You are not starting from day one ... you have had stumble in the road not a end to your journey , you are one of the people on here I look upto and respect , you’ve had a stumble and picked yourself straight back up and the courage It’s took to come here and admit that is brave , im glad you are back here you are a source of inspiration and comfort to many on the diary’s so don’t be to hard on yourself all my love 😘
Thank you Zoe. I just do not understand why I keep relapsing.
Dissapointed about yesterday but it is not all gloom and doom.
Joined GamCare a few years ago and although I have relapsed on several occasions, the financial damage over that period has usually been minimal. The bills have always been paid and I have enjoyed a bit of a social life.
Don't smoke, drink alcohol or take drugs and do not own a car or television so can get by on a shoestring when I have to.
However, it is ridiculous to give money away to gambling machines but we all know that.
Feeling sad, confused and deflated but I will get over it.
Going to the cinema tomorrow night with a friend I havn't met up for almost a year so that will be nice to catch up.
Hi Stephen, nice to read your thread. I too have the same last bet date as yourself with a similar journey of relapsing so many times since aged 21 and first going to GA I've lost count. It all seems so senseless and is definitely confusing as you say and sends our head into a crazy spin. I have a particularly strong inner critic that can beat the hell out of me at times and that's hard to cope with as I can't shut it off. Good that we are both back here again. Clearly we want to change and are reaching out otherwise we wouldn't be here. Keep strong and for me, I am really trying to think about one day at a time, which helps me try to stay in the moment. The past has gone, it was a horrible one with losses and so much pain but its gone and not coming back. Tomorrow may never arrive. Today is here, it's now, I am living in it and typing this message to you. Thanks for being here for me. Best wishes, Simon.
Just because you slip on this journey, it doesn't mean you start back at the beginning. Yes, you reset you day count, but you are a different person to the one who started this journey. You have improved, are you perfect? No, no one is. Progress not perfection is the aim of the game. Think as to why you feel the need to gamble, what is pulling you back towards it. Each time you say the damage is minimal financially, but we both know it's not a financial problem, it's an emotional problem. So maybe think what emotions you are running from or trying to feel when gambling. Then you have to start to understand why gambling will never truly satisfy those emotions.
You are well liked on here Stephen, we are all rooting for you and we all want to support you.
Remember, nobody wins unless everybody wins. So we will always pick people up who have a slip.
You know where I am if you ever need me.
Thank you Zoe, Boo, Simon, Mark & Sharon for your support and encouragement.
Sunday was good. Met my friend in the afternoon and after a coffee went to see "The Personal History of David Copperfield" which was enjoyable. A lot of it was filmed in the old streets of Hull so it was fun to see familiar places in the film. Than went back to her house were we watched tv whilst eating a chinese takeaway. Havn't seen her for several months so it was a nice reunion.
Hopefully I have learnt from my foolishness on Saturday and will do better this time.
Good morning Stephen,
I am so glad that you had a good day yesterday. I echo all of the sentiments shared by our fellow GamCare friends. We are here for you Stephen as you have been for us. It was said to me in a different context but I am focussed on not counting the days but making each day count. Wishing you all the best my friend x
Thank you Murlo for your kindness.
It blows my mind to think that gamcare friends who have their own daily challenges to deal with have taken the time and trouble to visit my diary. I am humbled and extremely grateful for the compassion, understanding and encouragement that has been shown to me.
Naturally I am bitterly disappointed that I gambled on Saturday. Most of us will have relapsed at one time or another so it is not necessary for me to describe the confused state of mind or the negative thoughts and emotions that I have felt over the last 48 hours.
Day 2 GF
Thank you Zoe for those kind words. I replied on your diary.
Sorry you were feeling poorly yesterday and hope you are feeling better today.
Day 4 GF
Thank you for posting on my diary Zoe.
I am looking forward to Sunday when I will be at a dance workshop all day learning how to dance Bachata & The Bachata Tango. It will be tiring but should be a lot of fun.
At a social night tonight with the divorced/widowed club which was ok but after the quiz and raffle, the secretary brought out her little roulette table to boost the clubs funds and as I was nearby she said "come on Stephen it's only 20p."
I went over and reminded her that in the past I had told her and her husband about my gambling problems but she just looked at me with a contemptuous smile. She does not understand but how can I expect her to when I don't really understand it myself.
Love and best wishes to all on the diaries