[Closed] Stephen Stopped Gambling Saturday 22nd February 2020

You are not starting from day one ... you have had stumble in the road not a end to your journey , you are one of the people on here I look upto and respect , you’ve had a stumble and picked yourself straight back up and the courage It’s took to come here and admit that is brave  , im glad you are  back here you are a source of inspiration and comfort to many on the diary’s so don’t be to hard on yourself all my love ?

Thank you Zoe. I just do not understand why I keep relapsing.

Hello Diary.

Dissapointed about yesterday but it is not all gloom and doom.

Joined GamCare a few years ago and although I have relapsed on several occasions, the financial damage over that period has usually been minimal. The bills have always been paid and I have enjoyed a bit of a social life.

Don't smoke, drink alcohol or take drugs and do not own a car or television so can get by on a shoestring when I have to.

However, it is ridiculous to give money away to gambling machines but we all know that.

Feeling sad, confused and deflated but I will get over it.

Going to the cinema tomorrow night with a friend I havn't met up for almost a year so that will be nice to catch up.

Stephen x 

At least by Coming here Stephen you are making longer the breaks between how long uou gamble. 

You owe us no explanations or apologies.. Just feel easier soon. 

Enjoy the cinema.. One if my passions.. 

Boo??

Hi Stephen, nice to read your thread. I too have the same last bet date as yourself with a similar journey of relapsing so many times since aged 21 and first going to GA I've lost count. It all seems so senseless and is definitely confusing as you say and sends our head into a crazy spin. I have a particularly strong inner critic that can beat the hell out of me at times and that's hard to cope with as I can't shut it off. Good that we are both back here again. Clearly we want to change and are reaching out otherwise we wouldn't be here. Keep strong and for me, I am really trying to think about one day at a time, which helps me try to stay in the moment. The past has gone, it was a horrible one with losses and so much pain but its gone and not coming back. Tomorrow may never arrive. Today is here, it's now, I am living in it and typing this message to you. Thanks for being here for me. Best wishes, Simon.

Hi Stephen 

You have come so far and the fact that you get back up and try again is all that matters. I know it's harsh but if temptation appears again remember how you feel right now. Reliving how I felt during my worst times is horrible but reminds me not to go there! Take care of yourself S 🙂

Hi Stephen, how has your day been ? Hope u had a lovely night at the cinema and a good catch up with your friend xx

Thank you Zoe, Boo, Simon, Mark & Sharon for your support and encouragement.

Sunday was good. Met my friend in the afternoon and after a coffee went to see "The Personal History of David Copperfield" which was enjoyable. A lot of it was filmed in the old streets of Hull so it was fun to see familiar places in the film. Than went back to her house were we watched tv whilst eating a chinese takeaway. Havn't seen her for several months so it was a nice reunion.

Hopefully I have learnt from my foolishness on Saturday and will do better this time.

Stephen x 

Good morning Stephen,

I am so glad that you had a good day yesterday. I echo all of the sentiments shared by our fellow GamCare friends. We are here for you Stephen as you have been for us. It was said to me in a different context but I am focussed on not counting the days but making each day count. Wishing you all the best my friend x

Thank you Murlo for your kindness.

It blows my mind to think that gamcare friends who have their own daily challenges to deal with have taken the time and trouble to visit my diary. I am humbled and extremely grateful for the compassion, understanding and encouragement that has been shown to me.

Naturally I am bitterly disappointed that I gambled on Saturday. Most of us will have relapsed at one time or another so it is not necessary for me to describe the confused state of mind or the negative thoughts and emotions that I have felt over the last 48 hours. 

Day 2 GF

Stephen x 

Evening Stephen , thought I’d pop by to see how your day was ? And to have a look for your next poem ... hope ur feeling abit better than earlier , get a goods nights sleep and I’ll look forward to your update tomorrow ?

Thank you Zoe for those kind words. I replied on your diary.

Sorry you were feeling poorly yesterday and hope you are feeling better today.

Hello Diary

Day 4 GF

Stephen x 

Hi Stephen Thankyou for message on my diary , I’m feeling abit better Thankyou , hope your ok ? You got any plans for the rest of the week or over the weekend ? ?

Thank you for posting on my diary Zoe.

I am looking forward to Sunday when I will be at a dance workshop all day learning how to dance Bachata & The Bachata Tango. It will be tiring but should be a lot of fun.

Hello Diary.

At a social night tonight with the divorced/widowed club which was ok but after the quiz and raffle, the secretary brought out her little roulette table to boost the clubs funds and as I was nearby she said "come on Stephen it's only 20p."

I went over and reminded her that in the past I had told her and her husband about my gambling problems but she just looked at me with a contemptuous smile. She does not understand but how can I expect her to when I don't really understand it myself.

Love and best wishes to all on the diaries

Stephen x 

Hey stephen! Sorry to hear you had a wee slip but 1 day gambling out of 30 days is better than 30 days of gambling! It’s really annoying that you’re still able to go to the shops as the main thing that saves online gambling addicts is that once you sign upto GameStop it’s not possible to keep gambling online, there should be something in place for this with shops too 🙁