at our health and wellbeing.

I had to test something and it cost me dearly...I now know that the machines I have been losing my money on, for such a long time, have to be stopped. They definitely are causing serious health problems amongst people that are using them. This is no longer a game, it's life and death!

Today: I'm feeling better already. I know I needed to hit rock bottom for the final time this year. I have a loving family that understand my issues or at least they are trying too...I'm not only going to beat the addiction...I'm never ever going to place a single bet again in my life!!!

My anxiety has temporary manifested again. The thing is I'm laughing at it. The other thing is I'm laughing at the bookies they only took ***** ***** off me this year. And next year they will not get a penny, in fact they wont be seeing any of my money ever again. I am also laughing when they have to answer to the people for destroying communities and taking from the poor. So many lives lost and destroyed whilst the government has done nothing to help the social underclass, rising numbers of working classes and evidently young people. The cost to the taxpayer has been much more in other areas too and it seems that it doesn't matter because only the deprived are paying for that too. Its a rob Peter to pay Paul situation. Losers dont have a voice really and this is probably as good as it gets.

What this country is lacking is good free financial advice when it comes to things like credit and social housing, but hey, everything is so unaffordable these day no wonder people are struggling to make ends meet and resorting to gambling or other forms of addictions.

The people at the top have never had it so good believe me. You would never see them in a bookies. In fact you wouldnt even see them in a less well off area. And it's the other way around for the Bookie shops proliferation in poor areas.

Ask yourself, why do we have such corruption in this country? For instance the UK is the only country in the developed world where you can lose £100 in 20seconds. Loopholes in the law is ideal for the politicians to enjoy freebies and backhanders whilst keeping their mouths shut, during which the everday folk fritter away everything; they have the cheek to prolong debates, pondering over the real evidence of destruction that the machines have caused. It isn't acceptable and I dont believe for one minute that drug dealer's money launders through these machines, except for a very small minority. The real problem and an accurate analysis is; people lose cash that they earn from a mediocre wage that barely finds its way to the food table or pays the rent instead it feeds these disgusting machines. Then the punter probably resorts to other way of funding the habit to play which leads to a whole host of serious crimes. Keep the stupid machines off our High Streets and put them in proper casinos.

The designer of the sofware for these electronic games has already sold his shares and moved into real estate, full well knowing ahead of the game that these machines are not sustainable and will soon lose their credibilty. In their eyes, there is good reason for them to squeeze a bit more out of the public before they pull the plug on them forever.The evidence is overwhelming, yet still they know addiction is uncontrollable and the addicts will continue to feed the machines regardless, whilst these continue to operate they generate billions and they can debate in lavish style. To the continued detriment of society.

I would like to also point out that online gambling is a road that I have only explored a few times and I realise the debate about gambling seems at times to be a game of tennis as to which regulators are breaking the rules. I personally dont like online gambling and wouldnt want to take part in it, however, the experience i'v had is the money is hard to withdraw and sometimes they don't even payout therefore I am glad in a way that the internet is not really a safe bet and it doesnt particularly tempt me. Also, you can easily ban yourself and the card wont ever work again which is great. However, it is still a terrible thing that needs to also be adressed and it probably will.

Something else that is bothering me, the machines have been designed in a way, whether delibrate or not, is refutable and nethertheless someone who once was a low stake gambler becomes an out of control high stakes gambler (just like me). If you really think about it properly. Someone who tries *** C*****e and thinks, "Hey that was not bad... I'll try it again"...Where does it lead them? Don't forget it was the media that labelled the machines "*** C*****e" of gambling long ago. So, if it is, they should have been gone years ago? Just like a person in possesion of drugs goes to jail.

There is other things that the government could do to gain revenue like legalising medicinal cannabis to treat depression and cancers. Oh I forgot, the Pharma companies need to sell their prescriptions...This country is backwards and run by crooks and everyone knows it!

ReplyQuote
Posted : 17th December 2017 9:24 am
Magnetism
(@magnetism)

Day 3.

I have realised something,

I have a lot of boredem, anger and depression pent up inside. I am understanding the way my mind ticks more than anything nowadays. It has taken me a long time to realise that my past has been buried under a blanket for so long. The feeling of having money falsely restores my confidence and wellbeing, however, it also makes me more depressed because I feel that I never have enough to do the things that I would like to do. I always have the gloom that it may run out. Therefore, if I aint working 'earning' the urge will enter to gamble to make something on top of what I already have. This is my downfall, I never buy myself anything and end up giving away all my wages. Over the years I have done everything in my power to stop. I succeeded along the way. But again, I'm in that dark place yet again.

I have had flashbacks this morning of when i was thrown out of School, I was handed merit awards in assembly that day. The teachers and students were all clapping as I stood up in front of them, however, later that day I was excluded forever from that school and all other local Schools. I can remember the horrid feeling of feeling alienated at such a young age. Because I was no longer in School, I was lost, and it had shaped my future in a way that was difficult to comprehend. I never fitted in and it ruined my life. School continued without me. It felt bad. I only have myself to blame for it. I'st not about what happened that I'm pointing out here. It's the feeling I had at 13yrs old...I have the same feeling right now.

Fast forward to today.:

I am having a difficult time accepting the losses. I am going to turn it on it's head right here, right now! I accept the losses! I paid for a gamble rightly so...I spent that money on myself to escape reality. It wasn't a bad thing it was what I needed to do. Now, I need to STOP! I need to forget that thing I did...It wasn't bad at all...It was a coping mechanism...I will now find other ways to cope...Just like I have coped up until now...

Thank you

ReplyQuote
Posted : 18th December 2017 12:32 pm
Magnetism
(@magnetism)

There have been times when I got mad at myself... but I have realised that all the rough times in my life were created to teach me something. Right now I'm going through rough times and ask again what it's for... and its as if something then just pushes me to the right direction. keep strong and keep this in your head : "We will never be given something that we can't handle " I just need to learn to put my control switch on and never surrender...

Peace & love.

I'm going to beat this.....

ReplyQuote
Posted : 18th December 2017 5:33 pm
Magnetism
(@magnetism)

To gamble, is to lose!

ReplyQuote
Posted : 19th December 2017 8:26 am
Magnetism
(@magnetism)

I just want to get 1 thing straight.

I was playing the machine the other day when I lost my savings. I was actually banned from the shop. I did everything in my power to stop myself from gambling. But I was going through a time when my mental health hadn't been so good. All my bets were covered by card transaction. Even the cashier had a phone call from somewhere to make sure my identity was the persons on the card. I told him my name as he approached me by the machine. He was satisfied it was me.

The biggest let down is not once did they bother to check me out properly. They just let me put all my savings into the machine. The next day I went back and I had borrow money to play and even pawned some jewellry...Nothing, they said nothing....After losing everthing, I rang the multi operators and told them I wanted to be banned from all local boookies...They told me I was still banned? However, they renewed my ban...They also told me there would be no refund! It's okay....I said, I knew that there wouldn't be....Anyway, Just thought I'd let you know the regulations do not work and the bookmakers are crooks....When a problem gambler knows he can't stop there should be a way his card is declined? But nope it doesn't work like that! Because they want people that have issues with gambling playing the machines...Thats the truth.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 19th December 2017 1:12 pm
adam123
(@adam123)

That's very true if u exclude yourself and use a card to pay there should be a way of them knowing ur excluded surely , we are in the 21st century after all. They are s**m for letting u bet all ur money it doesn't make sense.just don't give them an opportunity to take ur money, never go in bookies again

​

ReplyQuote
Posted : 19th December 2017 2:37 pm
Magnetism
(@magnetism)

Thanks Adam, I would like to make this issue public.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 19th December 2017 3:24 pm
Magnetism
(@magnetism)

adam123 wrote:

That's very true if u exclude yourself and use a card to pay there should be a way of them knowing ur excluded surely , we are in the 21st century after all. They are s**m for letting u bet all ur money it doesn't make sense.just don't give them an opportunity to take ur money, never go in bookies again

​

Exactly!!

I'm making as many enquiries as possible to shop these bunch of crooks off our High Streets!

ReplyQuote
Posted : 19th December 2017 8:22 pm
Magnetism
(@magnetism)

5 Days

So close to Christmas and still in a cloud of depression, today I got a chest infection. Haaven't been out yet just resting. It is 5 days past my stupidity. Yet again I somehow have to scrape myself back from what I did. I guess for the past 5 days I aint gambled which is an acheivement.I just wish I did all of this when I still had all that money. Things would have been better that way.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 20th December 2017 11:09 am
Page 1 / 19
Share this page
Share
  
Working

Please Login or Register